Central Commercial Technical High School - Cog Pen Yearbook (Newark, NJ)

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PROGRESSING Hiram walked four miles over the mountains to call on his lady fair. For a time they sat silent on the sofa in the parlor, but soon the spell of the evening had its effect and Hiram sidled closer to her and patted her hand. Mary, he began, you know I got a clearing over thar and some hawgs an' a team an, wagon on building a he was inter- kitchen: an' some caows an' I calculate house this fall, an '-just then rupted by Mary's mother in the Mary, is that young man thar yit ? No, ma, but he's gittin' thar! Customer-I don't like the looks of that had- dock. Fish Dealer-Lady, if it's looks you're after, why don't you buy a goldfish? What's the idea of stretching that awning be- tween those two buildings ? Oh, I'm just making a house-to-house canvas. -College Humor. The man in a hurry to catch his train was wor- ried by the station clock. There was 20 minutes difference between the one in the ticket office and the one in the waiting room. Finally he ques- tioned the porter who made a careful survey of both clocks and shook his head doubtfully, then he said suddenly, It don't make a bit of differ- ence about them clocks the train goes at 4:10 anyhow. Three fellows-a doctor, an architect and a bol- shevist-were talking together, and each claimed that his kind was the oldest and most important. The doctor said: When Adam's side was opened to take out a rib to make a woman-that was the first surgical operationf' The architect said: Yes, but when the earth was made of chaos, before Adam's time, there had to be building plans-and an architect had to make them. The bolshevist said: You are right, but who supplied the chaos ?', Have you ever driven a car ? the lady appli- cant for a license was asked. One hundred and twenty thousand miles, put in her husband, who was standing near, and nev- er had her hand on the wheel. -The Crossroads. She-I dreamed I was autoing last night. He-Tell me about it. She-I forgot the dream, but when I woke up I was walking in my sleep. jordan says: It only takes one small jack to lift up an automobile, but it takes a lot of jack to keep it up. Lowe-Her name ought to be Spearmint! Fischer-How come? Kinda Wrigley? Lowe-Yeah, and then she's always after meals. Lucos-Awright then, wise guy, if you're so wise, tell me why a motorman can't never get a shock, if you're so wise. Rogers-Because he isn't a conductor, son, he isn't a conductor. Barbiero-I suppose that your home town is one of those where every one goes down to meet the train. Rystedt-What train? NOW YOU SEE IT, NOW YOU DON'T Professor of Cheniistry-Which combination dissolves gold quickest? VVysocki-The marriage combination. Heidrich-I suppose your wife always has the last word. F ontenelli-N o. Sometimes she falls asleep be- fore I do. Mayfield-VV hy do they call a sailboat she? Coombe-Because it makes its best showing in the wind. Vanderveer-Bill is in bad shape. He's drink- ing beer like water. Ryerson-Yes, that's the only kind you can get these days. Fitzpatrick-I suppose you play golf? Atkin-No. I can't say that I play it. But I am still working at it. Izzy-I've had a hard life. At the age of eighteen I was left an orphan. . Frederickson-What did you do with it? SERVED WITH A BUN Metz-My feet burn like the dickensg do you think a mustard bath would help? Kuzela-Sure! There's nothing better than mustard for hot dogs! Blonde-No two people in the world think alike. Redhead-That's what I thought until I went out with two different college boys. F iffy-one

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THE FRATECH ABSENT TREATMENT PREFERRED Boxing Instructor fafter first lessonj-Now, have you any questions to ask? Beginner fdazedj-Yesg how much is your correspondence course ?-W all Street Journal. Fontenelli-I've solved the mystery of what a hotel means when it advertises rooms Sl and up. Heidrich-What is it? Fontenelli-I got one of the dollar rooms and was up all night. Professor-Give me some of that prepared monoacticacidester of salicylic acid. Druggist-Do you mean aspirin? Professor--Yeh! I never can think of that name.-Weather Vein. JUDGMENT SUSPENDED Friend-Was your uncle's mind vigorous and sane up to the very last? Heir-I don't know-the will won't be read until to-morrow.-Pathnnder. YES, THEY USED TO WASH 'EM One reason why romance lasted longer in the old days was because a bride looked much the same after washing her face.--Portland Evening Exfvress. An old codger was crossing a busy corner when a huge police dog dashed into him and bowled him over. The next instant an Austin skidded around a corner, bumped him, inflicting more se- vere bruises. Bystanders assisted him to his feet. and some- one asked him if the dog had hurt him. Not exactly, he replied, It was the tin can tied to his tail that did the most damage. SOLID IVORY Before they wed She often said He had a marble brow. After a year All you'll hear He is a bonehead now. -Florida Times-llninll. HIS DAY OFF He was standing on the corner, paying abso- lutely no attention to anyone. He shook his head and mumbled to himself: No, no, no-no, no, no ! He paid no attention to the crowd that gathered but just kept saying: No, no, no! Fifty An officer shook him by the arm and said: What's the matter, my friend ? Nothing at all, came the reply, 'Tm just a 'yes man' taking a day oFf ! The professor who sent his wife to the bank and kissed his money good-bye wasn't so absent- minded at that. Five gallons, please. Okay. How's your oil? Just gas, please. How about a bottle of Shinyola-great for lacquer: your bus is all covered with traffic film ? Nope, just the gas. Your left rear tire's pretty well shot, better let me put on a new oneg we're selling Puncher- proofs to-day for- No, the gas will be all. How long since you had a grease job? Every- thing looks kinda dry-hear that body squeak? Haven't time to-day-just the gas this time. How about one of our electric cigar lighters- clamp right on your dash and when you want al HELL, NO! JUST THE GAS ! And as the indignant motorist drove away with his five gallons of gas, the filling station proprietor remarked to a bystander: That there was my barberf' Supervisor-Hello! Hello! Do you wish to call a number? Colored lVlan's Voice-No, sah, Miss, ah don' want no numbah. Sup.-Then don't play with the telephone. Man-Ah ain' playing wif no fone. The re- ceivah fell in de sugah bowl an' I'se been lickin' the sugah offen de receivah. Dentist-l'm sorry, but I'm out of gas. Sweet Patient-Ye Gods, do dentists pull that old one, too l-The Marathon Runner. Oh, yes, we have a wonderful climate, said the man from southern Texas. Why only last season we raised a pumpkin so large that after sawing it in two, my wife used the halves as cradles in which to rock the babies. Yes, replied the man from New York, but in my state it is a common thing to find three full-grown police asleep on one beat. -Glass C ut- ter. Wifie-The doctor looked at 1ny tongue and said it didn't look the same as usual. Hubby-Well, probably you held it still while he looked at it.

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THE FRATECH BACK WITH THE MILK First Eskimo Wife-Does your husband stay out late during the winter nights? Second Eskimo Wife-Late! Why, last night he didn't get home till half-past january.-Pass ing Show fLondonj. NOT ALL FICTION First News-stand Girl-Say, did that handsome guy take a Saturday Evening Post? Second News-stand Girl-Yeah, but no Liber- ties. ASK MOM, SHE KNOWS There are three kinds of mules, the old gray, the white and the kind your wife married.-Ciw cinnati Enquirer. An amateur sportsman spent the day with dog and gun, but brought home no game. A friend twitted him with his failure: Didn't you shoot anything at all? The honest fellow nodded miserably. I shot my dog. Why? his questioner demanded. VVas he mad P The sportsman shook his head doubtfully. Not exactly mad, he assertedg and not so darned tickled neither! Your wife needs a change, said the doctor. Salt air will cure her. The next time the physician called he found Angus MacAngus sitting by the bedside fanning his wife with a herring. A man was stranded on an unknown island. He was afraid of cannibals, so he moved very cau- tiously. As he was climbing up a small hill he heard a voice: Who in hell trumped my ace ? The man lifted his eyes to the sky above and said: Thank Heaven, there are Christians on this is- land. A Scot was engaged in an argument with a conductor as to whether the fare was 5 or 10 cents. Finally the disgusted conductor picked up the Scotchman's suitcase and tossed it off the train, just as they passed over a bridge. It landed with a splash. Mon, screamed Sandy, isn't it enough to try and overcharge me, without trying to drown my little boy?,' MORE WE STUFF A flea and an elephant walked side by side over a little bridge. Said the flea to the elephant, after they had crossed it: Boy, we sure did shake that thing! Get Our Estimates Orders Filled Promptly M 8z M PRESS C. Mayfield - H. C. Maylielcl Printers Process Engravers Bids, lnvites and Souvenir Programs 865 South 14th Street Newark, N. J. Please Patronize Our Advertisers and Mention Tm-: Fizuxccia Fifty-iwo