Brown University - Liber Brunensis Yearbook (Providence, RI)

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I T 0 W T BRYAN WELCOME TO THE CLASS OF 1981 From the Dean of Freshthings. Hi! So here you are at last! Well, let's have a look at you. Oh, shes a cute one alright. But what's wrong with that fellow's face? It is my happy task to remind you that your freshthing year should be one of exploration, hope and euphoria. Free of the anxiety, self-doubt, personal and professional troubles that will dog you all the rest of your days. The opportunities before you lay bound and gaggedit is up to you to take the best advantage of them. You might say that the train of learning embarks each and every day here at Brown, and there's a seat reserved just for you! But catching that train is your responsibility, and if you're negligent you'll get left behind at the station with a bunch of dirty bums who think Machiavelli is a cheap red wine. My colleagues and I are here to see that you catch that train. I used to say that the door to my office was always open, but it isn't anymore. After a month or so of the open door policy I didn't have any paper clips or pens or rubber bands. I mean, the things weren't just getting up and walking away, you know? So my door is pretty well shut these daysbut that doesn't mean my mind is closed. Oh, no. In fact you might say that all of us deans are kind of like revolving doors, ready to do you a good turn. So come see me if you have questions or problemsthe more personal, the better. When it comes to academics, I can't give you any road maps, or even a compass, though I do still have that helmet with the weather vane on top that some guys gave me back in my undergrad days. Maybe you'd like to see it, huh? Sure, anytime. Sincerely, Carey Mclntosh ROJ g PR ChSTRO DA - T.5 BURNHAM

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Vi ADRETCE T, halls and classrooms around the campus. From now on, students will be charged admission to all . f classes, though bargain discounts can be had if one buysa semesters worth of turnstile tokens. The 3 5 7 package will be $30 for humanities courses, $40 for interdisciplinary courses, and $50 for science 55 s i T B, RERKELHAMNIR, ; - . N f s . o 4 - H . courses. There will be no cover charge for discussion sections as long as a student arrives wearing a Brown T-shirt, sweatshirt, or any other article of clothing purchased at the university-owned bookstore. Tickets for Mid-Term and Final Exams will be $7.50 in advance and $8.50 on the day of the test. These tickets will be available at all the regular Ticketron outlets and at Stairway To Heaven, a headshop in Hartford, Connecticut. Outside the classroom certain other changes will apply in what we call the New Shakedown. There will be a service charge of $5 for the grading of papers with an additional 25c for each written comment. Counseling from the Deans, Chaplains, or Professors will be done by appointment only and a fee will be charged per half hour. It is advised that students who will be in need of such aid on a frequent basis subscribe to Brown CrossBrown Shield, the university's socio-academic in- surance plan, which can cover up to $600 a month in counseling bills. There will be pay toilets in every bathroom, pay phones in every room, and a charge for court and field time at all university athletic facilities. Sounds bad, huh? You bet it is. Oh, by the way, do be sure to fill out your Security Protection Form S.P.F. and send it in with your check or moncy order. None of us here in University Hall would like to see anything happen to you or that nice stereo and record collection. Yours for a dollar ninety-five, 7 i Howie Swearer 1, il P Bore

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THE NEW CURRICULUM NITTY GRITIY Well, we guess it's about time you got let in on the real lowdown about the curriculum. Like the eight classes before you, it is your responsibility to keep our little campus secret. Of course, if you decide not to, go ahead, tell the world, but don't expect to last any longer than a balloon animal in a needle factory. The Curricular Police C.P.s as they are called around campus will hunt you down to a place where there are no more doors to hide behind, no more dark corners to crawl into. They'll freeze-dry your tongue so you'll talk like the roof of you mouth is made of wool and your tongue is velcro. Who's going to be- lieve you then? And sure, they'll let you go off wherever you please, but they'll write you a transcript so bad that the only job you'll ever get is hosing down the anteater cage at some third-rate pet-and-feed Mafia front children's 200. Now that we've gotten that all straight let's get down to it. You probably remember pretty well the New Curriculum as it was talked about in those brochures and at college nights. For many of you it was probably pretty crucial in terms of your choosing Brown. It sounded almost too good to be true didn't it? Well, it isn't. You see back in 69 when a lot of students were pushing for curricular reform, led by an educational Ralph Nader by the name of Ira Magaziner, the old crew on the Board of Trustees started getting a little bit nervous. On the other hand, they couldn't let Magaziner and his faggot-commie reformers turn us into Anarchy Inc. On the other hand, after some extensive capital improvements that had drawn heavily on the liquid endowment, they were still idling along in terms of drawing an appli- cant pool competitive with the Big Three. Things were pretty gloomy one night at the Board meeting until James Nailbaum, a lesser- known trustee who made a fortune off bean bag chairs and star fish paper weights, rose and suggested that, we publicly surrender and privately apply the thumb screws! When asked to articulate, the portly Nailbaum, whose own front had given him the idea for his best- selling furniture, outlined the course of action that was subsequently taken. Magaziner and other reform leaders were quietly paid off with life-long stipends and a secret office of the Curricular Police was established. E. Howard Hunt and Charles Colson, experienced at undercover law enforcement, were co-chair- men of the original alumni advisory commit- tee. At a closed meeting, the plan was an- nounced to the faculty and those objecting to it were told they would be refused tenure. Publicly it appeared that the New Curricu- lum had been swallowed in a miraculous liberal leap of faith. Sure enough, with the promotion of the new hip curriculum, the Brown Admission Office moved e . T PTCOHEN