Barnard College - Mortarboard Yearbook (New York, NY)

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Facs on the Radio P. D. O! ZIP-ZIP-BOOM! Minor White Latham A-noun-cing ! M. IV. L. — Standard time signals by Professor W. P. Montague ' Prof. Montague — Correct time for the beginning of classes as follows : Professor C rampton — 8:55. Professor Brexvster — 9 :02. Miss Latham — 9:09 — class dismisses at 9:45 allowing 15 minutes to shake off satellites. Miss Hutttnan — Lecture begins at door 8:59, reaches door 9:00 promptly Standard Time, Italian time 21 o ' clock, Daylight Saving Time, 1 A. M. Reaches full mo- mentum 9 :59. And in my own class we start at 9:19 (loud applause which renders indistinct ensuing remarks.) M. W. L— Weathah foah-cast by Mabel Foote Weeks. Miss Weeks — It is interesting to note that in London there is a fog. In Utah it is not raining. The weather for College Tea next Wednesday afternoon will be ideal from four to five and raining from five to six when Miss Hirst will pour. This arrange- ment has been effected by the Faculty Committee on Students ' Affairs, which is anxious to give Miss Hirst ' s new umbrella a fair trial. I thank you. Good evening. M. IV. L. — The first number on the program proper are bed-time stories in ordah that the little kiddies may retire early. These stories will be told by one, who, in sympathy, temperament and circumstances, is able to put them to sleep — Professor David Saville Muzzey. D. S. M.— Good evening my little friends. Listen carefully till the Sandman comes ! My dear little friends, once upon a time there were some dear little children, like you and me. A wicked king ruled over these little children. These were the times when they had no cafeterias, as you and I, no lolly-pops, no Hershey bars, like you and I. These little children had only Vienna bread and Irish potatoes. This mixture was not good for them, so they went in a body to the beau-ti-ful playground where the little dau-phm lived. He left his playmates and kiddie-cars and came to the little children. They asked him for food. He gave them de-lic-ious little candies of red, white and blue color. Then the little children, full of the spirit of liberty, equality, and fraternity, cried, ' Bon! Bon! Bon! Bon! ' And from that time on your candies came to be called bon- bons. No, you cannot have any at bedtime. Teehee ! Good-night my little friends ! f Twenty-seven]

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[Twenty-six]

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VI M. IV. L. — Next number will be a little diversion. The Millbank Cloister Orchestra ' s musical interpretation of ' Tales of the Jazz Age, ' directed by Kenneth W. Lamson. Lamson ' s Orchestra opens with Fraternity Blues. BANG! BANG! ZIP! Alaska, Station 209, Agnes Wayman speaking. I wish to report perfect physical con- dition of all Eskimos north of equator. 50% wear orthopedic shoes, and 39% have perfect posture. This includes walruses, sea lions and polar bears. This being the result of good sportsmanship, substitute slips and remedial gym, I recommend this excellent example to you all. M. IV. L. — Give particular attention to the next number. Tt is my favorite. Hasty Review of ' La Vie Parisienne ' and ' La Sourire. ' Mile. Prencz. — When T was in gay Paree The skirts were up at the knee. But now they ' re coming down — la bas ! Miss Weeks — Barred by censorship, special from V. C. G. M. IV. L. — Next number will require concentration. Europe since 1815 in ten minutes, by Maude Aline Huttman. M. A. II. — - In the last analysis we may say that many things have happened since 1815. Time is short. I am afraid I shall not be able to cover the entire period. (Smoker ' s cough.) It is perfectly astonishing the things that have happened since the Congress of Vienna. For instance the raid on Monte Carlo, the Rice of the School of Isadora Duncan ! M. JV. L. — Time! mah wuhd, let up! (Give ' Gilly a chance.) Dr. Alsop will tell you the best short story of 1922, ' She Gives Up the Struggle for Size. ' Dr. A. — It ' s a wonderful thing to be small ! After I hung from the ceiling for seven years trying to stretch — my only nourishment during all that time being green vege- tables and growing pills — a sudden thought struck me! If I attained the great height I desired, I could no longer be inconspicuous in the throng around the electrical lab! Realizing this, I dropped from the ceiling with a skip and a bound and was soon lost in the familiar mob. Since then my life has been a pleasant dream. M. IV. L. — Too true for fiction. Next Dr. Crampton will sing the Snail Song. Dr. C. — There ' s a long, long snail a-winding, From amphioxus to us. We owe our life to evolution. Morphologically and physiologically speaking, and u sing the taxanomical method, we find that phylogenetically the snail of the South Sea Islands is embryologically, paleontologically, and by geographical distribution connected Telephone rings. Excuse me, please. That may be important. [Tzventy-eight]