Berea High School - Prima Luce Yearbook (Berea, NC)

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Mr. Stone s Class in Ninth Grade History (A Parody on a University Production.) Dramatis Personae : Mr. Stone Clide Morris Charlie Currin Harry Newton Edward Duncan Rhodes Frazier Annie Frances O’Brian and students. Scene : (A room with four -walls and a ceiling. Blackboards exist on three sides of the room. On the South side there arc several windows. Trees can be seen through these zvindows. Five minutes after the scheduled time for class, Mr. Stone enters quoting the folio-wing Latin proverb to himself. “Coccus iter’ monstrare vult,” — the blind man zmshes to shozv the way— evidently someone has just dis- agreed with him. He brushes the dust off the top of the table with his handker- chief as he scats himself at the table. He sits at the table running his hand through his hair for four and one-half minutes. Then a dozen or more students enter the room, leaving the door open behind them.) Mr. Stone It must be spring fever that makes you come in late. A Student No; there was a big cat fight in front of the pomp house. Mr. Stone Did anyone get hurt? Student I don’t think so. Mr. Briggs separated them. {At this moment hd-ward Duncan enters. He has just partaken of a can of Sardines at Dorsey Mangum’s store.) Mr. Stone I believe today we are to talk about Historical problems. We have traced the Course of Civilization through Greek and Roman history. The Roman Empire m the West came to an end in 476 A.D., and the problem of civilization was to find something to take its place. 27 [ Page 77 ]

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T ir — — PRIM A LUCE A- barren ; a few miserable people wandered in fear among the ruins of the churches their hiding places, while the land was covered with the bones of the slain ’ “Berea’s streets were lighted until midnight by dim oil lamps. A guard pro- tected each home, since stragglers lurked at the lonely corners, and worst of all bands of aristocratic young men (known as Mohocks from the Mohawk Indians)’ wandered to and fro overturning cars, pricking men with old rusty swords, rolling women down-hill in barrels, sometimes brutally maiming their victims for life. In the country the roads in the winter were well nigh impassable. The auto truck (wi h its armed guards to protect it from highwaymen) rattled along at six miles per hour. E. A. Partin accomplished the journey from Berea to Oxford in two hours and nine minutes; but his friends warned him of the danger of such an attempt, and gravely told him of persons venturing it who had died from the very rapi dity of the motion. Strangers were considered enemies and the inhabitants set the dogs upon them. “EDUCATION : A gentleman’s instruction was superficial, consisting of little jngish, less Mathematics, and a good deal of square dancing. At the age of sixteen the young lady was taken out of school and plunged into the dissipation of fashionable society. Newspapers were taxed mainly to render them too costly tor the poor, and so restrain what was considered their evil influence upon the “A general spirit of restlessness existed in society. Landlords beat their ten- ants and husbands their wives daily. Everyone swore— teachers in their classes ■ judges on their bench; and ladies, in their letters. No entertainment was con- sidered complete unless the guests became stupidly drunk. Children started manual labor at five, and were often driven to work by blows. It was a common every- day occurrence to see women plowing oxen. When the horses had the distemper, women pulled the ox-carts fastened to their waists by chains. “Quite frequently a howl went up from a wine party; and now, a poor old withered dame rushed swiftly by, hotly pursued by a shouting crowd, armed with long pins to prick the witch’ and see if blood would follow, or grasping at her hair to tear out a handful to burn for a counter-charm. Anon, a poor fellow with blood flowing from his freshly-chopped ears, came staggering home from a public- hogging— it was his second punishment for vagrancy, and he was lucky to escape being branded with a V At night the narrow streets and roads swarmed with thieves who skillfully dodged the rays of light borne by a marching guard There was, indeed no end of rogues, vagabonds, and sturdy beggars ; singly or in crowds who passed and repassed from morning till night; and many a bloody brawl robbery, or even murdur occurred.” As he concluded I told him that I could not add anything that would be on par with the quality of his narrative, and that he was a man after my own heart. Then I awoke and murmured, “Why should I have such visions ? It must have been that dinner, or that election day !” 1 9 [ Page 76 ]

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A Student Yes. (Clide Morris enters carrying a basketball and Annie Frances O’ Brian follozvs him. . Clide appears to be the originator of slow motion and is all present but the zvagging tail and extended cars.) Mr. Stone What is a historical problem? Do people realize at the time that it exists? Is that quite clear ? Clide Morris I don’t think so. Mr. Stone Well, let’s illustrate. Is not a historical problem like an individual problem? Suppose a man were asleep in a house and the house should be burned unknowingly to him, would the burning of the house be a problem to him? Clide Morris Well, not in this world. (Fhe class laughs for three and one-half minutes. Then Charlie Currin enters.) Charlie Currin Gee, I am here at last. ( Two members of the class fall asleep and a third one faints.) Mr. Stone It all depends on the meaning you put on the word problem. ( Another member of the class faints.) Who can describe the historical problem that confronted the world in 476 A D ? ( The members of the class give each other a vacant stare.) Mr. Stone Do I hear an answer ? Charlie Currin It looks like to me the harder we work, the less we know to death. (Looking at Annie Frances O’Brian.) Oh ! I am bored 1V1K. o TONE . There c ‘ in be no solution Of historical problems. Is that understood? Neither is there such a thing as time. The Past is gone ; the Future is not here Tt is nil Present. It’s like “Cash today and Credit Tomorrow.” (Rhodes Frazier is noiv asleep.) Mr. Stone Out of the solution of each problem two more come. Is that clear? (Someone sticks a pin in Rhodes Frasier.) [ Page 78 ]