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Page 15 text:
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do you think the guy at the law school admission office is gonna think? That right after Soc. 42 the secretary fell asleep on the 'power return button and woke up again in time to type Poli. Sci. 116 eight lines later? Don't kid yourself. Besides, what's so secret about an internal transcript. They print them up and sent them out to you with your Fall registration 53 .74 K. D. KASTLER packet. Your internal transcript is about as secret as the flip side of a hit .45. There are secretaries up in the registrar's office who have to have personal secretaries themselves just to keep up with all the blackmail correspond- ence. So don't think that NC will go un- noticed. It'll go about as unnoticed as a missing john at a Laxative Bake-Off. 51 T3 KATHAN 27 i7.7v RM HULLEY eetd E THe Son 7.7 H. . JANNASCH, 1
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Page 14 text:
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your sophomore year there will be an assembly of your class in Mechan Auditorium. Each student in turn will be called to the podium to announce over the public address system hisher choice and why heshe chose it. The tradtional ceremony of declaration concludes as the President of the College mutters some Latin and stamps the name of your chosen field on your forehead with indelible ink. Of course, your concentration can be changed at any time up until five minutes before grad- uation. The Change of Concentration Cere- mony is conducted every two weeks on the steps of the John Carter Brown Library. We won't go into detail about it except to say that it involves some more Latin and a scouring pad. Because the number of people who enlist in a given concentration program over time dictates the strength of that program with respect to number of faculty, faculty salaries, facilities, and so on, all the different depart- ments are very eager to attract new cerebral fluid. Therefore, prior to Declaration Cere- monies, there are numerous departmental Open Houses which everyone on campus refers to as Academic Rush Nights. Faculty wine and dine the students, offer unlimited deadline extensions, test curves that look like a high water mark, open answer-book exams, as well as luxurious housesitting situations, free use of cars, and so forth. Over the years, these rush nights have become pretty notorious affairs. One at the Depart- ment of Egyptology two years ago was broken up by police tipped off that professors were making tea out of sacred supernatural tana leaves for the three students who had shown up. By the time the cops arrived on the scene the whole lot of them had wrapped themselves up in ace bandages and were milling around, dragging one foot, yelling, We're mummies! We're mummies! It is not a very pleasant situation and there are some students who take advantage of it by playing bluffs, declaring for one major while surreptitiously pursuing another. We wouldn't suggest trying this as the Curricular Police are pretty tough on the ones they catch at it. You'll end up looking like you tried to stop an escalator with your face. GRADE OPTIONS SatisfactoryNo credit, you mean you rcally went for that pap? Exploration for exploration's sake! Pah! You think ABC runs every reel of film Jacques Cousteau sends them? And how would you like it if the U.S. Government graded your meat SNC? Satis- factoryNo Credit. Aw, isn't that cute, how about Quite AcceptableNice Try or Fairly GoodRather Bad, or are those too rough for you? Well, EGads, the truth of the matter is SmartDumb so let's peel off the semantic white gloves and knuckle down to some brass tacks. First of all, there's all this baloney about No Credit and how a failure doesn't appear on your external transcript but what does ap- pear on your transcript when you fail a course is a white smear that looks like a Jackson Pol- lack snow scene. Basically, the lady in the reg- istrars office flings down some correcto goop and there's a gap in your course report big enough to drive a dump truck through. What
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