Bryant Junior High School - Junior Life Yearbook (Minneapolis, MN)

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JUNE. 1925 39 SOME GETTING Jim: How is your radio. Joe? Joe: Why I got Italy so loud last night I could pick spaghetti off the aerial. A Brvant Junior: What did you do to your hair. Miss Farnam? Miss Farnam: Oh. cut it out! Is this a healthy town? asked a Chicago man of a native of a certain benighted region of the west. It sure is. replied the native. When I came here. I hadn't the strength to utter a word: I had scarcely a hair on my head: I couldn’t walk across the room, and I had to be lifted from my bed! That’s wonderful! exclaimed the innocent from Chicago. How long have you been here? I was born here. —Farm Life. Tramp: Your dog just bit a piece of flesh out of my leg. mum. Woman: Glad you mentioned it. I was just going to feed him. —Nabor News. There were three men: an Englishman. Frenchman, and an Irishman. They were arguing about which of their trains can go the fastest. The Englishman said: Our trains go so fast that the trees along the way. all look like a solid row of shrubbery. That’s nothing. said the Frenchman, Ours go so fast thit the telephone poles lo A like one great big wall. Then it was t;me for the Irishman to speak. He had been think:ng for some time and now he spoke up. Say. do you know how fast our trains travel? They go so fast that when they go past gardens of carrots, cabbages, onions, rutabagas and lakes they all look like soup! MIRACULOUS AIR Visitor: So you really think Yarmouth is a healthy place? Native: Healthy? Why we cure her- r-ngs here after they’re dead!—London Tit-Bits. THAT’S DIFFERENT The old gentleman met the ground w th a thud. A small boy who was watching burs into tears. Don’t cry. little man said the old gentleman. I’m not very much hurt’ “No. wh;rrpercd the youngster, but it w.i« my banana you slipped on!” Poet—Sav. bov. is the editor engaged? Bcv—I can’t say for sure, but they all tease him about it. Fond Mother—Ah! now you’re my little man WM:e f:n lone trousers)—And now. ma. can’t I call Dad Harrv? The deacon was passing the hat when Blobbs woke up. Blobbs looked stupidly at it for a second and said. Nope, t'ain’t mine. Do you ever have ringing sounds in your cars? Surely. I’m a telephone girl. He—Do you think absence makes the heart grow fonder? She—I don’t know, try it and sec. Say. Bill. I see our friend Doc has an auto. That so? Couldn't kill 'em quick enough, eh? Mrs.—Do you believe in vaccination? Neightbor—I surely do. It kept your daughter from playing the piano. Beautiful weather we're having, eh? I don't know. 1 haven't been out for fifteen minutes. Teacher in geography class— What causes the daily revolutions of the earth?” Willie— The bolsheviks, ma’am.” Did you know Mrs. Jones has the flu and not expected to live? No. how did she catch cold? She got her feet wet trying to find a place where rubbers were cheapest. Bing—They say electricity is life. Bang—Well, it isn’t at Sing Sing. Aunty must be awful careless, leaving her things about. Mamma said she’s got to go clear to California for her lungs. UP TO DATE Photographer— Watch, and you'll see a pretty little dicky bird come out.” Modern Child— Oh. don’t be silly—expose your plate and let’s get this over!” I have only just a minute. Only sixty seconds in it. Forced upon me—can’t refuse it Didn’t seek it. didn’t choose it. But it’s up to me to use it. I must suffer if I lose it. Give account if 1 abuse it. Just a tiny little minute— But a lesson might be in it. To those who talk and talk and talk This proverb should appeal. The steam that blows the whistle Will never turn the wheel. Young mother—John, for goodness sake take that knife out of baby's mouth. Father—Never mind, he’s cutting teeth.

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38 JUNIOR LIFE RIB BUSTERS UBIQUITOUS AMERICANS A group of tourists were looking over the inferno of Vesuvius in full eruption. Ain't this just like hell? ejaculated a Yank. Ah. zesc Americains. exclaimed a Frenchman. where have zey not been? —Bursts and Duds. LOST ON THE COUNT Mother: How many times have I told you to count 100 before fighting? Charles: That's what I did. but the other fellow's mother told him to count only ten. Said a lady to her husband. My dear, arc you quite comfortable in that corner? Quite, thank you. my dear. Are you sure there is plenty of room for your feet? Quite sure, love.” And no cold air from the window on your head?” Not a particle. darling. Then, my dear. I will change places with you!” A clergyman who was consoling a young widow upon the death of her husband, spoke in a very serious tone, remarking that he was one of the few. you cannot find his equal, you know.” To which the sobb:ng fair one replied, with an almost broken heart. “I don't know, but I'll try. NOW FRED. BE YOURSELF! Fred (in a hurry) : Operator, give me Grand 22 double 2! Operator: Grand 2222. Fred: Yes. and hurry. I'll play train with you some other time. NOT A LOCAL ICEBERG A nervous passenger approached the captain timidly. What would happen, sir.” she asked, if we struck a large iceberg? The iceberg would pass along as if nothing had happened. replied the captain. And the old lady was very much relieved. Scene—A cozy parlor, with dim burning lamp. Two persons sitting dose together on a couch—a man and a maid, of course. Suddenly the youth's ardor took a painful form. He burst into verse sighing: You are gladness, you are sunshine. You are happiness I trow: You are all to me. my darling. That is lovely here below. Not to be outdone, the fair damsel whispered : You are splendor, you are glory. You arc handsome, you are true: All there is this side of heaven I behold, my love, in you!” Raptures! But suddenly a gruff voice broke in on their bliss, as father said sternly from the doorway: I am lightning. I am thunder. I'm a roaring cataract: I am earthquakes and volcanoes. And I'll demonstrate the fact. And he proceeded to do so.—W. E. THE WILY WEED I have walked in summer meadows Where the sunbeams flashed and broke. But I never saw the cattle nor the Sheep nor horses smoke. I have watched the bird with wonder. When the world with dew is wet. But I never saw a robin puffing at A cigarette. I I have fished in many a river. When the sucker crop was ripe. But I never saw a catfish puffing at A briar pipe. Man's the only living creature that Parades this vale of tears. Like a blooming traction engine. Puffing smoke from nose and ears. If Dame Nature had intended, when She first invented man. that he'd smoke. She would have built him on a Widely different plan. She'd have fixed him with a stove-pipe. And a damper and a grate. And he'd had a smoke consumer that Was stri-'lly up to date.

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40 JUNIOR LIFE WOULD SHE? We read that women now carry mail as well as men. They might be called “Female Mail Men.” PAGING EDISON! Mary had a little cow And oh, how it did stutter. In place of every quart of milk It gave a pound of butter. NEXT MORNING? “How arc you feeling ol' man.” inquired the ward doctor of one of his patients. “Not so bad. doctor.” replied the patient, but my breathing troubles me.” “Well.” assured the doctor. “I’ll see if I can stop that tomorrow.”—Everybody’s. SO CONVENIENT Clerk—“Do you want a room for 25 cents or 50 cents?” Stranger—“What's the difference?” Clerk—“Well, we put a rat-trap in the 50-ccnt room. —Hamilton (Ont.) Herald. NOW AUNTIE! Bobby—“Ma. why don't hens have teeth?” Mother—' I hey don’t need them, dear: they have bills for teeth.” Bobby—“Aun: Kat: has a b ll for teeth. Is that the reason she's called an old hen?” One evening when Ac.'am was making love to Eve, she sighed. Adam asked her the trouble and she replied, If I were only sure that I am the only woman you ever loved.” ANOTHER TOPSY A friendly old lady passed a little child on the road feverishly making mud-pies. Questioning the little tot the woman finally asked: “And where were you born?” I wasn't born at all,” was the reply: ”1 got a step-mother.” ? ? ? ? Reporter— And in what State were you born, professor?” Professor— Unless my recollection fails me. in a state of ignorance. Reporter—“Yes. to be sure: and how long have you lived there?” POLITE Lucky I met you. old man. Can you lend me $5? No. I haven’t a cent with me.” And at home?” They arc all well, thank you.” WOMAN'S GREATEST WEAPON His wife—“What’s more. I saw you with yo-,.r bear'd of directors and I think the hat sht had cn was something awful. THERE’S ALWAYS THE FIRST-TIME There goes a man who has never lost a case. ”Wh3t is he—doctor, lawyer or bootlegger?”—Life. BETTER SALESMAN THAN POLITICIAN A former Speaker of the House once wired a fellow-politician to meet him in Pittsburgh. and the recipient, wishing to avoid what he feared might be an unpleasant interview. took advantage of interrupted communications. due to heavy rains, and replied: Sorry I cannot get to Pittsburgh. Washout on line.” The Speaker wired back: “Don't mind a little thing like that. Buy a new shirt and come on.” The politician kept the appointment.—Everybody’s Magazine. IN DAYS OF OLD Now children. said the teacher, write all you have learned about King Alfred, but don't say anything about the burning of the cakes: 1 want to find out what else you know.” Half an hour wee Jeanie handed in her effort: “King Alfred visited a lady at a cottage, but the less said about it the better.”—Tid-Bits (London). “As I was crossing a bridge the other day. said an Irishman. I met Pat O'Brien. 'O'Brien.’ says I. how are you?’ 'Pretty well, thank you. Brady.' says he. ’Brady.' says I. 'that's not my name!’ ’Faith,’ says he. 'and mine's not O’Brien. With that we again looked at each other, an' sure enough it was nayther of us.” LUCKY FRIENDS Father O'Flynn— But why did you pick a quarrel and fight with this man—a total stranger?” Barney— Sure. Yer Reverence, all me friends wor away.” REVISED ALGEBRA Mrs. Gottrichquikk (to visitor)— Yass. our little son Jamie is learning French and algebra, you know. Jamie, tell the lady how to say ‘Good morning’ in algebra.”— Chicago News. OUCH! The Model—“Mr. Jones wants me for a fine picture he’s going to paint. ‘Cleopatra and the Snake'. Her Rival—“Indeed! And who is he going to get for Cleopatra? WILLING WORKER Convict, did you steal that rug?” No. ycr Honor. A lady gave it to me and told me to beat it and I did.”