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Page 24 text:
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2002: A Reunion Odyssey We've finally made it to the 20 year of the class of '82. It’s being held at the home of Todd Jones on the last day of his 37th year. He’s over in a corner some where babbling to himself. The entire class is sit- ting on the living room sofa (no big accomplishment), with “The Best of Ozzy Ozborne as performed by Lawrence Welk played as background music. It seems Ozzy died a few years ago in a plane crash. Well, let’s take a look around and see who’s here. There’s Annette Barter ... er... Marshall sitting at the end of the couch. She’s got a secraterial job; right now she’s taking notes on the reunion in case there’s a pop quiz tomorrow. Steve Hower’s at the other end of the couch. The first thing he’s asked everyone is if they want to buy a couple of watches real cheap. His auto-repair shop in Florida didn't do too hot after the State started investigating where he got his brand-new used spare parts. Mike Cuttill just came in, followed very closely by Scott Martin. Mike decided to leave his three kids at home this evening. Scott decided to leave his three kids at home, too. Oh, it seems Mike is going to the bathroom. Surprise, surprise; Scott is going too. But where’s Mike Carroll? He must not have come since he didn’t have anyone to tag along after. The last we heard of Mike, he was the owner of a chain of pet stores called “Pups.” One success story here tonight is Mark Suddarth. He’s a high paid fashion model. He models shoes. Another success story is Kendall Mulvany. He’s now a plastic surgeon. His first operation, of course, was on himself. He now has all his teeth and both of his eyes looking in the same direction. Teresa Bushert and Cindy Snearly were here, but they left half-way through the reunion . .. Well, sinks for coming anyway, guys! Doug Hite just pulled into the parking lot doing 55 in reverse. He is a very well-to-do construction contractor; he builds big “how-ses.” Cheri Funk is now a model for Cover Girl. She’s in the dining room showing how to put on the latest line of cosmetics with a mascara brush and a putty knife. Too bad Jon Nation couldn’t be here tonight. Remember when we use to think he was crazy? Well, now he has a nice view of the lake from his padded cell number 37 in Bellview. Kim Gregory came in with her new husband. He’s 89 years old. Looks like Kim finally gave in to one of those guys at the nursing home. Paul Davis isn’t here yet. He’s still out in the parking lot, thinking he’s King Arthur slaying Lisa Bailey’s car, the Green Grenade. Sister Sherry Tipsword is here, but she can’t stay for long because she has to go to mass early in the morning. Besides, those nun’s clothes are uncomfortable. During the evening, those of us at the reunion got a big surprise when we turned on the T.V. There was the Rev. Kelly Traster preaching on the television. He’s a big television evangelist for the Church of the Latter Day Hog Farmers. Mark Bandy couldn’t be here tonight. He’s trying to set a world’s record for attending the most rock concerts in a life time. Greg Brown wins the honors for coming the longest distance to the reunion. Greg is a mountain man in the Colorado Rockies where he checks traps — other peoples traps. Paul Bryant couldn’t be here with us this year, or any other year for that matter. It seems Paul’s wife left him a couple of years ago, and Paul, overcome with grief, committed suicide by walking into a black ghetto in Chicago and shouting “Kum-belli, kum-belli, photon, yo’ mama!” Oh, Bill Larkin’s here, too. You remember Bill; all he ever did was listen to hard rock. Poor Bill — he’s a vegatable now. All that loud music turned his brain into jelly. Quick, someone wipe that drool off his chin! There’s Max Lappin, crewcut and all. From what we here, Max is still a private in the Marines; he gets sea-sick on a ship in drydock. We just got a call from David Yarnell. It seems that it’s snowing out his way and he tried taking a short-cut through someone’s field in his truck. He’ll be a little late. Joe Moon is the only one not accounted for tonight. It’s rumoured that big city life Finally got to him and now is living in a religious commune in California and has a very severe morphine habit. Oh, and by the way, all of this information was taken from Annette Barter’s notes. Relax, Annette. There’s no quiz tomorrow. Respecfully Prophesied, Joe Moon and Jon Nation. 20
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Page 23 text:
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Max has seen it all before. Homecoming week. Sherry T. lounging around. Teresa's doing her Spiderman routine. Jon wants a bottle of the blue pills. They put what in my glass? 19
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