Brigham Young University - Banyan Yearbook (Provo, UT)

Page 26 text:

THE great chemist. Life, scratched her head. In her laboratory, the B. Y. U., she had a difficult problem to solve. One hundred and thirty-nine green substances for analysis, each with a different com- position. They must be tested for energy, ambition, and stick- to-it-iveness. After treating each with a few c. c. of Music, Art, History, or Educa- tion and Philosophy, as the case demanded, all were placed in the great beaker, The Freshman Class of 1913-1914 and general treatment was begun. The soluble, or the inefficient and faint-hearted, were to be separated from the insoluble. This must be done by throwing them into solution and filtering them out. To the entire mass was added a few c. c. of Homesick- ness, a little Discouragement, a few c. c. of dilute Lack of Funds, a few drops of Undesire and numerous other compounds. This process was con- tinued until the Spring of 1914. The dhemist now stirred the mass vigor- ously with the glass rod. Commencement Examination, and poured it into the filtering funnel, then stepped back by Father Time to await results. By Fall the soluble and insoluble had separated. The residue of the Freshmen filtration was the Sophomore Class of 1914-15. The great chemist looked upon this residue with pride and satisfaction. Over forty had proved insoluble. These she carefully placed in the various beakers as before and again began individual treatment. She must make sure that none of the soluble had remained and must test them aJl for genuine worth. Into some beakers she added concentrated Lack of Funds, into others she poured Offers of Positions, and into others that most sol- vent of all her chemicals. Matrimonial Tendencies. During this treatment the different members were at times brought to- gether in groups and treated collectively. When bathed in a solution of School and Social activities they were found to be vigorous and enthu- siastic. Shaking them vigorously in a Sleigh Ride, or Street Car Ride only helped to weld them together. Each time that they were brought together their resistant power was increased by heating them over the bunsen flame, Class Spirit. AU of these treatments only served to unite them more strongly. The great chemist ' s work for this year is nearly finished. She has placed the forty-six members into a great vessel and is now stirring them with the rod, Ambition and Hope. Expert scientists of the laboratory say that when next October comes ' round for the chemist ' s report, every Sopho- more will be here to a man, ready to stand any further test that the great chemist has in store for him. 28