Central High School - Almanac Yearbook (Toledo, OH)

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brethless With frite, Is the bildin' afire? Is thet a fire- bell ? Oh, ma, Where Will We go, sez Sairey Ann. But the principle explained an' sed, Thet is a class signal. Wouldn't you like to see the auditorium ? The pupils sing this mornin. My, What a big room it Wuz. I couldn't for the life of me see Where so many skolars made there hggers, cuz there wuz only 'bout one skware foot of black-board. ' The chil- dern's classes wuz jest comin' up, an' I noticed thet they 'peered sort oi awe-struck until they got past the first three rovvs of seets, in Witch sot the hnest lookin' young ladies an' men ez I ever did see. Sech intelleckchual faces ! Sech pritty girls ! In the stage stood a little fat man With glasses, holdin' a singin'.book, an, sez he, After the tone, comes a tack. Well, sez I to Sairey Ann, I've heered a good deel in my days, but I never heered about singini with tacks. Its som' city fad, ma, sez Sairey Ann. After the singin' the principle sez, I suppose you Would like to hear some of our recitashunsf' Oh, with plezherr,'7 sez I, as digniidedly ez only a Woman kin be. I spose thet spellin' comes nrst in your skool. Me an' Josiah learned spellin'-. You are mistaken, sez Mr. Bloo, We have kemistrie first, an' With them Wurds he leeds us into a room Where a lot 0' boys and girls wuz stirrin' up stuff in little dishus an, cookin' it on a fire, and a man With glasses Way on the end of his nose wuz teechin, em how to cook. I couldnit tell by the smell of the stuff what on earth they waz cookin' but the principle kalled it kemistrie, an, the man With the glasses sed it Wuz COZI-I3M,. Some more city fads, I spose, but I told Mr. Bloo that I perfur teechin' Sairey Ann cookin' myself. I spozef' sez he to me, 'fthet you are interested in the subjeck of fizio1ogy. O, course it would ha' been the hite 0' stoopiditie to konfess my ignerence, but I included thet it Wuzn't danger-

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me the person ez is the inteleckchual boss o' this institoo- shun. She looked at me ez if she thought I'd lost my wits, an' then she sez, sez she to me, Is it the janiter that you're after? Well, the indignashun riz, kleer up to my throte, but I remembered ez I wuz a lady of good breedin', so I sez, Madam, do you mean to insinooate thet I looks like a woman ez assoshiates with janiters ? If you pleeze, marm, I'm of the aleet U of sarciety. Josiah's third cuzzin is one of the New York polees torse, an' my sister married a man that hed a step-brother who driv a millionairels hosses ! ! When the little skool-marm heerd frum wot a famly I kum, she tuk on a mighty meek air, an' sez she, This way, pleeze, an' with them wurds she led me up a stairs into a little room with chairs strung all around the sides, an, thair, behind a big table, set the principle. Sez the little woman, Mr. Bloo, Qthet's the principlets namej, here is a lady ez wants to see you. The principle wuz a wery nice man, an' sez he, I am pleezed to see you, I'1l attend to you soon. Now fer the lite of me I couldn't see why I needed tendin' to, but I sot still, an' sed nothini I saw a lot of skolers standin' round the desk a handin' the principle little notes. I spose they must ha' bin perskripshuns, cuz he'd ask them if theyid bin sick, an' then he'd write somethin' on the note. I sez to Sairey Ann it wuz nice to hey' a doc- ter fer principle, becuz it saved doctor bills. In t' other side of the room set at sleek lookin' teller, With black hair, a jiggerin' an' a pokin' away at a thing thet made a noize like our noo sewin' machine. I didn't want to ask what it wuz, cuz then them men 'ud say thet women wuz kurious. I never could see thet a woman wuz over-kurious, but I know she can't keep a secret, becuz the kuriosity of her 'husband' is sure to pump it out o' her. Pritty soon, I wuz almost skeered out 0' my wits by a lot o' bells witch 'peered to be ringin' all over the bildin', an' all the skolers begin to run out o' the room, an' sez I,

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ous, an' before I knew it we had got into the room, where the teecher fa dark man with glassesj wuz jest a sayin Now stoodense, this here mornin' our lesson treets of high jeene an' food, an' how to cook it. Of course Very fresh meat is not hellthy, but I know a woman who cooks clams alive. Well, sez I, that's nacheral! You wouldn't expect a woman to cook clams arter she's ded, wood ye? How stewpid ! Mr. Bloo then tuk us to another room where there wuz a little brown-eyed, black-headed forrener with glasses on, settin' at a table. He wuz jabberin' the most hethenish soundin' stuff at the skolers, with a woice thet sounded like thunder. Wunst in a while a skoler would get up an' resite somethin' about Jenny say pa? I wuz in hopes thet they'd say, H Jenny say ma, or brother, or sister, occa- shunally, but they didn't do it. Then the little forrener wood say, I never saw sech a people! Does 'hev' an' 'had' mean the same thing to you? You hey no idee of resipro'kal Verbs. But I told Mr. Bloo thet I wanted to go, and so we went. But jest as we got to the top uv the stairs, I herd a voice comin' from a room in the corner. It wuz a woman's voice an' she seemed to be resitin' a peace. Sez she, Oh, class! if there wuz anything in Heaven or on earth thet I thought I hed made kleer to you, it was this thing about Alexander Hamilton an' his Funding an' Assump- shun AX. But here you fale by the duzzin. What shall I do? Shall I get a mallett or a sledge hammer an' pound it into you ? Poor woman, sez I to Mr. Bloo, I do pity her. I told the principle thet I hed to go, an' oh how glad I wuz to git out o' that intelleckchual institooshun! Me an' Josiah included that we'd send Sairey Ann to sum skool where they teeched desent things, where they hed a woman to teech cookin', where Sairey Ann could lern English, an' not that forren Jenny say pa, an' where they sing with their voices an' not with tacks.