Centenary College - Hack Yearbook (Hackettstown, NJ)

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THE GAB AND GOSSIP. PUBLISHED YEARLY. Entered at Post Ofiice as iirstf class junk. Uliicers withhold names to avoid suits for libel. EDITORIALS. The Gab and Gossip makes this its humble bow to what ii. trusts is an appreciative and in- dulgent mass of readers, and while modest and reluctant, it is fully determined still to adhere to the settled policy of the paper, namelyyto expose the idiosyn- crasies of friendsg to laud the deserving according to their de- sertsg to humble the proud by way of exainpleg to tell the truth and everything but the truth, to cheer the comfortlessg but to make it uncomfortable for the wickedg to wipe the tear from the eyes of the sorrowingg to bring tears to the eyes of him who carries a haughty lookg to proclaim the right Qwhen we get paid enoughjg to denounce the wrong twhen there is no chance of being hitj. Hence it is with much ternerity that we take up the task of fulfilling this policy, which is absolutely law to us. As a result of our rigorous en- forcement of the above principles, numerous search warrants are iioating about only waiting an opportunity to alight, should we show our heads, but, being ob- scure newspaper editors, have so far avoided all suits for libel. All correspondence must be ad- dressed to Gab and Gossip, at the Sign of the Two Women Talk- ing over a Fence. Not to conform with custom, but animated by a lurking en- mity it is that we make an an- nual stab at the unlucky gym, and trust that this will prove its death blow. ' We would gladly speak a kindly word for our would-be friend, but all generous feelings are swamped by an inrush of vivid recollec- tions of the tortures endured within those stern brick walls, What of the hours spent wrestling with the unfeeling dumb-bells? Do we not remember the futile attempts to circle the obstinate bar? Shall we not be recom- E l pensed for the many times wel have chased ourselves about the insides of this monster in an endless chain? How about those 1 THE GAB AND GOSSIP. aches and pains? And can We not even now produce internal and external evidence .ot the bumps which still decorate our copora tenera? It is therefore without coni- punction that we would hail the destruction of this time-honored relic of barbarous ages, whose only claim upon life is that it has so far resisted the ravages of time, and whose only virtue is its close resemblance to, that place over the hill to the poor- liousef' Hail to the new, modern, up-to-date gymnasium! LOCAL N EWS. Si Smith. can recite glibly this trite saying, The way of the transgressor is hard. Ferguson contends that all roads lead to the Coup L. E. Rothrock may consent to register as a freshman at Wes- leyan in fall of 1908. After toiling many months over his I-lack, Dolly announces that, just as he was about to step in and take a ride, the hot air and gas arising from the Slams department ignited by spontaneous combustion and blew up the whole affair. Dolly barely had time to escape with the key to the strong box. On the 23rd instant, J, V. Jacobson in company with his orchestra, were seen in full re- treat towards some tall trees. Last Thursday M. E. Viloolley was seen still smiling over a joke l?J which he had told the Monday before. Rumor has it that a certain institution is to be started as a girls' school. On the strength of which, Brokaw has already applied for position of bell-boy, and is industriously studying Robert's Rules of Order. The Editor of the Slams' found a bomb beneath his bed. This infernal machine was dis- covered as the Editor was about to begin his nightly devotions, Heinie Schlatter has consented to play the part of the leading man in Compton's comedy Every Man in a Grouchf' The 'following little jingles were found under the door by the Editor yesterday. There once was a maiden named Esther, And close to my heart I once pressed her. But the rat in her hair Got caught on my chair, And now l am sad I caressed ner. There once was a young man named Rhys, And he dropped on his best coat some grease: So he scrubbed all the day, Till the coat wore away, And he had to put in a new piece. N. B. Will the author please claim these poetical eifusions, and receive a munificient reward for the same.-Editor. WORLD NEWS. London, Eng., May 30, 1908- Literary circles have been startled by the remarkable poems from the 'pen of Mr. Charles Fuller, the poetaster. 'l'hese productions, seine claim, compare favorably with any of the writers of the Llake District. Rome, Italy, June 1, 1908- The brokerage firm of Toppin and Lockwood have failed with lia- bilities against them of 2550,- 000.00. The failure of this reli- able firm has caused consterna- tion in Wall Street. It is rumored that high living and loud clothes contributed to their downfall. Heightstown, Eng., May 30, 1908-A peculiar book has been put on the market, the title of which is How to Prevent Blush- ing, the author's name is His- sen DeMott. His formula is to take three sips of water, look steadily upward at the ceiling, l wiggle the ears, and count twenty- three aloud. This is guaranteed to make one forget the occasion of disturbance. Berlin, Germany, June 1, 1908 -The Emperor has awarded a prize to the one who could claim that he had the largest head of hair and had worn same without trimming for the greatest length of time. In presenting the medal, the Emperor congratulated Mr. Sullivan, and remarked casually that he had won by more than a hair's breadth. Warm Springs, Poland, May 30, 1908-The George YV. Win- ters' Hosiery Factory was de- stroyed by iire early this morn- ing, by which property was con- sumed to the amount of 5100,- O00.00. Mr. Winters' personal effects also perished, among which were some ancient fabrics which he prized very highly.

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THE GAB AND :GOSSIP. RUFFIANS ATTACK OLD MAN. Daring Rescue Against Odds.- Hoodlums Wounded or Put to Flight. Cincinnati, Ohio, June 1, 1908. -One of our most prominent citi- zens made a gallant rescue of an old gentleman from the clutches of a crowd of hoodlums at a late hour last night. The results of the fray are a grateful old man, a number of broken heads, and the rescuer somewhat of a hero. The facts are these: Hearing cries for help and the scurrying of feet, our brawny, long-limbed and generaly modest citizen, rushed to the scene of action, and plunged into the fight. Grasping the nearest of these robbers by the neck, he threw him heavily to the pavementg a second was tripped up and sent sprawling into the gutter, from whence he failed to arise, having cracked his head on the sharp curb, and the others fearing to encounter a similar fate, took to their heels. Meantime the hero of the hour escorted the 'old gentleman home. It has been ascertained in a quiet manner lprobably through our honored citizen's wifej that the old man was beholden for his rescue to A. Ross Crane, who in explanation of his remarkable ex- ploit, afnrms that he learned the trick while a student at C. C. I., in what he laconically termed rough-housing. PROMISING TRACK CANDIDATE. At Half-Moon ATA.-Superb Form of Lily. Squeedunk, Pa., June 2, 1908,- One of the most promising track men of the Half-Moon A. A. is Wliite-haired Lily Camp, a track man of some renown. From gawk 1 S X l. X- , ,f the photograph we here print, a faint idea can be had of his magnificent form. Camp has a habit of hanging his tongue out, and by great good fortune that member can plainly be seen in this photograph. Whether or not this accounts for his phenominal records, it is not known. but it is feared by his trainer that some day he will get his tongue tangled up with his feet, and, falling, step all over his face. RESTORATION OF THE DRAMA. New lmpetus Given to Tragedy. Hackettstown, N. J., June 1, 1908.-Few actors ot the 20th Century have done more to re- store the drama than Mr. Waldo Gilles, whose clever interpreta- tions place him in the foremost rank of his profession. He is now starring in Mors Caesarisu at the Olynthian Theatre, and plays E ,uf it Ji? Q ? if li - if ,,, X 4 y i, 4 , xy A i i . hi - 5 4 , 'Hilti the the difficult part of Cinna, poet, one of Shakespeares famous characters. At the most crucial moment, when Mr. Gilles is being torn to pieces by the enraged mob, the audience make it some- what more realistic by bombard- ing him with epithets, jeers, cat- calls, cabbages, eggs, cats and, dogs, etc., etc. After the pros- tratc form of the heroic actori is pulled from under the rnbbage, not one of the audience sheds a tear, about which, however, Mr. Gilles has no concern, being con- soled by the fact that lie can at least pack the house with al sympathetic audience. The ex- cellent likeness here printed, shows Mr. Gilles just before nie' storm descends. A REMARKABLE MISSIONARY OF INTERIOR LUZON. Controls Natives Perfectly. Manilla, Luzon, May 30, 1908. -One of the principal papers of, this city, The Republic. re- cently published an article fur-N nished by its correspondent in the interior, of which the following! w is an extract: I When I came to a certain Hot- tentot village, a 'peculiar cere- mony was in progress. Round about a solitary figure standing high above their heads, were the dusky villagers, who were bowing, scraping and licking the dust in apparent obedience to the one the platform. near I discovered to that the commanding a white man, and American. He stood folded, legs braced standing on Drawing my surprise person was probably an with arms apart, and with lowered head and knotted eyebrows he glowered tiercely about him, while they shouted and danced, calling him ruler, benefactor, king iso I later learned their gibberish meantl and having thus satisfied X! ...vb Y... his arrogance, at a wave of his hand, the multitude sank to the dust. Afterwards, I ascertained that the person in question was a missionary, by the name of Roth- rock, who had been sent out to convert the natives, but had adopted this plan to gain pleasure and minister to his desire to be ruler even over the ebony-hued savages. MOTORMAN ARRESTED FOR GROSS NEGLECT. Lizzie in Difficulty. New York City, May 30. 1908- A motorman on the 1-ith St. line was arrested for not heeding signals of a prospective passenger who stood on the corner fran- tically wringing his hands and crying, t'Mercy! iN'hy don't that stupid man stop. Witli the aid of a little newsboy. Bray nn- ally succeeded in stopping a car, but lodged a protest against the motorman who had slighted him. The iVoman's Sunrage Associa- tion has threatened to take up the case.

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THE GAB AND GOSSIP. THE SIMPLE LIFE ON TRIAL. How One Man Works It. Squashtown, N. J., June 1, 1908-A familiar sight at all the base-ball games played in this place is E. J. Hanford, who has come to be a necessary adjunct to these occasions, appearing as he does accoutered with all his little aids to Comfortg his well- worn camp-stool, hairdy umbrella and broad.-brirnmed hat to ward off the rays of the scorching sun. The usual number of street ur- -ich iii' ' , w ,, 1, A, Si 'ii l J .J chins following from the town to the ball-ground make him the more conspicious on the way out. These, however, he scatters upon his arrival, for, should he have a minute to spare before the game commences, forth from a spacious pocket is drawn the lat- est number of The Outlook, and seating himself on his port- able stool, he soon becomes ab- sorbed in digesting this, his daily food. Jay is an exponent of the Simple Life to the third power, and he is leading the eminent writer of the same a long chase. FAMOUS? AFTER:DlNNER SPEAKER ADDRESSES POLITICAL LEADERS. Phila., Pa., May 30, 1908-At a meeting of the party leaders belonging to the gang, John Lee Brooks was the speaker of the evening. His jokes were not very well received, and it was not until afterwards that Mr. Brooks remembered that he had loaned the same list of jokes to a crony, .lay Hanford, who had addressed the same crowd two nights before. CHAIR IN SCIENCE OF FUSSOLOGY Established in Syracuse. Syracuse, N. Y., June 1, 1908. -Considerable press comment pro and con has been occasioned by the recent action of the college authorities here at Syracuse in endowing a Chair in Fussology. As to the wisdom of this step, this article ventures nothing, but deems the question worthy of note inasmuch as the person who has been secured to fill so difficult a position is R. V, Brokaw, His qualification for the place is beyond question, as the stu- dents who are now adding this course to their studies have in- creased to such a number, that the trustees but recently made Professor Brokaw an offer to se- cure for him an assistant. But, the Professor vehemently pro- tested, confidently asserting that in all his years of experience in this particular science, he had never found two chairs necessary for 'practical purposes, and he would, therefore, advise the trus- tees not to establish another chair in the course, as it would only be in the Way, and an added ex- pense to the institution. FRESHNIAN GOES WITHOUT BREAKFAST. Procrastination His Downfall. Phila., Pa., June 1, 1908-An unfortunate under-classman of the Univ. of Penn., is obliged to go without his morning meal, be- cause of his inability to get to the dining hall at the proper time. This has come to the attention of the college authorities, who however, express their inability MQ OX w lx l Z 'llliws N, .aw f'il5 I'i'll?5fg, .nl N .-fililf' f QW Q, '7 , U 'till S W ii . ,r -1 f llll ll l l , ff Y Jag , lf Tullzqm tml: Ullllrr I I J, li ly to produce any change in the young man, but conclude that habits formed While a student in prep. school make it impossible for him to conform with the rules of the University. The accompanying cut gives a clear idea of the situation when the dining-room doors have been closed upon poor Maxwell, and will serve as a warning to those who are afflicted as this young man is. CAN DODGE A TROLLEY. But Not His Shadow. New York City, May 30, 1908- Bishop Canedy admits that, al- though he has had long experience in dodging trolleys, he has not yet learned how to dodge his shadow. Upon being asked to describe his shadow he replied that it was a difficult task, about as difficult as to describe the shadow of a doubt. The good Bishop does not wish to be con- sidered a doubt, or Wood, whom he tries to dodge, to be thought the shadow of doubt. But, sure it is, whatever Bish would like to dog so would Wood! whatever Bisli does, so does Wood: wherever Bish g0eS, goes Wood. Does Bish laugh? Then laughs Wood. In fact, to mention all the things which Wood does because Bish does, or which Wood thinks Bish would dog or which Wood thinks Bish would like YVood to do! or which Bish wishes Wood would not do': would take more space than we would like to give to YVood.