Barnard School for Boys - Bric Yearbook (Fieldston, NY)

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enior Cfarid M019 ec? This, I believe. is lhe lirsl reporl lo come oul ol lhe melropolilan area since lhe alomic experi- menlal laboralories ol lhe eminenl scienlisl, Dr. Donald R. Flinn, were wiped oll lhe lace ol lhe earlh by a lremendous explosion. on April I, I968 lDon always would do anylhing lor a laughl. ll is said lhal lhe explosion was caused by lhe addilion ol lwo pounds ol goose grease inslead ol an ounce ol uranium lo Dr. Flinn's secrel formula lgoose grease is cheaperl. Dr. Marlin J. Cunningham, Surgeon-General ol lhe Uniled Slales. and Dr. Allred Ziviello, direclor ol Bellevue Hospilal, have iusl released some aslonishing lacls as lo lhe nalure ol lhe blasl. Il seems lhal radio-aclive parlicles from lhe blasl have relieved all lhose wilhin one lhousand miles ol all inhibilions. To clarily lhis reporl ,lhe good doclors cile some inleresling examples. Bob Aborn, lormerly head musician al Warner Brolhers, now spends his lime leaching his piano- luner, Max Sleiner, how lo play lirsl base a la Nick Ellen. Ed Wilson died ol apoplexy when he proved by lhe law ol coo-gorman's lhal lhe lwo seclions ol a bridge he was building from Yonkers lo Hoboken would never meel. Pele Parnell spends his vacalion from his prolessor- ship al lhe Universily ol Alaska convincing every- one llogically, he saysl lhal lhe sun never sels on Old Eli. Jim While divides his allenlion belween drilling molars and leaching a course al a well known universily. ll is also rumored lhal Jim has senl lhrealening lelrlers lo 99 44fl00'X, ol all high school leachers lhal engage in lhe homework rackel. Bob Berger and Dick Birn, co-edilors ol lhe New York Times, have devised a syslem where each edils lhe ediled work ol lhe olher wilh lhe resull lhal.lhe Times is now replacing mosl ol lhe beller known English grammars. The Times pages are numbered from 95 lo IOO as lhese are lhe only numbers lhal Dick and Bob recognize llhey haven'l changed muchl. Doug Trower, America's mosl eligible bachelor, is in lhe Lonely Hearls' busi- ness. Rumor has il lhal he furnished 902, ol his clienls wilh ex-girl 'friends ol his own. As a side- line, he plays lhird base lor lhe Yankees where he has led lhe League in home runs and slolen bases for lhe pasl I8 years. Mel Adler is a mulli-millionaire. He owns a chain ol movie houses calering lo the uplown bookie crowd. He hired Wallers lo slud his undies wilh diamonds and lead cheers in praise ol his hallowed name. Ted Angelus divides his lime belween his Supreme Courl bench and lrying lo lind a rhyme lor orange. Dud Kabnick is now lhe poorman's Bill Slern, lollowing wreslling champion Wally Berch ll9O-lb.l around and broadcasling his malches. Wally iusl divorced his ninlh chorus girl. Nick Cardell and Jack Slewarl are now heads ol lhe Army and Marine Corps respeclively. On lhe sly lhey race lheir cuslom buill lighl lanks up and down Broadway lo lhe dismay ol Mayor Dick Sloryk, who has recenlly won lhe lille ol Mr. Slrong. Howie Frankel, Lou Vidal, and Arlie Israel have opened a carnival. Howie does an acl in which he iuggles lhree pool lables. a cue andfsix cue balls. Lou is billed as lhe slrongesl man in lhe world and lakes special delighl in lrighlening school leachers wilh vicious and ler- rilying roars as he hangs by his hands and cracks walnuls wilh his brawny eye-lids. Arlie sells pea- nuls lhis lalal charm increased peanul sales lo women by 400'7ol. Gene Gehrer has recenlly been crowned lhe new mile king as he ran lhe lour laps al Gehrer Sladium llhe old Van Corllandl Parkl in lhe record lime ol I minule, 2 and 99flOO seconds. Dave Glass, hailed as loremosl successor lo Bob Hope, recenlly received an order lo appear lor a command performance al Sing Sing. He agreed lo lhis only in order lo visil his old pals Gary Recker and Dick Preu, who, aller enlering lhe prinling business logelher, were mixed up and arresled on some absurd charge lsomelhing aboul prinling a S64. bill lor Phil Baker. Hewill Rubel and Joe Schaller have gone inlo lhe rockel-ship business. Joe builds lhem lo go as lasl as he runs lhe hundred and Rubel doclors lhe used lesl pilols. Buddy Slall linances lhis enlerprise from his lhriving caclus larm in Ari- zona lGod's counlry, suhll. I suppose you have been wondering who has wrillen lhis hisloric chronicle. ll is l. Jerry Neben. owner and proprielor ol lhe Colorado Sall Mines. Inc. My mollo: a good seasoning lor every season .

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C 4 '11 A.. .wer K. C 4 .gif 1-A E4 x xiii? ' ,A n 44-1- 4 x X 32-13

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We. +he members of fhe class of '48, being of a poor healfh and of a doubfful menfal condilion, do hereby grani. devise and bequeafh fo Wil: A lesson on Armed. Army. and O'Gorman lo lhe Su- preme Courf PLaza 8-I234 fo Louie Clahr A Hayes Office for lhose shocking American Hislory movies Millions of Harvards. Yales and Princelons lo Mr. Ray- mond More disillusioned afhleles 'fo iraclc Our personal O. K. for a 'rerm paper in all subiecis nexf year O'Gorman's Daily Racing Sheei 'ro Min+on Marcellino's Ford +0 'fhe Lord Glass fo pass A Mr. Barnard To Edwards lFriend of +he Squirlsl Ziviello's beard 'ro all underclassmen WiIson's enfhusiasm fo Oppenheim Neben's brain 'ro Morales . . . io siudy lsrael's girdle +o Ryder Hundreds of blackboards 'ro M. J. S. Chairbrealcer Angelus To The library A real honesf-lo-goodness wise guy +o Mr. Lyon Mel's speed fo Colonel Reed A gum machine, peanul machine. and Coca-Cola machine for lhe monopoly in lhe hall Birn's concenfralion 'ro Sundel A Wal+ers' mou+h +o all-for cheering in ihe Fieldsion games A solvenl for lhe painled sleps 'ro Mr. Morales Evils of Coaching by While +o Vic Rock Levien +0 Gibrallar The heroes of Iwo Jima 'ro raise anoiher flag over Field- s'ron Appoin+men+ of Sperling, Mo'Ffa, and Slrauss io 'rhe Siu- denf Council SchaeFfer's giff for gab fo O'Brien Preu's car io Drake Berger's hair +o Mr. Davis-for a mop We hereby s'ra+e fha? Mafhew J. Slallery lBarnard S+rongmanl is io do his darndesl' fo carry ou+ lhis, our las+ will and iesiamenf. If he fails, we, fhe fesfafors of fhis will, shall, so help us God. haunf him fdr fhe res? of his blessed life. US lThe Seniorsl