Boys High School - Epitome Yearbook (Reading, PA)

Page 62 text:

60 THE EPITOME Joe Heffuef has at last found a job that isn't too strenuous for him-a sea- faring job. He calls the stations on a trans-Atlantic liner. . Ernest Artz is in the doctoring business. He also has a shingle hanging above his office door. It reads: Dr. Ernest Henry Artz, Jr., M. D. Tonsils removed, fallen arches painlessly lifted, and general repair work done while you wait. Come in and try my service. You risk nothing, for all persons killed in this ofhce will have their money refunded. In close competition with Doctor Artz is William George, who is also a suc- cessful physician. He has established a wonderful record for himself in his many years of practice. Out of 2,000 patients whom he has treated, only five have re- covered. He hopes for still greater things in the future. NVal'demar Schaefer has left the old town and has gone to Hollywood. He has a wonderful job in connection with the movies out there. He is a kissing instructor in a school for young actresses. Johnny I-Ieilman is also in the moviesg he is a comedian. He has a hard time getting his plays filmed, however, for he is so funny that all the camera-men and directors that he hires die laughing at him. He is so popular with the actresses, too. They just can't resist his beautiful, wavy hair. jasper Elmer, strange to say, .is a strong man in a circus. He is very tough. W'hen the lions fight, he goes into the cage and bumps their heads together. He takes as many vacations as he wants, and the manager is afraid to say anything for fear 'of getting his head broken. . Robert Hershey is a wanderer on the face of the earth. Years ago he fell madly in love with a certain very lovely little lady. One evening she refused to kiss him good night, and poor Robert's heart split right up the middle. He took the next train for Pogo-Pogo Islands. The last time he was heard from he was hunting dodo birds in the wilds of Manchuria. ' James Rick is now president judge of Berks County. However, his streak of bad luck still follows himg he is married and has thirteen children. Marvin Letcher, the inventor, is working on a new device, which he hopes to sell to Jimmie. It is a maximum silencer for squawking kids. Leroy Snyder has become famous. He is editor-in-chief of the New York Times. When asked how he' rose to such a lofty position, he replied that he had grown so accustomed to being editor-in-chief of things in his school days that he just cou1n't break himself of the habit. Leroy is also married, but, unlike Mr. Rick, he d0esn't have thirteen children-he has nineteen. ' And now, folks, we come to the saddest part of this prophecy. There may have been parts of it that were disappointing, but this is absolutely the worst. It is the section which concerns the pride and joy of '27 Feb.-the president of the class. Here is the heart-rending statement which is inserted about him: Fenton Laucks has' fallen by the wayside. He has married a, tango dancer from the South Seas, and is at present principal of a high school for girls in Hooligan's Flats, Nebraska. As I mentioned before, we got the information for this prophecy from aHindn snake-chariner. After I had read through the material that he gave ns, I noticed that there was nothing in it about me. , S ee here, I said to the Hindu, what about me? Where will I be twenty- five years from now? A W ell, to tell you the truth, he said, your future is a bit doubtful. If the fellows that are mentioned in that prophecy ever catch you twenty-five years from now you will still be in the hospital.

Page 61 text:

' THE EPITOME 59 Parker-working for him. Ruhl Heifner came into the store the other day and said that he wanted to look at the biggest ham in the shop. Keiper turned toward the otiice. Oh, Mr. Thompson, he yelled, there's a man out here wants to see you. Wilmer Maurer has become mayor of the city. His slogan is, Bigger and Better Corrupt Politics 3 He has a council of three members-Fred. Miller, Donald Reed and ,Iimmie Rhein. They are very well paid. They get ten dollars a roundg a dollar extra for every knockout. Martin Silverman and Israel Noch are the respective heads of the water and iire departments. Noch left the Penn Street bridge burn down the other day because he couldn't get the fire plane started. Later it turned out that two of the firemen-Harry Merkel and John Seifarth-had removed the motor and used it to build a radio. City Hall is still the same old brick eyesore at Fifth and Franklin. The three members of the Bureau of Public Buildings-Robert Weiherer, George Zerbe and Richard Miller -are at present considering a plan to move it into City Park onto the site where the jail now stands. Fred. Fidler says that he doesn't want them to tear the jail down. He hates to be moving all the time. Riley Moyer and Hen Perella have become great sportsmen. Riley has one of these sooner dogs-sooner bite you than not. Russell Stuard and Frederick Schussler are running a drug store. Schussler is the soda slinger and Stuard is the druggist. They have a perfect system. When Schussler is done with the customers they are so sick that they have to seek medical aid from Stuard. When Stuard is done with them, he turns them over to Fred Rodgers. Fred is an undertaker. Ding Schaeffer, who always was fond of he-man jobs, is at present running a boarding house on Sixth Street, which he calls the Victoria, Roger Rohr- bach, who is-marvelous to relate-still a bachelor, recently took up hisquarters in Ding's establishment. After the first night he left, however, reciting this poem, with which he had been inspired during the night: . ' O Victoria, delight of the roaches, The home of the louse and the flea, The shrine of each blood-thirsty bedbugg O Victoria, you're no place for me. Leroy Hafer is chief of police. Not long ago two hoboes, who gave their names as Dick Glauner and Raymond Fritz, were brought up before him, charged with fighting. It appeared that they were arguing about the correct way to spell f1sh. Glauner said that it was spelled phish and Fritz insisted that it was fyche. The argument grew so heated that it almost became a riot. It took the two huskiest cops on the force-George Kieh-l and Allan Klopp-to establish peace. ' Eugene Keifer is head of the trolley company. He's had a lot of trouble lately. One evening the Oley Valley car failed to return from its run. On in- vestigation he found that the motorman, Alfred Edye, and the conductor, Elwood Eshbach, had sold it to John Adams, a Boyertown farmer, for a chicken coop and had absconded with the money. Keifer is determined to bring them to justice, and for the purpose has hired Reading's cleverest detective, Neil Brown. Sidney Abels is still interested in oratory. He is a train announcer at the outer depot. Not so long ago james Lindenmuth, a baggage man on the 5.15, threw an anvil off the train and hit John Dohner, the station master, on the head. The accident cost the company a great deal of money, for the anvil was com- pletely ruined. Edward Kiefer also works for the railroad. -He walks along in front of the 5.15 and shoos the cows off the track. . Stanley Gottschall is running a hash house in West Reading. He does all his own cooking, so you can imagine what kind of place it is. He is truthful in his advertising, however. for over the doorway he has this sign: Eat here and you will never eat any place else.

Page 63 text:

THE EPITOME 61 LITERARY The Transition RAYMOND A. IIOFFMASTER As far as concerns most young men, graduation from High School signifies a cessation of the absorption of book knowledge and a shouldering of duties which have been increasing ever since the faculty of reasoning came to them. The in- dustry or business in which each graduate becomes interested neither thrusts great responsibility upon the newcomer, nor awaits him with great expectations. His lot is now that of an apprentice, a learner. The novice's integrity and capability of service is dependent upon the training received in the schools. If he was dili- gent in the performance of the seemingly trivial duties while at school, and sincere in his relations with classmates, he will be more ableto serve mankindg to show his devotion to his God by allegiance with the Church, and to support, as an alunmus, the school which promoted his fellowship and his attainments as a scholar. - lVe value life as we desire it to satisfy our wants. The schools should train us to want the right things and to use our intelligence that these things might be realized and improved. Our zeal to this end should depart from narrowness, and, with good will, should lead us to help satisfy the needs of others as well as of our- selves. Thus an education develops in us good will toward men, inspires us to partake in unselfish pleasures, and aids us to get rid of wants not fitted to our world. To secure these wants we have received instruction pertaining to the world of objects and of human beings, have been taught to manage the forces of nature and of artifice with marked skill, thoroughness and self-control. VVe do not get what we want by merely claiming it, but must have our intellect trained to receive knowledge and power. Many people agree that the eventual happiness of the world is an aim of great import, yet in reality they object to stressing happiness because they believe that by deprecating it mankind will receive more. Their pessimistic practice is false, for by training students according to their conception, such students could be given habits that would tend to hinder their pursuit of happiness in later years. Much unhappiness, -even in these propitious days, is caused by disease, war and poverty. We have learned to despise ignorance, which may be the cause of distress. Happiness is essential to the prosperity of the world, and only by imparting knowl- edge to unknowing mortals can happiness be perpetuated. We pay homage to some Deity whose attributes are mercy and loving kind- ness. It is in the edifice dedicated to the service of our God that we of the same belief commune with Him and receive spiritual inspiration to guide us in all the walks of life. This benefit makes us debtors to the Church, to which we should render our fullest loyalty and support if we would be dutiful to the faith we profess. Because the world pays a money-price for an article does not in. any way lower the quality of th-at article. Irrespective of the amount Bunyan received for Pilgrim's Progress, that work would be the same. Thorndyke, a noted psy- chologist, explains this fact when he says: It is only because people in general are stupid, and because the great benefactors of mankind do not drive hard bar- gains, that the really valuable service is illy paid. It is because society at large does not know what is good for it, and because scientific men do not extort what