Boston Latin School - Liber Actorum Yearbook (Boston, MA)

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’e t Roxhun V new secret vea]X)n, the (ireen Itauni, crashed into the buildin ' ' . Headmaster Arthur I’owell was subjected to severe criticism by the students when he offered to shift classes to Girls ' Latin School for the duration. Herb Katz has just beaten Fran Collins by two votes in the recent elec- tion. Said Mr. Katz, I shall make the city ' s best do -catcher. . 1 Stein, former hockey player, and recentl}- elected president of the United Nations, has announced that his forei.t ' n |)olic will be to tread softly and carry a biy .--tick. ”. 1 Lee. the defeated candi- date. claims that the only reason he did not win was that he could not play the Missouri U ' a tz. Lee says he will appeal to the president of the American Federa- tion of iMusicians, James Caesar Mudarri. Fat Ifratton ' s concerto for Sousa- phone and Glockenspiel received its ini- tial performance yesterday at the Enydi.sh High School .Auditorium by two of its P. G.’s, Phil” Flavderman and Xormie” Milgram. . nd now lor the news from the under- world 1 Plead of the Undertakers ' Union, Hig- ger ( ) ' I )el ' ecchio, has recjuested his law firm of Kelly, Kelly, and Kelly, to bring a case against the (ioffin Coffin Company. -As you know, their slogan goes as fol- lows: ILc’t’c got a box jor you: You ' ll come doivn if you’re wise. You ' ll try one ou, and then you ' ll kiioie ILc’i ' C (divays got your size. Digger ' s” union claims that the coffin company ' s new, improved large economy, two-in-a-bo.x size coffin failed to provide ample breathing space for Higgins and Winward. Nevertheless, the firm’s law- yers - E[)stein, Feinstein, Goldstein, and Hacigalupo - have announced that they will fight a stiff battle to the last corpse. Paul Alabry, curator of the Rare Flow- ers Aluseum, has announced the theft of the meowing pussywillow plant, d ' he only other person present at the time was the janitor. Herbert Bloom. During a thor- ough examination, both were X-rayed b} ' Sonny” Andelman. When the X-ra - wa- developed, the plant was found to be in JBoom. I ' la.sh! Lynch, Lynch, and Lynch have returned to this country after twenty years exile as a result of President Truman’s anti-Lynch laws. . nother late bulletin notifies us of a revolution in the South. The ' have set up their own government, and Cotton is king. Fred” Lake and Al” (Juirk, our dele- gates to the United Nations, have been dis- missed because of their pro-Russian senti- ments. They were first suspected of these attitudes by Senator Hart when he found them playing penny-ante over a bottle of vodka. Shaun Burns’s horror play. Spilled Hemoglobin.” received high acclaim from the noted dramatic critic, “Dave” Lyons. Commented Air. Lyons; The success of the ]day was especially due to ‘Joe’ Brown’ interpretation of a wig-maker, and Boris Kosloff ' s portrayal of the hero- ine. And no:: ' 7ve bring you W ' altd ' II’ ' r c Azriu reith the latest ne ' d ' S of the nation. The renowned archaeologist, Peter Gos- sels, and his two assistants. Baby-Face” , nderson and Bring Em Back .Alive” Lydiard, have returned from .Africa with many specimens, the most interesting be- ing two wild men bearing strange resem- blances to former Secretary of the Treas- ure, Steve Bernard! and Secretary of . griculture. Harry Hewes. both of whom mysteriously disappeared from this coun- try ten years ago. The one resembling Bernard! keeps pouncing on his comrade, and shouting, “If you don’t pay by the fifteenth, we won’t get a yearbook.” I ' he Congressional Investigating Com- mittee, consisting of Rolt, Sperber, Rugo, and AIcCabe. have just returned from their secret, hitherto unrevealed tour of Eu- rope. .After careful investigation and most diligent study, they feel that they are justified in announcing that .Amer- ica’s Strudel Industry is safe from foreign competition. ( )n the cultural side of the news we find that Edward Dunn, chief librarian of the Legelis Lending Library, has reported the theft of five copies of ‘‘Forever .Alter” by a burglar resembling the well-known psy- choanalyst. Robert Resnick. .And now a message from our sponsors, the Diamond Alatch Company: Is your business really badi Is it the ivorst you ' ve ever had? If so, your head you need not scratch; Why, all you need is a little match. George Benjamin, representative of the Aleterparelitan Fire Insurance Company, has asked that this commercial be discon- tinued. I have it on good authority that Bar- I’.ifiL I u

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But no matter where our Fate may lead us, the principles and ideals, the knowledge and culture, which we have re- ceived from this school, will enable us to conquer, whether it be in winning the peace or winning a war. In either case we shall have worked for our fellow-man. Bear in mind that the noblest achievement attainable on this earth is un.selfish serv- ice to humanity. In this our song of triumph today there is a note of sorrow, for we are taking leave of the Latin School. We shall always carry in our hearts that sacrefl heritage of which as a class we now are a { art. We feel prepared to .set forth into the world as citizens of the world and to defend to the best of our ability those sacred ideals of freedom which have been firmly inculcated in us here. With thoughts of a peaceful world and with hopes of a bright future, we look forward with confidence to a contented, prosperous, and happy life. Class [Proph opnecy Each year it has been the custom for the graduating class to present, as one of the features of its Class Day exercises, a prophecy. .And each year Mr. Benson’s desk is littered with prospective prophe- cies written by various Seniors. After careful e.xamination by the judges, one is selected as the official Class Prophecy. This year, however, there will be no prophecy. Instead, we bring you a dem- onstration by Stanley Zisk on the electro- microchemical aspects of radio. Mr. Zisk. (Z isk, carrying a radio and a suitcase, ascends to the stage, and after applause, speaks.) “Thank you, fellow Seniors. The ex- periment which I am about to perform has never before been attempted b any one, including myself; and, therefore, I cannot promise you that it will succeed. If it does, you will all be witnesses to the greatest advance in science since the dis- covery of the telephone by .Ameche. “Now, I push this button, turn this screw, lift this lever, and . . .” (An explosion is heard, the lights go out. When the lights go on, the stage is empty save for the radio, a calendar read- ing .April 16, 1968, and Zisk, lying on the floor. he rises slowly, it is seen that he now has a beard. He speaks.) “What happened? WTiere am I? (Looks at calendar) A e gads, 1968! There’s a ra- dio, I’ll turn it on.” Good evening, folks; this is Gabriel Heatter Cogen about to bring you the news highlights from Station WIBS. But first a message from John Berrigan, presi- dent of the Education For A’outh Society. If it’s Latin you are failing. There’s no sense your fate bewailing. There’s not need for getting hot. When a trot’s so easily bought. .Ah, yes; there’s good news tonight. Af- ter twenty years of petitioning by its Em- peror, Gerald Alanishin, Chelsea has final- ly been admitted to the union. That’s good news? Rumors have it that Congressman “Stan” Tobin, who, when asked if he was a Communist, said, and I quote, “I re- fuse to answer that question,” will intro- duce a bill in the House to raise funds to rebuild that historic institution of learning, Boston Latin School. You all remember that last week a plane carrying Time flies” Page Twenty-seven

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hara Risi, star of William Moftan’s classic. “The Last Soda” or “.Apprehended at Sharafs.” will shortly become the bride of 19f)8’s athlete-of-the-year, (ierald Eskin. Here is the official announcement about the recent change in the police department “Bill” Jones has taken the place of “Stan Zimmerman as police commissioner of Hyde Park. The change was brought about when Zimmerman was caught registering bets with bookie, Gordon Fillmore, at Ka- dis’s Corner Pharmacy. The eminent scientist, Dr. David Vphantis, has finally perfected his miracle solution. He claims it can be used for washing dishes, making school teachers disappear, dissolving gold and platinum, and bathing the baby. “Fweddy” Jensen, ninety-ninth vice- president of the Penny Savings Bank, has been convicted of embezzling four million pennies by that champion of justice, Judge Baatz. Defending attorney, “Tom” Ken- nedy, swore that he would get justice; president of the bank, Sumner Kirshner. swore that he would wreak vengeance; while Jensen just swore. Nevertheless. Allen Gitlin has announced that after his release “Fweddy” will be given back his old job as chief filler in the Gitlin (iefillte Fish Company. The great humanitarian, song-writer, and man-about-town, “Bob” Jingozian. has recently released his latest song, en- titled “Kissin’ in the Dark” — or — “I For- got to Pay the Electric Bill. So far, he has made five hundred dollars on his song and has paid out five thousand dollars in law suits, trying to prove its originality. Home town boy makes good. Stanley (lelles, whom we all remember as co-dis- coverer of the atomic bomb-chaser, has re- cently been appointed associate assistant professor of science at East Hemstich University. . nd now I shall describe my drive through Boston this morning . .As I was riding down ' alsh Street in my new Karlin car, my gaze was attract- ed by a sign in the Stevens Stocking Com- pany’s window. “Sale — Today Only. Silk hose, rayon hose, nylon hose, and fire hose.” . cro.ss the street, 1 noticed another llaming-red sign, reading “The Belsky Incinerator ( ' ompany.” Directly below, hung the firm ' s now-famous motto, “Hon- esty is the Best Policy.” 1 stopped in at the Burris Book Shop to purchase Doctor Levine ' s treati.se. ■ ■hat to Do Until Dr. Kharibian (’omes’ ' ; but no sooner had I entered, than 1 was engulfed by people trying to buy Marvin E[)stein’s scientific study. “ ' I ' he Theory of Relativity - or I ' m my own Grandpa.” Outside, I saw an airplane sk -writing the C ' hyet - Buyit - ' Lryit - and - May - A ' ou - Rest - In - Peace Tooth Paste Com- pany’s ad. It went like this I your teeth are troubling you, If your head they’re paining, Chyet ' s toothpaste you should try, And there’ll be none renuiining. .After buying a tube, I stopped in at Shelby ' s Oil Station, where greasy Gerner emerged, together with his assistant. “Izzy Raverby. They examined my car for two solid hours, using everything from a stethoscope to Benson’s Bolt-busting Ifludgeon before they discovered 1 was out of gas. I noiv turn you back to Fulton Lends Cogen. .And now for some news about the re- cent flow of business into the “.Athens of .America.” .Among the latest additions to Boston’s firms are “Buz” Barton ' s Foot- ball Alanufacturing Company; “Frank” Doherty’s Hoh ' Donut Company, oper- ated under Junior . chievement ; and “Charlie’’ Connors’ Water Pistol Com- pany. I have just been handed an important announcement. “Jeff” Paul, president of the Latin School .Alumni .Association, wishes to announce that due to the gen- erosity of stage manager, “Red Xolan. this year’s class reunion will be held at the ( )ld Howard King Theatre. L ' ntil we meet there, we remain Respectfully, Bexj.amix Coge.x and X.ATH.Ax .Azrix your class prophets Page Tu emy-nine