Brattleboro Union High School - Colonel Yearbook (Brattleboro, VT)

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I0 THE DIAL CLASS PROPI-IECY N the year 2031, the two remaining sur- vivors of the class of 1931 decided to make an anniversary tour of the burial places of their former classmates. In order to learn the histories of their classmates' lives the mourners have succeeded in bor- rowing the spirit of Miss Evelyn Perry from Lucifer. Miss Perry comes from her niche in Hell, primed with information gleaned from her gossiping Plutonian companions. This information she imparts to the Rip Van W'inkles as they go from cemetery to ceme- tery reading epitaphs and exchanging remi- niscences. The scene changes frequently, it being necessary only for the travelers to step upon the magic rug provided by Miss Perry in order to float from place to place with consummate ease and great speed. In the following 1 stands for the first Rip Van VVinkle, 2 for the second and S for the omniscient spirit of Miss Perry. Scene I--P111'nc'y l-fReadingj- J. Stewart knew his milk. He knew His calories, his proteins, too. But somehow the milk he sold to you VV as more H20 than moo-moo-moo. 2-Could that have been our old pal Barney? Spirit-Y es. Stewart realized an early am- bition when he became the owner of a milk plant. Being naturally inclined toward the business he met with great success. One day, however, he fell into the milk machine and was devoured by the angry milk molecules. His son. Stewart, Jr., a good fellow and a reg- ular stave oFf the old barrel, continues the business. Scene II-Egypt l-VVell, well, well! Here's Putt Hel- yar's grave. How'd he happen to get down here? S-Oh, that is a sad, sad, story. It seems that he wandered into King John Nurse's harem one day and was crushed to death in the rush. There has been a lot of discussion as to how he got in there, but I happen to know that he was janitor of the palace and only came in to wash the windows. 2-I knew that curly hair of his would be his downfall. But who lies under this pyramid? S-Lorraine Hoag. She was advised by her doctor to go to a dry climate and so she went to Sheba. She made a great hit there and in a few years was elected Queen of Sheba. And here, Grace Simonds, faithful unto the end, lies be- side her queen. Before her demise she had become very efficient in the art of strewing Flowers and garlands in the path of royalty. Scene III-Lmzdcm 2- L Reading J - This is a sad and tragic song, Old John Shaw has passed along. S-Yes, John did not become a baker, but in- stead he occupied the high position of chef at the Vifaldorf-Castoria. l-fthoughtfullyj Castoria! 2-Say, how did they get Bernice Smith over here? S-Surely, you must have heard about that! She became a celebrated after-dinner speaker. But while speaking at a ban- quet in London she murdered the King's English and one of the loyal Royalists shot her. l-O yes, I heard about that. In fact, I wrote an ode in her honor. VVant to hear it? fReciting with flourishes and gesturesj Miss Bernice Smith, nicknamed 'Bunny' Became obsessed with the notion That her jokes were most terribly funnyg Now my Bunny lies over the ocean. 2-fnot listening, having no appreciation of good poetryb. Here's my idea of an epitaph! CReadsJ Blessed be the modest for they shall not be believed. S-Cwaxing eloquentl Hear ye! Hear ye! They that are too modest listen to the fate of Ronald Sibson. He was the doer of great deeds. He dug a hole to China but denied it, he swam across the ocean, but he said, It was just luck! 2-Too bad! I liked Ron, but you remember that I was always saying Don't he modest, Sibson. 1-Say! listen to this! Our friend Frances Dunlevy Became extremely heavy. She died without corrections And had to be buried in sections. S-As a matter of fact Dunny procured the position of fat lady in the Big Time Circus, and after a time she saved up money enough to retire and became Fat Lady Emeritus. S bmw Il -Oslxkosh, Wisconsin 1-Herels an odd inscription. It just says, S 2 S Christine Loomis tried but failed. -O yes, Christine as President of the Anti-Prohibition League did her best to repeal the lSth Amendment but she couldn't fight the unwilling Americans alone. Her last words were light wines and beers. -How about her brother? -Cleon Phelps and Robert Loomis amused the gentry by standing on their heads and boop-boop-a-dooping as a vaudeville act. VV e had another vaudeville star from our class, Kay Jordan. She became quite famous, her best act being to sing Roll, jordan, Roll. 1-And here's where Red McCarthy fi- nally parked his body. To think our Red would become such a noted philanthro- pist. VVhy, I remember hearing that he used to tip caddies and bell-boys brand new dollar bills. And there's hardly a city in the United States but what has a McCarthy swimming pool, or a Mc- Carthy aquarium. ' S-Yes, and Seraph Chase, whose coffin lies 2? there beside his, was a world-famous trapeze artist. They say that it was a beautiful sight to see her Hitting from bar to bar. But one day she missed and went the way of all good trapeze artists. CReadingj-- VVith an awful yell, and a couple of groans, Thus passed out dear Lillian Jones. S-Lil was the only suicide in our class. She 2. was only twenty-nine when she discov- ered that life was too harsh and swal- lowed sulfuric acid. And she had such a brilliant future! CVVeeps profuselyj Wlhere are our old friends, Hope and Ellen? S-Ah, ha! They were inseparable friends 1... on earth, but the Grim Reaper clove them in twain in the after life. Gee, look at this one! Here lies buried beneath the sod, 'Nort' Vlfilson, by an act of God! Amen. S-Poor old Nort. He was a victim of a suppressed desire. He had been psy- choanalyzed again and again but the ex- act nature of his desire could not be de- termined. Dr. John Tenney said it was a desire to poison his mother-in-law. The eminent Dr. Sprague disagreed and

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THE .DIAL 9 CLASS HISTORY Freshman Year T one o'colck on the day of September six, nineteen hundred and twenty-seven, one hundred and forty-five of us, the class of '31, flocked through the door of the air- ship B. H. S. for the non-stop flight to the sophomore class. Much to our gratifica- tion, there were no upperclassmen present, and after visiting our various classes, Mr. VViggin told us how to conduct ourselves the next, and all the following days. Our first assembly was held on September 14, and as we marched in we were greeted by loud and boisterous clapping. VVe felt quite honored as heretofore only the Seniors had had that honor. On September 16, the Freshmen Get-To- gether was held For Freshmen Only, where we became acquainted with the fac- ulty and with one another. Everyone had an excellent time. VVe were the first class which was not hazed at W'ells' fountain. Instead it was decided that there would be a pushball con- test on the Island, and a rope pull at Rich- ardson's pond. VVe won the pushball con- test with a score of 2-1, and to show the Sophomores that we were indifferent to hot air and cold water alike, we permitted them to drag us through the pond. The swim- ming was very good. There were plenty of activities in the airship. Jack Dube, Verne Rice, Abbott Robinson, and Oliver Morrisseau represented us on the football team, and Jack Dube was on the basketball team. VVe were also well represented in the band and orchestra by Oscar Ekberg, John Helyar, Paul Lawton, Abbott Robinson, and Stewart Barney. The Freshman Blowout, which was held on October 15, was a great success. Wie felt ourselves really a part of B. H. S. after this event. ' ' About this time we realized that to make our trip successful we needed a pilot and assistants. NVe elected 'iJoe Holiday pilot, with Madeline Chase as his assistant. Evelyn Adam was secretary, and ,lack Dube mau- aged the financial afifairs very successfully, as we were the first Freshman Class in the history of B. H. S. which had paid its dues 10096. Betty Fairbanks and John Tasker represented us on the Student Council. VVe nearly went into a tail spin at Mid- Years, but we recovered, and with no casual- lies. On March 21 the entire airship enjoyed the Latin assembly given in the form of a Roman circus in which many of us partici- pated. Bill Cox and Put Helyar op- posed each other in a gladitorial combat. 'iBill was proclaimed the winner and was presented with a laurel wreath. Some of the girls participated in the girls' foot race, which is an important event in the circus. The operetta, The Pirate's Daughter, was presented on April 19 and 20, many of us taking part. Scholastically we had a fair record, with an average of about 1896 on the Honor Roll each marking period, Ruth Staples, Doris Rhodes, and Mary Nims were on the Maxi- mum Honor Roll several times. In June we made a very successful land- ing at the Sophomore hangar, the whole trip being almost free from molestation. -KATIIINRINE JORDAN Sophomore Year W'e the class of 1931 returned to B. H. S. in the fall of 1928 numbering one hundred and nineteen, twenty-eight less than the year before: This was our sophomore year and no time was lost in distinguishing ourselves from the Freshies. The first big event of the new year was the annual Sophomore-Freshman rope pull. It was held at Richardson's ice pond and to keep up the class prestige we foundeit neces- sary to give the new members of the High School a muddy bath. The call of the gridiron found many of the boys from our class out for football. Among those were: ,Tack Dube, Verne Rice, Abbott Robinson, Oliver Morrisseau. and Raymond Koski. Jack Dube, and Verne Rice participated in the hrst game of the season. The class was well represented in the musical side of our school life with ten in the baud, the same number in the orchestra, fifteen in the Girls' Glee Club, and eight in the Boys' Glee Club. The two elected to uphold our rights in the Student Council were Frances Dunlevy and Jack Dube. About the same time the following class ofiicers were appointed to guide our ship of state through the coming year, president, Jack Dube: vice-president, Lillian jones: secretary, Madeline Chaseg treasurer, John Taskerg assistant treasurer, Alice Grant. Jack Dube was successful in obtaining a berth on the varsity basketball team, while other boys from our class made the second and third teams. The girls' class basketball team gave a good account of itself during the year with several successful encounters. Edward Fenton appeared in the school play, while Bill Cox was chosen to serve on the advertising connnittee. Mary Nims also served on the business committee. The annual Soph-Senior party was held with the following on the connnittee: Jack Dube, Frances Dunlevy, D. Farnham, K. Jordan, H. Xhiilliam Cox, P. Cram, and Ruth VVhite. Several others helped and every one seemed to enjoy the party. Vtfe hope they did anyway. Not only did we enter and excel in all social and athletic activities but our scholas- tic standing was well upheld. Those being on the General Honor Roll for the year were as follows: Evelyn Adams, K. Cham- berlain, M. Cram, L. Eddy, K. Jordan, H. Lepp, V. MacArthur, E. Perry, V. Prouty, E. Putnam, D. Rhodes, T. Russell, B. Vifhitney and L. VVhitney. Mary Nims was on the Maximum Honor Roll for the year. Although these are not all of the events that took place in our Sophomore year I believe the main ones have been mentioned. Our History does not' end here as it will soon be proved. --RONALD S1nsoN junior Year It was with high spirits that we started on the second half of our high school career. At our first class meeting we elected VVil- liam Ferriter to the chief executive's chair Frances Dunlevy captured the title of vice- president. To Edward Fenton was entrusted the keeping of the Junior class's money, while Viola Hertzberg kept the minutes. The Junior class was well represented in the various activities throughout the year. In the high school play, The House of the Flashing Light, we had four brilliant actors, who did splendid work. They were Ruth VVhite, Evelyn Perry, john Helyar and Verne Rice. It gave them a good foundation for their work in the Senior Year. VV e had a fine debating team this year. It was composed of Madeline Chase, Doris Rhodes, VVilliam Ferriter and Ronald Sib- tContinued on page 451

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maintained that he was unhappily mar- ried and wanted to elope with the maid. The great phrenologist, Oliver VVood, claimed that the bumps on his head proved conclusively that he desired to be a life-guard, but couldn't swim, and so it went on. Nort was torn between the diPferent factions, and eventually died of chronic uncertainty. Scent' V-New York City -How did Robert Thomas get ratted? -Yea, verily, that question was well put, because Bob pulled a Pied Piper and chased the rats from New York City. He then went on where he could get some business and landed in Greenfield. However, the rats were too much for him there, and they got him. -VVhat has happened to our great play- boy, Floyd Lindsey? -Floyd became what we thought he would, a wrestler, and was undefeated champ. The only way they could down him was to sneak up behind him with two three- ton tractors, a11d then they left him fiat. CReadingJ- Zz-Zip-Hallup There's nothing faster than a Gallup? -Louisa became a famous sprint'star and remained so all her life. She Hnally dropped dead after winning the 100-yd. dash for the United States in the 1980 Olympic Games. This is Beulah Carle- ton's grave, and all these queer posies are her creations. This little purple flower with the orange leaves is a choke- me-may-the combination of an arti- choke, a mayfiower, and a forget-me-not. Beulah was a second Luther Burbank. That reminds me, what became of Dick Jones? -He's buried in honor in VVestminster Abbey, in London. He was the great Sir Richard Jones, the inventor. He forsook his native land for England, be- cause we didn't pay proper tribute to his vacuum cleaner for dandruff. It met with great success over there and put our Listershine manufacturers out of business. Perhaps his greatest inven- tion, however, was his apparatus for cleaning the dirt out of the cracks in the Hoor. The new Brattleboro High School fyou know they're at last suc- ceeding in getting a new buildingj has a life-size statue of him in the right corner. 1 It says on this tombstone, Here is the coffin of the man who occupied the high- est position on earth. What was that? -A hermit on Mt. Everest. Pete Peter- son lived there for 89 years, but he fi- nally slipped on a banana peel and broke his neck. 9 cnc' VI--Algiers 7 CReadsj- ' Paul was just another play-boy He broke 'em up for his own joy. THE DIAL S-Paul Lawton was a specialist in straight- ening bent back-bones. He just laid them down and jumped on them. But the last one was too tough. It snapped back and hit him in the chin, thus pre- maturely ending his career. 1-She was a woman of far-sighted ideas. 2-Who? l-Mary Nims. She opened a new field of endeavor for the American women when she became the first to count the fly specks on the 70th story of the Empire Building. It was all in the name of Science. S-Two other pioneers were Susan Thomas and Bertha VVhitney, who became ice- women. VVe had other famous women in our class. Marion Dix won the Grand Sweepstake Prize for the best painting of the Century, but there's a story be- hind that. It seems that one day she left her paints lying around and her cat got into them. He then went to sleep on a sheet of canvas. This canvas was by mistake substituted for the real pic- ture, but it won the prize. The Judges complimented Marion on her delicacy of touch, fine reproduction of subject matter, and exquisite coloring. 2-I'm tired of hearing about women. How about a few of the stronger sex. CPats himself on the chest and immediately collapses like a pricked balloon.j Scene VII-Hongkong, China S-NVell, how about this one? CReadsj- W'hen in his throat a fishbone stuck Raymond VVadleigh ran amuck. He was a good soul, but on Friday the 13th, a fishbone caught in his throat. The poor fellow went berserk. After having laid low a goodly number of gentle folk his shattered frame collapsed. 2-Poor Pete! l--Did they do right by our Merlene Phelps? S-I'll say they did. She became a maestro in the field of art and topped the world in making busts. 2-But didn't anybody live a calm, noble ex- istence? S-O yes, one or two.-Delsie Farnham be- came athletic coach at Smythe and put out one of the most invincible chess teams that has been seen in many years. Her assistant, Mary Phillips, specialized in ping-pong, but was not so successful. And see, over her lies Evelyn Denton. She was a dental hygienist and spent her life tracking down that pernicious old microbe, baccillus halitosis. She did a great service to the nation. 2-That's it. Always women! Scene VIII-Brattleboro S-VV ell, there was Verne Rice. He was one of the best garbage collectors Brattle- boro ever had. His garbage was always under control. 'll 1-finterruptingj-I always knew Verne would be a success. S-Qpointing to a modest unimposing little F gravel-Read this! 2- Here lies interred john Arthur Taskcr. Once he said, 'I want to go out, I guess I'll ask her.' Now he's dead. S-Those are the cold, cruel facts. He mar- ried Eleanor Humphrey, and soon be- came a typical example of the henpecked husband. They say she wielded a mean rolling pin. 2-My wife always preferred Hat irons. S-Speaking of women, here's a remarkable one! fReadsj- Ruby Smith is here interred. For six long years she spoke not a word. The strain was too much. She won the Silence Marathon. and here's another. CReadsj- Seventeen poets have written odes To the dusty dust of Dusty Rhodes. Doris was a farmerette, and a good one, too, but one day one of her bad, naughty cows jumped over the moon and Doris followed her. 2-There's one man in our class who always interested me and that's Fred Spear. NVhere's he? Scam' IX-Dummerstan S-That's his grave right here. And this is his epitaph. He sang right lustily Did Freddy Spear. Now his remains dustily g Are lying here. That is his story. He broke a blood vessel while hog-calling. 1-CReadingj- Lewis Prouty tried to fool his customers. What happened? S-The customers clubbed him to death after he had mixed a cement cake with tar frosting. And speaking of tar, see here! Scene X-Ossawatofrlic, Kansas 2-fReadsj- f'Poor old Sadie Zarr She simply couldn't break par. S-Our ill-fated friend had a hard heart, similar to Floyd Orson's and met his fate. 1-Here's a rare old epitaph! Dorothy Aiken Brought home the bacon. But they caught her And they shot her. S-That was another sad case. She had seven starving children and a husband to support, so she stole some bacon. S'-. The hitch was that she took it in the . living form, after the proverbial method of Tom, the piper's son. The owner, awakened by Hamlet's squeals, got ex- cited anrl shot the fugitive. ' 2--Does good little Gretchen Shaw lie here?