Burlington High School - Rarebits Yearbook (Burlington, Ontario Canada)

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RAREBITS 25 Just as I thought, he said triumphantly, weak-decidedly weak! You must go to bed for eleven months, he went on sternly. Lord Lollypop slunk off upstairs-the doctor sat down to the liquid. In the cellar Buttin found the butler browsing among candied apples of many shades and shapes. They each essayed one and began to munch. The daring domestic mentioned the secretary as a suspect, for Cupid's arrow had become poisoned between them when he had neglected to give her a pearl necklace as a present. It was very apparent that she had fulfilled her desire, he thought. The sleuth wandered forth in search of the secretary and finally meandered into the library where he found the doctor who was slightly incompetent, mdissolved paste pearls did not agree with himi, yet the doctor recognized him, as the detective had done on a previous occasion, some detecting for his wife. Their promised duel, at meeting, took place. They began to .spar in the centre of the carpet. The same instant Lord Lollypop crept across the room sweetmeat bound. The strain had been too great on his neurotic nerves. A second later a mysterious lady with a black bag glided past the open door. Both antagonists acted on the proverb: Duty before Self For the doctor soared through the air and pulled the august aristocrat up by the ear, while the stirling sleuth tip-toed steal- thily after the cryptic newcomer who, he thought, was the robber returned to the scene of the crime. Voices were upraised in the room where the unknown had vanished, as the master criminal hunter put his optic to the keyhole. He discerned the secretary and Lady Lollypop who had ,returned when she discovered that her mother was out,-the mother, poor soul, completely unknown to her had been arrested for the illegal sale of chocolate eclairs. Ho! said Detective Buttin, Accomplices, having remembered the words of the butler. He leaped in. Prior to this activity, Lady Lollypop's and her secretary's dispute had been as to which was the best tinted of the lollypops. Lady Lollypop liked saffron, while the secre- tary preferred peach. Now the wealth of words was turned on the unlucky detective. He saw rightly that these criminals were too hard to get along withg so he started edging towards safety. Wait, quoth Lady Lollypop, her face softeningf' have a suck. I never partake on duty, Buttin replied proudlyg nevertheless, he accepted the confection. Lady Lollypop, in her kindness, exchanged the lollypops and it was a measure of iioor polish, made into a sucker-especially for visitors-that the sleuth sucked so heartily. He descended the stairs. The floor polish had taken effect: he was an angel in shining brightness, so much so that he illuminated the shadowy hallway and saw a vacuum cleaner in the corner. Ho! he ejaculated, I will meditate, and emulating Sherlock Holmes and his violin, he listened to the music of the purgerg but it was incorrect to his sensitive earg so he gave the rug manicurer-which was suffering under a load of shattered suckers-a well needed cleaning. He gave a shout of glee as he pulled forth the pearl necklace from the bright debris. Then he strode majestically into the library. Here he found Lord Lollypop holding his ear for the doctor had squeezed it continually for eleven minutes, presumably as a punishment, the was really getting back at the eminent lord for not paying his debtsi. He had fallen into salubrious slumber in a chair from exhaustion owing to the muscular effort expanded. I have found the necklace, shouted the sleuth. No! said Lord Lollypop. Yes! replied the detective. How long this would have kept up is uncertain if the ever helpful parrot had not said: The decision goes to the detective gentleman on points. These words removed all doubt from Lord Lollypop's mind, and as the doctor was rousing himself, the great lord, fearing he would be discovered, motioned the detective to give the jewels to his butler who had just entered and was rewarding the parrot with a taste of a lollypop of a delicate pastel. The secretary followed by Lady Lollypop now invaded the portals of the library. When the secretary saw the pearls, all was forgiven. She ran forward to clutch them, but it was a vain effort. The butler withdrew them and said hurriedly, They are the lord's. What, said Lady Lollypop and the doctor in unison and they began to advance menac- ingly on Lollypop . Here you are, my dear, said the aristocrat relinquishing the pearls to the Mrs. . Where is my pecuniary reward? asked the doctor dismayed that he was being left out. He has a balance in the bank, returned Lady Lollypop gratefully. Thus it was that Lord Lollypop never owned an automobile. He had to be content riding with the butler when his hopes were realized in a bigger and better Spiif Eight eleven years later. Hope springs eternal in the human breast. Let us hope for him-not for Lord Lollypop --the incomparable sleuth, who is still waiting for his wages.

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24 R A R E B I T S Flhr Super Slruih 571111195 By E. MANNING IV Lord Licorice Lollypop was finding it difficult to uphold his end of a long line of Lolly- pops. Besides, he had other worries! The pearl necklace which he had intended to give to his wife for her birthday had gone astray-lost or stolen. His economical nature would account for his other trouble. Ever since a confederacy of cut-throat confectioners had planted a load of contraband candies in his house by mistake-probably through being sick- ened by their own merchandise-he had been licking in order to get rid 'of them, for he could not waste them. In this, he had admirable cooperation from the rest of the household with the exception of Lady Lollypop who did not approve of their quality. However, his despotic doctor, because the lord had sugar diabetes, had prohibited him the use of these sweetsg the bills which represented this arbitrary command were appalling especially to the thrifty nobleman. Thus, an economic revolution was set up in the household. As Lord Lollypop was a pacifist, the revolution and all it represented-including the pearls which 'he did not desire to replace-literally drove him to a sugar-coated existence. At the time this story begins, Lord Lollypop was furtively engaged in unwrapping a frozen sucker in the solitude of his study. Crash! Crash! Some rabid person was demanding ex- pedient entrance-a necessity if the door was to be saved. Supposing it is the Doctor, he thought aloud. The candy stick dropped from his nerve- less grasp. He had barely time to fling the stick to the blaze in the brazier before a man burst in. Detective Buttin of fthe Large Orb Detective Agency? had followed the advice of his employers to always make a decided entry. Licorice gasped with relief when he perceived that it was not the medical monster. Are you injured badly? questioned the super sleuth thinking that a murder had been coupled with the robbery and that this exhalation was among the last. Did you permit him ingress? angrily digressed the lord, speaking to the butler who was standing apologetically in the doorway. The butler sensibly refrained from responding to the aroused aristocrat, but retired de- jectedly to the newly-established cupboard of candied apples to ias the song saysl lick his sorrows away , for he knew the chances of a day off for viewing SpiiT Eights had faded into obscurity. The detective, of the peculiarly disjointed technique, spying the red sucker stain said, Ho! -murder! Gore on the Carpet -the current mystery thriller, had come to his mindg evidently a solution would soon be forthcoming. Who employed you? inquired Lord Lollypop of the detective. I did, a cacophonous voice proclaimed from the doorway. The enigma solver was Lady Lo1lypop's secretary. It's perfectly all right, replied the lord of the mansion gently, for he was afraid of the secretary-she reminded him of his spouse. But where is my wife? Licorice went on. She has departed for her mother's and she will not return until you get the pearl neck- lace, the secretary replied with an air of smug satisfaction. Remove yourself! ordered Lollypop of the detective when the secretary had disappeared. The detective had learned not to take advice on a case, but he had another suspect-the butlerg therefore he decamped. What shall I do? recited Lord Lollypop to the world in general. Take a drink, rather vulgarly suggested the parrot from her cage nearby. A good suggestion, pronounced Licorice sampling some unsolidiiied suckers of strong scent. I wonder if she would distinguish the difference, he mused, handling an imitation necklace. This reverie was cut short by the secretary's voice which drifted in from the hallway saying, Good morning, Doctor. I will have to pay my bills if he sees me with this, for he will think it is genuine, the Lord murmured, thoroughly alarmed. He would not have enough money to purchase the Spiff Twin Eight if he did pay themg hence his agitation. He dropped the necklace into his untouched drink and not an instant too soon for the doctor breezed in. Hal said the Doctor, Sweets again, eh! This is mouthwash, Lord Lollypop replied miserably. The doctor sniffed. The peer quelled before the sniff. Suddenly the doctor withdrew a stethoscope and jammed it home on Lord Lollypop's chest.

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26 RAREBITS mine Bnggie LUCY VANDERHOORN, IV Mine doggie, vot a pup he iss, Der badness off der verld iss hiss, I got 'im ven he vas dat schmall, But den he couldn't learn at all, It seems dot der more big he grows, Der more he plays and less he knows. Mine puppy, vot a funny dog, Hiss hair iss stif chust like a hog, Und like a hog, hiss nose iss vite, Vile his face iss black, black as de night, Hiss legs, it seems dey're out off wack 'Cause van iss vite und tree iss black. Mine doggie iss a awkward pup, Hiss tail hangs down, hiss head hangs UD, One leg in front iss kind off short, So he don't run der way he ort. But since dat kind of dog he'll be, He's just der kind off dog for me. Mine doggies, he chust bothers me, Und makes me mad as I can beg Sometimes he gits between mine legs, But I can't spank him 'cause he begs To have me stop und play mit 'im, So I take 'im to der lake to schvim. ' Vun day I went to der butcher shop, Und got some meat, but he ate it opp, I vent to spank 'im goot and hard, But der little pup looked up so scard, Dat I patted hiss head und let 'im go, But next time he does it won't be so. Der's many tings mine doggie does But I can't beat 'im for dem, 'cause Vot he does, he doesn't know, Or else he vouldn't do dem zo. Und after all I luff dat pup, Whose tail hangs down und head hangs up. Sunnet D. L. BIGGS, V With all due apologies to Shakespeare. When in disgrace in all the teachers' eyes, I all alone beweep my outcast state, And trouble my family with my use- less cries, And look upon that school and curse my fate. Wishing me like to one more rich in arts, Clever like him, like him with brains possest, Desiring this one's notes and that one's marks, With what I most desire provided least, Yet in my marks myself basely de- spising, Sadly I think on this-that at this rate, By summertime unless my marks keep rising, My examination money will vacate. For these sad things remembered, such grief brings, That then I fain would change the run of things.