Central High School - Cog N Pen Yearbook (Newark, NJ)

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exposure of 1 eraft syste following the $ alenthal murder in | hl | | of citizens Of course | ıch were indulged citizens had sat down iken something wet nd, after g idly about the place, slunk ofi he proprietor, McLea aw all this and realized il tl mi n VOI 1а 1 for hım unl | | la remedy. | he 1 l | he exclaimed, interesting ld loe” “fetched” who got him i was young city chap, | aspirations for that half dollar started things moving. Standing up alongsid f Frank, he began a conversation with the bartender, ] t of whicl : exclaimed out loud, so that everyone could hear : “Yes sir! As I said before, trouble never comes singl) It comes in bunches at the most unfortunate and unexpected of times. Of all our enemies it is the most persevering, the most unfeeling, and the most un- relenting. It pricks our sorest spots and drives us to desperation. It makes life a burden and a Hell! What say you to that, stranger?” he asked, turning to Frank, who had become the centre of the group. “Ye’re right,” answered Frank nonchalantly, as he sat down to a table at the other side of the room. The oratory had been of no avail. A man opposite Frank bore upon another tack: The last town I passed was full of tightwads. There wasn't a crack in them as wide as a pin-head. Here I had a reversible hen's nest for 'em—a real gold mine—and they wouldn't even listen to it. I tried every known trick but they wouldn't fall for it. Why I was trickier than the old peddlers used to be.

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the stuff ye hiv. Т'тогтег ye're agonna sell ev'ry drop. T’morrer mornin, bright and early, you come over to the Deacon E. X. Vert—he lives “bout a mile out due west—I'l be there before ye—and sell him thet stuff fer a liminent. Then show 'em a bill o'sale and tell the rest o'the town as how the Deacon bought a bottle and you'll be cleaned out in three hours. Then meet me at Yorktown the same evenin’ See?’ “With that I walked out to the Deacon's whip in hand and a bottle of Champeen Curer in my pocket. When [ got there me clothes were soaked thru and thru and covered with mud. I knocked and the old lady came to the доо: “Who in the world are ye and what's happened to ye?, she asked me “Me name's Mr. Е. Abricator of Diana, Missouri. My hoss ran away up the road apiece. Got frightened by lightnin’ and threw me. 1 sen thar warn’t no use follerin’ and so I walked up to this house thinkin’ | could get some shelter for the night, maybe “ “Го make a long story short she took me in, got supper fer me, rubbed my arm with my liniment, let me sleep with her old man, and went down stairs to make a bed fer herself on the couch. 1 cud se it warn't to his likin’ when we got in bed for he says, ‘Mr. Abricator, I’m used to gettin’ up in my sleep and makin motion and practising speech-makin’ so if I heppen to hit yer in the jaw or so, 1 hope you won't hev no hard feelins against me. ’ “ОВ no, I says, ‘the same thing's happened ter me often and I Кіп sympathize with yer.’ “We lays down and the Deacon soon goes orf to Dreamland. ‘On his way he began to snore. And say, you never herd the likes o'thet snorin’. It started like a squeak of a mouse and ended up with a noise thet sounded like thunder. Sometimes it rasped like a file goin’ cross grain but you see I was used to thet sort о’ stuff. Out in Diana thar war a boiler-factory neat where 1 boarded and 1 got so used to the noise I could take a regular nap in the daytime when bizness war slow. So right away I falls asleep, but along towards the middle o’ the night, I wakes up an hears him aravin’ to himself : “The Constitution says this is a government for the people and by golly (bang! his fist came down on my stomach, but 1 makes believe | don't know anything) its agonna be for the people! This whole country (blup! he hits me on the nose, awavin’ his hand) is governed by the big, fat bosses and trusts. Oh, how I'd like to get my hands on ‘em! Га give it to em! (he hed his fingers round my neck so hard I begin to feel sorry [ fooled so many people with ту ‘Champeen Chilblain Charmer, Cold,Cough, and Consumption Curer and Curer of all Diseases’). We must not—: “] got up and put my hand on his forred, talked to him nice and easy but it didn't do much good. When he got thru, I hed a black eye, my face war scratched, my nose war bleedin’ and I could still feel his fingers round my neck. He laid down and pretty soon began to snore. Now war my chanct. I dressed myself, went downstairs, found everything quiet and went upstairs again. 1 got the whip, grabbed thet Deacon by the hair, pulled him out o'bed, and whipped him like old Harry over the legs. ‘ ‘Come along there, old boy, come on you blame-dinged, old jackass, come оп”, says I, like as if I were speakin' to my mule. “That Deacon started to scream so loud his wife come up. Then the hired boy come up and tried to butt in but I give him the butt o'the whip and he butt out. 1 got back on thet Deacon fer all he was werth and finerly when he grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me, I made out | war jest wakin’ up. I asked his pardon but he war only fer murderin’ me. So when the light was lit I shouwed him what he’d done ter me and he give in. His feet war black and blue so I rubbed ет with my Champeen Continued on page 41