Bryn Mawr College - Bryn Mawr Yearbook (Bryn Mawr, PA)

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Dialogue Between Two Paramoesia The scene is laid in the middle-western part of a hay-infusion and, more specifically, on the campus of Trichocyst University. The campus is deserted except for paramoesia X and Y, who are swimming in a slow spiral, close together. Both are noted professors. Dr. X.: I dreamed last night of heaven. Dr. Y. : My dear fellow, you ate too much at the faculty meeting last night. And yoj know coffee is bad for you. Dr. X. (abstractedly, as if his mind were on infinity): It was beautiful . . . pale amber . . . concocted of ambrosial hay . . . Dr. Y.: Ass! Dr. X. : And there was music. . . . Dr. Y.: You are a fool. Heaven is not a glorified hay infusion, it is a state of being. That is, if there is a heaven. Dr. X: Y, how can you doubt? You ' re mad to doubt. Don ' t you believe in God? Dr. Y: Well . not in one with long white cilia, anyway. (X laughs shortly. He is sorry jor Y, but annoyed at the same time. He is a fundamentalist, and believes in the special creation of paramoesia. He is, there- fore, a little worried about Y.) Dr. X: My dear Y, you talk like a modernist, — even (he lauqhs deprecattnaly) an — an evolutionist. Dr. Y (with a sudden defiance, as of one who has just decided to cross the Rubicon) Well, what of it? Why shouldn ' t I be an evolutionist? Dr. X (horrified): You don ' t believe . . . we come from . . . amoebae? Dr. Y (fiercely): Yes! Dr. X (perfectly aghast): My dear X! The faculty . . . Dr. Y: I ' m sick of hypocrisy! I don ' t believe God is a protozoan! I don ' t believe heaven is an amber hay infusion, well stocked with fat bacteria for our benefit! And you can tell all Trichocyst University if you want to Dr. X (horrified by his vehemence and apostasy): The University can t afford to keep atheists. You ' ll have to go. And j ' ou ' ll find it ' s pretty hard for an atheist professor to get a job. Decent people won ' t trust their children to him. (7 is just at this point thai malignant fate, functioning through Dr. Shrader, thrusts a pipette into the infusion. The rebellious Y happens to be directly in its path, and is drawn up into its maw preparatory to a cruel death. X stands petrified with horror and wonder.) Dr. X (awestricken): I have seen the judgment of God! God be merciful unto me, a miserable sinner. 14

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DE EVOLUTION!-: HRYNMAWRENSFS Experiment No. MCMXXVIII, A Subject: 118 undeveloped organisms, slightly blobby. Object: To ascertain reactions to environment. Predicate: ' ! Apparatus: 1 fertile campus, rain, sun, wind, etc. Assorted superior beings. Method: The 118 undeveloped organisms were suddenly submerged into a warm bath, perpendicularly projected from above in the form of Aqua Pluviosa. While immersed therein they exhibited great activity, moving with rapidity J HM i from clot to clot of indigestible activity. 1 For a considerable period of time, submerged, as they were, in a solution of insoluble problems, they were observed to be in a perpetual state of chaotic confusion. Gradually contacts were made, currents set up, relations formed. The first outward and visible signs of an inward and spiritual grace 2 were observed at 1-23-26, the moon being then at half quarter. At this period a bluish cocoon-like growth appeared on the 1 18 U. O. ' s, developing throughout a period of months until there emerged the first Independent Idea. The 118 U. O. ' s were seen to oscillate rhythmically, while some, in unprotoplasmic fashion, emitted shrill cries. The result of this interesting genetic process was a curious bodyless blue feline. After this first convulsion, the 1 18 U. O. ' s were seen to relapse into their former inactive plasmic state. Conclusions: Despite the inactive close of the experiment period it was felt that the 118 Undeveloped Organisms had potentialities toward differentiation and integration. After eight months in the environment they appeared perhaps more homogeneous, and slightly less undeveloped. 1 Freshmen are required to attend . Westminster Shorter Catechism. 15

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Oh to be in college Now thai guizz time ' s there, And whoever stays at college Jf akes, some morning, unaware That in Dalton ' s labs and Taylor hall On every desk lies a quiz book small, And a proj hides a grin with a furrowed brow In college — now! 15