Bridgewater State University - Alpha Yearbook (Bridgewater, MA)

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24 THE NORMAL OFFERING f'Well now, old horse,- I began. Who said horse, interrupted Miss I-I-ch-t, with a start. What's d' matter wit her. asked Dooley. Oh, I replied, that's only a nerve sign. She is something of a connoiseur in horse flesh, but by tacit assent, she has promised to cease her use of id, Qshe had a cold when she said ity Well, I took Dooley up to the Chem. recitation, where he was much inter- ested in the production of I-12S by M-lsls patented process, but he thought it high time to disappear, when she wanted to borrow his watch glass for an evaporating dish. I didn't see him again till after the recitation, when I found him in the sanctum violently chewing the rag with Editor Leonard, of the OFFERING, on the relative merits of a four and a six years' course in Latin, for the public schools. Dooley had a half mince pie in his mouth, and another in his left hand. QL. had just received a box and was getting rid of ity In his right hand he held a glass of liquid, Qthere were bottles in the boX,j and he was writing his arguments on a blackboard, with his foot. Leonard had just recapitulated for the seven- teenth time. I came back in an hour and pried them apart. Dooley said, he hadn't had sich a shindy sence the time in Aarchy Rood when- Come over to school, said I interrupting them, we,ll have a class meeting, and introduce you to all the People,-with a Cap P. So messengers were sent all over the Campus and Other Localities and in one hour, mirabile dictu, we rounded up the President. What, said Dooley, is aal d' goils sick? How 'd yez catch 'im ? H wherein he showed again his coaching. When Dooley got up to make a speech, and spoke of lofty aims and high ambitions, how Miss C-r-n and Miss I-I-l-d blushed and drew themselves up to their full height. And that night, they went out on top of the school- house, and not having a wagon of their own handy, hitched one of Mr. Cole's, the druggist, to a star, where it can be seen to this day,-at night. At the reception which followed while my friend was being duly presented to all the members of the Section, when we came to Miss B-ne, he said, Saay, Oi thot yez didn't allow outsoiders insoidef' Thereupon the lady, with much warmth responded, Well I guess I do belong to Section B, so there, Don't I Mr. Smith? That scared Dooley so that he could with difficulty be re- strained from crawling into the bookcase. For some reason or other, the rest of the Section hadn't shown up, so after I had allowed Dooley to spring a few idiophantasmagoricillities, we adjourned. Now then, Dooleyf' said I, there are a few more people, whom I want to meet before you go, for you'll never get into such an atmosphere of intellectual- ity again. Aall right, he replied, Hpraisint me till this wan, indicating a person coming up the walk. The crowd of B's, who had followed us, perceived with horror thata member of the faculty had been mistaken for a member of Section B,-a crime in our eyes even greater than to be a Special. As one man, they pounced on my friend, with cries of, Lobster! Kill him l Soak him ! Boil him l Eat him alive I etc. I

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THE NORMAL OFFERING 23 a cyecizbn 2. SUMNER W. CUSHING, u 'pm-5,',fg,,g ETHEL BOYDEN, - . Vzke-P1'esz'r!e1zZ ELSIE E- TURNER, Sec1'ez'a1gf-Tffeaszww' CHARLES P. SAVARY, ....... Hzkfprzkm Cfass Colors-Gola' and Black. V, p Y friend Dooley visited Section B, the other day. He 5 stayed only one afternoon, but he saw enough and learned enough to make his eyes stick out. He got here just j after dinner,-I had invited him to come then for economic if reasons,-and I took him into the Dutch recitation. Now Henessey, or someone, must have coached Dooley up pretty well, for he seemed to know all about the people. The minute he got inside the door, he said Shoa me the bootcher will yez. The which? said I, whom the deuce do you mean ? Sure, he replied, it's Smith I mane, ain't they afther caallin' him the' champeen cutter av the class? Or is ut becuz he saws wood ? just .as I was about to give Dooley a violent call down, Bill came in, Philistine in hand. Dooley shouted, Dere he is, begob, Oi' knew he was a bootcher, will yez look at de brown papie. Well about then Kirmey shut the door with a slam, which jarred Dooley so, that it was hard to keep him from Hsmashin' d' mug aff di dufferf' I After Dutch I asked Dooley if he wouldn't look around a little, while I plugged up on Chem, and he started down the corridor. In three minutes he was back, white as a ghost and as breathless. Begob, he gasped, taake me me out av ut, taake me out av ut. What's the matter now? I inquired. Will, said he, Iwuz jist agoin' tru d' chamber av horrors. The what ? said I. Oh, said he, thot room jist forninst, wit aall d' did min 'n 'tingsf' Of course I immediately understood that he mean tthe Physiological and Zoologi- cal Lab., and said so. Will I wuz agoin' tru ut, annyhow, whin Oi heard some- Wan taalkin'-a goil ut wuz,-taalkin' till 'ersilf. 'Noa not this waltz,' siz she. 'Th' nixt wan is yures,' siz she. Oh, I replied, that was no doubt Miss I-I-ch-n who had fallen asleep. I understand she sometimes talks that way. Dooley began to look round the room. Say, heasked, Hwhos' d' tin guy, indicating Sinnott, who was bending in anxious study over his Astronomy. 4'Oh, that's Sinnottf' I answered, he's not to be disturbed. I-Ie's trying to get through this year and he has to make up for the time he lost in taking the census. 4' Oi heard he had a pull wit d' faculty, said Dooley, and bc d' look, Oi' shud saay ut 'ud be a hard pull fer 'im.

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THE NORMAL OFFERING 25 After I had lent Dooley my overcoat we continued our tour. We met Miss R-ke walking down the campus. Her eyes, fixed straight before her, had ap- parently no power of perception, as with vacant expression, her lips seemed to form Words 3 but no sound came forth. Dooley made a break for the other side of the pond. Is she off th' throl1ey?H he asked. Oh no, I replied, only going over to-morrow's Gym lesson. Oh sure, was the rejoiner, it's a fool Oi am. It's often Oi've heard till av mintal gymnastics but Oi niver saaw anny av thim befoarf' - Down by the pond we found Miss T-n-r. I-Ier back was towards us, and a bunch of stubbly growths on each side of her head, gave a most remarkable appearance. Some were furnished with tufts of hair, and on the whole the ap- pearance vvas something like a cat's head back to. Begob wot's she coin, said Dooley, and added trembling Is she a B? At the sound Miss T-n-r turned. ,She was painting and her mouth was full of brushes, and she had to swallow them to speak. What's thot ? asked Dooley, pointing to a greenish blue, corona like appearance in the background of the sketch. That, frigidly replied the artist, is foliage. Oh, remarked my friend in a subdued tone. I took him home and thawed him out. We couldn't find Miss B-d-n who was busy setting her Vergil to music. She always thought it came easier that way. Dooley is something of a musical genius himself, having once memorized the whole of Throw him down McCluskey, to sing at a barkeepers' ball. We didn't see Miss G-f-d either. She was down advising Miss Hicks and the Model School teachers as to the proper means of keeping the Section B boys in subjection and of improving their penmanship. Finally Dooley said, Will Oi'm glad it's toime ter goa,--but yez needn't think yez can fule rne, Oi wants ter see aal th' mimbers av Section B. But you have, I told him. Ye're another, he said, where's this Lubber, er Tubber, er wot iver 'is naarne is P Then I had to explain to him that Elbert Hubbard, is only an honorary member and spends most of his time abroad. Well when the time came for Dooley to depart, the Big Four, in a true patriotic spirit gave him a ride to the depot. It was a glorious send off, sur- passed only by that accorded a member of the Four, once before. At the end of his ride, Dooley was visibly moved, and fell on his neck Qwe all fell on our necksj and wept,-tears of joy.