Auburn High School - Follies Yearbook (Auburn, IN)

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SENIOR CLANS) Je Ole sl ae ny I had worked for the Freak Club of Auburn long enough to he well acquainted with all phases of their business. We had just moved into our new building, which is located about two miles west of the site of the old court house and one mile north of where the new one is being erected. Now, if you have not been in Auburn for some time, this may sound strange, but Auburn has grown, and Garrett has passed into oblivion. The popula- tion of Auburn is estimated at about one hundred thousand. How did it come about? Well, to start it, Hugh Carper invented an air gun out of an old corset stay, a broken bicycle pump and parts of an alarm clock. Since this invention was a pronounced success, Hugh started its manufacture in a small factory west of Auburn junction. This factory grew, until at pres- ent it employs twenty thousand people. This induced other factories to locate here. of Garrett. Now someth ing had to be done, and Auburn and Garrett mixed about like oil and water. But Helen McIntyre and ‘Pete’ Bishop came to the reseue, heading a movement for the betterment of Garrett, morally, mentality and financially. They at last succeeded in purifying Garrett enough so that it might share the name and fortunes of Auburn. Now it has become a suburb. The management decided that I should travel over this globe of ours and -search for freaks. So, when we moved, on January 1, 1935, I also started on my new duties, and, as a matter of speed, I took my new 1935 model,.300 H. P. ex-o-plane and started for the mountain district of New Mexico. Stopping at the only hotel, I recognized in the proprietor our friend, Cecil Furnish, and when I saw his wife she proved to be Mabel Townley, so I saw that Cecil’s school-day dream had come true. They told me that the principal of the high school in that city was William Damman. . They sent for him and we had a talk on old times that evening. Being unsuccessful, I proceeded to Denver, where Cecil claimed there was a two-legged dog. As I was flying along, I saw the name, ‘‘Harner Garage.’’ I stopped, thinking of school days and ‘‘Tom,” and sure enough, this was the same restless, fretful, worrying fellow who wished he was smart, when he went to high school. He called his chief mechanic, and here came a curly-headed Dutchman, who was no other than Carl Bauer. He said that this was much better than hauling milk. I procured this peculiar dog and started for home, but about fifty miles east of Denver I was compelled to stop because of engine trouble. I had thought that the cluster of buildings beneath me must be a simall town, but instead, it was High Bean University. Since I could get aid only from the University, I went to the office, and there being no one in, I looked at the schedule on the wall, and discovered the name of Professor Albert Witt. The schedule indicated that he had a class at this time, so I went to hear it recite. He was glad to see me. He told me that he had been teaching domestic science for six years and was having fine success. After Auburn increased in size, until its boundaris reached those. school he tried to help me with the engine, but we could do nothing with it, and just as we were about to give it up, Ruth Bishop, teacher of the high school mathematics, came out. [ gave her the hypothesis and she soon had the trouble located by means of Proposition XXXVI and Exercise 127. I was astonished, and thanked her, but she seemed to think it a mere trifle. The engine worked fine and I soon arrived in Auburn, only to find that I must go to China at once. I was to go to an out of the way district and was informed that I had better stay with the missionaries to be safe; so I landed at one of their legations, and to my great pleasure, met Mabel Clark, who had married Earl Coe in 1926, and who had bee n sent there by the Foreign Mission Society of Butler. Reverend Earl Pfatf was presi- dent of this society and pastor of the Lutheran church at Butler. I was very glad to learn that he had become a good man, because I feared that from his actions while in school, he would be a saloonist or sneak thief. But ‘“‘all’s well that ends well.” As I stopped in London on my way home, a newsboy went by, yelling, “Wxtra!’’? I bought a paper and found that the ‘‘extra’’ contained an article concerning a great discovery of new life. The account showed that George Thomas and Earl] Geisinger, who had finishd a course in a medical college, and who had been laboring fifteen years in their laboratories in St. Louis, had at last discovered a means of perpetual life and would be rewarded for their efforts. It also said that they bought all drugs and chemicals of Frank Albright, a wholesale chemist in St. Louis, who had probably given them a start in this theory, which brought forth the great discovery. I had a chance conversation with a fellow at the hotel, who said that. Carper, the editor of that paper, always got the important items early. . When I looked for the name of the editor, it was Frank Carper; so I inquired as to the location of his office. I had some difficulty in getting an interview with him, but finally he comprehended that it was I who wished to see him, and I was ushered in. We talked over old times and our school days. He said he had just received word that Jay Shellhouse, our native pedestrian, was going to walk around the world by way of Bering Strait and by boat from South Africa to South America. By this route, he would cross all the continents, excepting Australia. While we were still talking, Carper received a wireless message, saying that Ralph Wilkins had just fallen off the top of the elevator building which he was erecting in an attempt to reach Mars, from which place he expected to import that precious stuff which abounds there and will cure laziness in twenty-four hours. He thought he could import this without coming in at any port and thus dodge the duty. According to the report, at the time he fell, he was within a hundred miles of Mars, and it was expected that from the direction he took when he started, he would land in the Pacific ocean in about a half hour. It was thought he would undoubtedly lose his life, but his noble cause will not die out,

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FACULTY JINGLES AND SENIOR SLAMS In the class of 1914 Are twenty-one studious boys, And girls to the number of twelve, O’erflowing with pleasures and joys. But as I write for the town-folk, And country people, too, Just take it as a joke If a phrase is slammed at you. But if your name you cannot find, It’s one I’ve missed, you see; I’ll bring in those of higher mind— ‘Tis said that’s the faculty. Professor Blossom heads the list; He is jolly, cheerful and kind. Professor McKenney must not be missed, With his keen, mathematical mind. Miss Bateman, with her smiles so gay, Instructs us in Englisheand ‘‘Duteh;” Miss Mulvey, in her funny way, Teaches Botany, Physies, and such. Miss Baxter teaches history, All like her charming way. Miss Armstrong, our Latin teacher, Will be a farmer’s wife some day. Miss Jeffrey, our teacher in singing, Miss Wiley, from a town so near, Mr. Buckles, in athletics bringing A record for our school this year. (?) And now, to the class of fourteen, One, Ruth Bishop is her name, Finds her strong point is in German, Which she studies:with might and main. Then “Curly” comes: along in line; He is that Geometry shark. Next Alma Martin, a girl, you’ll find, Who is afraid to be out in the dark. Glen has a mouth so very smull That he can scarcely laugh; Our “Shelly” is a boy so tall, He resembles a giraffe. “Pewee” is the little boy on roll; Somewhat larger is Mabel Clark. I have heard it said that Ralph’s no fool, For he can sing just like a lark. We have a boy very good in books; He is a boy of Witt, And when at him some Sophomore looks, Frank Albright has a fit. Mr. Deetz is surely quite a gent, To the girls he is very kind, While Miss Provines, -our president, Is as studious as we can find. You may see our George, the wonder, Only when the moon beams glimmer, But whether sunshine, rain or thunder, Ralph W. is seen with Alys Zimmer. Marie Hoff is the smallest one of us (?) She only weighs a ton. Jolly and kind is Miss Thomas; She is always having fun. Our “Uncle John’ had long, gray hair, But it has changed its color some. “Stubb” remembers the Garrett fair, When he bought that rubber gun. We have a fat man’s girl on roll, Her name is Clarice Miller. Mabel Emerson is no fool, But I never saw one stiller. And then there’s ‘‘Mac,’’ so very sweet, With her pretty little hand, And next a fellow we call ‘‘Pete,’’ Who in base ball can’t be fanned. Earl Pfaff has a pair of gloves, Quite good ones, don’t you know;, And everywhere that ‘‘Pfaffy’’ goes, Those gloves are sure to go. Our ‘‘Bill’’ looks like a district teacher, And we think that is what he will he, While Cecil looks more like a village preacher, Just wait, and you will see. Paul Rudolph, you know, is a great athlete, For he says that he can play cards. Boyd Teeters is a name not obsolete, That should be placed among the bards. Marie King is engaged in photography. Mabel Townley chews her gum. Grenivere is so very small, you see, But we think she will yet grow some. There is ‘‘Tom,’’ who is very stout, And also our big boy Hugh. The only one who has been left out ; Is the one who wrote for you.

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CLASS PROPHESY.---Continued Having procured a great collection of freaks, I returned to Auburn. As I had been compelled to be out of town on election day, I inquired at once about the returns. Briefly, they were that Rachel Provines was elected judge of the circuit court and that woman suffrage had been suc- cessful in Auburn. Paul Rudolph was the next in line for judge, but his dislike for woman suffrage defeated him badly. On returning from a trip one evening, I entered the Roger hotel, across the street from our offices, and here I ordered roast beef, ham and eggs, potatoes, two kinds of salad, coffee, two pies, one cake, one pound of mints, fruit, marshmallows, and—well, in fact, I ordered a light lunch, and at- tempted to read my paper. There were two articles of interest in this paper; first, that Marie Thomas and Edward Eldridge (a fine young fellow who graduated a year before Marie) were married and expected to move to their farm east of Auburn, where Marie could raise geese and chickens. Thus, at the old maid stage in life, she was to realize her greatest ambition. The other report stated that two Auburn girls of advaned age, najnely, Clarice Miller and Marie King, had traveled in South Africa, and there had met a couple of fine-talking fake diamond dealers, who had fascinated them so that they were very easily influnced to marry them. Now these crooks were trying to free themselves of a charge of fraud and of non-support, is- sued by their wives. The next week I was sent to Africa, and I investigated the case of Clarice and Marie, and found that they had won the case, each receiving five thousand dollars alimony. I now traveled northward into the jungle and ran across Grenivere Walter, who was doing missionary work amone her black brethren and ‘‘sistern.’’ She said that she liked the work very much since she had learned to control her temper. As I was wandering around near her abode, I barely escapd a hungry cannibal chief, and when I told her, she just laughed, saying that that was a common occurrence. It was too common for me, and I “beat it’ for Auburn without further inquiry. One morning, as I was sitting in the Commercial Club rooms, a fellow “blew in’? who acted very dignified; he gave me his card and I saw that he was traveling for the Nebulus Manufacturing company, who sold solar sys- tems, F. O. B. the Universe. Now I saw why he acted so important, and using my magnifying glass, I identified him as Boyd Teeters. So I asked him to accompany me to Ringling Brothers’ circus, which was to be in Auburn that afternoon. There we found the high and mighty position of carrying water to the elephants was filled by Wilbur Dilgard. Farther on we found Marie Hoff to be the famous snake charmer, who was traveling as Lady Kralobsia. This show was fine, and Teeters and I enjoyed cur- selves very much. I went to see the president of the Freak Club one evening and found that the School Board was having a meeting in his office, he being president of this board also. I waited until after tue meeting, when he told me I should go to Snake Foot, South Ambrica, the next day. He further informed me that Mabel Emerson had been engaged to teach music for the next year in the A. H. S. and that Glen Fulks had been hired to keep the walks around the high school. As I was going home, the fire whistle blew and I went to the fire. Ralph Clark’s furniture siore was burning down. Next morning, before I left for South America, I learned that he expected to rebuild on a much larger and better scule. People claim that he is very rich, which I do not doubt in the least. As I was returning home with a large collection of freaks, I ran the rudder of my machine through the plate glass window of Alma Martin’s baby cab establishment and destroyed some valuable stock. She brought suit and the company employed Elmer J. Deetz to plead my case; it is needless to say we lost the case. The damages were seven hundred dollars and fifty-four cents. Besides, I had to buy a new rudder. The next week I was given a vacation, and while at leisure I thought how mar velous it had been that I had met or heard of all my classmates in the last year, but I couldn’t help wondering what had beco-ne of our Class Principal, Mary Baxter, and I decided to find out when I returned. I found her still unmarried, living in her father’s old place. She was happy «nd contented, for woman suffrage had full sway. I told her all I knew altout the class, and she was very glad to hear from them. Of course, I had many other experiences and made many trips not re- corded here, but it is only the Senior Class of 1914 with which the article deals,