Central Manual Training High School - Record Yearbook (Philadelphia, PA)

Page 89 text:

K. .I vi, When I came to, I found myself on the outskirts of a country town called Ex-Sayre's Ville. Howeverything had changed-airships were to be seen everywhere, and judging from the signs on some, which read, Pay as you enter, Leave your family at home and Only Eve-cent fares, I judged that the P. R. T. was still running everything. My guide informed me that my ambition had been realized, that 1 was now in 1929. He offered the following explanation: The machine in which we had traveled was capable of attaining an inlinite velocity, and that upon leaving the laboratory we had traveled toward the East, that is, toward the sun, and con- sequently the days became as many times four minutes less to us as we crossed degrees in that direction. Now since there are three hundred and sixty degrees to the earth's circumference, these three hundred and sixty degrees, multiplied by four minutes give exactly one day unconsciously gained for every trip around the earth. My companion then told me that we had traveled around the earth, a sufficient number of times to gain abnut seventy-three hundred days, which brought us twenty years ahead, or into 1929. About one-half mile distant I saw many white tents, and surmised that a circus was in town. This, at least, had not changed. My attention was first attracted by an old familiar voice crying- l'l'yar, h'yar, git yer ice cold lemo, lemo, ice cold lemo, only live cents a nickel, a half dime, the twentieth part of a dollar. Upon close inspection I discovered the speaker to be Ruddy Goehring. alternating with Grass and Hager. Above all I heard the voice of a political demagogue who proved to be W. K. Smith. Back in Central, he ran for every office open, and never succeeded in getting one, so I guess he's running yet. Bryan, I learned, was Mayor of the town, being elected because he had followed a certain illustrious example and slept all day. 83

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lteitlefg Indies and GCllffl'1lIC'1l, Guests, ,Fellow Citizens and Fa1'mcrs:-- If you can't get seats. stand up. I am about to open your eyes to a most weird and fascinating extravaganzag to reveal to you the true condition of these future greats in 1929. I am glad to see you here. To tell the truth, I never imagined that so many people were interested in us, outside of our creditors. Ihope that you will enjoy our exercisesg I say mfr exercises because we paid for them our ot the money we raised by pawning our commencement gifts. Until a few weeks ago I knew naught of the future of the class of 1909. But being the seventh son of the seventh daughter. Dame Fortune, directed by that special providence which watches over all fools, took me under her wings and revealed to me the future of my classmates. It is sur- prising what this bunch looks like twenty years hence. I was sitting in the chemical laboratory one afternoon when suddenly there appeared before 1ny eyes a strange mist 5 my classmates faded from my sight and I then found myself alone in the room. Softly the door opened and a man whom I had never before seen walked in. The thing that first attracted my attention was that he wore the cap and bells of a common jester. There was something strange and unnatural in his appearance, which filled me with an uncanny fear. ' He informed me that he was a messenger from the Paradise of Fools, of which I had unani- mously been electcd a memberg therefore the master of the realm had sent him to my aid in solving the question of the future of my class. His airship was waiting outside, and as I took my seat he handed me a cap, such as he wore. which he told me to put on. I did so. when gradually my sight began to fail me.: I felt that I was sinking, sinking, and then-all was dark. 52 l i 1 in ,.imulIMlll1llrllilliillllllllwlllll

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Reeking oratory from the back of a large wagon, and as usual talking a lot but saying little, was Billy Alkus, who was running for the job of constable. On one side surrounded by a large crowd, I saw Al. Hoover, who was selling live gold rings, seven packages of writing paper and seventy cents worth of pens, pencils and penholders for the trifling sum of twenty-five cents. Dodging Al., I ran into R. Kelly and Fuller, who stood before the music pavilion crying, h'yar, get your violets, violets, ten cents a bunch. Across the road I saw Stiles and Snowden, hiring out ponies to children. They received their early education in ponies down at school, so I guess they made good. Escaping from this pair, I was run into and knocked down by a man who was hurrying by with a child on one arm and his coat upon the other. I looked up and recognized Dub Moore. Peeping into a tent where a lecture on woman suffrage was being given by Miss Herr, I saw Pickleweight Grandage and Always was a Dub Shetzman, each surrounded by seven or eight chil- dren. The leading men of the circus were Adams and Emory. When I last saw them they were leading the horses to the drinking trough. In the courtyard were two swarthy looking individuals, who were operating fwith the aid of a pea and several walnut shellsj what the simple and unsophisticated might call a game of chance. The proprietors of this shell game were Anthony Capriotti and Spencer Gowdy. Among their victims was Bill Crawford, the town sheriff. Strutting around a.nd making eyes at the girls I saw I-Iannam, Steutz and Singley, policemen. In tlie menagerie I saw Ziegler the 310,000 beautyg he now had to use paint and powder to keep up to his former reputation. I also ran across George Lafferty, the human refrigerator, who ate from morn until eve without a stop. I was attracted by a barker, crying before the animal tent-Here you are, ladies and gents, only a quarter to see the hippopotamus 5 hippo means money and potto means lots, and some more gab 84 I i ,iwwlumwllllilllil