Barnard College - Mortarboard Yearbook (New York, NY)

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BARNARD FACULTY STAR ON DIAMOND GAME CALLED Scrap Ends Faculty Ball Game It must have been Manager Perry ' s well known influence with Helios, that caused that gentleman to shine in such splendor, when the faculty baseball game took place this afternoon on Raphael ' s field. The weather was ideal and everything went smoothly until a commotion arose at the gate. Door- collector Liggett was refusing to cash rain checks without written proof that it had rained on the day originally set for the game. Thousands of fans, in- cluding the owners themselves, were being turned away. Finally one of the bat-slingers, Doty, vouchsafed the in- formation that three and six-hun- dredths inches of rain had fallen be- tween one fifty-seven and two thirty- nine on the previous day, and after she had also identified each of the checks by number the fans were admitted. Manager Perry ' s team trotted onto the field clad in brand new togs, cut and fitted in the most authentic manner. They took their places and waited a minute for Manager Wayman ' s team, who were finishing their careful training by walking three times around the bench. It was then that the cheers burst forth which never diminished in volume throughout the game, so efficient and untiring was Cheer Leader Davis ( ' twas whispered she wasn ' t even hoarse). At last all the players were in place and Umpire Knapp shouted, Play Ball! which Pitcher Latham did with such enthusiasm that Player Maltby exclaimed, Isn ' t that a beautiful example of a curve! 1ST INNING: The beautiful curve tricked the veteran Perry into a strike. Two more followed in close succession and he went out. Braun, who followed, was killed with the same dexterity. Montague next grabbed a bat and banged one out to left field. He easily made first, second and even third, but there he became preoccupied. Arriving home late he was put out by the ever prompt and efficient Doty. 2ND INNING: Ogburn deliberated forty seconds before running and was ruled out. Jacoby reached first on balls, but missed two good chances of stealing second. His star gazing is ruining his career this season. Huttman, who in the last analysis proved to be a very steady player, smashed a whiz, but Wayman and Finan intercepted it with remarkable teamwork and sped it to first. Brewster there, who had been amusing himself reading themes, laid them aside, took off his glasses and tagged out Jacoby with a yawn. Prenez was too excited to do any- thing but strike out. 3RD INNING: Lamson ' s logarithms showed the score 0-0, but the odds seemed against Perry ' s team. They came to bat full of fight. With a lusty wallop Baldwin drove the sphere on a long foul. The next one hit him and he was awarded base. With his usual chivalry, he re- fused to take advantage of a lady ' s aim and walked to the bench. Hirst, who had been practicing speed around the field, was up next. She swung the stick and hit a homer. She streaked around the bags and was almost home when Short Stop Boyd slammed the spheroid at Ogburn, who gloved it cleverly. He is living up to his rep as catch of the season. Someone from the bench yelled, Where did Boyd get that ball? It was an unfortunate question as the fact was then disclosed that Boyd ' s mascot, Rags, had chased the ball and retrieved it with such speed that Boyd was able to put Hirst out. But had Rags a right to play? He certainly was not on the official faculty, but he was essential to Boyd ' s playing. Then was he to be kept off the team for not being on the faculty, or kept on it being part of Boyd, as it were? This theoretical question so intrigued the players that they became more and more excited and argued more and more vehemently until they were all shouting at once and Trainer Alsop edged hopefully near with slings and water pail. Umpire Knapp ' s efforts to restore peace and order were futile. He was muttering about wanting to knock someone ' s heads together (whose we could not ascertain), when Referee Gildersleeve came forward, and suggested with her usual tact that the last play be dis- carded because it had been made after five o ' clock closing time. This was such an admirable suggestion that both teams agreed eagerly and they all adjourned to Jameson ' s cafe for grape- nut icecream and cheese custard.

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REGISTRATION To enter: I. Procure a catalogue — a law school is maintained across the street for the purpose of interpreting it for you. II. Before interviewing Miss Doty the following exercises will be helpful: 1. Put a new record on your victrola. 2. Set it at top speed. 3. Practice until you can distinguish each word without hesitation. III. Make a special appointment for registering. IV. Pay all Bursar ' s fees in small change. UNIVERSITY BOOKSTORE A University bookstore is maintained to provide an alibi for bookless students. UNIVERSITY LIBRARY The facilities of the University library are available to Barnard students who have no classes for three consecutive days. ADVICE TO STUDENTS To arrange your program: I. Avoid consultations with the Faculty in regard to choice of courses (Freshman are incapable of discounting complexes). II. Avoid all early and Saturday classes. Avoid all late classes. Leave time in the middle of the morning for a study hour. Avoid all classes that come immediately before or after lunch. Remember your health comes first. III. Do not take courses with long reading lists. Avoid courses that stick to a textbook. Intensive courses are always too detailed. Survey courses are too general. IV. Take your program to a student adviser. She will tell you that none of your courses are worth taking. She knows — she has had them. V. Take your program to the Provost. He will veto ninety percent of your courses. The other ten percent are required. VI. After attending your classes for a week, consult with the Physical Education Department and change your entire program. DEPARTMENTAL STATEMENTS Chemistry 5-6. In accord with the government requirements of military training. The students will be innured to all poison gases by the time of the next war. Economics A1-A2. The lectures deal with big ideas ; the examinations with minute data. English 25, 26. Why are you alive? Take Drama and find out. It is quite the vogue. English X. If you have always believed that your nose ruins your looks, escape this course. Otherwise, you will be- come morbid, when you learn that its presence also ruins your speech. Physical Education A, B, C, D. These courses assist the student in acquiring speed and accuracy in dressing at close quarters. Physical Edu cation A3. A vast new field is opened to the student. She learns to eat, sleep, breathe and bathe. Psychology 7-8. Students spend delightful afternoons sticking pins in one another, playing with puzzles, and unearthing each other ' s evil tendencies. Psychology 109. After completing this course the student either is an expert alienist or needs one. Zoology 1-2. An exhaustive survey of your family tree from earthworm to you. Destroys all vanity and false pride. Recommended for Sophomores. [30]