Centenary College - Hack Yearbook (Hackettstown, NJ)

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THE GAB AND GOSSIP. THE SIMPLE LIFE ON TRIAL. How One Man Works It. Squashtown, N. J., June 1, 1908-A familiar sight at all the base-ball games played in this place is E. J. Hanford, who has come to be a necessary adjunct to these occasions, appearing as he does accoutered with all his little aids to Comfortg his well- worn camp-stool, hairdy umbrella and broad.-brirnmed hat to ward off the rays of the scorching sun. The usual number of street ur- -ich iii' ' , w ,, 1, A, Si 'ii l J .J chins following from the town to the ball-ground make him the more conspicious on the way out. These, however, he scatters upon his arrival, for, should he have a minute to spare before the game commences, forth from a spacious pocket is drawn the lat- est number of The Outlook, and seating himself on his port- able stool, he soon becomes ab- sorbed in digesting this, his daily food. Jay is an exponent of the Simple Life to the third power, and he is leading the eminent writer of the same a long chase. FAMOUS? AFTER:DlNNER SPEAKER ADDRESSES POLITICAL LEADERS. Phila., Pa., May 30, 1908-At a meeting of the party leaders belonging to the gang, John Lee Brooks was the speaker of the evening. His jokes were not very well received, and it was not until afterwards that Mr. Brooks remembered that he had loaned the same list of jokes to a crony, .lay Hanford, who had addressed the same crowd two nights before. CHAIR IN SCIENCE OF FUSSOLOGY Established in Syracuse. Syracuse, N. Y., June 1, 1908. -Considerable press comment pro and con has been occasioned by the recent action of the college authorities here at Syracuse in endowing a Chair in Fussology. As to the wisdom of this step, this article ventures nothing, but deems the question worthy of note inasmuch as the person who has been secured to fill so difficult a position is R. V, Brokaw, His qualification for the place is beyond question, as the stu- dents who are now adding this course to their studies have in- creased to such a number, that the trustees but recently made Professor Brokaw an offer to se- cure for him an assistant. But, the Professor vehemently pro- tested, confidently asserting that in all his years of experience in this particular science, he had never found two chairs necessary for 'practical purposes, and he would, therefore, advise the trus- tees not to establish another chair in the course, as it would only be in the Way, and an added ex- pense to the institution. FRESHNIAN GOES WITHOUT BREAKFAST. Procrastination His Downfall. Phila., Pa., June 1, 1908-An unfortunate under-classman of the Univ. of Penn., is obliged to go without his morning meal, be- cause of his inability to get to the dining hall at the proper time. This has come to the attention of the college authorities, who however, express their inability MQ OX w lx l Z 'llliws N, .aw f'il5 I'i'll?5fg, .nl N .-fililf' f QW Q, '7 , U 'till S W ii . ,r -1 f llll ll l l , ff Y Jag , lf Tullzqm tml: Ullllrr I I J, li ly to produce any change in the young man, but conclude that habits formed While a student in prep. school make it impossible for him to conform with the rules of the University. The accompanying cut gives a clear idea of the situation when the dining-room doors have been closed upon poor Maxwell, and will serve as a warning to those who are afflicted as this young man is. CAN DODGE A TROLLEY. But Not His Shadow. New York City, May 30, 1908- Bishop Canedy admits that, al- though he has had long experience in dodging trolleys, he has not yet learned how to dodge his shadow. Upon being asked to describe his shadow he replied that it was a difficult task, about as difficult as to describe the shadow of a doubt. The good Bishop does not wish to be con- sidered a doubt, or Wood, whom he tries to dodge, to be thought the shadow of doubt. But, sure it is, whatever Bish would like to dog so would Wood! whatever Bisli does, so does Wood: wherever Bish g0eS, goes Wood. Does Bish laugh? Then laughs Wood. In fact, to mention all the things which Wood does because Bish does, or which Wood thinks Bish would dog or which Wood thinks Bish would like YVood to do! or which Bish wishes Wood would not do': would take more space than we would like to give to YVood.

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THE GAB AND GOSSIP. PUBLISHED YEARLY. Entered at Post Ofiice as iirstf class junk. Uliicers withhold names to avoid suits for libel. EDITORIALS. The Gab and Gossip makes this its humble bow to what ii. trusts is an appreciative and in- dulgent mass of readers, and while modest and reluctant, it is fully determined still to adhere to the settled policy of the paper, namelyyto expose the idiosyn- crasies of friendsg to laud the deserving according to their de- sertsg to humble the proud by way of exainpleg to tell the truth and everything but the truth, to cheer the comfortlessg but to make it uncomfortable for the wickedg to wipe the tear from the eyes of the sorrowingg to bring tears to the eyes of him who carries a haughty lookg to proclaim the right Qwhen we get paid enoughjg to denounce the wrong twhen there is no chance of being hitj. Hence it is with much ternerity that we take up the task of fulfilling this policy, which is absolutely law to us. As a result of our rigorous en- forcement of the above principles, numerous search warrants are iioating about only waiting an opportunity to alight, should we show our heads, but, being ob- scure newspaper editors, have so far avoided all suits for libel. All correspondence must be ad- dressed to Gab and Gossip, at the Sign of the Two Women Talk- ing over a Fence. Not to conform with custom, but animated by a lurking en- mity it is that we make an an- nual stab at the unlucky gym, and trust that this will prove its death blow. ' We would gladly speak a kindly word for our would-be friend, but all generous feelings are swamped by an inrush of vivid recollec- tions of the tortures endured within those stern brick walls, What of the hours spent wrestling with the unfeeling dumb-bells? Do we not remember the futile attempts to circle the obstinate bar? Shall we not be recom- E l pensed for the many times wel have chased ourselves about the insides of this monster in an endless chain? How about those 1 THE GAB AND GOSSIP. aches and pains? And can We not even now produce internal and external evidence .ot the bumps which still decorate our copora tenera? It is therefore without coni- punction that we would hail the destruction of this time-honored relic of barbarous ages, whose only claim upon life is that it has so far resisted the ravages of time, and whose only virtue is its close resemblance to, that place over the hill to the poor- liousef' Hail to the new, modern, up-to-date gymnasium! LOCAL N EWS. Si Smith. can recite glibly this trite saying, The way of the transgressor is hard. Ferguson contends that all roads lead to the Coup L. E. Rothrock may consent to register as a freshman at Wes- leyan in fall of 1908. After toiling many months over his I-lack, Dolly announces that, just as he was about to step in and take a ride, the hot air and gas arising from the Slams department ignited by spontaneous combustion and blew up the whole affair. Dolly barely had time to escape with the key to the strong box. On the 23rd instant, J, V. Jacobson in company with his orchestra, were seen in full re- treat towards some tall trees. Last Thursday M. E. Viloolley was seen still smiling over a joke l?J which he had told the Monday before. Rumor has it that a certain institution is to be started as a girls' school. On the strength of which, Brokaw has already applied for position of bell-boy, and is industriously studying Robert's Rules of Order. The Editor of the Slams' found a bomb beneath his bed. This infernal machine was dis- covered as the Editor was about to begin his nightly devotions, Heinie Schlatter has consented to play the part of the leading man in Compton's comedy Every Man in a Grouchf' The 'following little jingles were found under the door by the Editor yesterday. There once was a maiden named Esther, And close to my heart I once pressed her. But the rat in her hair Got caught on my chair, And now l am sad I caressed ner. There once was a young man named Rhys, And he dropped on his best coat some grease: So he scrubbed all the day, Till the coat wore away, And he had to put in a new piece. N. B. Will the author please claim these poetical eifusions, and receive a munificient reward for the same.-Editor. WORLD NEWS. London, Eng., May 30, 1908- Literary circles have been startled by the remarkable poems from the 'pen of Mr. Charles Fuller, the poetaster. 'l'hese productions, seine claim, compare favorably with any of the writers of the Llake District. Rome, Italy, June 1, 1908- The brokerage firm of Toppin and Lockwood have failed with lia- bilities against them of 2550,- 000.00. The failure of this reli- able firm has caused consterna- tion in Wall Street. It is rumored that high living and loud clothes contributed to their downfall. Heightstown, Eng., May 30, 1908-A peculiar book has been put on the market, the title of which is How to Prevent Blush- ing, the author's name is His- sen DeMott. His formula is to take three sips of water, look steadily upward at the ceiling, l wiggle the ears, and count twenty- three aloud. This is guaranteed to make one forget the occasion of disturbance. Berlin, Germany, June 1, 1908 -The Emperor has awarded a prize to the one who could claim that he had the largest head of hair and had worn same without trimming for the greatest length of time. In presenting the medal, the Emperor congratulated Mr. Sullivan, and remarked casually that he had won by more than a hair's breadth. Warm Springs, Poland, May 30, 1908-The George YV. Win- ters' Hosiery Factory was de- stroyed by iire early this morn- ing, by which property was con- sumed to the amount of 5100,- O00.00. Mr. Winters' personal effects also perished, among which were some ancient fabrics which he prized very highly.

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THE GAB AND GOSSIP. METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART. Artis1:'s Work. Accepts Famous New York City, The Metropolitan are charging special rates on Tuesday and Thursday of each week, on which days they have on exhibition some rare drawings of Mr. Harold Fellows, which have attracted the attention of masters and art students of this and for- eign countries, which ensure their author a prominent place among modern artists. June 2, 1908:- Musenm of Art 5 . The drawings in question are those which Mr. Fellows made for The 1908 Hack, published by the students of Centenary Col- legiate Institute, and it has been only after much expense and ne- gotiation that the Museum secured thesu remarkable productions. Mr. Fellows is extremely jealous of his works, and objects to hav- ing them copied or even photo- graphed, and we, therefore, con- sider ourselves very fortunate in that we are able to show to our readers minute and exact repro- ductions of Mr. Fellows' draw- ings as they were 'printed in the Hack, being photographs of the originals themselves. GREAT LITERARY CRITIC'S AD- VICE TO YOUNG AUTHORS. Princeton, N. J., May 30, 1908 -The Great Cham of English Literature, Professor Joseph Cooke Fitts, recently published an ar- ticle in one of the monthly re- views giving special instructions to adventurers in the field of literature. We here give as much of this article as we think can be assimilated at one reading. Among other things Professor J. C. Fitts' hints: Mon1entary redections upon any of the ancient writers are permissible: after prefixing such preambles as, 'conforming to the idiomatic hieroglyphics of the Hebrewsg' or 'as the classical Greek would sayg' or 'quoting from that famous Roman oratorg' or 'that masterful German scholar well statesg' or 'as the courteous Frenchman would put itg' and even reference might be made to English literature beginning, 'ex- pressed in the profane language of the English speaking raceg' then, quote after each, the apt illustration in its original char- actersf' Prof. Fitts further says: In promulgating esoteric cogitations, do not allow your cerebrum to interchange reininiscences with the cerebellum, whereby the su- perficial sentimenialities would bewilder the mental capacity of the peruser of such a. conglomera- tion of grayish matter. Beware of insipiditiesg of circuitous expatiations upon truthg of occult and insidious castigations of explanatory ram- ifications on the nm-r of contem- poraneous authors. Finally, let your statements possess coalesant consistency, concentrated cogency, illuminating simplicity, and well-rounded con- clusivenessf' SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA Plays to Crowded Auditorium. Boston, Mass., June 2, 1908.- The musical concert given last evening in the auditorium has been pronounced by the critics to have been the loudest ever heard in Boston. The seating capacity and also the standing room of the spacious building were taxed to the utmost, and most of the seats were occupied long before the fixed time for commencement. The reputation which John V. Jacobson's Symphony Orchestra has gained in Baltimore, Phila- delphia, New York and lately in Chicago, has been tremendously augmented by his last perform- ance in this city. Bouquets of cabbage-heads, eggs, etc., greeted his appearance, and as he was bowing, was struck in the eye with an ancient eggg so, that, much to the regret of the audi- ence, he was unable to complete the affair of the evening. SENATOR FROM OHIO EXPECTS RE-ELECTION. 2, 1908-Am Ohio's list of the Hon. W. massive brow come to be an unwelcome sight in the Sen- ate where he so nobly misrepre- sents this state. He is confidently looking forward to re-election because of his firm stand in defense of the canteen. Canton, O., June other statesman in illustrious men is H. Bachelor, whose and eagle eye has REVISION OF PENAL CODE. New Measure Before the Assembly. Albany, N. Y., June 1. 1908.- A bill has been introduced into the Assembly by Mr. Edward Stiehler which provides for pun- ishment of all crimes short of felony. This measure is being bitterly opposed by a number of Asseniblyinen under the leader- ship of T. Cook, as it provides for a mode of punishment which is entirely new, namely, that one convicted under the new law will he compelled to write fifty-thou- sand numbers 150,000 NUMBERS! every day of imprisonment. They say that Mr. Stiehler's own ex- perience with lhe manner of pun- ishment under consideration ren- ders his arguments doubly eifec- tive. PHENOMINAL RUN At the Olympian of 'tEarly Morning Reveries. Buffalo. N. Y.. June 1, 1908.- Early Morning Reveries at the Olympian is the most popular play of the season, and has had a continuous run of two nights without intermission. Its phe- nominal success is due chiefly to the remarkably realistic repro- duction by the leading man, Mr. . , .4f , Q UU 1 :faq ' 'Wi rg t 5 ,W I 1 tj ' K K C 3 .' 'f 7-,Z l Carl N. More, an actor of con- siderable repute, who is begin- ning to appear more and more before the theatrical world. Some say, indeed, that the fifth act, which is an early morning scene, at fifteen minutes past seven, is so exquisitely played by Mr. More, that the audience experi- ence considerable diiiiculty in keeping awake.