Central High School - Almanac Yearbook (Toledo, OH)

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THE 1914 ALMANAC Repeat the words the defendant used,', said the lawyer for the plain- tiff in a case of slander. I'd rather not, said the witness timidlyg they were hardly words to tell to a gentleman. Ah, said the attorney, then whisper them to the judge. Sammy was not prone to over-exertion in the classroom, therefore his mother was both surprised and delighted when he came home one noon with the announcement: I got one hundred this morning. Thats lovely, Sammy! exclaimed his proud mother, and she kissed him tenderly. W'hat was it in Fifty in reading and fifty in 'rithmeticf' The touring car had turned upside down, burying the motorist under it, but the village constable was not to be thus lightly turned from his duty. It's no use your hiding there, he said severely, I must have your name and address. XYon't you be very, very happy when your sentence is over FU cheer- fully asked a woman of a convict in prison. I dunno, Ma'am, I dunnof, gloomily answered the man. You don't know? asked the woman, amazed. XYhy not F' I'm in for lifef, How does it happen, said the teacher to the new pupil, that your name is Allen and your 11lOll'lC1'iS name is Brown. XYell, explained the small boy, after a moment's thought, you see, she married again and I didnt This class comprehends the meaning of words very quicklyf' said the Boston teacher to her visitors. You noticed we spoke of the word 'ransom' a few minutes ago. How many -turning to the childrenN- can think of a sentence containing the word 'ransom'? Every one. Yes, I-Iarold 7' Harold arose proudly. f'My sister's beau ran some when Pa- And then the children wondered why the class was dismissed three minutes early. A certain careless student in a small college sulfered from ohesity. and it appears that even college professors do not love a fat man. Qne day, after a particularly unsuccessful recita-tion in mathematics, the instructor said scornfully: f XN'ell, Mr. Blank, you are better fed than taught. Thats right. Professor, sighed the youth, suhsiding heavily into his chairg you teach me-I feed myself. HE KNEXV HOXV HE GOT IT. That large ,bump running across the hack of your head. said the phrenologist, means that you are inclined to be curious, even to the point of recklessnessf' I know it,', said the man who was consulting him: I got that hump by sticking my head into the dumb-waiter shaft to see if the waiter was going up. and it was coming down. 203

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THE 1914 ALMANAC Dick heard of Lou's engagement and went around to congratulate him. lVell, old boy, cried Dick, as he grasped his friend's hand, my con- gratulations! Is it true that you are engaged to one of the pretty Robbins twins? Yes, replied Lou heartily, I am happy to say it is so. But, inquired Dick, ho wdo you ever tell them apart I don't try to, was the reply. The little son of the physician, together with a friend, was playing in his father's olhce during the absence of the doctor, when suddenly the young host threy open a closet door and disclosed to the terrified gaze of his little friend an articulated skeleton. lYhen the visitor had sulhciently recovered from his shock to stand the announcement the doctor's son explained that his father was extremely proud of that skeleton. Is he asked the other. XYhy I don't know, was the answer: maybe it was his first patientf' A small boy had been vaccinated. and after the operation the doctor prepared to bandage the sore arm, but the boy objected. Put it on the other arm, Doctor. 'fXVhy, nof, said the physician, I want to put the bandage on your sore arm, so the boys at school won't hit you on it. Put it on the other arm. Doc. reiterated the small boy: you don't know the fellows at our school, The great men are all dead, she said, with evident regret. But the beautiful women are not. he replied. looking earnestly at her. Of course, she added, after a moment's reflection. I always except present company. So do I, he said. Then she asked if he would be good enough to conduct her to her hus- band. UNNFCESSARY. Do you understand what you are to swear to asked the court as a not over-intelligent-looking negro took the witness stand. Yessah, Ah does. Ah'm to speah to tell de truf. Yes, said the judge: and what will happen if you do not tell the truth. lYell, sahf' was the hesitating answer. Ah expects ouah side'll win de case. sah. DONT SAY THIS TOO FAST. If a Hottentot taught a I-Iottentot tot To talk ere the tot could totter. Ought the Hottentot tot to be taught to say aught Or naught, or what ought to be taught her? If to hoot and toot a I-Iottentot tot Be taught by a Hottentot tooter. Should the tooter get hot if the Hottentot tot Hoot and toot at the Hottentot tutor? 204