Byron Area High School - By Hi Yearbook (Byron, IL)

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We are again proud to present to you our broadcast of the annual Alumni Banquet, held at Byron High School, this 32nd day of June, 1963. This broadcast is coming to you from station M M M (Miscellaneous and Misdemeanor Mis- happenings) as a public service to those of you who don't like such things as music, mysteries, speeches, or serials which the other broadcasting stations are continually using for their programs. As we look over the tables, each class having a separate table, we see that the class of '53 has a perfect attend- ance, so we shall present them to you first. Some of them have traveled many miles to attend this gala event (prob- ably because of the free food.) And there is our first celebrity who has just returned from a world-wide roller rink tour. Miss Frances Boehm de- clares, The scenery was beautiful!” We failed to mention that Miss Boehm was able to enjoy the scenery because the majority of her traveling was done on skates. (Of course, the reason for this was not tha lack of cash but the fact that 2,768 miles of skating is bound to improve Miss Boehm's knowledge of the movement of the ball-bearings in roller skates). Who is that? Oh. yes, who else but the famous dress designer. Miss Sally Bruiser Butt, could come to a gala occasion such as this dressed like - - let me describe it. She is wearing a most barbarian-looking swimming suit of leopard and tiger skins and came to the banquet carrying a huge club. Why? She explained that she thought that this was Sadie Hawkins Day and she wasn't going to take any chances by wearing high heel shoes and other hindering clothes. Now there is an interesting person. This lady seems to be playing the piano on her plate. Why, of course, that’s Miss Norma Bymaster, eleven times world's speediest, most accurate, most confident, most exact typist in Laboovia. She has just returned from her teaching job in Africa. Miss Bymaster's motto is Practice, Practice, and More Practice. Pardon the interruption, but from where we are standing we can see a huge banner covering the entire length of the wall opposite us on which is written the slogan of the Elite Beauty Salon owned and operated by Miss Betty Cuddles Capes: Our Poodles are Lulus - And our Page Boys’ are Real George I This is a rather unique banner because it is done with black lettering on a black background. I just now talked to another businesswoman who has a very successful business, it seems, because Miss Dorothea Drake is dressed in furs and diamonds (phonies, no doubt). Miss Drake tells us that she is the proud owner of the Drake Modeling School for Girls. They specialize in building up broken bodies and customizing frames. Incidentally, if you don't have anything wrong with you, don't enter their school, because upon graduation, you will have. There seems to be quite a commotion at the far end of this table. In fact, all the ladies seem to be leaving theii seats and grouping around someone. Here we are at that end, after having been swept along with these most distin- guished ladies by the current; and now if I can move in a little closer to see the cause of the excitement. . . There in the center of this bevy of women is that well known writer of the column Advice to the Loverlorn in the Byron Distress , Madam Judith Garner. She is evidently giving out with the latest bits of gossip which these ladies are rushing to hear. Over there is a man who is wearing a huge button or pin on his coat which bears the inscription Head Jerk. Oh yes, that's Rick Greene, newly elected Head Jerk of Rexall Drug Stores all over the island of Mobovo. The reason for his appointment is that fact that he makes all his orders from coconuts and nuts (which is pretty tricky). And now another well known name in the class of 53. Kay Laswell, newly elected 9th vice-president of the SPEHCTO (Society for the Preservation and Encouragement of the Humane Cat Treatment in Omexiha) announces that her newest and most highly acclaimed book is now off the press: 7 Pointers on Cat Disection or You Do It - I Can’t Bear to Look 16

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PICTURED FROM LEFT TO RIGHT: Guy Showalter Norma Bymaster Betty Capes Don Oltmanns Nellene Morrison Rick Greene Tom Showalter Dorothea Drake Judy Garner SENIOR CLASS PLAY November 21 22 IJear.'i f° THE CAST Ruth Gordon Jones Clinton Jones Annie Jones . Katherine Follett . Anne Witham Fred Whitmarsh Mr. Bagley . Miss Glavin . Mr. Sparrow . Punk.............. . Dorothea Drake Tom Showalter . . Judy Garner . . Betty Capes Nellene Morrison . . Rick Greene . Guy Showalter Norma Bymaster Donald Oltmanns ...........A Cat Director - G. E. Sunderman Student Director - Marjean Stukenberg

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f ropleci And there is Pat Spiker McDonald and, of course, everyone has heard and seen her over television. Pat is the spark-plug of the Alleyberg team The Setter-Uppers. Just yesterday in their exciting game. Pat broke the tie in the last minute with a smash right through the floor on the opposing team’s side. By the time they recovered the bail the game was ended and they won 234-233. Thus ended another record-making volleyball game. Who's that stern-looking woman over there with a club in her hand and a badge on her dress. I wonder if that’s the truant officer for Boobondale High School, Miss Dorothy McKee (better known as D. McKee). From the school’s 1.846 enrollment, none have heen absent for the last month. D. McKee summed it all up in her slogan Ya gotta be stern, if they're gonna learn. Ah, it seems like we're going to have a little entertainment on the stage. Well, there is another of the class of 1953, Miss Par Mon. Out of the orchestra of 183 musicans, she is the most outstanding for her work on all the in- struments. If you didn't already know, Pat is the offical polisher for the whole orchestra. Such a job takes a lot of great ability. It seems that they have talked the Smetropolitan Opera Company's new debutante. Miss Nellene Morrison, into singing along with the orchestra. I was just informed by some uninformed source of some information which I’m sure you would find very informing if I should inform you: Miss Morrison has just returned from her first appearance with Lario Manza yodeling an aria from Madame Flutterby . Seated directly across from me are the two biggest racketeers - I mean, tycoonc of the bathtub business. They are Mr. Thomas Showalter and Mr. Donald Oltmanns, manufacturers of the No-slip Sideless Bathtubs, guaranteed to be the safest and most economical tubs on the market. Can you imagine such a low price as $489.03 for a beautiful and multicolored bathtub with a builtLin radio and television combination? Here’s that great evolutionist, Vernon Radatz.who created a big uproar among the farming society of our fair metroplois in his latest debate with the representative of the organization entitled F.F.W. (Future Farmer’s Wives). Since this is Mr. Radatz’s 12th wife, there is a lot he can find for debate. He was recently released from the hospital where he was recovering from second degree burns received in one of his heated debates. Just a minute ago as I was strolling down the aisle, I was accosted by a young man who was carrying an armful of small leaflets, handing them through the delegation. I shall read you the caption of the leaflet: Remarkable Remonstrances Reiterating Republicans by Ray A. Rauch. I understand he is the latest aspirant to the seat of County Judge of Ogle County in charge of traffic violations. And another of the class of '53 after a disastrous explosion occuring in the suburb of Balleyhoo Heights (better known as Razorville) of which he was the world renown chemist. Guy Einstein Showalter, was heard to comment, and I quote. Hm - who sneezed? Ah - - here is that illustrious stage, screen, and football star, Eunice Stebner. Have you a few words for us tonight, Eunice? Well - ah - it - ah - just so happens - ah - that is - as unprepared as I am to make a public speech, it - ah just so happens that I . . . Thank you, Miss Stebner. And there is Marjean Stukenberg who is now appearing nightly on television, on station WACKY-TV. Her illustrative demonstrations on Smellgas , the wonder stove, is winning her great acclaim all over the world. I understand that the Smellgas dealer in darkest Africa has sold 4.563 stoves to the natives with television sets because of Miss Stukenberg’s persuasive talks. I would like to take this opportunity to announce (this is costing her) the grand opening of Eunice's Slide Inn. Miss Wright's specialities are Triple Deckers and Half Gallons” which, of course, are hamburgers and malts, respectively. Her prices are also very low, as the items are priced from just 2 cents to 5 cents. Well, it seems that our time is up but stay tuned to this station for our most enlightening commercial on how to be a famous celebrity like all the members of this class in only 144 easy lessons. 17