Brown University - Liber Brunensis Yearbook (Providence, RI)

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THE NEW CURRICULUM NITTY GRITIY Well, we guess it's about time you got let in on the real lowdown about the curriculum. Like the eight classes before you, it is your responsibility to keep our little campus secret. Of course, if you decide not to, go ahead, tell the world, but don't expect to last any longer than a balloon animal in a needle factory. The Curricular Police C.P.s as they are called around campus will hunt you down to a place where there are no more doors to hide behind, no more dark corners to crawl into. They'll freeze-dry your tongue so you'll talk like the roof of you mouth is made of wool and your tongue is velcro. Who's going to be- lieve you then? And sure, they'll let you go off wherever you please, but they'll write you a transcript so bad that the only job you'll ever get is hosing down the anteater cage at some third-rate pet-and-feed Mafia front children's 200. Now that we've gotten that all straight let's get down to it. You probably remember pretty well the New Curriculum as it was talked about in those brochures and at college nights. For many of you it was probably pretty crucial in terms of your choosing Brown. It sounded almost too good to be true didn't it? Well, it isn't. You see back in 69 when a lot of students were pushing for curricular reform, led by an educational Ralph Nader by the name of Ira Magaziner, the old crew on the Board of Trustees started getting a little bit nervous. On the other hand, they couldn't let Magaziner and his faggot-commie reformers turn us into Anarchy Inc. On the other hand, after some extensive capital improvements that had drawn heavily on the liquid endowment, they were still idling along in terms of drawing an appli- cant pool competitive with the Big Three. Things were pretty gloomy one night at the Board meeting until James Nailbaum, a lesser- known trustee who made a fortune off bean bag chairs and star fish paper weights, rose and suggested that, we publicly surrender and privately apply the thumb screws! When asked to articulate, the portly Nailbaum, whose own front had given him the idea for his best- selling furniture, outlined the course of action that was subsequently taken. Magaziner and other reform leaders were quietly paid off with life-long stipends and a secret office of the Curricular Police was established. E. Howard Hunt and Charles Colson, experienced at undercover law enforcement, were co-chair- men of the original alumni advisory commit- tee. At a closed meeting, the plan was an- nounced to the faculty and those objecting to it were told they would be refused tenure. Publicly it appeared that the New Curricu- lum had been swallowed in a miraculous liberal leap of faith. Sure enough, with the promotion of the new hip curriculum, the Brown Admission Office moved e . T PTCOHEN

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I T 0 W T BRYAN WELCOME TO THE CLASS OF 1981 From the Dean of Freshthings. Hi! So here you are at last! Well, let's have a look at you. Oh, shes a cute one alright. But what's wrong with that fellow's face? It is my happy task to remind you that your freshthing year should be one of exploration, hope and euphoria. Free of the anxiety, self-doubt, personal and professional troubles that will dog you all the rest of your days. The opportunities before you lay bound and gaggedit is up to you to take the best advantage of them. You might say that the train of learning embarks each and every day here at Brown, and there's a seat reserved just for you! But catching that train is your responsibility, and if you're negligent you'll get left behind at the station with a bunch of dirty bums who think Machiavelli is a cheap red wine. My colleagues and I are here to see that you catch that train. I used to say that the door to my office was always open, but it isn't anymore. After a month or so of the open door policy I didn't have any paper clips or pens or rubber bands. I mean, the things weren't just getting up and walking away, you know? So my door is pretty well shut these daysbut that doesn't mean my mind is closed. Oh, no. In fact you might say that all of us deans are kind of like revolving doors, ready to do you a good turn. So come see me if you have questions or problemsthe more personal, the better. When it comes to academics, I can't give you any road maps, or even a compass, though I do still have that helmet with the weather vane on top that some guys gave me back in my undergrad days. Maybe you'd like to see it, huh? Sure, anytime. Sincerely, Carey Mclntosh ROJ g PR ChSTRO DA - T.5 BURNHAM

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into a five-story mansion on Prospect Street and the applications began pouring in. Appli- cations from kids who previously looked upon Brown like one looks at a limping dausc- hound. Applications from kids with strong beautiful bodies and firm robust minds. Appli- cations from kids from all over the country, weaned on buttons that said Do Your Own Thing and If It Feels Good - Do It! kids like you, kids who didn't want general distribution requirements. Since this latter deception may be the toughest to handle, let's lay it right on the line. There are required courses. Not a lot of them, only 26 out of the 56 needed to graduate. 56 courses? I thought the book said 28 courses . . . Well? --- Shut up! SHUT UP! 28 courses?! You really believed that? You never asked if it was 'times two, did you? --- No, I, uh . .. --- 'That's enough, then. These required courses are in areas that the Universitys politically influ- enced Committee on Educational Policy feels are necessary to give substance to a truc liberal education. Among the 26 are Cardboard and The Industrial Revolution, Cheap Motel Management, Sports Statistics, The Production and Marketing of Bean Bag Chairs and Star Fish Paperweights, Yacht Design, Rainy Day Economics, A Semiotic Analysis of Made-For- Television Motion Pictures, and Curing the Hiccups: An Interdisciplinary Approach. The total course load works out to about seven per semester. To remain in good academic standing you are required to complete 14 courses by the end of Freshman Year, 27 by the end of sophomore year, 53 by the end of Junior year, and 79 by the end of your Senior year. Hey, I thought you said 56 courses in all? WHAT DID YOU SAY? uh . .. s6 courses, sir? Butterbrain, marmalade mind, syrup cerebrum --- what do you think this is a candy store! This is the Ivy league, buster. Those 56 courses arc the ones you take. The number 79 stands for the tuition credits, that's what you pay us! ' Of course, those num- bers are flexible and like the squadron com- mander in Catch-22 your dean may decide you need a few more course credits or, more likely, a few more tuition credits to get that sheepskin. PICKING A MAJOR As far as majors go, you shouldn't see your definition of an intensive specialized narrow periscopic nit-picking exclusive nearsighted hyper-focused field of study as limiting, rather you'll be making your own niche in the world of academics in much the same way as an ostrich at the beach. How do you go about creating your major program? Well, upon your arrival you will be given the name of your concentration advisor. The best places to go to find this person are the city morgue, the Missing Person's Bureau, or in the Home for the Criminally Out of Touch. If you can find them, your conferences with these people will be the intellectual equivalent of riding a see-saw with a bag of feathers on one end. Nevertheless, if you show them where and help to steady their hand they can sign your course card and start you on your way. Now, how do you go about declaring major? At the end of your