Browns Valley High School - Thunderbird Yearbook (Browns Valley, MN)

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 Who will win the election was the question on everyones lips. Everyone said would go down in history as a year of years. It was the first time Mars was being allowed a candidate for the Interplanetary Presidency. The major party in Mars had nominated David Lubbers, because after statistics, computations, guessing and personal periences they decided there were more women voters in the world than men, so aturally David, Gods gift to Women was the one candidate. As a reporter on the Interplantary Gazette I was assigned to report on the candidate expected to win. Climbing in my combination can opener and rocket car I decided to go to the center of all activity—Browns Valley—and see David personally. — About an hour after I had reached the suburbs of the Valley, I cruised into Beard- sley. There was a big crowd of twenty or thirty people in the middle of the street. Standing on a soap box in the center was Senator Gilbert Despiegler making a campaign speech for David. The party is having a conference to see it the Senators policy of kissing babes instead of babies is harming the honorable party or not. As long as I was in the Valley I decided to look up some of my former school friends. First I cruised up to school. They enlarged it a little. It now covers eight city blocks. I noticed a little camouflaged tent across the street. Thinking it must be an information booth, I walked over. Much to my surprise Leland Witte was peeking around the side. After several whispered questions I discovered he was selling absentee excuses and signed make-up slips to the kids. Outside of being run out of town several times his life was rather uneventful, but incidently very prosperous. My bewilderment was interrupted by the sound of a crash. I started to go and find out what had happened. Bid stopped me and said not to worry. It was Frank of Burleson and Burleson Body Shop. They have sort of a fifty-fifty-proposition. Frank Jr. smashes the cars and Frank Sr. unsmashes them. Frank Jr. got the idea when business slacked up and Frank Sr. had to stop Frank Jr.'s allowance. Seems his weekly trips to the Cities really run into money. I went into the new school to see if any of my old teachers were still there. As I looked over the directory I saw a name that looked familiar, Professor L. Fibranz. You must have read about his thrilling experiments in the paper. He recently figured out the puzzling question of how many miles a centipede walks with one leg in six and a half months disregarding friction. (Space will not permit me to write the answer.) I was informed by his receptionist that he was in conference with the centipede and couldn't be disturbed. The sound of hot jazz drew me over to the Philharmonic Symphony Hall. I was surprised to find our old student director, Jimmy Piechowski, directing the Sym- phony. There was quite a bit of controversy when he decided to change the name to Slim Jim's Hot Pokers . Noticing a Vacant clarinet chair I inquired about it. He said Francis Determan used to sit there but after his return from India he started charming snakes instead. Feeling the need for fresh air I went outside. A large cloud of dust was moving along the gutter. Upon closer investigation I discovered Bob Olson in the middle of it. I didn't want to appear too ignorant so I waited until he offered an explanation Seems he's in training for halfback on the Streetcleaners Football Team . A clean sweep is expected this year. Deciding a light snack would taste good I looked for a bakery. The K and J Bakery appeared to be a nice place so I entered. Kathleen Schwagerl was standing behind the counter looking at a large trophy. Upon inquiring she related how she, with the help of her husband Joe, invented the bisless bismark. The trophy was the Nobel Prize. The morning edition of the Valley Star wa3 lying on the counter. An article called | Rich Jerome's Almanac caught my eye. Looking closer I noticed it was written by Jerome Hoffman. It was a daily column that gave advice in the form of a motto. The i motto for the day was Sweep a girl off her feet and brush her under the rug . | As I looked across the street I noticed Patti Elsen going into the saloon. Thinking this a little unusual I decided to follow her. Much to my surprise the saloo —- wasn't a saloon. Patti turned it into an Original Dress Shoppe. Elaine Nelson, her

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ARTICLE XIX ---Since Fishty has already been willed the ability to oversleep, Arlene '. 1 Grimli is going to present hi® with her ability of running the mile to school- in three minutes flat ! XX ----Ethel Spir.dler is leaving her art of cracking gum to Darlene Sauer, whom she is sure will try her darnest to be as good as she was ! XXI --- Phil Ann Piechowski is giving her most prized possession, the art of reading comic books, to LeRoy Saxton knowing he’ll take pleasure in following in her footsteps. She offers a suggestion—look at the pictures it goes faster that way. XXII --Gilbert Despeigler feeling very much like sharing his talents is leaving two things to Lenole Mundy. First, his polished ability to speak at Banquets (hoping he’ll never break down under the strain), and second-—his talent as a painter (providing he doesn't ruin too many pair of shoes practicing!) XXIII—David Lubbers unwillingly g res his title of God's Gift to Women to all the Junior boys knowing they have uie talent to make top use cf it. XXIV --And Delores Starr is giving to the whole Junior Class her silence and obedient manner in which she attends all classes—knowing they sure can use it! XXV ---Wait! Last but not least is Gary Randall (who insisted he be last) who feels his sarcastic remarks should not go astray—-so he's going to lend—-merely lend them to Jerry Nigg for a year. XXVI— -To Mr. Shelver we leave the memories of our boisterous class—and many thanks for all the help throughout our High School days. XXVII— To Mr. Eambenek we leave the many unhappy hours we stayed after school. ARTICLE LTICLE ARTICLE ARTICLE ARTICLE ARTICLE ARTICLE ARTICLE , with our signatures hereof: |j| 4 , % jy-' 14

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H iMtimnvi nil'- 1 head model, was modeling Patti's latest creation, a medivial middy. ,A — I went out to my combination can opener and rocket car. It wouldn't start so I look- ed it over and discovered the crank on the can opener half of the combination can opener and rocket car was broken. I pushed it down to the Goodhart Blacksmith Shop and hunted around for the owner. I finally found Roger sitting in the corner writing his latest -------- etory for 'ITrue Confessions . He put down his story long enough to fix the crank. I decided to relax ty seeing one of those new sixth dimension movies. The latest screen discovery, Jane Jones, was portraying her life story. You probably remember her better as Burkarda Lewandowskl. For the sake of her fans she changed it to something easier to say. When I came out of the movie it was raining so I decided to have my hair fixed. Mes- dames Phyllis and Marlon's House of Beauty which is advertised in all leading magazines -1 was just down the street. I simply couldn't pass up a chance of seeing the two women who determined the hair styles of every woman in the universe. As I entered I was startled to hear a heated argument going on. With my ear next to the keyhole I couldn't help but hear what was happening. They were arguing about next year's style. Seems Phyllis favors the Crewy Lou while Marlon is more Inclined to the Gravel Gertie. I decided to come back later and meanwhile drive around the city and look the situation over. All of a sudden I noticed a big red bug on wheels heading towards me. I swerved over to the side of the road; the big red bug swerved too, then disappeared. ty combination can opener and rocket car started shaking violently. I jumped out to investigate and discovered something stuck in the cornier exhaust pipe. I pulled the big red bug out and to my amazement the side opened and out stepped a very angry Warren Roske. After he had calmed down he told me he had to hurry to the atomic commission to sell his box of canned atoms. Having settled j everything peacefully, I turned on my radio-radar set. Deloris Starr was giving her latest Helpful Home Hints . For examples How to remove the exhaust from an exhaust pipe or how to put up the new style sky hooks. Just little things that every housewife should know. A gigantic billboard was erected above the road at the end of the loop. It announced that Mr. and Mrs. Harold Spindler, Mrs. Splndler being the former Helen Spotts, were having a formal ball to introduce their four debutante daughters to society. The dance was being held at the Santa Grimilaya Dance Pavilion. Arlene Grimli, the owner, pur- chased the race track and built a dance hall on it. It is guaranteed to be the only floor in the world where you can waltz without twirling around. I moved my vehicle over to the side of the road so that the brass band could pass. Fulling up the rear was Mr. Virgil Tobeck, Esquire. He was just coming back from a deposit in his piggy bank, probably better known as Fort Knox. The Empire State Building is now the residence of Odell Hoffman, better known as Digger Odell, the friendly undertaker . Business suddenly started booming when Charlotte opened her new cafe. Everyone got ptomaine poisoning. It was getting late so I decided to look for a hotel. The Knight-Night Hotel look- ed quite nice so I went in. Glenda rushed over to see me and personally showed me to my four room suite. She suggested I go to the Moon Room and see her guest star for the evening, singer Gerry Kleindl. She sang, I Get Tears in MF Ears from Lying on My Back in !“5y Bed Crying Over You . I noticed a couple of very important looking Navy personal sitting on the side. u- They both looked vaguely familiar but I couldn't quite place them, so I asked the head waiter. He informed me that it was Ensign Ethel Spindler and Admiral Gary Randall. The both participated in the great Naval battle of Peever Slough. The Admiral moved a tack on the board everytime a ship was sunk; Ethel handed him the tacks. j The next morning I packed me into my combination can opener and rocket car and took I off. I was casually driving along when all of a sudden Darlene Ziemer passed me. That in itself isn't unusual, but the fact that she was running, is very odd. Several: seconds later a graduate from the class of '53 tore by. Completely bewildered by this t I speeded my little can opener up to 60 seconds per minute. Then, without warning, | another former school friend, now a farmer, passed me. I finally caught up to Darlene. She informed me that it was Hadie Sawkins Day. Hadie Sawkins Day is much the same as Sadie Hawkins Day except that the men chase the pfomen. I asked her if she 16