Bethany College - Bethanian Yearbook (Bethany, WV)

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-TKefoiUes of SBiHip TvrefL S. Phillip Firefly woke one day And slowly yawned and gazed away He gaped and rubbed his dewy eyes Then scratched his head, looked at the skies And wondered what had happened, for He ' d never seen this place he swore ! Phil stretched his neck and noticed things : He ' d lost the light beneath his wings! Perhaps he hadn ' t trimmed his wick — Or else the oil had burned too quick — But if he ' d stop and just refuel He thot that ' d bring him back his ' jewel ' . Young Phil ge-flitted to a pond And, leaning on a peagreen frond He skimmed oil film from off the surf Then he sat down upon the turf, To load his lantern with the prize — It just won ' t light! S. Phillip cries. If mine had been a chromium flash With batteries, bulb, for four bits cash — I ' d understand this mess , he said, I ' d know my battery ' d just gone dead — But since my lantern ' s part of me. Not made in any factory, I ' ll have to put my wings in hock To pay the bill to see the doc — If he can ' t diagnose my ill My light won ' t shine or never will! Forthwith young Phil went to M.D. Head of the bug dispensary And loud spoke doc : A case of nerves ! Just get more sleep and watch your curves Gulp down some vitamines and right Away your back will have a light. But though two tears drooled from his eyes S. Phil though he ' d philosophize — Perhaps he wasn ' t off so bad Why look — the benefits he had! (He knew he should have stayed in bed- He always stayed up nights in- stead)— Lost the light beneath his wings! Tonight he had a ' super ' date. If mine had been a chromium flash Went to bug dispensary But never ' fore he ' d seen the flowers, The rippling pond, the leafy bowers, The birds, the butterflies he met In anything but silhouette — He liked their stylish gowns in hue, Black may be chic, but color, ooh ! (Phil mightn ' t have woman ' s ken Of fashion info, he had a yen — And since that yen dictated chrome Bright splashy colors hit Phil home.) Philosophizing soon was nil — More tears did flood from our S. Phil. Proud, brushing dampness from his cheek S. Phil his fortune went to seek. Hurried to a plastic surgeon Said, I ' d rather hear my dirge than Go along a maimed creature Lacking my scintillate feature. Perhaps that sounds like vanity But really, honest, I can ' t see Why I survive among the fit When my main purpose is to glit! All the graft of plastic surger ' Couldn ' t quite affect a merger Couldn ' t attach a brand new light On S. Phil ' s back to mend his plight ! He off to Mother Nature set — Phil Prodigal would to her fret — He tried the glisten of a new dew- drop, Some dust from Golden-Rod ' s own mop, Gold pollen from a rose ' s stamen, But none would set his lantern flamin ' . Suddenly S. Phillip heaved a sigh And gazed up at the noonday sky- He gulped and gasped with shame- faced cry, Why, gosh, I know the reason why! God ' s an economist, I guess. To make his electric light bill less He lets the sun beam ' lone all day, Cause I would just be in the way — He switches off my light so bright To save my juice for inky night. I see he wants my light instead To shine when Sol has gone to bed! (P. S. And when his light with night returned, Phil met his super-date, I learned.) PAGE TWENTY-SEVEN

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Carlin The Bethany Collision VOL. I, No. 1 ON THE BANKS OF THE OLD BUFFALO DATED-UP THE BETHANY COLLISION Published — we hope Editor-in-Chief The editor is out to lunch Associate Editors This is a modern publication under a dictatorship. Circulation by Bethany ' s air conditioned heating Note: All references to existing persons or places is purely a coincidence. Editorial The new chapel system has dis- tinct advantages which mark it as one of the most progressive moves in the history of Bethanj ' . In the first place the new sys- tem will prove to be a great econ- omy to faculty members and to visiting speakers, since the wear- ing of academic gowns makes it unnecessary to buy a new suit when preparing to speak in chapel. An hour gives one time to catch a full forty winks. With more il- lustrated lectures by Shaw, the darkened auditorium will be ev- en more efficacious in this regard. Too, the book store will be able to make a quick turn-over at lit- tle outlay selling flashlights to those who use the chapel period for studying. Choir members are particularly pleased with the new system. Their seats have the advantage of being hidden by the organ con- sole. Thus they are not obliged to even appear contented and happy. Students in English history are overjoyed that the system gives them a full hour vacant on Mon- day morning. Thus, they can have a two-hour class that day with no extra credit. They feel, however, that a charge for this extra instruction should be added to their bill. However, the most promising indication is that the new system is a long step toward the final obliteration of this hold-over from a more naif period of our glori- ous college history. Bethany ' s $9,000 Oat Field In a recent interview with J. Knight, the Collision learned that Bethany ' s $9,000 oat field is in a promising condition. You, per- haps, know it as the Rine field. It is estimated that after the pig-weeds, cockle burs and beg- gar lice are cut and raked, gov- ernment officials will be able to make a comprehensive study to- ward an erosion control plan. This done, the field will provide ample facilities for Bethany ' s stalwart sons to sow their wild oats. Here is a loud argument proving that Bethany is the qual- ity college. A hundred years a- go our alumni were forced to sow their wild oats through the me- dium of school morale. A. K. Pi ' s— It isn ' t so much what we are, ole pal, ole pal — it ' s what we wish we were. Betas — But my deah friend, it isn ' t what we are — it ' s what we used to be. K. A. ' s — No, no, it isn ' t what we are, it ' s what people think we are. Phi Tau ' s — Now it isn ' t what we are, kid — it ' s what we aught to be. Sigs — It isn ' t what we are — it ' s what we think we are. THE COLLIDESCOPE Moompitchers Bethany ' s movie fare provides entertainment in step with the highly cultured tastes of its ef- fete patrons. We heartily rec- ommend the shorts featuring swing bands and animated car- toons. Though some of the gen- uine dramatic masterpieces shown from time to time are above the heads of students, swing bands and cartoons fill a choice spot in our bill. This fact is attested by the round applause they receive. Colliding With Books Gone With the Wind. The story of what happened to that do or die spirit you had during Fresh- man Week. The Inferno. A realistic account of how five Greek tribes, organ- ized into phalanxes, descended upon Cochran hall, a grim cita- del, and carried its inhabitants into involuntary servitude. There is an interesting chapter telling how the Greeks, finding that brute force was to no avail, resorted to conceits and bombast to lure their prizes. This is a revealing tale of collegiate nationalism. Paradise Lost. A story with feminine appeal. It recounts how the idyllic, harmonious life of a class of freshmen co-eds was changed to one of instense soror- ity loyalty. American Tragedy. Telling in terse, ugly words the story of a boy who went to college to bet- ter himself. At the end of four years he had a smaller vocabu- lary than when he started, was in debt, and found himself at the foot of the line with the graduates of the last five years ahead of him in all the employment offices. The Last Puritan. A lovely, fragrant tale of a mythological character who is supposed to have once attended Bethany col- lege. How To Take Care of Your Pipe. A brochure on a topic that is vital to all college men, and to some college women (tch, tch). This is a very learned treatise. The edition is limited, obtainable only with the purchase of a can of tobacco. — The editor will supply the name of the tobacconist for a nominal charge. This is not a plug. In Memoriam We pause to shed a tear for that worthy, The Bethany Col- legian. For long years it printed all the news that fit to print. Gallantly it fought but its fall was inevitable. No one can find news in Bethany that is fit to print. No one in Bethany would read it if it were found. To one of the most fearless and rugged of our contemporaries, we take off our hat. We leave it off in salute to a robust infant, the new Bethanian. PAGE TWENTY-SIX

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BETHANY ANTITHESIS CARDS ON THE TABLE BOOKS ON THE TABLE An epidemic of highly appropriate names is spreading throughout the Beta house. Most famous of these are Virtuous Vincent Vaupel, Chattering Chauncey Chalfant, Laughing Louis Lancaster, Rollicking Richard Robb, Nifty Na- thaniel Nee. In fact, the disease has even spread to include Mighty Maude McAdams and Merry Mollie Mullen . . . Bea Lake, the prominent freshman danseuse has introduced the Cokie- Cokie to Phillips hall. It ' s a mass gymnastic exercise with a few features in common with that ancient tribal dance, the Big Apple . . . Our personal selection (strictly one man ' s opinion) of the ten most attractive personalities in the freshman class are. Barbara Babbitt, Violette Chun, Dorothy Douglass, Marjorie Hanner, Dor- othy Hazelhurst, Jane Oberman, Ruth Shannon, Ila Warstler, and Judy Wakefield . . . Eddie Mc- Veigh, the well-known Irish exchange student, is Inn again . . . and it would appear that the Oberman sisters specialize in second-hand Sigma Nu ' s . . . Bethany ' s permanent week-end guest, Bill Mcllroy, has begun the season early this year . . . Has Don Hosensteele interrupted Joan Boon ' s W. and J. heartbeat permanently? . . . This year ' s crop of graduation widows includes Jane Cluss, Dorothy Johnson, Janet Murray, Betty Mullen, and Virginia Tidwell . . . Gerald Croushore, star member of the student board of deacons, is also captain of the football team. How- versatile! . . . Fireworks! Joe White ' s Uniontown heart arrived in Bethany October 6 for a visit. And did the pride of Sag Harbor like that? My guess is no . . . Barbara Babbitt evidently rates with Dick Jackson, but then, so does the star pu- pil at Bethany high school ! . . . The Marge Han- ner-Tom Jones apache dance for the freshman dinner was the real thing. Marge is sporting a sore jaw and various bruises these days . . . Does Sprinkle Spray have his pin back, or is it just a rumor? . . . and what about Camp and Grade? . . . not to mention Berger! . . . Since Sue Worthen has been looking for someone to go to Mexico with her for two weeks, pardon us while we cut school and go along . . . There ' s nothing like running from danger! Every student is interested in the subject of How to Get By Without Study or at least with as little study as possible. Consequently, when a small book, entitled The Psychology of Getting Grades, appeared on the collegiate horizon, eyes opened and voices muttered, Aha! We feel justified in reviewing this book not only because of the interest displayed in it, but also because of the timeliness of the subject with which it deals. This Pschology of Getting Grades is anonym- ous, not at the request of the author but in con- sideration of certain policies of the publishers. We are told that the author, whoever he might be, was a student who made Phi Beta Kappa with- out studying more than the average student. The first part of the book is concerned with selecting courses and professors, and the sugges- tions made there could only be put into effect in a large university. However, such matters as Impressing the Prof , How to avoid being call- ed on for what you don ' t know and how to get yourself called on for what you do know are matters of interest to all of us. Likewise, the subject of Hitting Exams. Very, very inter- esting. Under the heading, Impressing the Profs is the warning: And, of course, laugh t his jokes. If the joke isn ' t funny, the prof ' s ef- forts to tell it are, so in any case you have a laugh coming. Read this little book. Let it be your litany (with apologies and thanks to Kirk) as was your freshman week schedule. Paste something over the words of Getting Grades and carry your Psychology around with you. Then there shall be Phi Beta Kappa keys jingling on our campus — if we ever get Phi Beta Kappa here. MY ALMA MATER B) T. Dii.lwyan Thomas. Poet for class of 1897 As back I look, in my mind ' s eye, To days of long ago, In reminiscent mood I sigh, For in my heart ' s aglow. Pondering what it meant to mc, I still can feel the thrill. Of the contacts that I made In that college on a hill. Old Bethany! PAGE TWENTY-EIGHT