Branksome Hall - Slogan Yearbook (Toronto, Ontario Canada)

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The Branksome Slogan 29 The Audiophier In the spring of 1939, Professor Pompejus Metterklume completed his greatest invention, the Audiophier. The Audiophier at first sight resembles a small black box which can easily be carried in a pocket. When, by means of a battery, an electrical current is applied, the Audio- phier enables the carrier to hear the sUghtest sound within a radius of twenty-five square feet. The professor was greatly pleased with his new invention and resolved to spend one complete day with it in his pocket. He decided that he would spend that day at the World ' s Fair, and see if the audio- phier worked as he hoped that it would. On the morning of the experiment the Professor rose early and after a scanty breakfast set out for the Fair. His excitement grew while he was on the bus, for to his delight he could hear the conversation of two women several rows in front of him. To be sure they were only discussing the neighborhood gossip, and the Professor was not interested in either Mrs. Jones ' dirty chshcloths or Mrs. Johnson ' s new spring suit, but still he had at least proved that his invention was practical. At the Fair, Professor Metterklume soon learnt how very useful the Audiophier could be, for he heard two men behind him deciding how they would pick his pockets. At once the Professor put his own hands in his trouser pockets and thus was able to save their contents, which consisted only of fifty-two cents in small change, a piece of string, five matches and a packet of chewing gum. Unfortunately he did not notice that the thieves had removed his wallet from his coat pocket. While looking at various inventions, the Professor found still another use of the Audiophier. He saw two other inventors approaching him and distinctly heard Dr. SchwizenhofT say to Professor Hoffenzwisch, ' 0h I There ' s old Metterklume, the old ass, I suppose we have to speak to the bore, bother him ! But when they met. Dr. Schwizenhoff greeted him, My dear Pompejus, I am so glad to see you again. W e have not met for years. Do come and have lunch with Hoffenzwisch and me. The Professor could hardly refrain from telling them about his wonderful Audiophier, but he left them as soon as possible without mentioning it. After a very meagre lunch, for he had discovered his loss, the Pro- fessor began his greatest adventure. It was while he was examining some excellent examples of quartz and not paying any attention to the conversations about him, that suddenly he heard a voice say in gutteral accents, ' bomb . Instantly he became attentive and glancing over his shoulder saw two men conversing together in low tones. Although one w as tall and thin and the other short and fat, they both wore dark over- coats, and fedoras pulled down over their eyes. Their conversation was confined to the details of placing a bomb in one of the buildings where a very famous senator was to speak. They spoke with such a strange

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28 The Branksome Slogan SINGING WOOD There is an interesting story told about Jacob Stainer, a famous vio- lin-maker of the Tyrol and how he chose ' ' musical wood for his vio- lins. We are all familiar with some of the little figures carved by the people living in the Swiss Alps and the Tyrol, and have noted the great care taken by these craftsmen, especially in intricate detail and facial expression. The Swiss are very fond of music-boxes ; Stainer, however, did not depend on me- chanical music but claimed that there was actually ' ' singing wood. In a little book entitled, Pillars of Gold , the author tells how Stainer wandered in the forests striking the tree-trunks to hear their tone and listening carefully as the logs went down the lumber slide, choosing those which gave forth singing notes as they knocked against any obstacle. After selecting what he considered the most musical logs he spent hours of patient labour, carving his violins with delicate workmanship. He would never let them leave his hands tmtil they gave forth tones which satisfied the keen sense of perfection demanded by all Tyrolean wood-carvers. Stainer made many violins, but every single one had this famous singing wood quality and excel- lent tone, because of his exacting standards. MARY E. PERCY (Form IV L). Rai)hael has been the only man known to be able to draw a ])erfect circle free hand. A BOARDER ' S DREAM There was a light rap on the door and then the maid entered. She shut our window and putting on the light said cheerily; Good morning, Miss Helen, Miss Margaret. It ' s quite a bright morn- ing for a change, even a little warmer. There ' s your breakfast. My room-mate sat up, rubbed her eyes and grunted, Thanks, while I turned over wearily and put on the radio before sitting up to receive my tray. Lovely fresh orange juice, crisp buttered toast, strawberry jam, and a pot of steaming coffee was the niorning menu. Oh, thank you, June, I mut- tered, while in the midst of a yawn. Marg can you get anything on this radio — I never can. We ate our breakfast to Deep Purple and Deep in a Dream . The music continued softly while I lay cuddling my teddy and saying I had actually done all my home work for that day, and what a grand feeling it was. Helen, it ' s a quarter to nine, per- haps 3 ou had better get up, said my room-mate. In a minute or two upper skittle was filled with its usual ])eals of laughter, but strangely no shouts of lost gar- ments. So I pulled myself from the blankets, jumped into my uniform, and ran the comb through my hair just in time to be rudely awakened by that everlasting bell — it was just seven-fifteen ! PHYLLIS MILLEN (Form V).

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30 The Branksome Slogan accent that the Professor had difficulty understanding them, but as soon as the} moved on he hastened to tell the proper officials to stop the outrage. The surprised officials not unnaturally refused to believe the strange story told by a funny little old man dressed in a rusty black suit stained with egg and spinach. They thought that he had a touch of the sun and had him placed in the psychiatric ward of the hospital. There the poor Professor remained until four o ' clock, at which time there was a loud explosion. The bomb was a complete success — the building and the senator were both completely demolished. Then came the police. Professor Metterklume was removed to the nearest police station, where he was questioned for the next hour. At the end of that time he was taken back to the Fair to try to identify the two men. Every man, who was at the Fair, was lined up and the Professor was marched down the line. At the end of the second hour, the Professor had to be put in a wheel-chair but still the line stretched on. Suddenly about eleven o ' clock the Professor gave a shout and pointed out the two men. They are the guilty ones, he screamed, and at his words the men drew their revolvers. One fired point blank at poor Pro- fessor Metterklume. He clutched his stomach and feebly twitched his legs but gradually lost consciousness, and was taken to a hospital. When the Professor came to, he learnt to his dismay that his Audio- phier had been irreparably damaged by the bullet, but had saved his life. He was still bemoaning his loss when a police sergeant entered and told him that the men, who had been captured, were wanted by the police and the Professor would receive a reward of ten thousand dollars. Professor Metterklume was able to retire, and although he never made another Audiophier he is now quite happy growing giant tomatoes in the country. PENELOPE WALDIE, Form TV A.