Brattleboro Union High School - Colonel Yearbook (Brattleboro, VT)

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20 THE DIAL importance of learning the fundamentals of that lan- guage. While we are listening tb the Frenchies recite, an ear-splitting scream disturbs the musty atmosphere as the new school nurse-THELMA FARRINGTON- corners another innocent freshman in the library. Be- cause of the great excitement caused by Thelma's tactics, our beloved librarian-PHYLLIS AUSTIN-has been forced to move into the hall. Out in the front yard we find NORMAN HENRY, the school janitor, mowing the lawn. Norm's deep devotion to the old, trembling institution forced him to return. ENOUGH has been said about Brattleboro, and now we go back to our ocean-going vessel. As we non- chalantly listen to the waves slapping against the boat, we can't help thinking of the misfortune that the two CULVER boys, BOB and SKIP, met at the class picnic many years ago. They were trying to lay a telephone cable across Spofford Lake, but they proved too easy prey for the sharks. Poor unfortunate devils! Tossed about by the waves on the port side, a tiny rowboat bounds over the brine. Lashed to the main mast is our ruddy skipper, BARBARA QI didn't take modern history, Mr. Miller, butj BERRY on her way to Ni- agara Falls, where she and NEIL WAITE plan to go over the falls in a wheaties carton. If Barbara survives this tremendous feat, she will be able to return to Brattleboro to view the gigantic sixty-five-feet-high statue of herself. It was built by the WILSON contractors, RICHARD and ROBERT, and reposes on the high school lawn. The next major city we visit is the metropolis of Honolulu. Roaring through the streets in their city serv- ice taxi are HAZEL CAMERON, SHARON BOWEN, and ARLENE RETZ. These three daredevil drivers came to this place because their licenses were suspended in the forty-eight states. Their chief customer is HOWARD Babyface BAKER, who was sent there as an envoy of the United Nations. Sitting under a palm tree strum- ming his ukalalie is PEANUT GAUTHIER, serenading a group of hula dancers. As we look over this bevy of enticing females, a few familiar faces catch our atten- tion. In the first row we recognize VIOLA GREEN, JOYCE HARDING, MIRIAM HUNTLEY, ELEA- NOR BROWN, JEANNIE SPENCER, and IRENE BROOKS. Peanut and his delegation sailed for the South Seas a number of years ago, because their talents were not appreciated on Broadway. Hanging from an- other Palm tree, DICK NORTHRUP' adds the melody with his rendition of the Flight of the Bumblebeef, Dick made a fortune in the states by playing to packed dance halls, charging 36.50 a couple, but soon he tired of all this and came to Honolulu. In a thatched hut, DONALD TYLER sells carbonated cocoanut juice. Down the road a big, red building towers above' the palms. A crowd of natives wait anxiously outside the door of the new branch of the A 8: P stores. Ready to unbolt the front entrance is that ex-convict, JOHN JOSEPH HILL the 3rd, Jack had slaved for many years under his former employer, Mr. Pacific, commonly known as ALFIE HAUS, before starting out on his own. He now employs Alf1e,' as his no. 1 bagger and basket weaver. BECAUSE our next stop is Lower Slobbovia, we have decided to sell the boat to a native and use the money for a second-hand jeep. As we wave goodbye to the friendly natives and start our long trip across the mountains, we think once again of Brattleboro and its numerous nightclubs. The most outstanding of these is Henry's Fruitland, now owned by ANTON CAMPA- NELLA and his thirteen sons. Anton started in here as soon as he got out of high school and has been gradually working up to his present position. Sitting around read- ing the latest comic books are his three able dish- washers-VIRGINIA SINIUK, JEANETTE BROWN, and JANET CORBETT. The door opens and in walks Mr. and Mrs. JEAN URKO and family, some of An- ton's best customers. Down on lower main street, reposing in his little dark room of the Latchis theatre, sits ALAN WATERMAN -the new projectionist. Alan picked up this handy trade many years ago while working for Paul Stockwell in the physics room. Getting back to our journey to the isolated boundaries of Lower Slobbovia, we find that the going begins to get rough. We now have to resort to snowshoes because of the increasing amount of snow and ice. At times the Out- look is hopeless, but when things look darkest, we see rushing out of the snowfiurries KEITH ABBOTT, with his portable sandwich-bar. He and his helpers-ELEA- NOR MARTELLE, CHARLOTTE NEAL, MARILYN NICHOLAS, RITA CASTINE, and SHIRLEY BRY- ANT-have travelled through these mountain ranges for years, saving poor, unfortunate souls from sure de- struction. After we have thanked him profusely for his kind services, we start once more on our itinerary. Time begins to fly, and before we know it, the smoke- stack of the Lower Slobbovian mink factory comes into sight over the hills. Standing in the street waiting to greet us is NANCY LOFSTEDT, who, after graduat- ing from Amherst with flying colors, came to this deso- late outpost to teach the Lower Slobbovians the funda- mentals of English. Judging from their welcome, it seems that Nancy has done a remarkable job. Pulling up in front of the BROWN hotel, which is run by RIP himself, we walk in and sign the register, at the same time ringing for a bellhop. Much to our surprise, FRANCIS FREEMAN reports promptly to the desk and transports our luggage to the dungeon. As we pro-

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CLASS PROP!-IECY WOOF! Woof! Since we've been chosen as the for- tune tellers for the dead-end kids of '49, we have solemnly vowed to do our utmost to make this prophecy ring as true as possible. Furthermore, we have tried vainly to make these future happenings humorous as well as interesting. Any resemblance to people living or dead in 10 or 15 years-well, they are better off dead! Gazing vaguely about, we notice a brand new garage owned by none other than JEAN PIKE, ably assisted by her right hand man, DOUG LINCOLN. Jean had al- ways wanted to have a gas station in Washington, so now he's happy. We find sitting in his 1942 Mercury, waiting for gas, the President of the United States, ROBERT HADLEY GIBSON. . Bob swore he'd never be Governor, so he finally agreed to be President, find- ing no available jobs as city dogcatcher. As we look more closely, we see CHAUNCEY WORTHLEY sitting at the wheel of the six-door Mercury, serving as active chauffeur for the President. Flash!! COOKE'S barn in West Brattleboro has just burned down, forcing ninety-two of her prize Heifers out into the cold. Through the charred ruins skips HERBERT SONNY SANDERSON, JR. with his Kodak strapped to his side. Sonny, come back here this instant and put on your overshoes! Yes, Popsie! Clanging up the road in his scooter-bike comes Fire Chief HAROLD GOOFY GALE, just in time to save the ninety-third Heifer from sure destruction! Now the scene switches to New York, where we find ALICE THAYER directing a group of thirty-five prom- ising ballerinas in the Stork Club, including such no- tables as DORIS WYMAN, ROSE MARIE BUSH, BARBARA HUDSON, BARBARA BURRINGTON, MARY BUX, WINIFRED CROSS, and those two JOHNSON girls, BARBARA M. and BARBARA G. Alice has finally hit the big time after thirteen years of faithful practice in Arkansas. Sitting behind a stork, peering moodily at his customers, is the new owner, WILFRED DEYO. Wilfred, having sold his three-hun- dred-acre ranch in Mexico, decided to come to New York for a well-earned rest. Now we rush over to the Yankee Stadium where we find the New York Yankees, led by their sensational 400 hitter, KENNY TATRO, lashing the Junior Recs by a score of 23-6. Kenny has been averaging three home runs a game for the last three months, thereby forcing Tommy Heinrich out of the line-up. Out in the right field bleachers we see a burly fan beating a helpless Red Sox admirer over the head with her umbrella. Why, itls PRISCILLA YEAW, the new groundskeeper for the Yankees! Prill said that if she couldn't play ball, this would be the next best thing to it. Picking up the bat- tered Red Sox rooter, we find that it is none other than FRANNY LAROSA, who through the years has re- mained faithful to the Boston cause. Racing around the stands with a burlap bag slung over his shoulder is PAUL ROBINSON, collecting bottle caps. The manage- ment has promised that for every 5,000 caps he is en- titled to see a game free. This will eliminate all drilling of holes in the fences. OR a change in scenery, we shall now cross the ocean I:to Paris, France. This boat which we are on is one of the luxurious fleet of liners owned and operated by KENNETH VAN COR-one of the four top rear- admirals in the world. Floating around in the bilge water below deck is DAVID FRANCOIS GENERO on his way to ze casbah. David has a promising future in the field of French bathing suits. His six leading models also swimming in the hold are SHIRLEY ULMER, those two SMITH girls-SHIRLEY and EVELYN- BRYAN GRAVES, DIANE WHITE, and SHERMAN WRIGHT. J We now approach London, England, where we find two of our former classmates-JOHN DURESS and BOB SEBERT. They are now part owners of the Downy Down Race Track which grossed 33,000,000 last year. John and Bob have been interested in horses ever since they left the ancient halls of B. H. S. They attrib- ute their success to the efforts of their expert jockeys, ART YEAW, who learned this skillful trade while plowing his fields in Guilford, and MARCIA WHI- TAKER. ' Having used up most of our money, we decided that it is best to move on to our next stop, Africa. We are well represented in these wilds by STANLEY fme and Frank Bucklj ANDERSON, who owns a little, thatched hut on the Nile River. Stanley came to Africa to hunt lions and tigers for a little peace and quiet. He never seemed content in the boisterous town of Brattleboro. Speaking of Brattleboro, we see sitting in the office of the little, red school house on the hill the new principal, HERMON fwith an ELMER JOHNSON. He took his position as a result of an accident which oc- curred in the main room. It seems that Mr. Wiggin fell through the floor while delivering a speech to the stu- dent body. Unfortunately, Mr. Miller, standing on the same faulty board, plummetted down toward the inner recesses of the dungeon, trying to save Uncle,' Joe. Be- cause of this lugubrious tragedy, Uncle Carl's shoes were filled by YONNIE BALLAS, the new sociology teacher. As long as we're here, we might as well see if there are any other new additions to the B. H. S. faculty. Up on the third fioor we see smoke pouring out of the chemistry room, where mad-scientist IRISH is trying to think of a more exciting way to test metals. Ever since graduation, POLLY has been trying to outdo Einstein and his theories. Down on the second floor, JUDY BANKS is drilling her 5th period French class in the

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THE DIAL 21 ceed down the spiral stair case, we spy another Brattle- borian-STACIA JUSCEN-the chamber maid. Stacia has been director of athletics at Lower Slobbovia High for the past thirteen years while also holding down her job at the hotel. All in all, we have a good representa- tion in this town, but, because of the lack of time, we are forced to depart by dogsled for another community. AVING grown tired of the cold weather, we are com- '-l pelled to head for a warmer climate. The most logical choice, we agree, is Florida. Floating over the waves on her water wings is that renowned columnist and poet-NANCY FITZGERALD. She has been re- siding in this sunny state ever since a talent scout dis- covered her natural tendency toward poetry and her ability to write short stories. Practicing on one of Nancy's numerous tennis courts, NORMAN HARRIS is sharpening his game in prepara- tion for his match with Jinx Faulkenberg. Norm,' has come far from the sand lots of Brattleboro to his pres- ent height of success. We shall now go down to the business district of Florida where we find JEAN STOCKWELL busily typing in the oiiice of Hookum, Crookum and Scalpum-attorneys. Jean decided that, if she had to Work, she might as well do so in pleasant sur- roundings, so after graduation she journeyed to Florida. She was lucky enough to acquire her present position soon after getting off the train. Located one block away is a little dress shop owned and operated by MARLENE SEMERARO. It is a minia- ture Houghton and Simonds, dealing in only exclusive models. She now has a chain of stores stretching across the country from Florida to Saco, Maine. Across the street in the huge high school gymnasium, manager AGNES SENCABAUGH and coach KATH- LEEN POLLARD are supervising the practice of their team. They are the co-owners of the Florida Aggies, a semi-pro basketball team. These two girls got their valu- able experience while coaching Brattleboro to a success- ful season many years ago. Cruising up the river we somehow find ourselves in that cold climate of-not Vermont, not Maine, but-Alaska. We see, rushing to a monstrous igloo in the distance, JOYCE LAFLAM and her spouse. Joyce had always wanted to be a nurse, but Cupid got there first, now, in her igloo hospital, she is curing the eskimos of bad cases of spring fever, contracted after the long, tedious win- ter. She seems to be very happy in her work, rushing back and forth on the 2:23 and 5 :54 dogsleds. Glancing about, we notice a skiing class. There we see-guess who! A native fnot Hawaiian, but Alaskanj is giving lessons to the foreigners from Maine and Ver- mont who don't yet know the art of juggling their skis and poles at the same time. It is none other than-guess who! fThis is getting corney-we'l1 now pause one moment for the fumigation of room 20.J MARY BERNARD did so well in her driving lessons at school that she decided to go into business for herself in Fairbanks, Alaska. We see her teaching the Harvard boys to drive. They voted'Mary the girl we'd like most to crack-up with. Keep up the good work! On one of the icy streets ED LAFLAM, no relative of Joyce, has opened a barbershop for women. He saw so many bearded ladies at the circus that he decided to do something about it. Ed's motto is, A rolling stone gathers no moss. Get it? We don't either! Above Ed's barber shop another Brattleborian is busy at work mending shoes. The enterprising, young lady is ELIZABETH MACDONALD. She specializes in run down heels, but there are also a few good souls in her tapping business. Lizzy has been so successful in shoe- ing eskimos that she has now retired and is going to open a Dairy Bar in the Yukon Valley. Standing in MacDonald's Diner, PERSIS LUKE is playing the slot machine while waiting for the 8:15 bus to Smuggler's Notch. As a general rule, Pets does not indulge in such a monetary pastime, and was once quoted as saying, I think all pin-ball machines are hor- rible! But finding a few slugs in her hunting jacket, she has squandered them. The good-natured waitress, MARION WHITAKER, is standing by with three more bags of slugs in case Pets gets lucky. Marion just seemed to follow the rest of the local crowd to Alaska and fortunately found a suitable job in Lizz's Dairy Bar. By this time the 8:15 bus has arrived with its veteran driver, ROY INGRAM, at the wheel. Roy has been cart- ing tourists, natives, dogs, and chickens for the past eleven years, and is still going as strong as ever. Keep carting, Roy! 'l O save time we'll get on the bus to journey hence. On one of the mountain sides, we see glittering in the sun the gold dome of the Alaskan Home for the Aged. You'll never guess who founded and established the beautiful institution. That's right-GRAMPA KENNY HOWE. In twenty-five years he has built this twenty-seven-story-henhouse up from a two-story cow- barn. Kenny became interested in public welfare shortly after graduation. Looking back on our fellow passengers, we notice DOROTHY PUTNAM comparing gold ore with NANCY LANE and RAYMOND LASKOWSKI, her fellow prospectors. This enterprising trio struck it rich last year while panning for gold in the surrounding valleys. They have finally lived up to their title of gold diggers of '49. We also notice BOB BURNS on his way to the Eskimos' Musical Autorium where he will KConlinued on page 452