Boston Latin School - Liber Actorum Yearbook (Boston, MA)

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hara Risi, star of William Moftan’s classic. “The Last Soda” or “.Apprehended at Sharafs.” will shortly become the bride of 19f)8’s athlete-of-the-year, (ierald Eskin. Here is the official announcement about the recent change in the police department “Bill” Jones has taken the place of “Stan Zimmerman as police commissioner of Hyde Park. The change was brought about when Zimmerman was caught registering bets with bookie, Gordon Fillmore, at Ka- dis’s Corner Pharmacy. The eminent scientist, Dr. David Vphantis, has finally perfected his miracle solution. He claims it can be used for washing dishes, making school teachers disappear, dissolving gold and platinum, and bathing the baby. “Fweddy” Jensen, ninety-ninth vice- president of the Penny Savings Bank, has been convicted of embezzling four million pennies by that champion of justice, Judge Baatz. Defending attorney, “Tom” Ken- nedy, swore that he would get justice; president of the bank, Sumner Kirshner. swore that he would wreak vengeance; while Jensen just swore. Nevertheless. Allen Gitlin has announced that after his release “Fweddy” will be given back his old job as chief filler in the Gitlin (iefillte Fish Company. The great humanitarian, song-writer, and man-about-town, “Bob” Jingozian. has recently released his latest song, en- titled “Kissin’ in the Dark” — or — “I For- got to Pay the Electric Bill. So far, he has made five hundred dollars on his song and has paid out five thousand dollars in law suits, trying to prove its originality. Home town boy makes good. Stanley (lelles, whom we all remember as co-dis- coverer of the atomic bomb-chaser, has re- cently been appointed associate assistant professor of science at East Hemstich University. . nd now I shall describe my drive through Boston this morning . .As I was riding down ' alsh Street in my new Karlin car, my gaze was attract- ed by a sign in the Stevens Stocking Com- pany’s window. “Sale — Today Only. Silk hose, rayon hose, nylon hose, and fire hose.” . cro.ss the street, 1 noticed another llaming-red sign, reading “The Belsky Incinerator ( ' ompany.” Directly below, hung the firm ' s now-famous motto, “Hon- esty is the Best Policy.” 1 stopped in at the Burris Book Shop to purchase Doctor Levine ' s treati.se. ■ ■hat to Do Until Dr. Kharibian (’omes’ ' ; but no sooner had I entered, than 1 was engulfed by people trying to buy Marvin E[)stein’s scientific study. “ ' I ' he Theory of Relativity - or I ' m my own Grandpa.” Outside, I saw an airplane sk -writing the C ' hyet - Buyit - ' Lryit - and - May - A ' ou - Rest - In - Peace Tooth Paste Com- pany’s ad. It went like this I your teeth are troubling you, If your head they’re paining, Chyet ' s toothpaste you should try, And there’ll be none renuiining. .After buying a tube, I stopped in at Shelby ' s Oil Station, where greasy Gerner emerged, together with his assistant. “Izzy Raverby. They examined my car for two solid hours, using everything from a stethoscope to Benson’s Bolt-busting Ifludgeon before they discovered 1 was out of gas. I noiv turn you back to Fulton Lends Cogen. .And now for some news about the re- cent flow of business into the “.Athens of .America.” .Among the latest additions to Boston’s firms are “Buz” Barton ' s Foot- ball Alanufacturing Company; “Frank” Doherty’s Hoh ' Donut Company, oper- ated under Junior . chievement ; and “Charlie’’ Connors’ Water Pistol Com- pany. I have just been handed an important announcement. “Jeff” Paul, president of the Latin School .Alumni .Association, wishes to announce that due to the gen- erosity of stage manager, “Red Xolan. this year’s class reunion will be held at the ( )ld Howard King Theatre. L ' ntil we meet there, we remain Respectfully, Bexj.amix Coge.x and X.ATH.Ax .Azrix your class prophets Page Tu emy-nine

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’e t Roxhun V new secret vea]X)n, the (ireen Itauni, crashed into the buildin ' ' . Headmaster Arthur I’owell was subjected to severe criticism by the students when he offered to shift classes to Girls ' Latin School for the duration. Herb Katz has just beaten Fran Collins by two votes in the recent elec- tion. Said Mr. Katz, I shall make the city ' s best do -catcher. . 1 Stein, former hockey player, and recentl}- elected president of the United Nations, has announced that his forei.t ' n |)olic will be to tread softly and carry a biy .--tick. ”. 1 Lee. the defeated candi- date. claims that the only reason he did not win was that he could not play the Missouri U ' a tz. Lee says he will appeal to the president of the American Federa- tion of iMusicians, James Caesar Mudarri. Fat Ifratton ' s concerto for Sousa- phone and Glockenspiel received its ini- tial performance yesterday at the Enydi.sh High School .Auditorium by two of its P. G.’s, Phil” Flavderman and Xormie” Milgram. . nd now lor the news from the under- world 1 Plead of the Undertakers ' Union, Hig- ger ( ) ' I )el ' ecchio, has recjuested his law firm of Kelly, Kelly, and Kelly, to bring a case against the (ioffin Coffin Company. -As you know, their slogan goes as fol- lows: ILc’t’c got a box jor you: You ' ll come doivn if you’re wise. You ' ll try one ou, and then you ' ll kiioie ILc’i ' C (divays got your size. Digger ' s” union claims that the coffin company ' s new, improved large economy, two-in-a-bo.x size coffin failed to provide ample breathing space for Higgins and Winward. Nevertheless, the firm’s law- yers - E[)stein, Feinstein, Goldstein, and Hacigalupo - have announced that they will fight a stiff battle to the last corpse. Paul Alabry, curator of the Rare Flow- ers Aluseum, has announced the theft of the meowing pussywillow plant, d ' he only other person present at the time was the janitor. Herbert Bloom. During a thor- ough examination, both were X-rayed b} ' Sonny” Andelman. When the X-ra - wa- developed, the plant was found to be in JBoom. I ' la.sh! Lynch, Lynch, and Lynch have returned to this country after twenty years exile as a result of President Truman’s anti-Lynch laws. . nother late bulletin notifies us of a revolution in the South. The ' have set up their own government, and Cotton is king. Fred” Lake and Al” (Juirk, our dele- gates to the United Nations, have been dis- missed because of their pro-Russian senti- ments. They were first suspected of these attitudes by Senator Hart when he found them playing penny-ante over a bottle of vodka. Shaun Burns’s horror play. Spilled Hemoglobin.” received high acclaim from the noted dramatic critic, “Dave” Lyons. Commented Air. Lyons; The success of the ]day was especially due to ‘Joe’ Brown’ interpretation of a wig-maker, and Boris Kosloff ' s portrayal of the hero- ine. And no:: ' 7ve bring you W ' altd ' II’ ' r c Azriu reith the latest ne ' d ' S of the nation. The renowned archaeologist, Peter Gos- sels, and his two assistants. Baby-Face” , nderson and Bring Em Back .Alive” Lydiard, have returned from .Africa with many specimens, the most interesting be- ing two wild men bearing strange resem- blances to former Secretary of the Treas- ure, Steve Bernard! and Secretary of . griculture. Harry Hewes. both of whom mysteriously disappeared from this coun- try ten years ago. The one resembling Bernard! keeps pouncing on his comrade, and shouting, “If you don’t pay by the fifteenth, we won’t get a yearbook.” I ' he Congressional Investigating Com- mittee, consisting of Rolt, Sperber, Rugo, and AIcCabe. have just returned from their secret, hitherto unrevealed tour of Eu- rope. .After careful investigation and most diligent study, they feel that they are justified in announcing that .Amer- ica’s Strudel Industry is safe from foreign competition. ( )n the cultural side of the news we find that Edward Dunn, chief librarian of the Legelis Lending Library, has reported the theft of five copies of ‘‘Forever .Alter” by a burglar resembling the well-known psy- choanalyst. Robert Resnick. .And now a message from our sponsors, the Diamond Alatch Company: Is your business really badi Is it the ivorst you ' ve ever had? If so, your head you need not scratch; Why, all you need is a little match. George Benjamin, representative of the Aleterparelitan Fire Insurance Company, has asked that this commercial be discon- tinued. I have it on good authority that Bar- I’.ifiL I u

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We, the members of the Class of 1948, being of sound mind and body, despite four, six or more years of mental agony and ph vs. ed., do hereby declare this to be our last will and testament, and bequeath the following: ' I ' o Alma Mater we leave a tender memory of the outstanding class in the long Latin School history. ' I ' o our esteemed friend and classmate. Dr. Powers, we leave best wishes for a happy future, free from the confines of B.L.S. at last. ' I ' o Mr. Dunn we leave 10,000 copies of the 1848 Greek college boards, and Vol- ume 1 of ‘‘How to Win Friends and Influence College Presidents.” I ' o Mr. Pearson we leave a framed copy of the Constitution. To Mr. Benson we leave a sound-proof classroom. To Mr. Pennypacker we leave a new sleeveless sweater. ' I ' o IMr. Canned we leave a new cottage to bunk in. To Mr. Bowker we leave a white elephant in a closet and a goldfish with pink eyes, to demonstrate his theorems. I ' o Colonel Penney ' we leave two well trained regiments to send to UlMT. To Mr. O ' t ' allahan we leave divine inspiration and a copy of Gayley’s Classic Myths. ' I ' o Mr. Cray we leave an accurate tabulation of the number of stairs from the basement to the third floor. To IMr. Carroll we leave a prize formula for indelible ink. ' I ' o Mr. Scully we leave a case of peppermints. I ' o Mr. Gretsch we leave a new brief-case. I ' o Mr. Shea we leave “1,000 Ways to Cure a Ham.” ' I ' o Mr. McGuffin we leave a set of carpenter’s tools and new slip covers for his convertible. To Dr. Callanan we leave a subscription to Classic Comics. I ' o Mr. G. B. Cleary ' we leave 10 issues of “Dynamic Diction.” To Mr. Levine we leave all our problems. In addition we leave Messrs. Lambert and McCarthy to heaven. .And to those poor unfortunates who are either unable to file through the shackles or are ineligible for parole, we bequeath the following: To Class W we leave the admonition, “Leave before they chain you to the desks.’’ To Class A ' we leave our assorted drill shirts and pants, and the know how of skipping a phys. ed. period. To Class I ’ we leave the joys and mysteries of plane geometry. ' I ' o Cla.ss HI we leave the advice to commence acquaintance with the library, now! ! ! I ' o Class 11 we leave the side entrance to Sharaf’s. .Although harassed by acute economic problems (we’re broke), the following members of the class bequeath their most valuable possessions: Jenson leaves his blotter, lunch-check, and car-check concession. McCabe leaves his bizarre bassoon. Belsky leaves his set of locksmith tools. -Mabry leaves a textbook on modern athletics to Mr. Carroll. Lake leaves his mellow voice and “.savoir faire.” C ' ollins leaves to accept the democratic nomination for canine custodian (dog- catcher that is). Katz leaves demanding a recount. Greenbaum leaves the fourth issue of this year’s Register to the class of 1950. Stevens leaves bouncing along merrilv. Tobin leaves his resounding, forensic ability. Newman leaves for a tonsorial salon. Kelly ' Kelly Inc. leave a brace of water pistols. Zisk leaves his formula for the fourth dimension. (Juirk leaves his dynamic per.sonality. Ravreby leaves Air. Hopkinson in an un.settled state of mind. Page Thirty