Balmoral Junior High School - Crimson Green and White Yearbook (Calgary, Alberta Canada)

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WACKY MISHAPS (Contributed by Neale Larsen, 9E; Larry Fisk, 9A) Every ball player dreams of the day he’s as hot as a firecracker. But few attain it as literally as the outfielder of a California Sandlot team. The thirteen-year-old chased a fly ball so vigorously that the friction of his pants ignited some matches in his pocket. The matches touched off a pocketful of firecrackers. He banged his way spectacularly across the outfield and caught the fly—to the thunderous cheers of his amazed and delighted team mates. (W.H., 9E, take note.) One housewife in Cedar Rapids, la., is used to hearing her neighbors say that her biscuits are always sure-fire. Nonetheless, she was startled when shots rang out from the hot oven into which she had just dropped a pan of dough. Then she remembered that when the family left on a recent vacation, two revolvers had been hidden in the stove. In Kampsville, Ill., a bridegroom blissfully carried his bride across the threshold, slipped and broke his ankle. In Bridgeport, Conn., a box cf cookies set fire to a house. The box toppled from a kitchen shelf onto the handle of a water faucet, turning on the water. The cookies spilled out and clogged the drain. The sink overflowed, the water seeped through the floor, a,short circuit resulted, and fire broke out. Waitress—“Hawaii, mister. You must be Hungary.’’ Norm W.—“Yes, Siam, and I can’t Rumania long either. Venice lunch already?’’ , Waitress—“I’ll Russia table. ' What’ll you have? Aix?” Norm W.—“Whatever’s ready. But can’t Jamaica cook step on the gas?’’ Waitress—“Odessa laugh. But Alaska.” Norm W.—“Don’t do me favors. Just put a Cuba sugar in my Java.” Waitress— Don’t be Sicily, big boy. Sweden it yourself. I’m only here to Serbia.” Norm W.—“Denmark my Czech and call the Bosphorous. I hope he’ll Kenya. I don’t Bolivia know who I am.” Waitress—“Canada noise. I don’t Caribbean. You sure Ararat.” Norm W.—“Samoa your wisecracks? What’s got India. D’you think this arguing Alps business? Be nice. Matter of fact, I gotta Smolensk for ya.” Waitress—“Attu. Don’t Kiev, me that Bologne. Alamein do. Spain in the neck. Pay your Czech and scram. Abyssinia.” A true music lover is a person who, when he hears a soprano in the shower, puts his ear to the keyhole. “How old is you?” “Ah’s five. How old is you?” “Ah don’t know.” “Yo don ’ know how old you is?” “Nope.” “Does women bothah you?” “Nope.” “You’s fo.” 63

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Leonard G. giggled when Mr. Baldwin read about the Roman who swam across the Tiber three times before breakfast. “Don’t you think a trained swimmer could do that, Leonard?” asked Mr. Baldwin. ‘‘Oh! Yes, Sir,” replied Leonard. “But I wondered why he didn’t make it four and get back to the side his clothes were on.” Better keep your head inside the window!” warned the conductor. I kin look out of the window if I want to,” said Ray E. “Sure you can,” answered the conductor, “but if you damage any of the iron work on the bridges you’ll have to pay for it.” Wooer (in deep anguish)—“If you don’t marry me, I’ll blow my brains out.” Wooed—“That would be a joke on father. He doesn’t think you have any.” “Is your girl spoiled?” “No, it’s just the perfume she’s wearing.” Don—“What did the teacher say this morning?” Ron—-“Nothing.” Don—“Of course, but how did he express it?” When God made male and female, He made the male the stronger. And then to make amends— Made woman’s tongue the longer. He—“If the principal doesn’t take back what he said this morning, I’m going to leave school.” She— What did he say?” He—“He told me to leave school.” “My boy friend is serving on an island in the Pacific.” “Which one?” “Alcatraz.” Mr. Steckle—’’Notice any improvement since last year?” Caddy—‘Had your clubs shined up, haven’t you?” A professor, while making a tour of an insane asylum after the Winter Carnival, noticed a former student of his, who was one of the inmates wearing nothing but a hat. Professor—“Why is it, my good man, that you aren’t wearing any clothes?” Inmate—“M ell, sir, nobody ever comes here.” Professor—“Then why are you wearing a hat?” Inmate--”Well, somebody might.” Fran—“You remind me of the ocean.” Dick—“Wild, romantic, restless, huh?” Fran—“Naw, you only make me sick.” 62

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SOME FAMILIAR FACES MRS. McGIMPSEY