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Page 13 text:
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Since the creation of the curriculum, administrators have always included one sure thing: the worst class in the world. Naturally, curriculums could not entitle the class as such. They have to be more subtle. The course tempts students with a description that sounds enjoyable and assures an easy ‘A’ for his major. After the student has yielded to the temptation, the course drops all pretenses. The student soon discovers that he must not only buy the books but also read them. The class quickly becomes boring, educational and hard. The syllabus is the most obvious trait of this class. Naturally, the unassuming student does not take the syllabus seriously. Little does he know that this is the only class he will ever take where it is actually followed. The student suspects nothing until the first test which, in his ignorance, he believes is a drop quiz. Now that the student realizes what must be done, he spends countless hours pouring over the text in preparation for the midterm. By the time he takes the test he knows the books as well as if he had w-ritten them himself. But what’s this business about lecture notes? Another text? Something on closed reserve? Could it be that he missed something by not attending class? He begins to figure out how much money he can get back by dropping the class immediately. The figuring proves, as the student feared, that dropping the class is too big a loss to be worthwhile. There is only one option left now. Change majors. And then, with a sigh of relief, return to study the curriculum in hopes of avoiding the second worst class in the world. DIANE DOEBLER
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Page 14 text:
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I -ike the now extinct Bethel beanie, bonafide all-nighters are en route to insignificance. Until recently, the term itself challenged even the most diligent student. But now, the watch-phrase of procrastinators and perfectionists alike has degenerated to a cliche without class. “All-nighter” no longer connotes a dusk-to-dawn struggle against the temptations of sleep and boredom. Current usage defines an all-nighter as “any study period of more than five hours.” In order to restore dignity to the maligned reputation of the all-nighter, a criteria, “a conceptual base,” is here proposed. 1. Make the L.R.C. rounds telling friends about your upcoming fate. Gorge on sympathy. 2. Tell as many people as possible that the need to stay up all night is not, in any way, your fault. 3. Coerce someone (friend, spouse, prof) to “pull the all-nighter with you. 4. Buy a pound of M M’s and several packs of bubble gum. Check the coffee supply. 5. Play or watch I M basketball until at least 10:30 p.m. 6. Declare that nothing short of a Marx brothers movie shall interfere with your concentration, but inwardly budget hourly breaks for theological discussions, gin rummy and banana splits. 7. Beginning at 2 a.m., stage absurd arguments to relieve the tedium (e.g. “Is chemistry or sociology a more valuable background for taking ceramics?”) 8. Around 4 a.m., turn up the stereo, slam windows and do jumping jacks to let nearby slumbcrcrs know you’re still at work. 9. Hit Perkins for breakfast. Talk loudly about your incredible feat. 10. Go to class, bleary-eyed and dishevelled. (This is worth at least three free cups of coffee from sympathetic friends.) 1 1. When it’s all over, rationalize the mediocrity of your accomplishment (paper, painting, etc.) away. Under the circumstances, no one could have done a better job. LAURA ALDF.N There is a certain feeling of exhilaration one can feel coursing through the air in the coffccshop. It is one-thirty, and the lunch ladies arc about to accept food cards. The throng begins to crowd around the cashier. The between-class-passers-through grab their coffee, slap down their dimes, and leave the coffeeshop to the more hardcore constituents. During C and G mod breaks, they leave behind a good percentage of their number who have rationalized their way out of attending the second half of class. (“If I skip the last half. I’ll have an hour more to study in the library.”) These people know full well that they won’t get out of the coffeeshop for at least two hours. Anyway, the coffee drinkers have left, leaving behind the hard-core “shopees to play their favorite game: Guess how much work I have to do” or “It’s three weeks into the semester and I’m five weeks behind.”
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