Astoria High School - Zephyrus Yearbook (Astoria, OR)

Page 21 text:

Senior WMl We, the mighty, esteemed and revered Senior Class of nineteen hundred and eleven, of the Astoria High School, in the County of Clatsop and State of Oregon, being of sound (?) mind and mindful of our mortality, do this - day of June, in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and eleven, make and publish this, our last will and testament, as follows: I. We, the most noteworthy class that has ever honored the Astoria High, do desire to leave said school peacefully and to leave our famous records published for the benefit of the High School and of mankind. II. Also, we do bequeath to the next Senior Class our desks, which have been much envied by the lower classmen, provided they take good care of same, and use slates so as not to mar said desks with ink. III. Anson Allen doth desire to leave to Louis Malagamba his Irish brogue, and also some of said Mr. Allen’s original speeches, sometimes termed jokes. IV. Jennie Anderson giveth her high chemistry marks to Virginia Peterson. V. Alex Barry bequeaths hereby his strength and blushes to James Moberg, and hopeth the aforesaid James will make especial use of the first named virtue. VI. Fanny Berglund doth leave her modest and retiring manner to Leola Ball. VII. Brewer Billie doth leave his graceful walk to Grace Jones. VIII. Ruth Bremner cheerfully giveth her beautiful raven locks to Elsie Youngstead in the hope that both may thereby be benefited. IX. Hazel Davies bequeaths her privilege of running up and down the halls to some person of as remarkable endurance as her own. X. Wilmot Foster doth bequeath his scientifically systematic hand¬ writing to Miss Moncrief as a set copy for future penmanship classes. XI. Ira Gaston hereby desireth to divide his application to study equally among the rest of the school. XII. Margaret Griffin doth cheerfully leave her smile to Mary Ward. XIII. Blanchard Heron willeth her unseemly shrieks and giggles to

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Red Cross nurse, and her escort can be no other than Elmer Manula, “the white man’s hope,” the only man who ever whipped Jack Johnson. But who is this pompous figure in the outlandish costume? Who, did you say? Oh, Foster! The confidential advisor to the Sultan of Sulu. And the lady directly back of him must be the erstwhile Elva Jeldness, wife of the great ball player. The next with the chicken under her arm is Cousin Lennah Parker, the greatest living authority on poultry raising and on country life in general. The leaders of the coming group cannot be mistaken as they are two most famous ladies, Evelyn Stewart, school superintendent of Goble, and Jennie Anderson, president of the Astoria Suffragette Club. The two immediately following these are Myrtle Harrison, for many years editor of the “Portland Mercury,” and her friend Hazel Davies, head tester of the Portland Chewing Gum Factory. The sound of loud, argumentative voices precede the next two around the corner of the building. The possessors of these voices are Ira Gaston, patent medicine man, and Anson Allen, the great Prohibition speaker. After a pause a loving couple appears. They are Charlie Johnson, ex¬ mayor of Blind Slough, and Ruth Bremner, who became famous by writing the ladies department of the “Skamokowa Eagle.” Next appears a be-spectacled man of great apparent learning, carrying a chemistry under one arm, Brewer Billie, the science professor of the Astoria High School. The next two who come tripping on the light fantastic toe are Eulalia Leahy, the greatest comic opera star of the decade, and Violet Lockard, the great dancing instructor. Next appears Frank Sanders, making sweet melody on a harmonica, which brings the other members into unison. The group of three which follow him are oddly assorted. First marches Fanny Berglund, “captain of the Salvation Army,” with a tambourine in one hand and a collection plate in the other; then comes Ruth Larsen, the undisputed successor of the “Widow Wise,” and her pet dog; and last but not least comes Johanna Neilson, the first suffragette member of the As¬ toria School Board. As the last dim figure passes, the old man sighs and leaning his tired head against the pillar, drops into a deep slumber, from which he awakens only to follow his classmates into the oblivion of the Future Life in the Land of Promise. E M . M

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Tiinie Juntti. XIV. Myrtle Harrison leaveth her position as editor-in-chief and her many hard years ’work on the Zephyrus to any one who is willing to under¬ take it. XV. Charles Johnson bequeaths the answers to all the chemistry problems to Wallace Eakin. XVI. Elva Jeldness giveth her position as secretary of the Student Body to any one who might be so fortunate as to be elected, and hopeth that the records will be kept with due formality. XVII. Grace Kennedy doth bequeath her tennis enthusiasm to Albert Gragg, and hopeth to see said Albert enter the tournament with Hazel Hotchkiss. XVIII. Eulalia Leahy doth leave her lively pranks to Edith Lorntsen. XIX. Ruth Larson leaveth her silence and dignity to Katherine Barry. XX. Violet Lockard sorrowfully leaveth her Junior affinity to any girl capable of winning his heart. XXL Elmer Manula bequeatheth his bashfulness to Walter Gildner. XXII. Melville Morton doth will his flirtations and popularity among the fair sex to Carl Sanders. XXIII. Fred Haresty leaveth his low marks in deportment to Gearhart Larson. XXIV. Johanna Neilson giveth her desk in the Senior room to Lenore McGregor. XXV. Lennah Parker bequeatheth her strength and upholding force on the basket-ball team to Anna Thompson, thus allowing said team to win every game. XXVI. Gertrude Rohr desireth to leave her athletic achievements to Nanna Tassala. XXVII. Evelyn Stewart doth will her ability to translate German to Vivian Suti. XXVIII. Frank Sanders doth desire to leave his knowledge of Remsen to the next unfortunate chemistry class. XXIX. Richard Wilson, as director of the brass band, leaveth this position to Andrew Olson.