Central Commercial Technical High School - Cog Pen Yearbook (Newark, NJ)

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THE FRATECH ABSENT TREATMENT PREFERRED Boxing Instructor fafter first lessonj-Now, have you any questions to ask? Beginner fdazedj-Yesg how much is your correspondence course ?-W all Street Journal. Fontenelli-I've solved the mystery of what a hotel means when it advertises rooms Sl and up. Heidrich-What is it? Fontenelli-I got one of the dollar rooms and was up all night. Professor-Give me some of that prepared monoacticacidester of salicylic acid. Druggist-Do you mean aspirin? Professor--Yeh! I never can think of that name.-Weather Vein. JUDGMENT SUSPENDED Friend-Was your uncle's mind vigorous and sane up to the very last? Heir-I don't know-the will won't be read until to-morrow.-Pathnnder. YES, THEY USED TO WASH 'EM One reason why romance lasted longer in the old days was because a bride looked much the same after washing her face.--Portland Evening Exfvress. An old codger was crossing a busy corner when a huge police dog dashed into him and bowled him over. The next instant an Austin skidded around a corner, bumped him, inflicting more se- vere bruises. Bystanders assisted him to his feet. and some- one asked him if the dog had hurt him. Not exactly, he replied, It was the tin can tied to his tail that did the most damage. SOLID IVORY Before they wed She often said He had a marble brow. After a year All you'll hear He is a bonehead now. -Florida Times-llninll. HIS DAY OFF He was standing on the corner, paying abso- lutely no attention to anyone. He shook his head and mumbled to himself: No, no, no-no, no, no ! He paid no attention to the crowd that gathered but just kept saying: No, no, no! Fifty An officer shook him by the arm and said: What's the matter, my friend ? Nothing at all, came the reply, 'Tm just a 'yes man' taking a day oFf ! The professor who sent his wife to the bank and kissed his money good-bye wasn't so absent- minded at that. Five gallons, please. Okay. How's your oil? Just gas, please. How about a bottle of Shinyola-great for lacquer: your bus is all covered with traffic film ? Nope, just the gas. Your left rear tire's pretty well shot, better let me put on a new oneg we're selling Puncher- proofs to-day for- No, the gas will be all. How long since you had a grease job? Every- thing looks kinda dry-hear that body squeak? Haven't time to-day-just the gas this time. How about one of our electric cigar lighters- clamp right on your dash and when you want al HELL, NO! JUST THE GAS ! And as the indignant motorist drove away with his five gallons of gas, the filling station proprietor remarked to a bystander: That there was my barberf' Supervisor-Hello! Hello! Do you wish to call a number? Colored lVlan's Voice-No, sah, Miss, ah don' want no numbah. Sup.-Then don't play with the telephone. Man-Ah ain' playing wif no fone. The re- ceivah fell in de sugah bowl an' I'se been lickin' the sugah offen de receivah. Dentist-l'm sorry, but I'm out of gas. Sweet Patient-Ye Gods, do dentists pull that old one, too l-The Marathon Runner. Oh, yes, we have a wonderful climate, said the man from southern Texas. Why only last season we raised a pumpkin so large that after sawing it in two, my wife used the halves as cradles in which to rock the babies. Yes, replied the man from New York, but in my state it is a common thing to find three full-grown police asleep on one beat. -Glass C ut- ter. Wifie-The doctor looked at 1ny tongue and said it didn't look the same as usual. Hubby-Well, probably you held it still while he looked at it.

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THE FRATECH WISE and OTHERWISE The club members were passing jokes. Can anyone tell me the difference between a Scotsman and a cocoanut ? asked one. After a while, as no reply was forthcoming, the speaker decided to supply the answer. Well, he said, you can get a drink out of a cocoanut, but- Excuse me, put in one of the others, but I happen to be a Scotsman. Would you like a drink ? Delighted! replied the joker. Then buy yourself a cocoanut, said the Scot. DEAD-GAME SPORT The teacher was testing the knowledge of the kindergarten class. Slapping a half dollar on the desk, she said, sharply, What is that ? Instantly, a voice from the back row said, Tails -The M utual M agasine. BOILED-DOWN BIOGRAPHY Professor-Tell me one or two things about john Milton. Plebe-Well, he got married and he wrote Par- adise Lost. Then his wife died, and he wrote Paradise Regainedf'-Christian Register. First Drunk-Shall I telephone your wife that you were in an automobile accident? No, Bill, no-she's heard that one. -Judge. LIVING UP TO HIS CALLING Suitor-May I marry your daughter? Stern Father-What is your vocation? Suitor-I'm an actor. Stern Father fangrilyj-Then get out before the foot lights.-Battalion. Mrs. Old-Timer-It says here in the paper that the young girls to-day are abandoning all re- strictions. Mr. Old-Timer-Well, I'd better not catch Mable without hers onl VVhy don't you get out and hustle? Hard work never killed anybody. Dat's a lie sub. Ah's lost foah wives dat way. I suppose you got a lot of honeymoon couples billing and cooing around here ? asked the in- quisitive stranger of the landlord of the fashion- able hotel at Niagara. VVell, ye'es, replied the man of experience. They do the cooingg I manage the rest. My Gawd, cried the drunk as he crashed into a gas station, I've struck oil! A woman went into a chemist's shop and said: 'fHave you any Life Buoy ? The assistant, a young American, replied: Set the pace lady. -Tit-Bits QLondonj. Motor Cop-Hey you, dicln't you hear me say Pull over there ? Driver-Why, I thought you said Good after- noon, Senator. Motor Cop Csmilingj-Isn't it a warm day, Senator?-Yale Record. Mighty mean man I'm working for. What's the matter? He took the legs off the wheelbarrow so's I can't set it down and rest. MUTUAL REGRETS Hostess Cat evening party?-What, going al- ready, Professor? And must you take your dear wife with you? Professor-Indeed, I'm sorry to say I must.- The Outspan. CAJOLING LIZZIE One hears a great deal about the absentminded professors, but none more absentminded than the dentist who said soothingly as he applied the pliers to his automobile: Now, this is going to hurt just a little. - Skelly News. Father-Your new little brother has just ar- rived. Very Modern Child-Where'd he come from? Father-From a far-away country. V. M. C.-Another damned alien. VARIATION No. 41144 Any girl can be gay in a dainty Coupe, In a taxi they all can be jolly, But the girl worth while, Is the girl who can smile, VVhen you're taking her home on the trolley. Tourist Cwatching Swiss yodelerj-Migosh, that Listerine goes all over the world, rloesn't it? The only thing soft about our modern drinks is the tone of voice we use in ordering them. FOI'fy-'1lfllL'

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PROGRESSING Hiram walked four miles over the mountains to call on his lady fair. For a time they sat silent on the sofa in the parlor, but soon the spell of the evening had its effect and Hiram sidled closer to her and patted her hand. Mary, he began, you know I got a clearing over thar and some hawgs an' a team an, wagon on building a he was inter- kitchen: an' some caows an' I calculate house this fall, an '-just then rupted by Mary's mother in the Mary, is that young man thar yit ? No, ma, but he's gittin' thar! Customer-I don't like the looks of that had- dock. Fish Dealer-Lady, if it's looks you're after, why don't you buy a goldfish? What's the idea of stretching that awning be- tween those two buildings ? Oh, I'm just making a house-to-house canvas. -College Humor. The man in a hurry to catch his train was wor- ried by the station clock. There was 20 minutes difference between the one in the ticket office and the one in the waiting room. Finally he ques- tioned the porter who made a careful survey of both clocks and shook his head doubtfully, then he said suddenly, It don't make a bit of differ- ence about them clocks the train goes at 4:10 anyhow. Three fellows-a doctor, an architect and a bol- shevist-were talking together, and each claimed that his kind was the oldest and most important. The doctor said: When Adam's side was opened to take out a rib to make a woman-that was the first surgical operationf' The architect said: Yes, but when the earth was made of chaos, before Adam's time, there had to be building plans-and an architect had to make them. The bolshevist said: You are right, but who supplied the chaos ?', Have you ever driven a car ? the lady appli- cant for a license was asked. One hundred and twenty thousand miles, put in her husband, who was standing near, and nev- er had her hand on the wheel. -The Crossroads. She-I dreamed I was autoing last night. He-Tell me about it. She-I forgot the dream, but when I woke up I was walking in my sleep. jordan says: It only takes one small jack to lift up an automobile, but it takes a lot of jack to keep it up. Lowe-Her name ought to be Spearmint! Fischer-How come? Kinda Wrigley? Lowe-Yeah, and then she's always after meals. Lucos-Awright then, wise guy, if you're so wise, tell me why a motorman can't never get a shock, if you're so wise. Rogers-Because he isn't a conductor, son, he isn't a conductor. Barbiero-I suppose that your home town is one of those where every one goes down to meet the train. Rystedt-What train? NOW YOU SEE IT, NOW YOU DON'T Professor of Cheniistry-Which combination dissolves gold quickest? VVysocki-The marriage combination. Heidrich-I suppose your wife always has the last word. F ontenelli-N o. Sometimes she falls asleep be- fore I do. Mayfield-VV hy do they call a sailboat she? Coombe-Because it makes its best showing in the wind. Vanderveer-Bill is in bad shape. He's drink- ing beer like water. Ryerson-Yes, that's the only kind you can get these days. Fitzpatrick-I suppose you play golf? Atkin-No. I can't say that I play it. But I am still working at it. Izzy-I've had a hard life. At the age of eighteen I was left an orphan. . Frederickson-What did you do with it? SERVED WITH A BUN Metz-My feet burn like the dickensg do you think a mustard bath would help? Kuzela-Sure! There's nothing better than mustard for hot dogs! Blonde-No two people in the world think alike. Redhead-That's what I thought until I went out with two different college boys. F iffy-one