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Page 32 text:
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It has the new chromium body — chrome fenders, chrome bumpers, chrome running boards, — in fact, it ' s the chromiest car on the market. ' ’ Now it behooves us, as it has never before behooven us, to bid you all Farewell with our warning: Don ' t let all this happen to you. Deane George- Adis, Author Kenneth Donovan, Alter Ego. ,JC LAXM SCHOOL OF BOSTON TRAl M r ' -TINC of the town Y r . 1 L z , M O N r O X MON : WAS entreated to become sc-oclmaster FOR THE TEACHING AND NURTURING OF CHILDREN WITH US FROM THE SEED PLANTED HERE THE WHOLE AMERICAN SYSTEM OF FREE EDUCATION GREW BEDFORD STREET 1844 — IS Si WARREN AVENUE 18 SI —1922 . AND ON THE SITE SINCE 1922 ?S:NC:?!UM SAPIENTIAL ?0$S!DS Sa?!ENT!aM ST 1 OMN. POSSESSORE TUa aCQ JURE ' PRUDENTav PROVERBS :V 7 AY. , sc a A Pa e Thirty-twt
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Page 31 text:
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Fox’ vs. The Wolf’. ' ' At that moment Goldsmith, the successful journalist, came in. I glady bought a newspaper from him. It was the Boruchoff Bugle.” The headlines blared: ” Dutchy’ Holland New Symbol of the ' Lily White League.’ ” I learned much from the inside pages. The Masters Russo Opera Company had taken over Boston Garden, which had just sheltered the Fitzgerald Flea Circus — it was run out of town because it was getting in the people’s hair. The great impresarios were presenting a new opera ' Two Gentle- men of Verona: Giardello and Quaglieri”; or, A Barber Pole Grows in Roxbury.” Baby-Face” Glennon and Six-Gun” Vanderslice had been apprehended, and the missing subway-station Orbit gum machines replaced. Prof. Bernard, LL.B., B.A., L.S.M.F.T., formerly with the Monotonous Mavgie School of Elocution, had just published his book, Roman Rubble,” a translation of Caesar, Cicero, Ovid, and Virgil The ten-year presidential campaign of Plain” Joe Richards has terminated with great success under his powerful manager, Cornelius Coughlin. Without doubt, Rich- ards will be our next president ... of Tid- dleywinks, Inc. Bert Rodman, former fifth Vice-President of Garbage Man ' s Local No. 2222, has ac- cepted a position as second Vice-President at Svensson Downs Race Track. He was quite familiar with race tracks from his Latin School career. Disgusted, I turned on the radio. This is Harry Von Finks, your announcer, with just another reminder that Television will be introduced any year now, since the project has been placed in Finnegan’s hands. Donavan, the retarder, has been ousted. And now, a request performance of the overture sweeping the country, composed by Yarosh the Great, that new concerto. Bill the Squeeler,’ otherwise known as William Tell.’ Wait! Flash: We have just re- ceived word about the latest expedition of the intrepid Prof. Katz into the heart of West Roxbury. He visited the cannibals to get the inside dope, but the cannibals got the dope’s insides. . . . Workers at the McLaughlin Amalgamated Chewing Gum Company have gone on strike. They object to the Chew as you go’ policy . . . which has been stuck on them for ten months. Flash: Sidman, Glazer, and Kaden, owners of the Shindler Mfg. Co., have been apprehended. They are charged with being promoters of Dr. Miller’s All- Around Miracle Tonic, a drug guaranteed to build flesh and bone, dissolves the flesh and hair when used as a hair tonic, and disintegrates the teeth when used as a den- tifrice — also good for washing dishes and bathing the baby. Do you feel blue when you ' re in the pink? Does your cigarette taste the same lately? What you need is Dr. Semonian’s Chapstick. Remember — Chapstick spelled backwards is Kitspach — which means! — Nothing. Flash: Branche, Bush and Berry, Co-Chairmen of the National Rhodo- dendron Society, have pressed suit against author Smith for his new book, detrimental to the encouragement of cultivation of plant life in America, — ' A Tree Grows in Bed- ingfeld ' s Back Yard.’ We regret that Jerry Avergun’s Band, with the theme song Please Let Him Aver- gun’ will not be heard at this time in order that we may bring you a special program from the Capitol. . . . After six months of red-hot wrangling, with the aid of Senator J. J. Collins and Congressman Burns, Con- gress has passed a bill to make West Rox- bury part of the Union ' Now, under the sponsorship of Hines Soup, that new, improved Sluppy, Spoonless beverage which you drink from a perforated can, we bring the Indianapolis Stringless Or- chestra, under the direction of Leopold Kasowski. Tonight’s presentation: Peter- kofsky and the Wolf, composed by Michael Strogoff. Wait! Flash: The program has been cancelled as the entire audience left the Slade Symphony Hall for Mulhall Hall, where Lurie, The Voice,’ has arrived by suprise to sing the nation’s hit, Turalura LURIE.’ Do you need money? Then go at once to the Fay, Finn, Fingerman, and Flannery Loan Company. Get your name on our waiting list, and well take care of you. Our money is as good as the paper we print it on. Remember — you can get as much as 4 G s from the 4 F’s. Do you need real money? Then come to the O’Neil and Murphy Loan Company, the company with the unbelievable policy: no money, no property, no security neces- sary. Murphy is O’Neil’s right-hand man. When you pay up your loan, Murphy gives back your right hand. Delicious, wholesome, chewey, and fooey are just the words for our new candy crea- tion — ' Footsie Rolls,’ made by the Karas Kandy Kompany, the sanitary factory. . . . Our candy is untouched by human hand. . . . We roll it around with our feet. Are you buying a new car this spring? Then buy the sensational, newly-invented, light-as-a-feather car, the new Capobianco Comet,’ built by Robertson the Mechanic. Page Thirty -one
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