Byron Area High School - By Hi Yearbook (Byron, IL)

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Bob Wickwire has just returned from Africa where he spent the last year hunting yogi birds and head hunters. He reports that there is a lack of yogi birds but a large crop of head hunters. When the game warden informed him that there is no open season on head hunters he just said, I'm so embarrassed! Harry Crash Heidenreich, world renown race track driver, won the Indianapolis 500 mile race in two and one half hours. Crash says, I owe it all to my Champion Spark Plugs. Greg Ives, well known agriculturist accepted the position of assistant to the assistant of the under Secretary to the Secretary of Agriculture. This climaxes twenty years of hard work and perseverance as an agriculturist. Gene McNames, an old trackman from Byron, has set a country record by running around the world in two days. He revealed the secret of his speed when he said he went to the North Pole and ran in a ten-mile circle around the pole. Connie King was elected Miss Long Distance of the year because while working at the telephone office she put through the most long distance calls in the shortest time. Kathy Hess, owner and designer of the Oo-La-La French style dress shop announced that several new dresses are for sale on the usual easy payment plan, that is, buy a small piece of the dress at a time until both pieces are purchased; then put them together and there is the - dress ? ? Karen Lutz is working on what she calls the Lu Lu of space suits. Her last design, which was called the Moon Beam Dream won three universe prizes. Norlyn Taylor is working on a perpetual motion machine which he will in- stall in his car to save cranking and gas. He told us the car will be started on a steep hill. So far it has worked fine, but he can't figure out why it stops when he gets to the bottom of the hill. Dale Medearis has just returned from California where he acted as judge in the Miss America contest. He is now resting at home, recovering from a bad case of eye strain. Jeanne Whetsel has just patented an all purpose can opener called, Three Swings and a Smash. Net weight is only fifteen pounds and eight ounces. It will open any size can or door. Opal Turner has written a book on home making hints which contains many recipes. With each recipe is the most satisfactory antidote. Evelyn Masters is engaged in extensive research for a book soon to be released entitled, Odd Behavior in Human Beings. Her idea came after one year at Byron High. As you can see most of them have fared pretty well--much better than we predicted in those dark, dark days. In fact, collecting this data and studying it has set me back somewhat and I may be forced to return to my cave. As for you, Gert, I hope they see fit to release you soon. As ever, Hildegarde Guppy

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Byron, Illinois June 1, 1974 Miss Gertrude Finklebreezer Rest Easy Sanitarium Sleep Eye, Arizona Dear Gertie, Twenty years have passed since the Class of '54 graduated from Byron High-----twenty years since we taught there together and left together----you to a sanitarium and me to a hermit's cave. Well, Gertie, my frayed nerves are finally mended, and I have left my seclusion to mingle once more with the outside world. In the past year I have collected data as regards that graduating class and will pass it on to you. Alvin Oltmanns, now a famous scientist, announced at a public lecture today that he discovered a way to turn water into gasoline. Professor Olt- manns was late for his lecture; he ran out of gas. Jerry Frye, private eye, just saved another case. Said Jerry, I just played a hunch. This makes the twelfth straight hunch that has paid off. Jerry Newhausen has just released a new recipe for making Gory Gum- mies. Everyone reads her column, Aunt Doreen, in the Byron Distress. Audrey Colwell, now well known golf star, won the Women's National Open with a fifteen under par. What a swing! Wayne King was picked today as Judge of the Year for his work on the Hiccup and Belch Murder Case. Harlan Sugar Throat Shank sang so well today that eighteen fans fainted. One girl said, You send me. She was standing on a moving platform at the time. Joan Furman has gone into work as a waitress in the Hashhouse and has gained a position of head aspirin dispenser. She claims that it isn't quality but quantity that make's the people sick. Kay Campbell was given an award for telling the best jokes on radio and television. Kay said, Golly, I didn't think I'd get it yet already! Jenifer Nelson, owner and operator of the Second Look Beauty Shop, has designed a new hair style called the Pet Shop Special. It is a combination of the Poodle and Pony Tail. Doctor Bellyachin Bain has just informed the public of his new miracle drug discovery. Dr. Bain said it would cure abdominal discomfort originat- ing from nutritional over indulgence. The name is O U 8 2 much. Nancy Auker, much distressed about radio and television's trend toward science fiction is demanding a return to western programs. More and more we hear the thundering hoof beats of the great horse, Silver, and the accom- panying cry of the Long Ranger, Don't turn off that radio. 14

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Bob Anderson Jim Arnold Jerry Carlson David Cox Bill Deill Marvin Dennis Patsy Dietrich Ruell Holeton President Jim Swanson O =3 Vice-President Bob Boyer