Central High School - Central Yearbook (Cleveland, OH)

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The absent-minded man (picking up a hairbrush instead of a mirror)—“Heavens! I need a shave badly. There was an old doctor lived long ago, Who hired a fellow to shovel his snow; But instead of a shovel he gave him a hoe, For he was a ho-me-a-path, you know. —Exchange. Gus—I told your father that I just dote on you. Ruth—What did he say? Gus—That I had better find an antidote. —Ex. Instructor in Public Speaking—“What is the matter with you, Mr. Brown? Can’t you speak any louder ? Be more enthusiastic. Open your mouth and throw yourself into it!” —Ex. “O, goodness, I’ve got the cart before the horse! “Don't be so behind the times, my boy. Nowadays we say we’ve got the smell before the automobile. “Mother, mother, mother, turn the hose on me,” sang little Willie as his mamma was dressing him this morning. “What do you mean ? she asked. “You’ve put my stockings on wrong side out, he replied. We fear Willie will grow up to be a newspaper humorist.—Ex. Father—“You must have patience, my boy, patience! You can do anything if you’ll only wait. Son—“That's absurd, father—for one thing no amount of waiting will enable you to carry water in a sieve. Father—“And why not—if you only wait till it freezes? —Exchange. First Mother (reading a letter from son at college)—Joe’s letters always send me to the dictionary. Second Mother- That’s nothing. Bob’s letters always send me to the bank.—Ex. Tommy—Pop, a man’s wife is his better half, isn’t she? Pop—So we are told, my son. Tommy—Then if a man marries twice, there isn’t anything left of him, is there?—Ex. “Why don't you get up and give your seat to your father, Bobby? reprimanded the lady, “doesn’t it pain you to see him reaching for the strap? “Not in the car? chuckled Bobby, “but it does pain me to see him reaching for it at home. —Exchange. Wilfred was sitting upon his father’s knee, watching his mother arranging her hair. “Papa hasn’t any marcel waves like that, said the father, laughingly. Wilfred, looking up at his father’s bald pate, replied: “Nope! no waves; it’s all beach. —Ex. Reynolds—“Did you ever see hog’s skin boots? Pitts—“No; but I have seen alligator’s hide shoes; have seen the bark of a tree—seen it hollow and commence to leave, but the tree held on to its trunk which they were trying to seize for board. McGuire (to hospital attendant) — Phwat did ye say the docther’s name was? Attendant—Dr. Kilpatrick. McGuire—Thot settles it. No docther wid thot cognomen will git a chance to operate on me—not if I know it. Attendant—Why not ? McGuire—Well, ye see, my name is Patrick.—Ex. Pag Twenty-seven

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Page Tventu tUe Ford 2. First base on balls—Smith 4, Orr 1. Hit by pitched ball—Ford, Snyder, Mendel-son, Bowie. Struck out—By Johnson 3, by Orr 3, by Smith 6. Passed balls—Sissle 2, Bowie 2. Wild pitches—Johnson 2, Smith. Umpire—Zimmer. exchanges With thanks, we acknowledge the receipt of the following publications: Harvard Bulle- tin, Yale University Bulletin, Case Tech, Harvard Crimson, Oberlin Review, Yale Alumni Weekly, Hillsdale Collegian, Alphian. “Luncheon Thoughts in Clarion, was entertaining. Magpie, where were your jokes? Forum had a good Easter poem. An interesting discussion of Esperanto was in Optimist. The pages of Frayn contained an instructive article, “Ohio’s State Fish Hatcheries. Helios, the “Rimfe of an Ancient Latin Book, was a clever parody on the “Ancient Mariner.” The jokes in Masten Park Chronicle are almost lost among the advertisements and seem to deserve a better place. Jokes “According to mythology, Io died for love, but chemists say Iodide of potassium. —Ex. Teacher—“What is an octopus?” Smart Junior (after a pause)—“An eight sided cat. —Ex. • Teacher—“Tommy spell thru. Tommy—“Shall I spell it according to precedent or president? “Mary had a little lamb; You’ve heard this fact before; But have you heard she passed her plate And had a little more? —Exchange. Pupil—“The people of New Jersey are very stupid. Teacher—“Why? Pupil—“My book says New Jersey has a very dense population. “Yes, doctor, one of Willie’s eyes seems ever so much stronger than the other. How do you account for it? “Knot hole in the baseball fence, most likely, ma’am. FAMILIAR UNES. (Arranged so that the Freshmen can always remember them.) “The boy stood on the burning deck, His fleece was white as snow, He stuck a feather in his hat, John Anderson, my jo. “ ‘Come back, come back!’ he cried in grief, From India’s coral strands; The frost is on the pumpkin And the village smithy stands, “Ye banks and braes o’ bonny Doon, Across the sands o’ Dee, Can you forget that night in June, My country, 'tis of thee! —Ex. The good woman had just returned from church and found her husband dozing in the hammock. “John, she said, “you should have heard the new minister this morning. He has a splendid delivery. “So? queried the drowsy John; “how many did he strike out during the game?

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College Clothes YOUNG men do not find A the styes acceptable that please their elders. We see clothes that appeal to the young men, the college men in particular. $15 to $45 He went down and bravely. He remained on the bottom some minutes, then he signaled impatiently to be drawn up. They drew him up and he motioned for them to remove his helmet. As they started to do this, the foreman said: “What’s the matter, Mike?” “Take the durn lid off me,” he replied. “I’m done wid divin’.” “Why?” asked the foreman. “I’ll never worruk,” was the excited answer, “at enny job where I can’t spit on me hands.”—Exchange. During last Mardi Gras festivities at New Orleans, a couple, evidently from the provinces, wandered into one of the numerous little French restaurants. The lady scanned the menu. “Here’s entree,” she said. “What is it? Shall I order it?” “Good heavens, no!” replied her companion. “I've always heard that the French eat it; but not for us. You’d better order ham and eggs. An entry’s a race-horse.”—Exchange. Wi)t(Harftelb tub to V J’E furnish you pictures that speak, at prices that talk. Visit our studio and see all the latest styles in photography. Our PHOTOGRAPHS, whether of the simple “miniature” style or the fine picture poses, are always a delight to the eyes. Satisfaction uaranteeb H. F. HEINZ, Modern Photographer 1029 Garfield Building Cleveland, Ohio (Kindly mention C. H. S. Monthly when replying to advertisers.)