Central High School - Almanac Yearbook (Toledo, OH)

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THE 1914 ALMANAC Small Boy- Ma, how old is that lamp. Mother- Three years. XYhy do you ask Boy- Turn it down, mag it's too young to smoke. AMBIGUITY Mr. Pollock- You may tell about fkjnighthoodf' Howard I-larpst- XYhy, they are generally made of Hannel and worn by old people and-U Mr. P.-l'That will do, Howard. Bill Kuhns was calling on Marian one Sunday evening Cvery queer, of coursel. They did not have the clock in the usual place, so it was not his fault that it was nearly twelve. They had talked of one subject after an- other until everything was nearly exhausted, when finally they drifted to baseball. I don't know a thing about baseball, remarked Marian. Oh, let me explain it to you. answered Bill. Deep voice from top of stairs- XYell, give us an example of a home run. :X worthy young Soph., of course not eavesdropping, but merely walk- ing behind Bill XYright and Charlotte. heard the following conversation: Bill- XVell. what luck Charlotte- It's all a joke with mother, but I'ni a little afraid to strike dad vet. A fool can ask questions that a wise man cannot answer. That's why so many of us Hunk our exams. Q Hllay I print a kiss on your lips 7' he said. She nodded her sweet permission. They went to press and I rather guess They printed a full edition. Fixtral lfxtrall This is written especially for Mr. Francis Boyle and is sung to the tune of Drink to Me Only with Thine Eyes : The life of the Almanac editor Consists in spending his time Tn reading stale jokes and old stories. And poems without any rhyme. The Staff all say, lYe should worryf' They get all the glory and fame: The printer gets all of the money, They leave me the slams and the blame. So to-night as T sit by the tire. And gaze at the holes in my sox. To my mind comes the pleasing reflection. My only reward is hard knocks. 164

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THE 1914 ALMANAC This story is told of Clarence Rose before he entered High School: Clarence was struggling through his reading lesson. 'No,' said the captainf he read, 'it was not a sloop. It was a larger vessel. By the rig .l judged her to be a-a-a-a-a-' The word was new to him. Barque, supplied the teacher. Barque! repeated the teacher, somewhat sharply. Clarence looked as though he had not heard aright. then, with an apprehen- sive glance around the class, he shouted, Bow-wow ! Teacher- XVhat is political economy P Freshman- I think it is getting the most votes for the least money. CJDE TO FATIMA CLUB Buxom hoys. Cigarettes 3 Little graves, Yiolets. I. There was a hoy. XYho had a girl. She was ouite coy. XYas this little girl H. But when he said. 1Ye want no light, She got real mad And they had a Fight. HT. And when he left, His tears did drilmhle, But she called cut. Oh, 'Ish-ca-hihhlef On hoard the Greyhound' Chapman- T wish we had a deck of cards. Alice Luethi- Can't you huy one at the lunch counter? Chap.- No Alice Cafter thinking a while 5- YYell, you might ask a deck hand. Pk lit MEN Men are what women marry. They drink, smol-'e and swear, hut don't go to church. Perhaps they would if they wore honnets. They are more logical than women and also more zoological. Both men and women sprang from a monkey. but women sprang farther than the men. Mildred XYhite- Noble, do pigs live in mangersf' jones- No: they have folding bedsf' Mr. VValtz- Ben, state the reason for different saws having different size teeth. Miner- XVell, I suppose it would make a difference in the quality of sawdust. 163

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I THE 1914 ALMANAC Miss Sweatman- XVayne, name some cities of Germany. Rogers- Hamburger, XYayne always was good in geography. Mrs. Dawson- XYhat is a Duchess Conklin- A Dutchmans wife. Miss Fenneberg tin German class J- XYill you decline 'Ein Glass Bier'. Bowers- I never have yet. Mother, is father in the fruit husiness No, my son. NVhy? XYell, when he took me for a walk the other day he met Mr. Jones, and all they talked about was peaches, pippins and dates. Senior- Do you know you are the correct imitation of a lobster ? Doc Holst- I am no imitation. sir. Heckman- How do you feel to-day? XValdruff- lust like seven days. Heck.- How does it feel to he like that F' 'XValdruff- lust a little weak. Scene-The Parlor. He- Mabel l She- Yes, dear. He- May I smoke 7' She- Oh, nog dear! He- XVhy not ? She- Father would put you out if you would smoke in the parlor. He- Mabel l She- Yes, dear. He- The lamps smoking. CAnd then there was darknessfl Reggie-J'If pa was to die. would he go to heaven ? Mother- Hush, Reggie! XYhoex'er has been putting such ridiculous thoughts into your head? Mr. Pollock- How many wars were there in England 7' Leonard Aue- Six, Mr, P.- Enumerate them. L. I. G. A.- One, two. three, four. five, sixf' Ruth Collett- But, father. you should make allowances for Harold's shortcomings. Mr. Collett- I don't mind his shortcomings: it's his lonv stavinffs that I don't like. D . tv Breathes there a boy with soul so dead, XYho never to himself has said. XVhile looking down on some girl's head. 'KO Lord! XVhat would she be 1Yithout this stuff that isn't she ? 165