Astoria High School - Zephyrus Yearbook (Astoria, OR)

Text from Pages 1 - 172 of the 1911 volume:

Before You Buy Anywhere See S. Danziger Co. Sincerity Clothes have an air of Youth about them. Still men who might object to typically young styles can¬ not but approve of their style and fabric S. DANZIGER CO. Astoria’s Greatest Clothiers Agents for the Regal Shoes COOK WITH Gr A S ■ n-nn. The Big Family Theatre Theatre MOTION PICTURE Only the Best and Cleanest Pictures shown in this House. STAR Try our New Centennial Hair Cut LOUIS KINKELA’S TONSORIAL PARLORS WAH SING Established 1884 Exclusive Representative of Washington Garments for Men and Young Men. 620 Commercial Street Astoria, Oregon CRYSTAL THEATRE Advanced Vaudeville and Photo Play Change of Acts Change of Pictures Sunday and Thursday Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday Finest and most up-to-date house on Pacific Coast Tyler Dry Goods Co. “The Quality Store” You will find here Matzen and Redfern tailored garments, Dents and Townes kid gloves, and a complete line of white goods,laces embroideries TYLER DRY GOODS CO. Successors to Simington Dry Goods Co. 14th Commercial Badollet Co. Fresh Fruits and Vegetables Cor 9th Commercial Phones 134—135 All Students Trade with Chas. V. Brown Astoria’s Leading Shoe Man Footwear for all Occasions in Stock Eat Frou Frou .to be had at Chas. Rogers Son To MISS DORA BADOLLET with loving regards and kindest apprecia¬ tion for her services, the Class of Nineteen Eleven dedicates this issue. 1 r F. E. Schmid tke, Teacher of Science Miss Gertrude Hulse, Teacher of English Miss Olive L. Woodward, Teacher of German Miss Frances E. Moncrief, Commercial Course 2 3 1 2 1. R. S. Merrick, Latin and Athletics 2. J. F. Johnston, Teacher of History 3. F. E. Ford, Manual Training 4. Miss Elsie Loucks, Art 3 4 3 FRED A. HARDESTY Latin Course; Wauregan Society; 1. Vice President Freshman class; 2. Vice President Sophomore class; 3. Business Manager of the Zephyrus; President Student Body; 4. Presi¬ dent of Wauregan Society; President of Senior class; Manager of Base Ball Team; Athletics and Debating EVELYN BELL STEWART Latin Course; Alfredian Society; 3. Literary Editor of Zephyrus; 4. School Notes Editor of Zephyrus; Vice President of Senior Class; Secretary of Alfredian Society MARGARET ELIZABETH GRIFFIN English Course; Wauregan Society; 4. Vice President of Wauregan Society; Secretary of Senior class; Associate Editor of Zephyrus; President of Tennis Club BREWER ASTOR BILLIE English Course; Alfredian Society; 3. Sargent at Arms of Junior class; 4. Treasurer of Senior class. CHARLES MARION JOHNSON Science Course; Alfredian Society; Athletics RUTH ELIZABETH LARSON Science Course; Wauregan Society 6 GRACE EDITH KENNEDY English Course; Alfredian Society; 2. Sopho¬ more Editor; 4. Exchange Editor of Zephrus; Secretary and Treasurer Tennis Club JOHANNA LOUIS NEILSON Science Course; Wauregan Society LENNAH GRACE PARKER English Course; Alfredian Society; 1. Secre¬ tary and Treasurer Freshman class; 2. Secre¬ tary and Treasurer Sophomore class; Captain Girls Basket Ball team; Athletic Editor of Zephyrus; Associate member Student Body; 3. Captain Basket Ball team; Athletic Board; 4. Treasurer Student Body b HAZEL MARY DA VIES Science Course; Wauregan Society; 4. Fling Editor of Zephyrus WILMOT C. EOSTER Science Course; Wauregan Society; 2. Sopho¬ more Editor Zephyrus; 3. Advertising Mana¬ ger of Zephyrus; 4. Business Manager of Zephyrus; Debate ANSON GASTON ALLEN English Course; Alfredian Society; 1. Pres¬ ident Freshman class; 2 Vice President Sophomore class; 3. President Junior class; Exchange Editor of Zephyrus; 4. President of Student Body 7 MARY BLANCHARD HERON Science Course; Wauregan Society; 3. Secre¬ tary of Student Body; Secretary of Waure¬ gan Society; Exchange Editor of Zephyrus JENNIE SOPHY ANDERSON Science Course; Wauregan Society; 1. Fresh¬ man Editor of Zephyrus; 3. Junior Editor of Zephyrus; 4. Secretary of Wauregan Society EULALIA BEATRICE LEAHEY Latin Course; Wauregan Society RICHARD AREL WILSON Science Course; Alfredian Society; Athletics VIOLET ADELINE LOCKARD Latin Course; Alfredian Society; 4. Editor of Senior Notes of the Zephyrus ALEXANDER GRANT BARRY English Course; Wauregan Society; Athletics 9 ELVA OLIVA JELDNESS Science Course; Alfredian Society; 2. Secre¬ tary of Alfredian Society; 3. Treasurer of Student Body; Art Editor of Zephyrus; Sec¬ retary of Junior class; 4. Secretary of Student Body MEL VILLE ESTEE MORTON Latin Course; Alfredian Society; 3. President of Alfredian Society; Athletics ,6 FRANK EDWARD SANDERS Science Course; Alfredian Society ALICE MYRTLE HARRISON Science Course; Alfredian Society; 2. Asso¬ ciate member of Student Body; 3. President of Alfredian Society; Associate Editor of Zephyrus; 4. Editor in Chief of Zephyrus IRA EARL GASTON Science Course; Alfredian Society II FANNY BERG LUND Science Course; Wauregan Society RUTH LOVE BREMNER English Course; Alfredian Society ELMER ALEXANDER MANULA English Course; Wauregan Society GERTRUDE EMELIA BERTHA RHOR Latin Course; Alfredian Society Glass 1btstor ’ 08 . President, Anson Allen. Secretary and Treasurer, Lennah Parker. We were by far the most enthusiastic class of Freshmen that had entered the High School. We at once held a class meeting, elected class officers and made a large class pennant, the envy of all the other classes, who imme¬ diately began to do likewise. We also gave a picnic at the A. F. C. field, where we held an amateur track meet for both boys and girls. ’ 09 . President, Abel Wright. Secretary and Treasurer, Lennah Parker. In the year of ’09 the first thing on our program was a launch ride. On this trip we explored the lower harbor and took a trip to Fort Clatsop. Later in the year we gave a party at Logan’s Hall for the purpose of raising class funds, but, as every one knows, such means does not always accomplish the desired end. Even if we did not increase our bank account we had enough punch left to revive our spirits the next day. TO. President, Anson Allen. Vice President, Margaret Griffin. Secretary, Elva Jeldness. Treasurer, Abel Wright. Our Junior year was a very eventful one, one that will not be forgotten soon by any in the class. By hard labor on two shows at the Crystal, we succeeded in securing means to carry us through the hardest year of our school life. One of the shows was entirely original, both words and music having been composed by members of the class, which of course made it interesting to all. We may safely say, too, that our Junior class had a larger bank account than any of the preceding classes. Our former successes made us feel so energetic that we decided to ob¬ serve flag day. Upon arrival at school early in the morning of that mem¬ orable day we nailed our flag to a telegraph pole on the school block. After the other classes had spent their allotted time in trying to get it down, and were unsuccessful, we took it down. Not long after this our pennant was stolen by some of the jealous upper classmen. Near the end of the next month the Sophomores gave a picnic to North Head in honor of the Juniors. On the evening of Thursday, June 22, our Junior reception took place. The hall was beautifully decorated in pennants, greens and electric lights. After an hour’s reception, dancing took place and continued until the small hours of the morning. This reception, the best of its kind yet given by classes, has set a standard for succeeding classes. Members of the class took an active part in the Senior play, thereby adding credit to their reputation in the line of histrionic art. ’ll. President, Fred Hardesty. Vice President, Evelyn Stewart. Secretary, Margaret Griffin. Treasurer, Brewer Billie. The year ’ll will be the most interesting and of course the longest remem¬ bered of the four, as it is our last year in the High School, as well as the first i.n our new school building. The Seniors, both boys and girls, have taken an active part in athletics, winning the championship at each opportunity. We may also hold the record in oratorical contests, for those of the ’ll class who have been on the society debating teams have made a name for them¬ selves. We expect to have an exceptionally enjoyable time on Class Day. The Seniors are also anticipating with a great deal of pleasure the Junior reception. The class of ’ll will have a speaker to deliver an address the night of graduation, but of course we shall have a few orations for the purpose of showing that we have acquired some knowledge while in high school. L. G. P. VALEDICIMUS. Tibi quae nos per annos omnes lingos cum laetitus et doloritus eorum duxit, O Alma Mater, genus MCMXI valedicit. Sed verum nin valedicimus nam orbis terrarum nos in die aut anno tui nin oblivisci faciet sed semper te cum binore crescente fovebimus et quisqui dies fructum disciplinae et studii veri feret. Dum umbrae procedentes in auram tenuem ex oculis suc- cedentes evanescunt semper cum nobis aderis. Nec orbis terraram nos ab amplexu dulce tuo divellere poterit. V. EOCKARD. E. LEAHY. Glass Ipropbecs The class of 1911 had met for the last time. Speeches had been made; songs sung, and the class cheer given. All realized that never would the same old crowd meet again; they lingered in their seats, talking over old times and their plans for the future. Just as they rose to go, one of the boys raised his hand and asked for a hearing. “You all know,” he said, “that in all probability this is the last time we shall meet in our entirety. Therefore, I have a pact to propose. Let us agree that when, with the exception of one, we have passed over the Great Divide, we will all appear to that one, in order that he may leave a history of the lifework of the class.” When he had finished speaking there was a pause, then a burst of laughter, but the speaker, nothing daunted, said, “As many as will bind themselves to do this say ‘aye.’ ” After a moment’s hesitation all answered “aye”; some laughingly, some gravely, some sheepishly, but each feeling somehow as if he had made a solemn promise. In the year of our Lord 1970 an old white haired man descended from his biplane on what had once been the lawn of the A. H. S. He unfolded a copy of a Tillamook daily which had come by aeroplane service that very morning. Glancing casually over the headlines, a notice caught and held his gaze. “Death of Respected Citizen.” A. G. Barry, for twenty years pound man of Tillamook, passed away at his home early this morning.” The old man laid down the paper. “The last of the 1911 class,” he soliloquized, “Alex always was late, but he beat me to it at that. I always thought he would be the one to receive the class history.” As he spoke he looked up to see a figure, old and bent, dressed in an old and faded baseball uniform, approaching him. Dick Wilson was hardly recognizable because of his hard life as manager of the Portland Pacific Coast League team. Behind him came a gaily carroling figure; that of the celebrated Margaret Griffin, the greatest illustrated song singer of four continents. Next in line came a hoary headed man in gingham overalls, in whom one could not but recognize Hardesty, for many years janitor of the A. H. S. At the right of Hardesty came an odd couple. A venerable white haired lady, leading a little black boy by the hand, Grace Kennedy and one of her African proteges. The next comer, in the white dress must certainly be Blanche Heron, the Red Cross nurse, and her escort can be no other than Elmer Manula, “the white man’s hope,” the only man who ever whipped Jack Johnson. But who is this pompous figure in the outlandish costume? Who, did you say? Oh, Foster! The confidential advisor to the Sultan of Sulu. And the lady directly back of him must be the erstwhile Elva Jeldness, wife of the great ball player. The next with the chicken under her arm is Cousin Lennah Parker, the greatest living authority on poultry raising and on country life in general. The leaders of the coming group cannot be mistaken as they are two most famous ladies, Evelyn Stewart, school superintendent of Goble, and Jennie Anderson, president of the Astoria Suffragette Club. The two immediately following these are Myrtle Harrison, for many years editor of the “Portland Mercury,” and her friend Hazel Davies, head tester of the Portland Chewing Gum Factory. The sound of loud, argumentative voices precede the next two around the corner of the building. The possessors of these voices are Ira Gaston, patent medicine man, and Anson Allen, the great Prohibition speaker. After a pause a loving couple appears. They are Charlie Johnson, ex¬ mayor of Blind Slough, and Ruth Bremner, who became famous by writing the ladies department of the “Skamokowa Eagle.” Next appears a be-spectacled man of great apparent learning, carrying a chemistry under one arm, Brewer Billie, the science professor of the Astoria High School. The next two who come tripping on the light fantastic toe are Eulalia Leahy, the greatest comic opera star of the decade, and Violet Lockard, the great dancing instructor. Next appears Frank Sanders, making sweet melody on a harmonica, which brings the other members into unison. The group of three which follow him are oddly assorted. First marches Fanny Berglund, “captain of the Salvation Army,” with a tambourine in one hand and a collection plate in the other; then comes Ruth Larsen, the undisputed successor of the “Widow Wise,” and her pet dog; and last but not least comes Johanna Neilson, the first suffragette member of the As¬ toria School Board. As the last dim figure passes, the old man sighs and leaning his tired head against the pillar, drops into a deep slumber, from which he awakens only to follow his classmates into the oblivion of the Future Life in the Land of Promise. E M . M Senior WMl We, the mighty, esteemed and revered Senior Class of nineteen hundred and eleven, of the Astoria High School, in the County of Clatsop and State of Oregon, being of sound (?) mind and mindful of our mortality, do this - day of June, in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and eleven, make and publish this, our last will and testament, as follows: I. We, the most noteworthy class that has ever honored the Astoria High, do desire to leave said school peacefully and to leave our famous records published for the benefit of the High School and of mankind. II. Also, we do bequeath to the next Senior Class our desks, which have been much envied by the lower classmen, provided they take good care of same, and use slates so as not to mar said desks with ink. III. Anson Allen doth desire to leave to Louis Malagamba his Irish brogue, and also some of said Mr. Allen’s original speeches, sometimes termed jokes. IV. Jennie Anderson giveth her high chemistry marks to Virginia Peterson. V. Alex Barry bequeaths hereby his strength and blushes to James Moberg, and hopeth the aforesaid James will make especial use of the first named virtue. VI. Fanny Berglund doth leave her modest and retiring manner to Leola Ball. VII. Brewer Billie doth leave his graceful walk to Grace Jones. VIII. Ruth Bremner cheerfully giveth her beautiful raven locks to Elsie Youngstead in the hope that both may thereby be benefited. IX. Hazel Davies bequeaths her privilege of running up and down the halls to some person of as remarkable endurance as her own. X. Wilmot Foster doth bequeath his scientifically systematic hand¬ writing to Miss Moncrief as a set copy for future penmanship classes. XI. Ira Gaston hereby desireth to divide his application to study equally among the rest of the school. XII. Margaret Griffin doth cheerfully leave her smile to Mary Ward. XIII. Blanchard Heron willeth her unseemly shrieks and giggles to Tiinie Juntti. XIV. Myrtle Harrison leaveth her position as editor-in-chief and her many hard years ’work on the Zephyrus to any one who is willing to under¬ take it. XV. Charles Johnson bequeaths the answers to all the chemistry problems to Wallace Eakin. XVI. Elva Jeldness giveth her position as secretary of the Student Body to any one who might be so fortunate as to be elected, and hopeth that the records will be kept with due formality. XVII. Grace Kennedy doth bequeath her tennis enthusiasm to Albert Gragg, and hopeth to see said Albert enter the tournament with Hazel Hotchkiss. XVIII. Eulalia Leahy doth leave her lively pranks to Edith Lorntsen. XIX. Ruth Larson leaveth her silence and dignity to Katherine Barry. XX. Violet Lockard sorrowfully leaveth her Junior affinity to any girl capable of winning his heart. XXL Elmer Manula bequeatheth his bashfulness to Walter Gildner. XXII. Melville Morton doth will his flirtations and popularity among the fair sex to Carl Sanders. XXIII. Fred Haresty leaveth his low marks in deportment to Gearhart Larson. XXIV. Johanna Neilson giveth her desk in the Senior room to Lenore McGregor. XXV. Lennah Parker bequeatheth her strength and upholding force on the basket-ball team to Anna Thompson, thus allowing said team to win every game. XXVI. Gertrude Rohr desireth to leave her athletic achievements to Nanna Tassala. XXVII. Evelyn Stewart doth will her ability to translate German to Vivian Suti. XXVIII. Frank Sanders doth desire to leave his knowledge of Remsen to the next unfortunate chemistry class. XXIX. Richard Wilson, as director of the brass band, leaveth this position to Andrew Olson. XXX. Abel Wright doth bequeath to Dorothy Epping hi talent for drawing cartoons. XXI. Also all the rest, remainder and residue of our knowledge, con¬ duct and privileges whatsoever, though few, which we may own or be entitled to dispose of at the time of our leaving, of any kind, nature and title what¬ ever, the same not being hereinbefore disposed of, we do give and bequeath unto Miss Badollet, who has so faithfully been our guardian and who has kept us upon the straight and narrow path and brought us to the precipice of life ' s wide and open sea, to her executors, administrators and assigns, absolutely forever. And we do hereby appoint our principal. Mr. Schmidtke. executor of this, our will, and invest him with all necessary authority to carry out the provisions of this, our last will and testament. In witness thereof we have hereunto set our hand and seal this —- day of June, in the year one thousand, nine hundred and eleven. (Signed) THE CLASS OE 1911. EXTRA! EXTRA!! The High School “Cannery” Gaes Bankrupt—It Will Go Into the Hands of the Receivers Next Fall. (By Special Wire.) Astoria High.—Yesterday afternoon the editor received a telegram from a reporter who happened to vis’t the office of the High School Cannery,” to the effect that the High School “Cannery” had gone bankrupt. Last Tuesday Mr. James Mobcrg was caught in the act of drawing a picture of Secretary Johnston. Mr. Johnston appealed to President Schmidtke to “can Mr. Mobcrg, lint President Schmidtke refused to enforce Mr. Johnston ' s wishes. Later -everal heavy stockholders, including Miss Badollet, Miss Hulse, Miss Woodward, Miss Moncrief. Miss Louckes, Mr. Merrick and Mr. Ford met with President Schmidtke and Secretary Johnston to discuss the assets and liabilities of the company. It soon became known that removing into the new quarters had played havoc with the assets of the “cann-ery and the company had been declared bankrupt. It is rumored that the “cann-ery” will go into the hands of the receivers next fall. 1911, Z 0 OUR NEW HIGH SCHOOL ©ur Bevv Mt0b School We, the members of the Astoria High School, were very much dis¬ appointed at the beginning of this semester to find that the new building was not ready for occupancy. But now ' that we are settled in our new quarters, we feel that we are more than repaid for waiting, as the building is nearer completion and we can better appreciate its advantages. Situated just beneath the brow of Coxcomb Hill, it occupies one of the loftiest positions in the city, from which it commands a view of expansive harbor extending from Tongue Point on the east to the Pacific Ocean on the west and including the breadth of the river to the northward and the hills beyond. It is centrally located and is in the most desirable part of the city. The grounds cover a block, leaving room for a tennis court at the rear of the building and for a lawn in front of it. These are not in perfect order yet, but we expect them to be so in time to make a good showing during our Centennial in August. The building itself is a concrete structure, about one hundred and seventy by eighty feet, with two stories and a basement. It is plain and rectangular, the straight line of the front being relieved by the main entrance and the projection of the two corner rooms. The entrance is approached through a porch of Doric architecture, constructed of terra cotta, and lending dignity to the appearance of the structure. We have twenty rooms, eleven on the first floor and nine on the second, besides a gymnasium, manual training department and a number of rooms yet to be completed. In addition to this, our assembly hall will be, when completed, fifty by eighty-five feet. Each floor has a long hall from which the rooms open. The corridors are especially beautiful. Around the walls in subdued salmon colored burlap cornice and frieze of white glazed plaster. At each end of the lower hall which extends half way to the ceiling, and above which is the horizontal are the stairs leading to the second floor and decending to the rear en¬ trance of the building and to the basement. The main entrance opens into a vestibule which is also finished in glazed plaster, but with a fancier cornice and frieze than that of the halls. This vestibule leads up to the lower hall from which open the several class rooms, the library, principal’s office, and auditorium. On the second floor the hall is similar to that just discribed, except that it is lighted by a large skylight. From it opens the class rooms, the art department, and the physical and chemical laboratories. Each of the three stationary tables in the chemical laboratory will accommodate twelve pupils with space, sinks, drawers, compartments and faucets. In the physical laboratory each of the four tables will accommodate eight pupils. Here a beautiful new cabinet endows all of the apparatus, much of which is new. All the rooms in the building are in white plaster wuth golden oak woodwork and hardwood floors. Hot and cold water is supplied throughout the building; sanitary foun¬ tains in the halls, and w ' hen the building is completed it may be lighted by electricity, and the laboratories will be furnished with gas. We wish to express to the patrons and to the honorable School Board our appreciation of what they have done for us in the erection of this beautiful new building. A public reception to be held in the new building in the near future is being planned. We hope to welcome large numbers of patrons of the schools and citizens of Astoria on this occasion. “Stick to me close,” said the envelope to the stamp. “By gum, I will,” was the reply.—Ex. Mr. Eply: What is a lake? Bright Student: A dammed stream.—Ex. First Girl: Did you take “gym” last year? Second Girl: No, Jim took me.—Ex. “Why is a cigar like a play?” “Because if it’s bad it won’t draw, and if it’s good you want a box.”—Ex. He: Will you marry me? She: No. And they lived happy ever after.—Ex. DER DOM ZU MERSEBURG. Der Merseburger Dom ist einer der interessantesten Kirchen in ganz Deutschland. Es wurde mir geraten ihn zu sehen. Weil es gerade Sonntag war alsich ankam hatte ich gelegenheit dem Gottesdienst bei zu wohnen. Nach der Predigt fuhrte uns ein Diener durch den Bau und zeigte uns viele interessante Reliqien, wovon die meisten aus dem vienzehnt ' en Jahr hundent stammtin. Die Orgel welche 5876 Pfeifen hat ist eine der groszten Europas. Die Pfeifen Konnen aber nicht alle gheischzeitig gespielt werden sonst wurden die Tenster zerspringen. Die sitze in der Kirche wurden im vierzehnten Jahr hundent von Monchen geschnutzt. Dann gingen wir hinunter in die “Gruft” worin die Sarge einer Anzahl verstorbener Bischofe Platz finden. Die Sarge waren aus Bronze gemacht. In einem Glass-schranke hingen einige von Alter zerfallen Kleider. Eins davon war ein Rock den Martin Luther getragen hatte. In einem Glass- Kastchen lay eine ausgetrocknete Hand. Es war die Hand die einem Rivalen Kaiser Heinrich’s des vierten in einem Gefacht bei der stadt abgeschlagen wurde. Als man ihm die Hand zeigte soli Er gesagt haben,” Das ist die Hand mit welcher ich dem Kaiser den eid der Treue leistete.” Im auszerem Schloss-hofe steht ein sehr grosser Vogel-Kafig der wenigstens zehn Tuss in Durehmesser miszt. In diesem Kafig wind seit hundente Jahren ein Rabe gefangen gehalten als Gedachtnisz an ein unschuliger Opfer der Ungerechtigkeit. In dem vierzehnten Jahr hundent wohnte in der nahe in einem Schlosse Bischof Thilo von Thrata. Eines Tages vermisste er reinen golden en Siegel-ring und deschuldigle seinen Diener Johannis des Diebstahls. Dieser beteuerte seine Unschuld aber alles Sugnen half ihm nichts und er wurde zum Tode verurteilt. Noch auf den Richtplatz rief er Gott zum Zeugen an dasz er unschuldig sei und sagle er wurde die Flande zum Himmel heben nach dem ihm der Kopf abgeschlagen geworden war, und er tat es auch wircklich. Einige Jahre spater fand ein Dach-decker als er dasz Dach eines der sieben Turne ausbessente den Ring in dem Neste eines Raben, und brachte ihn dem Bischof. Voller Reue befahl dieser dasz hinfunt fur ewige Zeiten ein Kabo gefangen gehalten werden solle als andenken an den unschuldig cnthauptetin Johannis. Auch liesz er i den Mauern der Gebaude, die den innern Schlosz-hof umgeben, das Bild Johannis einmauern. Jetzt Kann man 2 3 sehen wie es da steht ohne Kopf und die Hande gen Himmel gestreckt. Alles dieses war sehr interessant aber nicht heiter und wir Kehrten es gern den Rucken und freute.n uns sehr in den hellen Strassen zu finden und G. E. B. R. gluckliche Seute zu sehen. THE SPRING OF YESTERDAY. It was spring—fresh, beautiful spring. The birds in the trees proclaimed it; the dandelions smiled it; all the fowls in the old farm yard nodded ap¬ proval on viewing the new gowns of their companions. But there was one into whose heart spring had not entered—this was Cora, very much out of sorts with herself and the world in general. “Well, I might as well get those dishes done right away,” she said to herself. “And there are those horrid stockings to mend, too. Oh, dear! I don’t see how small boys can wear out stockings so fast.” She heaved a deep sigh as she went inside and fell to work. But in a few minutes she remembered the apple sauce to be taken to poor Mrs. Brown, who was very frail and needed all the strength she could get to care for her large family of children. Cora, feeling too cross and ungrateful to enjoy anything, sallied forth into the bright morning. It was amusing to note how many things were displeasing to her: the road was too muddy, the birds were too noisy and the mountains, far away, seemed cold and distant. Her musings were suddenly cut short by her arrival at the Brown’s back yard. Here Samuel Clemens Joseph Brown was just starting a shoot- the chutes. A small hill sloped gently from the back porch and at the bot¬ tom of this was a shallow pond. Samuel had just poured a pailful of water down the muddy path, and sitting on a board, he was proceeding to make the trial trip. With one delightful yell he hit the water. But alas! Instead of shooting to the other side of the pond he went ker-splash, face downward, into the muddy water, whence he soon emerged, spluttering, dripping, angry, amid the gibes of the others. “How’d you like it, Sam?” “Gee, ain’t he m-ad though!” And Skinny Jones, just arriving on the scene, began: “Smarty, smarty. Gave a party, No one came, But a-” Can t you keep still, you crazy? We’re tryin’ to hypnotize Mandy Jane, and we can’t do nothin’ when you’re hollerin’ that way,” came from a group at the corner of the house, Josephine Jean, Mary Elizabeth and others were grouped about a big box on which they had Mandy Jane stretched at full length. “You see,” explained Mary Elizabeth, “we all breve deep free times, an’ then lif’ Mandy Jane wiv our little fingers, and we can lif’ her right of’n the box. We’re tryin’ it on her ’cause shes’ so fat, an’ if we’d happen to let her drop, ’twouldn’t hurt her. She couldn’t breve deep like us, nohow, ’cause she’d bust all the buttons ofT’n her dress.” Then Cora, thinking of the apple sauce not yet delivered, hastened onto Mrs. Brown. She found her seated in a plain, bare but neat room, at work on a big pile of mending. She looked ill and tired, but was very cheerful and appreciated Cora’s kindness. After a few minutes’ chat she departed. When she got outside she found Mandy Jane mournfully hunting in the grass for something. To Cora’s question she replied: “The kids lemme fall, an’ I fell so hard it bust all the buttons offn my dress, an’ I’m lookin’ for ’em now.” As Cora turned the corner she heard Samuel Clemens yell: “Bet I can back you fellers out a climbin’ on top the barn.” Turning, she saw the whole bunch go helter-skelter to accept and decide the wager. “Well,” Cora thought, “when those people can be so happy and cheerful with so much poverty and care, I’m ashamed of myself for being so ungrate¬ ful and discontented. I’ll have to hurry home now or I won’t have time to finish that mending before dinner.” How beautiful everything seemed, so beautiful in the sunshine new, and the great joy of springtime entered her heart and filled her soul with peace. R. L. B„ ’ll. A MODERN HERCULES. Our young hero was reared among the hills without companions except those of his reading. He is particularly fond of the Grecian myths. Hercules is his ideal. Often does he read the story of the twelve labors, and just as often is his imagination inflamed to the hour of activity. In this condition one evening about dusk our hero starts out with a club on his shoulder. After a prolonged search over the hills for some beast upon which to perform his labor, he reaches a road, he hears a noise, a noise not unaccustomed to the ears of the city lad—a chug, chug, chug. He crouches low at the side of the road, and as the object rounds a curve, he sees two bright eyes of a monster approaching. “Ah! Seest thou the erynanthian boar? There is fire in his eye. Thou infester of humanity, Hercules wilst make thee labor for thy life.” He crouched, awaited the approach, sprang and raised his club to strike it full in the face—but alas! After a few moments he recovered from the suddenness of his fall, and saw the “beast” disappearing in the distance. “Thou wilt trample upon a Her¬ cules, wilt thou?” he shouted. All that night he roamed the hills in search of the “beast” which would dare to “trample upon a Hercules.” The next day he renewed his search, reached a hill from the top of which he saw r large white objects flying in the air. To our hero they were birds. He said excitedly to himself, “The Stymphalian birds, now shalt Hercules accom¬ plish a feat by destroying them.” He rushed into the field, and up to one of the monsters about to ascend, and struck it a blow with his club. No sooner had he accomplished this feat, than what seemed one of the claws of his enemy, caught him in the back of the coat, carried him to the other end of the field and dropped him. “Knowest thou with whom thou art trifling?” he cried. “By the Grecian gods, thou shalt suffer death.” But before he could say more the two representatives of modern invention were making record flights while the juvenile officer hurried our hero away to enjoy his dreams in seclusion. Charles Johnson, ’ll. A POTATO BUG—A SENIOR. I. A potato Bug sauntered down the lane, Says he. I’m no earthly use, If an education I could gain, I’d become an amiable youth. II. The potato bug had a coat of green. But after his Freshman year Traces of yellow could be seen, Gathering there and here. III. The potato bug worked steadily on, Rubbing and polishing the green, Churning the fat from every old leaf That in the books of learning were seen. IV. At last, to the topmost bud was he— A potato bug, staid and old. For his work had changed him From the ignorance of green To the knowledge of purest gold. -E. J„ ’ll. XEbe Columbia TRlver Iplratc The river seemed deserted. Only a few boats were out and they were apparently without destination. As we sailed past Fort Stevens I noticed a number of boats anchored below. I turned my boat around and with a fair wind sailed into their midst, where we dropped sail and anchored. While my boat-puller was busy preparing some coffee, I looked around and recognized my companions. They were all hard cases, each with a “reputa¬ tion.” Below me was anchored “Russian Nick;” to him was tied “old man Green.” To my left was anchored a Swede named Swenson; on the other side of men was an Italian called “Curly,” and above “Curly” was a Swede, whose name I did not know r , but whom I recognized by the green letters on his boat; and above me lay “Big John.” The last-named bore the distinction of having been “high boat” with nineteen tons to his credit. It seemed strange that I should mingle with a crowed like this, but I had decided to do a night’s fishing and had found some company, all of whom had fished before on a Saturday night. “Curly” was the only one who had ever been caught and he had gotten off with a fine of fifty dollars. Later when the sky began to take on the darker shades of night, I heard “Big John” calling to us:—“I want to tell you something. It’s going to be a bad night for us. The moon wdll be out and when this wind dies out, you ' ll be able to see all over the river. If somebody will anchor at the ten buoy and keep a fire in his stove, as if he were cooking coffee, the fish- warden can go after him and we can take it easy.” “Well, I’m not a going to losa dea whole mighta fish, a laying dea anchor alia dea night,” said “Curly” hotly. “You don’t have to,” said “Big John” calmly. “We’ll pull straws.” “Sure”—“That’s all right” and “I’m a lucky dog anyway,” came from the different boats. Instead of pulling straws, “Big John” prepared some paper slips, one of which was blank. He passed his sou’wester from boat to boat and each captain drew a slip. “Big John” himself drew the last slip, which was the blank. About eight o’clock we left our anchorage and sailed farther down the river, leaving “Big John” at the No. 10 buoy, cursing his luck and hoping we might each get a “skunk” or caught by the fish-warden. When our nets were out, everything was still; the full moon shone on the river, I looked toward the number 10 buoy; where I saw a blaze streaming over the top of a boat stove. I knew that “Big John” was keeping his word, to attract the attention of the fish-warden if he might be near. I looked towards the other boats that lay in the moon-light and saw that the occupants were stirring. Then I heard the “pat-pat” of a launch coming from the Oregon side. I started in a hurry to pick up my net, but it was too late, for the boat was upon us almost before we got started. Swenson had his net up first, and the launch turned tow r ard his boat. A line was passed from the launch to his boat and he was taken in tow. “Green” was next to be arrested, then I and “Russian Nick,” the man with the green letters on his boat and “Curly” had escaped because they were farther down the river. “You understand the circumstances don’t you?” asked the big man in the bow of the launch, who seemed to be the fish-warden himself. We did not answer immediately, but during the pause I stared at the launch, thinking I had seen it before, but I could not place it. When we answered his question the fish-warden spoke again. “This is the last arrest I’ll make this season and I hate court proceedings, so I’ll let you go if you turn your fish over to me and go home.” This we gladly consented to do. When all my fish were in the launch, I noticed that there were tw’o other persons aboard besides the fish-warden, one of whom came aft to let go my line. When were clear, the launch started its “pat-pat” swinging to- towards number 10 buoy, where a light w as still burning . ' It set sail for home and as I neared number 10 buoy, the launch passed between my boat and the moon, headed for the Washington side. It w as then that I recognized the launch—it was the seining launch that the Indians used at Sand Island, but why did they have • “Big John’s” boat in tow ? He had a right on the river even if it was Saturday night, so long as he was only boiling coffee at anchor. Something seemed wrong and I became suspicious, but I kept the sus¬ picion to myself. When I delivered my fish of Monday’s catch to the scow at Sand Island, I made a discovery. I was looking over the list of fish taken in since Sunday night and I saw that “John” Edwards had de¬ livered one thousand and twenty-seven pounds. Then I began to straighten things out. “Green” forfeited fourteen; a Swenson, seventeen, Nick nine, and I eleven. That was fifty-nine in all. Averaging about twenty pounds a fish the total weight would be close to the one thousand twenty-seven pounds. Ah! Why had I not recognized the fish-warden’s voice before? But I knew it now. The fish-warden of Satur¬ day night was “Big John” and his two companions had been Indian seiners. Everything was not clear yet, so I approached “Big John” at the first opportunity and asked, “How did you get those two Indians to help arrest us Saturday night?” Naturally this question startled him and he gave himself away by saying, “How did you know that they were”—he checked himself but it was too late and he told me everything when I promised to keep silent. When we had left “Big John” at number 10 buoy, we had not noticed the launch in the small slough running between, the jetty and jetty sands. But when we had passed, “Big John” had found the launch, which had been left there by the Indians, who had gone clam digging across the sands. When the Indians returned, “Big John” had hired them to help him. Leaving his boat-puller in his own boat to keep the fire going, he had commanded the Indian captain towards the part of the river where he knew he should find us. When we had given up our fish he had gone back after his boat and boat-puller and started for Sand Island, thus giving me my first idea that anything was wrong. He had delivered his fish at the scow immediately after six o’cock Sunday evening. At the end of the season, pocketed the money w r hich really belonged to us. No one was any the wiser, save “Big John,” myself and the Indians. So much for my first and last experience at illegal fishing on the Columbia or elsewhere. R. A. W., ’ll. My pony is out in the hall; If somebody don’t bring in my pony I’m going to flunk—that is all. Oh, how I should chance to forget it, I’m sure that I never will see. I can’t answer one single question— Oh, bring back my pony to me! —Ex. THE FACULTY. There’s Schmidtke, grim and silent, He’s boss of all the rest. The Freshies, they all fear him, The Seniors call him blest (?), Next comes Miss Dora Badollet, A first rate teacher, she, She teaches “Geom” and Algebra, And Trigonometry. And there’s Miss Gertrude Hulse. In English and “Lit” rules she, A.nd then comes Mr. Johnston, Who rules the Sophomore rooms And teaches all the Freshmen About the Babylonia’s doom. And yonder is our artist, Miss Loucks now is her name. We fear that in the future It will not be the same. And here is Classic Merrick, Who shines in the Roman tongue. And there is sweet Miss Moncrief, Of sports she is Al. The “Dutch” and then some English From our Miss Woodward comes, But the new arrival, he is Ford Who makes the tools to hum. All this is our Faculty— The pride of all the school, The joy of all the learned kids, The terror of the fool. flbe Xegenb of Iptllar IRock Every one who has traveled the Columbia River has noticed Pillar Rock, a strange rock in the middle of the river. The Indians have a very interesting ex¬ planation for its presence. Many, many centuries ago a great many Indians lived on both sides of the Columbia. The maidens were accustomed, at a certain season of the year, to assemble on the shore and dig wappatoes (potatoes). Each night they would sit around the wigwan fires and sing sweet songs of heroic deeds. These songs could be heard by the Indians on the other side of the river, and one young warrior became so enchanted with the singing that he longed to cross and ' win .for his wife one of the maidens who sang so sweetly. This longing grew upon him until he could withstand it no longer, and he decided that he would wade the river the next day and ask for the hand of the fairest of the maidens in marriage. As he was about to carry his plans into effect, a coyote passed and advised him not to wade the river—for if he did he would surely be turned to stone; but if he succeeded in wading the river, all people, as long as the w-orld lasted, w ' ould be able to wade at that place. This made the young warrior change his mind, but that night when he heard the songs again, he once more resolved to wade the river. He arose early the next morning and started on his journey. He had just reached the middle of the river when the coyote appeared on the bank. The warrior was immediately turned to stone, where he has stood for centuries since as a silent reminder to those who would, in spite of a fore-warning carry out their own desires. Freida Jones, 1914. LEWIS AND CLARK’S JOURNEY FROM TONGUE POINT TO FORT CLATSOP. It was a day such as we are all acquainted with on the lower Columbia. The wind blew from the southeast; a fine drizzly rain was falling, and on the whole, the w r eather, not agreeable. It was the first day of November, in the year year eighteen hundred and five. In the afternoon of the day already mentioned, a small party in canoes came around Tongue Point. Before them lay our own beautiful Columbia River, w-hich was spotted with “white-caps.” On either side rose the north and south banks of the river, covered with tall heavy timber. It was a wold looking country, with no inhabitants, save the native Indians. The oartv in canoes did not seem to mind the rain or wund in the least. They appeared to be in very good spirits, and w ' ell might they be, for they w ' ere Meriwether Lewds and William Clark with the guides. The two men who had journeyed across the continent and could now see that they were soon to reach the goal toward w ' hich they had journeyed so long; and that the harder part of their trip was over. The Indians of this region were friendly. So journinging along the north side of the river, Cape Disappointment was reached w-ithout much difficulty on November 15th. Lewis and Clark then beheld the glorious sight of the vast Pacific. By this time the winter rains had set in. Game was very scarce, and the food supply of the party was low. No suitable place could be found for camp. One night they had to camp upon some drift logs under a clayey cliff. The rising tide set the logs afloat and the heavy rain loosened the earth and stones on the cliff, making situation a dangerous one. Hoping for better fortune on the south side, they determined to cross As the river w ' as so wide, and their canoes w r ere not very strong, they went up the river as far as Tongue Point before attempting to cross. They reached the south side safely, but weary weeks were spent before they found a suitable place for camping. It was a level elevation on the w-est side of the Netul River, now called the Lewis and Clark. By January first, a rude fortification had been completed here and named hort Clatsop in honor of the Indians of this region. Hunting here was very good; elk were plentiful, as were also ducks and geese; fish also were found in the mountain streams. The winter w as spent in learning more about the country and making short trips to the coast. When they started home in the spring, Lewis and Clark felt that they had accomplished something which would’ benefit many generations of the future and we are here to testify that they had Sally’s Bab Ba To begin with, Sally had the misfortunte to get out of bed on the wrong side and as she was yet half asleep, she stubbed her toe against the foot of the bed. This was certainly enough to put Sally in bad humor for the rest of the day. “Sally,” called her sister, Alice, “You must hurry or you’ll never get to school today. “Don’t care if I don’t,” she cried. When at last Sally entered the dining room, she was surprised to find that the other members of the family had finished their breakfast, and this was not conductive to good humor. “Mary Ann,” she cried sharply, “bring me my breakfast.” In came her mother from the kitchen where she had been giving direc¬ tions for the day’s work. “Good morning, daughter. What do you want?” she asked pleasantly. “I want Mary Ann to hurry with my breakfast. She takes such a long time to get here. It seems to me that you alw’ays have such slow help,” answered Sally. “Sally Smith,” said her mother, in severe tones, “I’d like to know who takes such a long time to get down to breakfast in the morning. I’m sure”— “Never mind, mother,” said Sally, conscious of having been often reminded of her short-coming before. Just then Mary Ann entered the room with Sally’s breakfast, and as Mrs. Smith did not wish to give her a chance to gossip, said no more then. “Dear me,” groaned Mrs. Smith to her daughter, Alice, when Sally had left the house for school after a hurried breakfast, “Sally has such a bad temper.” In the mean time, Sally was running cross-lots in her hurry to reach school in time. When she arrived, her appearance was sufficient to give warning of a day not altogether agreeable, neither for Sally nor for the teacher—her red hair was hanging about her face in tangles; her eyes and cheeks, aglow ' ; her shoe strings unfastened; and her dress bespattered 3 3 with mud. Sally had just slid into her seat in time to answer, “present,” when her name was called. “Can’t see why the teacher has to make us say ‘present’ everyday,” she said to her timid friends across the aisle. No answer came from her neighbor, so Sally took a pin, fastened it to a pencil and proceeded to elicit some sort of reply. “What is the matter. Elsie?” asked the teacher. “Sally stu-u-ck m-me with a p-pin,” sobbed Elsie. “Sally,” said the teacher, “go and stand in the corner with your face to the wall.” “Won’t do it,” muttered Sally. “Sally, did you hear what I said?” demanded the teacher, as Sally made no move to obey. “Sally, if you do not obey me instantly, I shall have to send you home—” “Don’t have to, I’m going. Goodbye, Jimmy. Come over and play with me after school.” The last was said to her boy friend who sat behind her. As Sally passed out of the school, the remaining pupils gasped and each wondered how she dared to do such a thing. Outside of the school-yard, Sally did not feel quite so important, and would have turned back had she not thought how her friends would call her “scare-crow” and “cow’ardy” so she kept on her w ay till she reached home. She crept up the front stairs to her room, where she remained until dinner. At this meal no one mentioned school, so she concluded that they did not know of anything unusual. Nevertheless she felt worried and when her mother asked her if she did not feel well she said she had a headache, and would remain at home that afternoon. At half past three Jimmie came along the street, whistling, and Sally put her head out of the window and asked, “What did teacher say when I did not come to school?” “Nothing,” said Jimmie. “Say, but you’re a brick. I wouldn’t a dared to ‘sass’ the teacher and leave the room as you did.” Twasn t nothing, ’ said Sally, greatly pleased w ' ith the compliment, Say—oh look! here comes teacher, and mother is not at home. I’ll go down and entertain her. Won’t that be jolly?” 3 1 When the teacher rang the door-bell, the maid opened the door and told her to step into the library. The teacher was greatly surprised to see Sally sitting there with a book in her hands. “Anything I can do for you?” asked Sally. “I wish to see your mother,” said the teacher. “My mother’s not at home, but I know what you want to tell her and I think you’re the crankiest teacher under the sun.” “Why Sally,” gasped the teacher, “I can very sorry you think so, and more so that we can’t get along together.” The last was said in such a sorrowful tone, that Sally’s conscience began to trouble her, and, girl-like, she began to cry. Just at that moment, Mrs. Smith entered the room and was disagreeably surprised to see Sally crying and the teacher looking as if she’d like to join her. She asked for an explanation, which was given, and after which Sally was sent to her room to remain till supper time. At supper, Sally was unusually well behaved and her mother knew that Sally’s “bad days” had passed and that for a time, at least, matters would go smoothly both at home and at school. E DITH LORNSTEN, 1912. Did you ever hear: Miss Hulse say, Oh, but you should? Blanche H. say, Do you know? Abel W. say, The idear. Timon S. say, Why—a—a? Fred H. say, Let’s have a little parliamentary drill? Margaret say, Grace is so silly? Miss B., say, You’re disturbing the class? Mr. S. say, Let’s hustle and get on the inside? Kate B. say, My little brother? Mell M. say, Oh! very well? Gertrude R. say, I don’t know, but—? Frank S. say, I think it’s something like this? Dick F. say, Oh, yes? Lennah P. say, Tee hee? Mr. J. say, Down at Santa, Georgia? Published by the Students of the Astoria High School ZEPHYRUS STAFF Editor-in-Chief. Associate Editors . i Virginia Peterson Margaret Griffin Business Manager.. Advertising Managers . i Wallace Eakin Henry Jeldness Literary Editors. iJennie Anderson Lenore McGregor Artists. iElva Jeldness Tong Sing Athletic Editor. School Notes . Jokes. Hazel Davies Edith Lornsten Seniors. Juniors. Sophomore. Freshmen. Ebttodals THE CENTENNIAL. Astoria is indeed alive with the Centennial spirit. Already the high school has been called upon to give its aid in arousing a feeling of en¬ thusiasm. Of course we shall not be expected to help financially, but each one will be expected to help to develop a spirit of enthusiasm. The high school students are to be congratulated on their selling as many or more tags on tag day than any other organization taking part. It has not yet been decided whether a building will be erected for ex¬ hibits, but if one is erected, the students will all be called upon to con¬ tributed material of a literary nature. This we feel certain they will gladly do to the best of their ability. At the beginning of the school year the Zephyrus staff decided to issue four papers this year, two each term. Already one number has appeared, but it is thought best to publish in addition to this but one paper, and that at Commencement time. Everybody has been very interested in the Com¬ mencement issue, and all have had part in the making of it. If this lively interest were manifest throughout the year there would be no trouble in printing a paper as often as once a month. We are glad to see that the Freshmen are showing themselves loyal “High Schoolers.” Almost all of their offerings to the Zephyrus have been accepted. You have the right idea, Freshmen, begin, when you enter the high school, to take an interest in the life of the school and by the time you have been here four years, your experience will make you worthy seniors, indeed. SCHOOL NOTES The students of the Astoria Higli School bade farewell to the old school building on Friday, February 10th, and Monday morning, took up their abode in the new building which had been so well prepared for their occupation. They found everything in readiness and set about their studies without a hitch in the regular program. Tuesday, February ?0th, was “Tag Day.” The high school students were asked to take part in selling tags for the benefit of the Centennial to be held in Astoria this summer. A great deal of interest w as taken in the affair by the students, the Seniors in particular may be commended for their excellent w-ork on the streets of the city. Every one appeared on Com- merical Street loaded with tags and sold them as fast as they could separate one from another. The affair proved a great success. About five hundred dollars was realized, and the committee were so pleased that they have announced another “Tag Day” to be held in the near future. A very novel scheme of creating a surprise w as indulged in by a number cf the popular high school girls w ' ho ordinarily appear at school adorned in rats, finger-rolls, switches and other like accessories. Imagine the surprise of everyone when, on one particular morning, all the girls appeared at school with their hair dowm their backs and large black bows in place of the finger-rolls. Quite a sum of money was raised for the foot-ball team by Fred Hardesty, who gave an entertainment at Logan’s Hall. Mr. Hardesty acted as manager of the affair and had no trouble in arousing interest by his speeches and extensive advertising in the local papers. The program consisted of solos, both vocal and piano, by a number of leading musicians of the city; and several literary numbers. A recitation w as very well rendered by Miss Emma Wootton. Perhaps the most notable number on the program was a play entitled, “Stage Struck,” performed by the following high school students: William Wootton, Fred Hardesty, Dorothy Epping and Evelyn Stewart. It was a striking little comedy and caused a great deal of laughter on the part of the audience. A large crowd turned out; and a corresponding sum was realized. On Thursday, March 9, a period of forty minutes was permitted the students for the purpose of holding a Kangaroo court. The officers con¬ sisted of two judges, Anson Allen and Fred Hardesty; two clerks, Elva Jeldness and Myrtle Harrison, and the following acting as policemen, Jennie Anderson, Hazel Davis, Liola Ball, Evelyn Stewart, Blanche Heron, Grace Kennedy, Lennah Parker, Maragaret Griffin, Melville Morton, Alex Barry, Fred Noe, Sitton Linville, Thomas Moore, Victor Moore, August Peschl, Gearhart Larsen, Abel Wright, and William Wootton. The court room was arranged in the main hall with the judges seated upon tables and using lime barrels for desks. Every member in the student body v ' as arrested by the policemen and brought before the judge for some petty charge. The judges imposed fines of a few cents according to the gravity of the charge. The affair proved to be a great success. Some very witty remarks were exchanged and the judges were very fluent in giving wise counsel to those arrested. Twenty dollars was realized from the fines. A modern and well equipped gymnasium has been provided in the new building for the benefit of all those wishing to indulge in athletics. A great deal of enthusiasm has arisen concerning basket-ball. Each class has decided to form a girls’ and a boys’ team. After a short practice, the teams are planning on meeting in a series of interclass games. The girls are displaying an unusual amount of interest in this sport and are planning for a series of rousing good games in the near future. They hope to be able to develop a professional team to compete with other schools. After considerable delay, the manual training equipment has finally arrived and has been installed. The tools are all high grade and with good care, will last a great many years. Four enthusiastic classes, consisting of seventeen boys and four girls began work in the shop Monday, March 6th. A large number of others would like to take the work but are unable to find time for it this semester. 00 Societies ALFREDIANS. The Alfredian Society meet on Tuesday, February 21, 1911, for the first time in the new building. This being the first meeting of this semester, the following freshman were entered upon our books: Roy Chrisholm, Mildred Copeland, Dorothy Dunbar, Elizabeth Moore, Elsie Olson. Hazel Pinnell. On the following Monday, at 12:45, the president, Gearhart Larson, called a special meeting for the purpose of ascertaining the number of pins desired. The Alfredian picture, Sir Galahad, won in the recent contest in con¬ nection with the art exhibits is now hanging in the society room. Seven new members were admitted into the Society at a meeting held the twenty-first of Febuary. The membership of the Society is now sixty- three. WAUREGANS. The Wauregans met for the second time this term on March 17th. The constitution of the organization having been revised by a committee of three, was submitted to the students. After the necessary changes were made, the constitution as revised was adopted. A section of this constitution provides for the office of a critic. By this appointment, perhaps, the previous difficulties rising over literary matter will be eliminated. If all of the coming literary programs are as good as was the last one, the criticisms of the critic will be brief. The Wauregans have favored debating since their organization. Again this feature promises to be one of the best numbers in each program. A challenge has been sent to the Adelphians and will undoubtedly be accepted. Adelphians. The Adelphian Society received ten new members this semester, all ALFREDIAN SOCIETY ' il WAUREGAN SOCIETY A DELPHIAN SOCIETY of whom are welcomed additions to our Society. At the semi-annual election of officers for the Adelphian Society, the following were selected: President, Wallace Eakin. Vice-President, Arthur McKean. Secretary, Dorothy Montgomery. Treasurer, Carl Drilling. Editor, Edith Lornsten. The boys of the Adelphian Society have entire charge of the March program and have arranged a mock senate. Mr. Wallace Eakin will preside, and there will be presented for discussion: “The McCall Bill and the question of Fortification of the Panama Canal.” Messrs. Jeldness, Gildner, Riefel and Glazer will discuss the question of Reciprocity with Canada, and Mssrs. McKean, Moberg, Halsen and McConnon, “The Fortification of the Panama Canal.” The routine of the United States senate will be followed as far as possible and it is expected that the afternoon will afford much profit and entertainment. The Adelphian Society is pleased to count as one of its new members, Mr. Ford, who has taken charge of the Manuel Training Department of the Astoria High School. Mr. Ford comes to us from the University of Iowa. Man and Superman. 1. As a rule man’s a fool, When it’s hot he wants it cool; When it’s cool he wants it hot. Always wanting what is not—■ Never wanting what lie’s got, As a rule, man’s a fool. II. As a rule woman’s wise, When she can’t get what she wants she cries Man cannot withstand her tears, So they give up to the dears. As a rule, woman’s wise, When she can’t get what she wants, then she cries. —Ex. SENIOR NOTES. Colors: Red and green. .Motto: Hooean po Xigbfhm (Character is man ' s destiny). President, Fred Hardesty; Secretary, Margaret Griffin; Vice-President, Evelyn Stewart; Treasurer, Brewer Billie; Sergeant at Arms, Alex Barry. The Senior class, for the first time in the history of the A. H. S.. has a room entirely to itself. The class of 1911 will have the distinction of being the first to graduate from the new High School building, and since it has an enrollment of twenty- seven members, will be the largest class to graduate from the A. H. S. to date. Recently there have been many class meetings at which all matters re¬ lating to Commencement have been discussed. The design for the programs has been selected and the programs or¬ dered. They are of the latest style and are attractive in their simplicity. The class pins, which are of unique design, have arrived and the Seniors are now proudly exhibiting them. The class presented Miss Badollet, the Senior adviser, with one, thereby being first to confer such an honor. JUNIOR NOTES. The Junior Class, for the semester was organized on February 4th, 1911. We had the full attendance of the thirty-six members of the class, who showed spirit in the election of officers and organization of the basket¬ ball teams. The officers elected were as follows: President, Henry Jeldness. Vice-President, Virginia Peterson. Secretary, Emma Wootton. Treasurer, August Peschl. Sergeant-at-Arms, Leola Ball. Editor, Dorothy Epping. Artist, Tong Sing. As our colors are red and white, we have adopted the crimson rambler for the class flower. 1 he motto decided upon is “Finis caronat opus.” fThe end crowns the work.) JUNIOR CLASS 1 M 7 I lie girls elected Lcola Ball, manager of their basket-ball team: the hoys, Henry Joldness. We are proud to state that two juniors, Emma ooten and Gearhart I,arson are on the A. H. S. debating team. On March fourth, the Juniors held a cooking sale in the storia Furniture Company ' s store. It was for the purpose of raising money for the Junior From, which is to be given in June, and promises to be one of the “swellest events of the season.” Thanks to the hearty support of the school and the citizens of Astoria, we made the sum of $27.4:2. On our coming to the new Astoria High School building, we were pleased to find that we had been given one of the prettiest rooms in the building. 1 his seems to have roused the Junior spirit, in general, and it seems that this term ' s juniors will be noted for “doing things. SOPHOMORES—Sophomore Notes. 1 lie Sophomore Class held their first meeting of the new semester, February 24th, when the following officers were elected: President, Carl Drilling. Vice-President, James Moberg. Secretary, Elva Staples. Treasurer, Earl Keck. Sargeant-at-Arms, George McConnon. Class Artist, Constance Fulton. Class Editor, Dorothy Montgomery. Manager of Girls ' Basket-ball, Elva Staples. Manager of Boys’ Basket-ball. Ernest Glazer. FRESHMAN—Freshman Notes. The Freshman Clas held its first meeting of the second semester February 24, 1911, for the purpose of electing officers. The following were elected: President, Timon Torkelson. Vice-President, Mignon Allen. Secretary, DeWitt Gilbert. Treasuer, Wetzel Griffin. Editor, Martha Handley. Artist. Alfred Gerding. Sergeant-at-Arms, Adrian Ford. O O FRESHMEN CLASS THE JUNIOR CAFETERIA. Running a cafeteria is by no means a snap, nor is it a huge joke, when for three successive days a fellow is used for a pack-horse or a walking express wagon, and has to trudge up a mile of hills carrying anything and almost everything from a salt shaker to a wash boiler and even a hundred pound oil stove. “Hey, Hammarstrom, go and get some water for the coffee.” “Aw, go on, I’m cutting grass for the cabbage salad.” “Cabbage salad? Grass for the cabbage salad?” “Aw, dry up! Ain’t you got an eye for business? We ran out of cab¬ bage, and besides, this dish is for the Freshmen.” “Say, Wallace, are you crazy? Do you know that you’re putting salt in the lemonade?” “Oh, gee! I thought it was sugar. We can sell it anyway. Just a little more sugar, please.” “Say, Henry, we ran out of milk and there’s no more chalk dust left. How are we going to get more ‘cream’ for the coffee?” “Ask some one who knows. Don’t make the rest of the coffee so strong, and it won’t take so much ‘cream.’ ” “For goodness sake, Dorothy, turn those oranges around. The spoiled side is exposed.” “All right. Anything to please you.” Such were fragments of conversation that might be heard by the close observer. There were sandwiches, baked beans, cabbage salad a la grass, real good circus lemonade and coffee. And the Junior girls! Weren’t they some class, with those pretty little white caps? They really were enough to interfere with the appetite of the bravest of patrons. Another such cafeteria would be highly endorsed by the majority of the students, and especially by those who were acquainted with the mysteries of the cooks. G. A. 1.. A. H. S. CALENDAR. Feb. 6, 3911—School opens. As usual the upper class men are heard to say that the Freshies are greener than ever. Who said “conflicts”? Feb. 8, 1911—Classes take up. Freshies begin to feel very much at home. Some make themselves conspicuous by their great need of “Omega Oil.” Feb. 9, 1911—Miss Hulse insists that some of the shining lights of English literature occupy the front recitation bench. Leola and Dick start a wireless.” Feb. 0 , 1911—Great joy among Juniors, the physics class opens. Feb. 12, 1911—Heard at the Lincoln-Astoria basket-ball game: “I just know Roy could play better than that blonde forward.” Which forward did she mean? Feb. 1.1, 1911—All quiet except now and then a stray Freshie is “squelched.” Feb. 14, 1911—“Rules, rules, rules; forever and ever it’s rules” (apologies to Marie Cahill). Feb. 15, 1911—Bulletin from the new High School: “Still varnishing.” Feb. 16, 1911—Miss Badollet thinks they must be varnishing the insides of the keyholes at the new H. S. Feb. 17, 1911—The seat of learning is changed to the new building. Feb. 20, 1911—The Freshmen find that the grave and reverend Seniors don’t know any more about the new school than they do. Feb. 21, 1911—New rules are announced. Feb. 22, 1911—Washington’s birthday. Everybody celebrates. beb. 23, 1911—We find that the front entrance is to be kept sacred. Feb. 24, 1911—“Is there a bunch with souls so dead, Who never to themselves have said: This is the one, most pleasant day, Friday.” Feb. 27, 1911—Basket-ball teams are formed. beb. 28, 1911 Tag Day for the Centennial. Half holiday. March 1, 1911—Freshies beat Sophs at basket-ball. March 3, 1911—End of the school month. Everybody waits anxiously for Monday. March 4, 1911—Saturday. Juniors hold cooking sale. March 6. 1911—Report cards distributed. What did you get in_?” March 7, 1911—Society lists posted. March 8, 1911—Virginia appears with a dear little pair of eye-glasses. March 9, 1911—Odd, isn ' t it, how the gym shoes disappear? March 10, 1911—The window shades for Miss Hnlse’s room finally arrive. March 11, 1911—Wauregans win from Adelphians at baseball. March 13, 1911 — Lenore informs the History IV class that the Spanish Armada was sent to England to establish the Methodist church. March 14, 1911 — How do you start a dynamo, Virginia? March 15, 1911 — Kangaroo court. Old wit awakens. March lti, 1911—Miss Badollet, Mr. Schmidtke and the girls of the physics class visit the power house of the A. E. Co. March IT, 1911—The snakes St. Patrick drove out of Ireland have re appeared in the A. H. S. yard. March 20. 1911—The Junior class is awarded the cellar championship in basket-ball. March 22, 1911—The . H. S. basket-ball team plays a picked team from the school. Score 8-4 in favor of the “Girls. March 24. 1911 — Alfrcdians win from Adelphians at baseball. March 27. 1911—The High School windows are finally washed. March 28, 1911 — Examination in English literature. March 29, 1911—Wauregans win school baseball championship. March 31, 1911—East Friday in the month. April 1-21, 1911—Rain, hail and snow. April 21, 1911 -Tennis club organized. April 24, 1911—Astoria club of U. of O. visits IT. S. April 20. 1911—Dr. Todd, of Willamette Universitv. addressed the stu¬ dents of H. S. April 27. 1911—Baseball team goes to Tillamook. April 28, 1911—No Latin classes. May 1, 1911—News of Lum Chack’s social successes at Tillamook is received in Astoria. May 2, 1911—A hungry looking bunch returns from Tillamook. May 3, 1911—The-Juniors’ cafeteria is a great success. Senior class pins arrive. May 4. 1911—Juniors have a luncheon party. May 5, 191 1 — Mr. Merrick forgets the Latin prose lesson. May s. 1911—Classes and societies have their pictures taken. Sophs break camera. May 9, 1911- Zephyrus goes to print and all records lost. £3 Htbletics BOYS’ BASKET BALL. Liidei the guidance of Prof. Merrick, the able management of Le Roy Jones, and captaincy of Melville, Morton, the Astoria High School has at last ventured into high school basket ball. The regular team line-up is as follows: Forwards, Barry and Morton: Guards, Hardesty and Wilson: Center, Billie. Jones, Noe, Linville, Ekstrom and McConnon are substitutes. 1 he lirst game ol the season was played with the Cathlamet team on the Cathlamet floor. Although our boys played against a team of greater experience and weight, they came home victorious, having won by a score of 15 to 13. A tew weeks after this game a return game was played at Astoria in which our boys won. Later m the season a game was played with Lincoln High School, of I ortland. Although Lincoln ' s was an experienced team, and although our boys were defeated, Astoria High showed up well, and played a very good game. The last game played was with Clatsknie at Claskanie in which Clatsknie won by a score of 34 to 21. This game was played in a hall much smaller than our boys were used to playing in, and, consequently, this handicapped them to a great extent. The different classes have organized teams among both boys and girls. The freshmen boys have been es¬ pecially successful, having won over both Sophomores and Juniors. The Senior boys, all of whom are on the first team, played a game with a picked-up team from all the school and won. The freshmen and Sophomore girls played a game which was won by the former. The Junior and Senior girls also flave a game scheduled for the near future. THAT STUDENT BODY PRESIDENT. Now Anson was a jolly sport, All agreed he was the right sort. So when an election was held in our High, For student body president “old Ans” did try. Without any trouble and without any strain, He was placed in the chair with a very great gain. But when once elected I’m sorry to say, For assembly meetings, he never would stay. ’Twas, “I must go to this, and I must attend that, Hy! there, you fellows, where is my hat?’’ Now there are some others here in our school, Whose special delight is parliamentary rule. Of course these conditions could never be missed, And so on impeachment, they all did insist. They talked and contended both morning and night, That to impeach him, they did have the right, But at last they admitted with much chagrin, That quite a “square” president surely he’d been. Then the students all paused with a sigh of relief, For they knew all along this was their belief. So at an assembly, led by yell-leader Jim, They all joined to give him a yell not thin. Rah, Rah, Rah, Rah, Rah, Rah, Ziss, Boom, Bah, ANSON. EXCHANGES. The December and February numbers of the Troubador are both re¬ markably good for their stories. The “Lost Pianti” in the February number is especially so. The Totem is an attractive paper. We have received the Students’ Engineer. We are glad to receive the Kuay, of which cartoons are especially good. We welcome the Wireless, and think it is a very interesting paper, but the arrangement of its material might be better. The Whizzer is a very attractive paper. The News is to bf congratulated on its number of short stories. We have received the Voice. We should be very glad to have the High School Register on our ex¬ change list. The Clarion is an excellent paper and signifies a great deal of school interest. The Elemayhum is especially good for the first number. The commencement number of the Cardinal is excellent and the flings are extraordinary bright. oq C 2 ft ft ft O ft ft ft ' 3 ± Q- cn W C 2 CC ■o I o -o m 3J H m w o ■n l m o X m CO H 3 ■ O r w ( ) 7q q crq ao w N zr. n ft o i p o i = pq jq ft Oq jq jq ft jq ft jq O K ZL o’ ft O aq crq O CO 5 ' 7 ALUMNA NOTES. Wilma Young, TO, is attending the University of Oregon, where she is a member of the Chi Omega sorority. Arthur Danielson, To, is at home in Astoria at present. Fanny Gregory, To, at home at present, but she spent most of the winter in Eugene attending the U. of O. Fanny Anderson, TO, is in the High School tak¬ ing a post graduate course in stenography. Edythe Ross, TO, is teaching school at Blind Slough. Anna S. Lidgurdson, TO, is teaching school at Skipanon. Maude Ross, ’09, is attending Mills College. She recently won applause in a recital given by Madame Blanchard in San Fran¬ cisco. Edwin Short, ’09, is in the Naval Academy at Annapolis. Otto Utzinger, ’06, is in Johns Hopkins University at Baltimore. Ted Holmes, ’09, is taking a course in law at Eugene. Birdie Wise, ’08, is quite prominent in student affairs at the U. of O. She is a member of the staff of several college publications and on the Co-Ed debating team. Hamilton Garner, ' 07, is a Junior at Stanford. Addie Abercrombie, ’09, is at Bellingham Normal School, where she is captain of the girls’ basket-ball team. Harvey Allen, ’07, is in the automobile business in San Francisco. John Otto Erickson, ’04, is practicing law in this city. Charles Abercrombie, ’97. has a law office in Portland. Charles Jones, ’01, is a civil engineer in Cincinnati. Will Wood, ’03, has recently purchased a prune farm at Washougal, Wash. The Alumna suffered a loss in the death by drowning of Geo. Prescott Wright, ’04. Pauline Kirchoff was recently married to Geo. Beatty, a civil engineer, at Fort Stevens. Laura Fastabend, 03, was married last summer to Ralph Wooden, of Nehalem. The engagement of Miss Grace Magladry, 06, of Eugene, to Dr. Rives Emerson, of Portland, was recently announced in Eugene. Both were former students of A. H. S. WHO IS WHO IN H. S. Acting Principal of H. S. Instructor in Mathematics. Instructor in English. Instructor in Science. Instructor in Latin and Athletics... Instructor in History. Instructor in German. Instructor in Commercial Branches Instructor in Manual Training .... Instructor in Art. President of Student Body. Vice-President of Student Body.. .. Secretary of Student Body. Treasurer of Student Body. President of Alfredian Society. Secretary of Alfredian Society. President of Waugrean Society. Secretary of Waugrean Society. President of Adelphian Society. Secretary of Adelphian Society. Editor of Zephyrus. Associate Editor of Zephyrus. Business Manager of Zephyrus. President of Senior Class. Secretary of Senior Class. President of Junior Class. Secretary of Junior Class. President of Sophomore Class. Secretary of Sophomore Class. President of Freshmen Class. Secretary of Freshmen Class. Captain of Baseball Team. Manager of Baseball Team. Captain of Basket-ball Team. Manager of Basket-ball Team. Captain of Football Team. Manager of Football Team. Director of A. H. S. Orchestra. Yell Leader. .F. E. Schmidtke .Miss Dora Badollet .Miss Gertrude flulse .F. E. Schmidtke .R. S. Merrick .J. X. Johnston ...Miss Olive Woodward ...Miss Frances Moncrief .J. F. Ford .Miss Elsie Loucks .Anson Allen, ’ll ... Leola Ball, ’32 .Elva Jeldness, ’ll .Lennah Parker,’ll .Gearhart Larsen,’12 .Evelyn Stewart, ’ll .Fred Hardesty,’ll .Jennie Anderson,’ll .Wallace Eakin, ’12 Dorothy Montgomery, ’13 .Myrtle Harrison,’ll .Virginia Peterson,’12 .Wilmot Foster,’ll .Fred Hardesty, ’l l .Margaret Griffin,’ll .Henry Jeldness,’3 2 .Emma Woottan, ’12 .Carl Drilling,’13 Dorothy Montgomery, T3 .Timon Torkelson,’34 .Dewit Gilbert,’14 .August Peschl, T2 .Fred Hardesty,’ll .Mell Morton,’ll .Le Roy Jones, ’12 .August Peschl,’12 .Le Roy Jones, ’12 .Lennah Parker,’ll .Gearhart Larsen, ’12 The favorite songs of the members of the Senior class: “The Billiken Man”—Alex Barry. “You Don’t Know How Much You Have to Know in Order to Know How Little You Know”—VVilmot Foster. “Shaky Eyes”—Eulalia Leahy. “I’m Always Misunderstood”—Grace Kennedy. “Gee, I Wish I Was the Mayor”—Fred Hardesty. Shy Little Violet Blue”—Violet Lockard. “I Want Some One to Flirt With Me”—Evelyn Stewart. “I Should So Love to Be a Boy”—Lennah Parker. “Gee! Ain’t I Glad I’m Single”—Brewer Billie. I’ll Be True to You, My Sailor Boy”—Ruth Breniner. “Eyes That Come From Ireland”—Blanchard Heron. It’s Never Late Till Morning and It Is Early After That”—Anson Allen. “Girls, Girls, Girls”—Mell Morton. “The Fair Co-Ed”—Margaret Griffin. “King Do Do”-—Elmer Manilla. “Whose Little Girl Are You?”—Elva Jeklness. “Wise Old Owl”-—Ira Gaston. “Miss Ginger of Jamaica”—Hazel Davies. Dainty Little Ingenue”-—Johanna Nielson. “Every Day Is Ladies’ Day With Me”—Richard Wilson. “I Want What I Want, When I Want It”—Abel Wright. “Ini Looking for a Financier”—Myrtle Harrison. “The Dear Little Girl That Is Good”—Fanny Berglund. “The Chocolate Soldier”-—Charlie Johnson. I Fell in Love All By Myself”—Ruth Larsen. “Gretchen”—Gertrude Rohr. “Smiling Isle”—Jennie Anderson. “The Gay Musician”—Frank Sanders. “We Are Only Poor Weak Mortals After All”—Senior Class. lake Plenty of Shoes”—Advice to the baseball team. To Study lessons o’er and o’er, Ira carries home his books, But as to Wright it is a bore, lie carries his home for De Lux. WISE How Lo (i I„ 1) Armies of men are delving deep down into the Earth for little Rocks that contains Gold, but fail to extract the “Gold of Love” planted in the Hearts of their Fellow Men. Instead of a Shovel use Kindness and For¬ bearance; you will be surprised at the Result. RARE ' JKMK J.KI For these look into the many Volumes of Poetry and Prose, left as a rich heritage by the master minds of centuries; and the greatest of these is the Holy Bible. Millions of men have found Wisdom, Com¬ fort and Strength in the Bible. Rather than write a Clothing Ad I present the above Truths for the consideration of the oncoming Generation. Clothes don’t always proclaim the man Right Living Does—Live Right ! Your Friend Herman Wise Scandinavian American Savings Bank ASTORIA, OREGON Interest Paid on Time Deposits A. A. SAARI, Photographer, E. E. GRAY, Best Work Guaranteed Attorney-at-Law 632 Commercial Street Astoria, Ore. Phone 892 CENTRAL DRUG STORK ERNEST RINDELL, Prop. ASTORIA, - OREGON Unsurpassed for Purity of Drugs A Full Line of the Finest Teas, Coffees, Crockery and Fancy Groceries At the tea store, Commercial St. JOKES Mr. 5v (in chemistry): Melville, mention an oxide. Mill: Leather. Mr. S.: What is leather the oxide of? Mill: An oxide of beef. Miss H. (in English): That sentence is not incorrect, but it sounds odd to the English-speaking ear. WANTED—Two or three sheets of paper to stand on.—Miss Moncrief. WANTED—Some one to hold a looking-glass in front of me; all-day job.— Alice Fox. Mr. S.: It is astonishing how little you people know about mathematics; Miss Hilda, do you remember the rule of three? H. R.: Oh, yes: I havn’t forgotten that; three is a crowd. Margarget G.: Grace, cross your heart not to tell and I’ll tell yousomething. Grace K. (softly): Give me back my heart, Melville, so I can cross it. Mr. J. (in U. S. history): Did Virginia secede? C. T.: Yes, she did, and left me cold. Freshie: Boo, hoo. Junior: What’s the matter? Freshie: I put one of my jokes in the Zephyrus and everybody laughed at it! Officers: Why do you hang around the streets all day, Mr. Jones? Le Roy J.: Well, I wouldn’t have to if they did not make the school hours so long. A. Peschl: Yes, I’ve been suffering from a bad attack of insomnia. Elva J.: Have you been taking something for it? A. P.: Yes, I’ve been taking English literature every day. Miss H.: Did you look it up in the appendix? G. L.: My Lit. had appendicitis and had its appendix taken out. W. W.’s FAVORITE SONG. Any little mark that’s a nice little mark, is the right little mark for me. It don’t have to look very big in the book, if a good mark it should be. It don’t have to soar o’er ninty-four or a hundred, you do see. Because any little mark that’s a nice little mark is the right little mark for me. V. M.: The biggest lemon I ever saw weighed one hundred and fifty pounds. H. D.: Who was she, Victor? Freshie: Please, sir, what is a sponge? Junior: A sponge, sonny, is a fellow who does not buy the Zephyrus, but sponges off his neighbor. Freshman: I see the price of meat has gone down. Senior: How’s that? Freshman: Linville was canned today. Geo.: I am going to take a course in the I. C. S. Bill: Why? Geo.: Because I am going to get a head in life. Bill: Good for you, you need one. The cows are in the meadow. The sheep are in the grass; But all the silly little geese Are in the Freshie class. The Juniors saw something green, ’tis true; They thought it was the Freshman class, But when they closer to it drew — They found it w ' as a looking-glass.—Ex. Why should McConnon be a grocer? Ans.: So he can always be near Staples. Mr. S.: Wise men hesitate, fools are certain. Student: Are you sure? Mr. S.: I am certain.—Ex. The SECOND LOOK is what counts. If the first glance re¬ veals something in¬ teresting, the second look is sure to fol¬ low. We put into your printing the style and character that arrests the at¬ tention at the first glance and compels the profit - getting second look. TiTe OWL PRINTERY Mixers of Type, Ink and Brains Imperial Restaurant OPEN DAY AND NIGHT 523-524 Commercial Street Astoria, Oregon WearCrossett Shoes and be Happy_ Wherity, Ralston Co. Astoria’s Best Shoe Store Astoria National Bank of Astoria, Oregon UNITED STATES DEPOSITORY J. H. Seymour JEWELER A. V. ALLEN GROCERIES Official Watch Inspector for A. C. R. Ry. See our window display for Chinaware 526 Commercial Street 452 Commercial Street 1 CITY DRUG STORE Salvon Lothman Proprietors Higgins Warren GENERAL INSURANCE Pure Drugs and Chemicals Surety Bonds Rents Collected Astoria, Oregon Astoria, Oregon UTZINGER’S Nftws Stand Stationery, School Supplies and Periodicals a Specialty Mr. S. (at the end of physics class): This has been the poorest recita¬ tion I ever heard. Why, I’ve done it all myself. Mr. S., in botany: Brewer, what is fungi? B. B. (in a whisper to Blanche): What is fungi, Blanche? B. H.: Wait, I’ll ask Ella. Miss H., in literature: What do you know about George Eliot, Wal¬ lace? W. E.: He was a woman. Freshman, crying. Senior: What’s the trouble? Freshie: I had my eye on a seat in Miss B.’s room and a Senior sat on it. A. A. (to Leola B.): What is the plural of we? Miss B., in Geo. Ill: Ruth B., what’s your circumference? Ruth: Forty-five feet. Can you imagine what would happen—• If Hoffler’s went out of business? If Mell did not use H2 02? If Leola did not haunt the halls? If “The Girls” did not wear rats? If Jones did not manage all athletics? If Quong had his physics lesson? If Fred did not try to rule? Mr. J.: Who can tell me the meaning of “Sophomore”? A. McK.: It means suffering. Miss H. (in English Lit.): When was “Milton’s Paradise Regained” written? W. Wooten: After his third w r ife died. Melville has a heart of pine. He’s ditching some one all the time. Oh, if a man I could only be— I’d do unto him as he has done unto me. Notice! By special request Alex Barry has been ignored in these flings. Arthur McK. (to Dorothy E.): All the world loves a lover. I guess that’s why I’m so popular with the ladies. Admiring Freshman: What can you do that nobody else can do, Mr. Hardesty? F. H.: Why—er—er, I can read my own writing. Ans w ' ants little here below, That litlte is to pass. His chemistry, so that in June he’ll go Out with the ’ll class. Did you ever hear some of the lofty ideas in “Pike’s” Peak? When you go out in the hall, Be careful how you walk about. ’Cause Mr. Ford will catch you, If you don’t w r atch out. Anson A. (to Abel W. ): What is the difference between a butcher and Margaret G.? Abel: Give it up. Anson: One kills to dress and the other dresses to kill. Jolly maiden, out for fun; College youth; fun’s begun. Slight flirtations; lots of sport. Breach of promise; county court. ’Mother maiden, same spry youth; Courting habit; stung-to-boot. Spry old bachelor all alone. Same old story, no fixed home. “Do you know that a gaseous emanation from radium is transformed into belium, Miss Elderly?” “Now, Mr. Jinks, I’ll just bet you are talking love to me in Latin.”—Ex. She: Why do they always cheer when a fellow is hurt In a football game? He: So the girls can’t hear w T hat he’s saying.—Ex. Misses may come, and misses may go, But old maids stay forever. —Ex. Copyright Hart Schaffner , Marx TF you should walk across the campus of any of the best A colleges in the country you’d see Hart, Schaffner Marx clothes on many of the fellows there. These clothes are favored college clothes; that’s why nearly all other men favor them. We’ve some new models for you. ’Varsity Shape-maker, special young styles, and we’ll give you a cor¬ rect fit. Suits $20 to $35. Overcoats $18 to $30 I A. STOKES This store is the home of Hart, Schaffner Marx clothes 1 H. JELDNESS SONS Agents for Kuppenheimer Clothes Bond Street Entrance to Callender Dock Astoria Hardware E. J. DONNERBERG Company Jeweler 546 Commercial Street A General Hardware Launch Supplies High School Pins 50c T. L. BALL DENTIST T. 0. WITHERS OPTOMETRIST Pythian Building Eyes Tested Glasses Fitted Clatsop Abstract Title and Trust Co. 426-428 Commercial St. Astoria, Oregon Mr. S. (in physics class, striking a note on the sonometer): Mr. Wal¬ lace, what is this note? W. E.: Do. Mr. S. (sounding another string):And what is 11 1 i? W. E.: Do. Mr. S.: But why do you call them all “do”? W. E.: Dad says all notes represent dough. Huh! says scornful Frederick, Do you think I’d learn that stuff? When Schmidtke asks me to recite, I just stand up and bluff. You don’t have to study physiology to tell the location of Grace’s heart. Miss Hulse (in Senior English): Richard, tell us something about syntax. Richard: Sin tacks depends upon whether the point is up or down. Morton: Have a cigarette, Peck? Peck W.: No, thanks, I’ve chucked smoking. It is getting too ef¬ feminate. Jones (as they went out of the restaurant): Say. Gus, that was an awful big tip you gave the waiter. Peschl: Well, look at the coat he gave me. “Why, how do you do! I am so glad you called. Let me take your hat.” “No, you don’t. That’s how I got it.” “This necklace, madam,” said the salesman in the curio department, “was originally made for the Duke of Buckingham, who gave it to Anne of Austria. We’re selling a lot of them.”—Ex. A young man in Oakland, named Du Bose, invited his sweetheart to take a buggy ride with him. The young lady had a very fetching lisp. When they reached a rather lonesome bit of road the young man announced: “This is where you have to pay toll. The toll is either a kiss or a squeeze. “Oh, Mr. Du Both!” exclaimed his fair companion. Reach Base Ball Goods Base Balls without a peer; Bats of every kind; Mitts; Masks; and all. Come and see them and get one of our catalogues free. Foard . Stokes Hardware Co. “The Store of Quality” Phone 621-R Fine Stationery R.H. HOSKINS Supplies at Hail ' s Drug Store D. M. D. 573 Commercial St. Corner 14th Com¬ mercial, Astoria Ore. ..THE STYLE SHOP.. For Fine and Up-to-Date MILLINERY ALWAYS IN THE LEAD ANNA C. YOUNG, 441 Commercial Street Vacation Time is at Hand Our showing of ready to wear garments is most seasonable. Cream Serge suits and Sailor costumes, white duck dresses and suits. Dresses of Foulard Silks, Marquisette and Linens. Full lines of summer Shoes, Oxfords and Pumps. Get your Photo Sup¬ plies and Art Nov¬ elties at WOODFIELD’S Art Store Graduation Picture You want her pic¬ ture and she wants your photograph Expert posing and lighting enable us to produce for you both products of merit. WILSON’S STUDIO Star Theatre Bldg. Phone 803 Sittings made at night by appointment ... University of Oregon ... EUGENE The State University—Tuition Free Courses in Civil, Electrical, Chemical and Railway Engineering, leading to the degree Bachelor of Science ; and five-year courses leading to the advanced degree of Engineer Courses preparatory to Law, Medicine, Commerce and Journalism, and general courses in Economics, History, Languages, Litera¬ ture, Mathematics, Science, etc., leading to the Bachelor’s degree Courses in School of Education, preparatory to High School Teach¬ ing, Principalships and Superintendencies, leading to the Bache¬ lor’s degree, and covering the teaching of English, History, Mathematics, Languages, Science, Gymnastics and Music Courses in School of Music, leading to the Teacher’s Certificate or the degree of Bachelor of Music, covering work in Piano, Voice, Violin, Theory and Harmony Send for Catalogue. Address The Registrar UNIVERSITY OF OREGON, Eugene, Oregon We are exclusive represen¬ tative of the famous daslungton Garments Washington Clothes for MEN—YOUNG MEN and Purveyor of high grade “ready to wear” garments for people of good taste and refinement PENNANTS Made to order See TONG SING WAH SING CLOTHIER—TAILOR FURNISHER 622 Commercial Street SUITS $20 and up N E W YORK MRS. ROSS The Milliner On 11th Street Bet. Commercial and Duane I. H. VOSSBINDER 5c-10c-15c Store 612 Commercial St. We sell any article that can be had for 15c or less First-Class Boot and Shoe Repairig —AT THE— MODERN SHOP On Commercial Near Eighth St. C. E. GUNNAL 1H STORE of CONVENIENCES Largest and best Equipped and Stocked Book Store in Oregon outside of Portland. Free Telephone Free Writing Desk and Material City and Portland Directories Stamps Sold Packages taken care of. Meet your friends here. Whitman’s Book Store All High School Girls trade at We Keep Fort Stanwix And all other high grade goods Ross, Higgins Co. Imperial Restaurant Open Day and Night 523-524 Commercial St. Astoria, Oregon : Fountain Pens for School. Every High School : Student should own a Fountain Pen. We have several models of the world famed — Waterman’s Fountain pens that are adapted to students use, also less expensive pens—price $1.50 A. G. SPEXARTH, Jeweler Established 1876 dstoris: Oregon — H. JELDNESS SONS Agents for Kuppenheimer Clothes. Astoria, Oregon Albert Dunbar Dry Goods Co. Fine Stock of Ladies’ Wearing Apparel us 966 Commercial Street Astoria, Oregon 93-80-Y0 List of Advertisers Give them the Preference Anderson Erickson A. V. Allen Astoria Hardware Co. Allen Wall Paper Paint Co. Astoria Florist Astoria Dentists Co. Astoria National Bank Astoria Dental Parlors Badollet Co. Dr. Chas. W. Barr Bee Hive Clatsop Abstract Trust Co. Central Drug Co. Albert Dunbar Dry Goods Co. F. J. Donnerberg Foard Stokes Hardware Co. Hildebrand Co. Dr. R. H. Hoskins Harts Drug Store E. Hauke Co. Higgins Warren Hoeflers Imperial Restaurant H. Jeldness Sons Judd Bros. Dr. A. W. Kinney Louis Kinkela THE OWL item Chas. F. Lester Moose Show A. W. Norblad Pacific Power Light Co. Chas. Rogers Son Wm. A. Sherman W. J. Scully A. G. Spexarth P. A. Stokes J. H. Seymour Svensons Book Store Star Theatre John H. A. M. Smith Salvon Lothman Wah Sing The Astoria Garage Tyler Dry Goods Co. Troy Laundry Utzingers News Stand Frank Vaughan Herman Wise Whitmans Book Store Watermans T. O. Withers Frank Woodfield Wherity, Ralton Co. Wilsons Studio Miaix PRINTERY Astoria Florist rr’ D Wedding Bouquets, Bulbs y ) oy ws Floral Designs, Pot Plants Phone 358 185 Eleventh Street Between Duane Commercial Astoria National Bank of Astoria, Oregon UNITED STATES DEPOSITORY All High School Girls trade at —Sweets Latest Styles in Fall Coats, Suits and Millinery —F ine selection of New Firs—— Our Ready to Wear Department is the Largest in the City—whatever you want is here F3 Be tia Nels FD} valle ZEPHYRUS STAFF Editorin Ghiel te. SxS oe oo ee oe, Virginia Peterson Associate Editorg 26-2) ck. | ee no = Esther Jeffers (Emma Wootton Business. Manager a. ses ee eee Wallace Eakin Advertising Managers'’23 2c. 209-. tc ae eee ee Crockett Edith Lorensten Literary Editors. ss. 345 oe ee. es { Dorothy Montgomery (William Wootton Dorothy Epping ArtistS. 2. (eee, eo ere eee ocr Kaboth Mignon Allen Athletic, Soliton (28! dea ee See es George McConnon School! Notes 32s 2 eed eo 0 |e eer eh eS Timon Torkelson AHS, Galendar a2 See mets 2 eee et ete oe Leola Ball Fexchange Fiditites 2002 en a ee ee eee Jennie Johnson Algnini Fiditort wees 2 ee ee ee Georgiana Garner ThetA gon yLOGlan mentee aka c= ce Ramee ee eae McGregor Constance Fulton Senloregs se ee eee oe soe ka eae ee Ella Karinen BLT oly een 3558” i ae NE SR ee asd Up) |g, alle, SPR Bernice McGregor SODDTROTGS pen ann Be oe eee eet ee a oe Eileen Tomkins Preaiitvien s6 an eee ae en ec ee eee ene Mildred Copeland EDITORIALS. We are now undertaking a big thing—to publish a paper once a month, and it cannot be a success without everybody’s support. Just think! When the Zephyrus was first established in 1905 there was only about a third as many students in the High School as there are now and they had a monthly paper. Why can’t we? Now, we are going to do our very best to make it a big suc- cess. Won't you? In the trials and the turmoils of life, we may in time forget the classes which have preceded and followed us, but, if perchance, we visit the school of our younger days, the Class of 1911 will be brought back to our memories by the beautiful statue of ““Victory’’ which they have left as a kind token of re- membrance. ‘This class has certainly set a good example for those who follow them. To the contributors of The Zephyrus we wish to say, that if some of your material does not appear in the first issue of The Zephyrus, don’t be angry at the staff. Just wait, and it will probably appear in the next issue. You know we may have other things of the same character and we cannot print them all at the same time. The students of the High School have been very liberal in sending in material for The Zephyrus. We, as a staff, appreciate it very much. We only hope that they will continue with their good work. Have we not the sea breeze to blow us along? ‘A rolling stone gathers no moss.”’ Let us get in and roll, as some of us are already green with moss, for which there is only one cure, “School Spit.” Anyone can roll down hill, but it is always an up-hill road to the top of the ladder. It is an up-hill road to the football grounds, because it is at the top, therefore always strive for higher things. THE ZEPHYRUS STAFF Who said we were slow (I'd like to know) And never could get a paper out? Why, here it is. Now, please don’t shout: Well how did it ever come about? It’s just like this, you understand Our editor-in-chief has us well in hand. She makes us work. Oh dear! If we didn’t she wouldn’t have us near. Of course all of you have clearly seen How busy Emma and Esther have been. The busiest of scribblers on the staff, To see them work would make you laugh. Besides, there are our managers; One sees to money, the others to “‘ads” For Edith and John both have the “go” And see that none of the businessmen are slow. There are others yet that we do not mention That we surely believe deserve a pension, For they have worked, and they have striven To make this paper something which even You must admit—beyond anticipation And all of it done without ostentation. —E. L., 12. LONESOME LODGE. ‘ Hello, there!’’ called a cheery voice across the campus. Channing turned to see who had hailed him, and as he did so a look of surprise crept into his face. “Why, hello, Ellington, old chap! How are you?” ‘Then as his aston- ished gaze rested directly on his friend, he exclaimed: “Good heavens, man! what’s the matter with you Why you've studied so hard this summer that your hair has turned gray.” Ellington smiled faintly. “‘No, it’s not study,” he said, ‘“But that’s a long story. _I’Il come up to your room tonight and tell you about it.”’ So it happened that Phillip Ellington, on the first night of the fall term, sat before the fire in his friend’s room and told the following story: “You remember Dick Gearing. He graduated in your Freshman year. Well, he and I went duck hunting just a few weeks ago, down in the Swamp Grass country. We pitched camp on a likely looking lake, about a quarter of a mile from a little one-horse town called Harrisburg, so named after an old fellow by the name of Harris who used to own most of the land around there. He was a peculiar sort of chap, never took much notice of anything and lived all by himself with only a hunchbacked valet. Gossip says that he once had a beautiful wife who, in some way, disappeared and he seemed to have gone crazy about it. However, he had been dead about ten years by the time we struck the country. His old house and estate had been turned into a summer hotel for invalids. Very encouraging outlook for invalids, I must say. “Well, to go on with my part of the story, Dick and I hired a canoe for a week and so far had had excellent luck. One day, however, the birds seemed to fly northward, up toward the swampy inlet of the lake, and Dick resolved to chase up after them. Of course I voted ‘yes’ and we started up about four o’clock in the afternoon. It took us nearly two hours to reach the upper end of that lake, and when we did get there, much to our discomfort, it began to rain. No gentle, hissing sort of rain, but a good steady downpour. We made land and started to get comfortable under the canoe, when all of a sudden Dick gave a whoop. “ “Hurrah! A house!’ he cried. ‘I see a chimney in the trees over there.’ Off he darted and was soon back again to announce that the shack, as he termed the place, was deserted, the door was as rotten as punk, and it was as dry as flinders inside. We immediately picked up our belongings and, running through the rain, reached the house. It was a low structure, built on the bungalow style. The windows were boarded up, weeds grew rank about the door and in the crevices of the roof. It looked to me like an old hunting lodge. ““We went through the kitchen door, which Dick had kicked in, and stepped into a musty, dark room. As we did so, I heard a soft, swishing sound like the trailing of a woman's skirts. I said nothing; it might have been the rain. On one side of the room stood an old, rusty stove, on the other side a door, probably leading down to the basement. Beside the door lay the skeleton of a small dog; before us, a doorway leading into the other part of the house. I must say I didn’t like our lodgings. An uncanny feeling seemed to prevail throughout the place. Dick, however, was in high spirits. As it was quite dark now Dick lit an old tin lantern he had brought from camp. We then proceeded to investigate our lodgings. The doorway in front of us was empty, the door having been torn from its hinges. Dick picked up the lantern and walked through the doorway, I following with our guns and blankets. We found ourselves in a hall, from which four doors opened. We looked into every room but only empty space greeted us. The last room of all seemed the least uncanny of the four, there being a large fireplace in it. ‘Bully,’ said Dick, ‘I see where we have a rousing good fire as soon as I tackle some of that old wood I saw out in the kitchen.’ “We retraced our steps to the kitchen. Dick went over to the wood-pile, but I stood transfixed in the doorway. The dog!’ I said, trembling. ‘ What about it? I don’t see it,’ said Dick. es ‘That’s just it,’ I said; ‘it’s gone.’ “Well, what of it? I can’t say he was a particularly desirable com- panion,” replied Dick, flippantly. “Silently we took the wood back to the dining-room, as | think it must have been. Dick piled the wood in the fire-place and, as the roaring blaze went up the chimney, he burst into a jolly old college song in which I joined heartily. Our voices had scarcely died away in the corners of the room when we heard in the front of the house the soft tones of a woman’s voice singing to the accom- paniment of a violin. “Dick and I stared blankly at each other for a moment. ‘ Some poor wanderer caught in the rain,’ he said, and went toward the door. The singing ceased; we went into each of the three rooms. We found nothing but bare walls. ‘ ‘Queer, isn’t it?’ I said, ‘but, then, the wind plays all sorts of queer tricks in these old houses.” ‘We returned to the fire, it was nearly out. As we piled on more wood the sound of footsteps in the hall attracted our attention. Dick threw open the door and I pointed my gun into the blackness. ‘ ‘What's there?’ I called, but only the sound of raindrops fell upon my ears. “Once more we returned to the fire, this time rather frightened. We were both staring into the blaze when a woman’s smothered cry broke out upon the silence. We remained motionless. Then something was dragged along the hall and out into the kitchen; a door was flung violently open; something was dragged down the stairs; we heard it bump from one step to another. Mechan- ically I counted the bumps. When I had reached the ninth, a piercing shriek rent the air, followed by the crash of breaking glass. “T glanced at Dick, his face was white and set. He sprang up. ‘Come on, Phil,’ he whispered, hoarsely, grabbing up his gun and making for the door. I followed with my gun and lantern. When we reached the kitchen, the cellar door, which before had been closed, was ajar. We went cautionusly down the cellar stairs into the weird darkness below. The light of the lantern penetrated into all the corners but one. Old wine bottles were piled against the wall, and a great many broken ones lay scattered over the floor. Our in- terest was centered in that black corner. Dick raised his gun and pointed it at the darkest spot. see If there is any one there, I will fire when I say three,’ he said, in a cool, steady voice, but there was no response from the blackness. “One!” he said distinctly; “ITwo!’ rang out almost impatiently; “Three!’ and the sharp report of his gun rang through the musty cellar. Then suddenly it seemed as if by some invisible force, the lantern was dashed down the stairs, we were precipitated violently against the wall, and I knew no more until I found myself out in the clear fresh air. I was running beside Dick towards the canoe, behind me I heard the howling of a dog. Later Dick told me, that when I fainted he dragged me up the stairs and into the kitchen just as the cellar door slammed behind him. As he carried me out into the open he heard harsh, grating laughter through the rotten timbers of the house. ‘We jumped into our canoe and paddled steadily down the lake all night. When dawn broke we were far below camp. We doubled our course, and it was on rounding a curve below the camp that Dick noticed that my hair had turned very gray. “We left for town immediately, but before leaving told some of the country people of our frightful experience. They told us that years ago the lodge had belonged to Harris, and for a long time had been considered haunted. Once a man had stayed there all night, but came back in the morning a raving maniac. No one would live near it and for this reason it had been called “Lonesome Lodge.’ ”’ It was one o’clock when Ellington had finished telling Channing this story, but the two friends sat long before the fire, thinking of the probable tragedy of that terrible lonesome lodge. ECHOES FROM THE NEHALEM VALLEY. It was well along toward the first of July, 1911, when a delegation from the Faculty of the Astoria High School set sail for the wilds of the Nehalem Valley. The expedition consisted of the Teacher of History and the head of the Department of Latin. No railroad or trolley line connects Astoria with the town of Elsie, which was our destination. However, our fellow-citizen, Mr. William Deeds, runs a stage to that point thrice a week, when the weather is favorable and the wind in the right direction. We arrived at Elsie about six P. M. Our reception was not marked by any remarkable outburst of enthusiasm. No brass band brayed forth a wel- come; no delegation of prominent citizens was there to welcome us to their midst. However, the proprietor of the combined post-office and store, which constitutes the town of Elsie, invited us to supper. The invitation was unanimously accepted. The next morning we moved forward about two miles and pitched camp, as our beloved Caesar would say. The Teacher of Latin, having made a special study of Caesar’s campaigns, was put in charge of the baggage and allowed to carry the pack. The Teacher of History acted as rear-guard, and the expedition advanced in good order. In many ways our equipment resembled a small edition of Roosevelt’s fam- ous trip to Africa. The baggage consisted chiefly of guns. While we were unpacking from the stage, a large buck deer came up and stood a hundred feet away watching the proceedings. When he got a good look at the small arsenal that was being unloaded, he disappeared into the woods, and has never been back in that neighborhood since. Upon arriving in camp, Mr. Johnston was elected cook, and nobly did he fulfill the duties of that difficult office. During the summer many visitors came to our camp, sampled our cooking, and pronounced it good. One man even had the courage to come back a second time, and, according to the latest reports, he still lives. Our days were spent in hunting and fishing. At night we sat around the camp-fire and sang. As our melodious voices blended in harmony over the still woods, the denizens of the forests were filled with cons ternation and, with one accord, they fell back to a safer distance. At first an old screech-owl was accustomed to perch near our camp at night, and to try to run a concert in opposition to ours. However, he soon gave up in disgust, for he seemed to realize that we had him outclassed. There is plenty of small game in the Nehalem Valley that is easy to get. This was fortunate for us, as we are not expert marksmen; but when rabbits are so tame that they will walk up to the end of your gun and look down the barrel to see what kind of ammunition you are using, there is no excuse for scarcity of meat. By constant practice we improved our marksmanship until we could hit a barn door three times out of four. The largest trout caught was sixteen inches in length. Mr. Johnston hooked one that was four feet long, but it escaped. He afterwards admitted that he might have overestimated the size of that fish. He says that it may have been three feet and eleven inches long, but he refuses to come down any further. To anyone looking for a good camping place where game is plentiful and where the high cost of living will not worry him, I can heartily recommend the Nehalem Valley. —R. S. M. THE ORIGIN OF THE ROSE. ears ago, in a beautiful land, there dwelt a lovely maiden -eyes as blue as the summer sky, cheeks like roses, teeth like pearls, and hair with a sheen of gold. After reading the above introduction you would think this maiden perfection—a thing of beauty and a_ joy forever—but, alas, she had one defect—a tongue that was as sharp as the proverbial two-edged sword, and that pricked like the thorns of a rose. One day, as she was dancing happily along, beautiful in the glow of youth and health, the queen of the fairies drove by in her chariot. Our young friend looked at her saucily, but showed no mark of respect such as the queen was in the habit of receiving whenever she travelled abroad. The queen stopped and said to her kindly, ‘“‘Make an obeisance to me, child,”’ and what do you think this naughty girl did? She stuck out that sharp-pointed tongue and danced merrily away—but not far, for ere she had gone but a short distance, the fairy’s wand touched her and she was changed into a rose—pretty to look at, fragrant, and queenly, but full of prickly thorns. “‘Beware of the Rose.” I plucked this one and in its heart I found this story. —J. M. G.—A “Freshie.” LITTLESERESHIE: Once upon a time, as all good stories begin, there was a poor little Freshie wandering alone through the Depths of Knowledge, which premeate the Astoria Hich School. Now, some of you Wise Heads may think this tale a fake, but I heard it myself from the poor little Freshman, whose name was Ever Green. On the first day of her recitations ( ) in the Build- ing of Learning, Ever Green sat nervously through five long periods, not knowing what to do, and just about the time that the poor little Freshie’s poor little stomachbegan to tell her it was eats time, a bell rang. Up she jumped, and ran for the door, but all the other Freshies sat in their seats like good little children. Ever Green timidly followed a long line of Silly Looking Things, probably Second Term Freshmen, but to her surprise, they did not go to the cloakroom, but filed solemnly into a room on the left. Poor Ever Green! She was afraid to go back over the miles and miles of hall, that lay between her and the room, where a monstrous booggy bear of a Man with Glasses reigned over all the other little Freshies, who looked at him with eyes as big as saucers. Oh that insignificant, lonely Freshie! What would she do? Just then she glanced around and saw a Stoneman looking at her from the distance, and her heart immediately sank to the basement, and now having lost heart she softly opened the glass-panelled cloakroom door a quarter of an inch and slipped in. There she stood trembling clear to the end of the braid which hung down her back. Presently, on glancing up, she saw through the door on her right a stout person, with a little bit of a red sweater and big, far-seeing eyes looking in at her. Poor Ever Green ran like a terrified mouse to the other end of the cloak room and—Hiorrors! the first thing she knew a great tall thin person with loose- fitting clothes and glasses over his eyes, which, of course, made him see twice as far as the other person, looked down upon her from his tremendous height. Ever Green shrank to the size of a hatpin; she looked at her watch, it was thirty seconds to Twelve; she had been there hours and hours and now she was to wait, she did not know how much longer. Then that poor little Freshman fell down on her knees, and prayed with all her might, and just then all the Learned Students came trouping in and poor little Ever Green ran down the big stone steps, away from the labyrinth of torture and straight home to her mother. —D. E., °12. (Editor’s Note: This is a true account of the experiences of one of this Term’s Freshmen. ) Theorem: All bright pupils write poorly in the A. H. S. Let: All bright pupils write in the A. H. S. To Prove: All bright pupils write poorly in the A. H. S. Proof: All pupils are bright in A. H. S. (Hyp) All pupils write poorly in A. H. S. (Ax.) OJE.D: -, All bright pupils write poorly in A. H. S. THE FRESHIE’S SOLIOQUY. To study, or not to study, that’s the question. Whether ’tis nobler in your class to sufter The jeers and banters of the upper classmen Or to take arms against a sea of troubles And with five studies end them. To study; to pass, to be a Fresh no more: And by passing end the heartache and the thousand and one ills, Freshies are heir to; ‘tis a consummation Devoutly to be wished. Too study, to take the exams; To take the exams! perchance to flunk—ay, there’s the rub; For in that state what unknown things may come When we have shuffled off this Freshie coil Must bring repentance. There’s the respect That makes us live so long a Freshie’s life, For who would bear the scorn of Juniors The hints of Seniors, the insolence of Sophomores, The inconvenience of conflicts, The glare of the principal, the groans of all the teachers, The stings of his Senior sweethearts, The horrors and the owl-like loneliness. Who would bear to fret and groan under a Freshie’s life But that the dread of flunking— That awful possibility from whose meshes No venturer escapes, makes cold the feet And makes us bear the ills we have Than fly to others that we know not of, —J. D. G, 714. SCHOOL NOTES. The fall term of the Astoria High School opened on September 18th. The Joy attendant on the occasion was signified by the smiling faces of the students as they filed to the various rooms for registration. The very air seemed full of happiness. Old friends who had not seen each other the whole summer, clasped hands in a happy reunion, and all seemed glad of their pri- vilege of once more meeting under the same roof. As usual the Freshies were at a loss to know what to do. They congregated in the halls; and with their thumbs in their mouths, seemed to glory in the thoughts of a well-spent past and the prospects for a prosperous future. They were finally coralled by the rare ability of our prin- cipal, Mr. Stone, and were herded into a spare room, where they were soon put at their ease by Mr. Crockett. The beautiful statue presented to the school by the Class of 1911 is now in the building. It is in the form of Caproni’s “Statue of Victory,” of excellent workmanship. It is the first work of art presented to the school and will re- mind succeeding classes of the excellent spirit and record of the class for which it stands and we hope will prove an inspiration to them. From the floor the statue reaches a height of seven feet. The cylindrical, one and a half feet in diameter, stands three feet high; the base of the statue is a plinth surmounted by a ball. Upon this is gracefully poised the Victory, whose attitude of onward motion and the crown of victory held high in hands extended, bespeak her mission. Her garments, as she moves forward, are blown backward by the wind, revealing that beauty of form wrought only by the most skilled artist. In the lines of the neck and face the contours of feminine beauty seem perfectly wrought. The curves about the eyes and the drooping lids lend a seriousness, which is unmistakable, to the expression of the face. Her arms describe a beautiful circle above her head, while in her hands she holds a wreath. ‘The soft cream tint of both statue and pedestal produce a pleasing effect to the eye. The Class is to be commended for its judgment in selecting this statue. It is a fitting token of the love and gratitude that they hold for the school. Of last year’s corps of teachers, Miss Badollet, Miss Hulse, Miss Wood- ward, Miss Loucks, Mr. Johnston and Mr. Merrick have returned. ‘The vacancies caused by Mr. Schmidtke, Mr. Ford, and Miss Moncrief’s not re- turning, were filled by Mr. Stone, Mr. Crockett, and Miss Maginnis. Miss Ritter has been engaged to take charge of the recently installed Department of Domestic Science. Mr. Schmidtke will teach in the Academy of the Pacific University at Forest Grove, Ore., and will also take an advanced course in science at the University. Mr. Ford has been chosen by the school board of Spirit Lake, Idaho, to fill the position of Superintendent of Schools at that place. Miss Moncrief has removed to California, where she has accepted a position in one of the High Schools of the State. The Manual Training Department of the city schools, which was formerly located in the High School building, has been moved to the McClure building. This change was made to allow the pupils from the grades all over the city to take the manual training course. Although the walk to class is longer than formerly, the students will enjoy the fresh air and, in consequence, will be in better condition for the work following. This year the department is under the management of Mr. Fertig, of the McClure school. By adding more tools to the department he has increased the facilities for the work. SOCIETIES Adelphians. The Adelphians would not allow a good man and an efficient President to ¢% leave the chair, so they re-elected Wallace Eakin. With Wallace Eakin as President : and Edith Lorntsen as Secretary, they ex- pect to be well toward the front with inter- esting programs and meetings. They are also very much pleased that they were able to secure two new leaders, Miss Maginnis and Mr. Crockett. You may expect new ideas from them, for they are ready to sur- { prise you. Their first program, which was ae held on October 6th, was a splendid be- ginning. It was original and humorous. ra Those who went only to be entertained were satisfied, as were all others. The Program Committee promises something new for each program. The Adel- phians were fortunate in their share of new Freshmen. W auregans. The Wauregans met for the first time this term on October 6, 1911. Some very interesting numbers were arranged by the committee, among which was an informal debate. In the debate one of the girls, finding she had to speak, was very frightened, but accomplished her part very well. Afterwards she said that she was scared to death to speak, but she only did so because she was a Wauregan. Now, if every society, class, or club in the Astoria High School had as loyal members and as much spirit this school would be one of the best in the country. Last year the Wauregans defeated the Adelphians and hope to win over the Alfredians this year. The officers for this semester are: Lenore McGregor, President; Esther Jeffers, Vice-President; Hilma Lindberg, Secretary. Alfredians. On Friday, October 6, 1911, the Alfredian Society held the first regular meeting of the term. The best feature of the program was rendered by the Alfredian Quartet, consisting of Gearhart Larsen, Donald Roberts, De Witt Gilbert, and Clarence Cordiner. The selection, that touching ballad, ‘““Why Does the Ocean Lie so Close to the Shore?’’ was rendered with that wonder- ful technique and miscellaneous tempo peculiar to this quartet. The number was highly applauded, but the aforesaid vocal artists refused to respond, being sensitive to the honor bestowed upon them. The officers of the society are: President, Gearhart Larsen; Secretary, Ella Karinen; Treasurer, Virginia Peterson. LSS ee Concerning Chemistry. If there should be another flood, For safety, hither fly; Though all the world should be submerged, This book would still be dry. Once there was a little Freshie, And he came here in the fall, And he opened his mouth in wonder, As he gazed about the hall. But now his ways are nervy, And he grins form ear to ear. He’s grown up ( ) and he thinks it’s funny How the Freshies act this year. Senior Notes. Che Senior Class was organized on September 20th with an enrollment of twenty-five members. The following officers were elected: President, Will- 1am Wootton; Vice-President, Virginia Peterson; Secretary, Lenore McGregor; Treasurer, Leola Ball; Sergeant-at-Arms, John Crockett; Class Editor, Ella Karinen; Class Artist, Tong Sing. Class spirit is shown in abundance, and the Class of 12 will endeavor to outrival all the preceding and on-coming classes in work as well as in spirit. The Class colors are red and white. Motto: Finis coronat opus (The end crowns the work). Class Flower: The crimson rambler. Junior Notes. The Class of 13 held its first meeting of this semester on September 27, 1911. The meeting was called in order that the Class officers might be elected. Those chosen were: Lloyd Hammerstrom, President; James Moberg, Vice- President; Rose Anderson, Secretary; Carl Drilling, Treasurer; Lief Halsan, Sergeant-at-Arms; Bernice McGregor, Editor; Anna Thompson, Artist; Emma Wootton, Historian. It will be indeed a safe prediction that the Juniors will not be lacking in class spirit, and that they will make things hum. Sophomore Notes. The Sophomore meeting for the election of officers was held and was well attended. This class gives indications of being an interesting one. The fol- lowing officers were elected: President, George Riefle; Vice-President, Hugh Pendergast; Secretary, Alfred Gerding; Treasurer, Russell Fox; Sergeant- at-Arms, William Ipark; Artist, George Kaboth; Editor, Eileen Tompkins. The class colors are old rose and olive green. Freshman Notes. The Freshman Class held their first meeting of this semester September 29th and the following officers were elected: President, Wetzel Griffin; Vice- President, Margaret Barry; Secretary, Nancy Welch; Treasurer, Lorens Lo- gan; Editor, Mildred Copeland; Sergeant-at-Arms, Duane Souden. ATHLETICS. The gymnasium has been remodeled and the plaster walls which were so injurious to the basket-ball players have been replaced by wainscoting to the height of ten feet. The south wall has been entirely rewalled with flooring, making it possible for hand-ball enthusiasts to enjoy the sport. Nearly all arrangements have been completed for the installing of a com- plete set of gymnastic apparatus, and it is expected to be ready before the be- ginning of next semester. Shower baths are also being installed in connection with gymnasium work. Football. The season opened with bright prospects for a good football team. There were some of the old players out in their football togs, and an abund- ance of new material from which to choose the other members of the team. Since the second Monday in the school year, the boys have been out undergoing hard practice daily under the able coaching of Mr. Lawrence Rogers. Games have already been spoken for, but no final schedule has been arranged. Tennis. The Tennis Club has reorganized and all those who wish to play tennis may do so, providing they first pay their initiation fee. Some of the players are already practicing for the anticipated class games. Myrtle Harrison, 11, is enjoying life at Washington University, Seattle. Margaret Griffin, 11, has gone on an extended Eastern trip with her father. They will visit Washington, D. C., Canada, and many other points of interest, returning in time for Margaret to enter Mills College in February. Dr. Percy Tagg, ’07, has opened a dental office in San Francisco. All Astoria High School Alumni can have their teeth extracted free of charge. Frank Parker, ’06, is still climbing. He is in the employment of the General Electric Company and is now stationed at Seattle, so will occasionally visit with his parents and friends here. Arthur Danielson, °10, and Anson Allen, 11, have both entered as Freshmen at Stanford University. Hamilton Garner, 07, of Stanford University, having taken extra summer work, will graduate at Christmas this year, instead of in June, 1912. Ira Gaston, ’11, is nicely located in Eugene. Edwin Short, ’09, is perhaps the first of the Astoria Alumni to have en- joyed a trip abroad. He is a cadet at Annapolis and spent last summer tour- ing with a training ship. Otto Utzinger, 06, is still at Johns Hopkins. He spent a part of his vacation last summer as a director of a children’s playground, at Baltimore, Md. Donald Stuart, '07, is studying law at Stanford University. AseH? S. CALENDAR: Sept. 18—Grand opening. Oh! you emerald cherubs. William Woot- ton returns with all the glamour of Alaska. Big ( ) addition to Senior Class. John Crockett enters. Sept. 20—Program arranged except— Sept. 21—Report for classes. Look! What’s this? Sept. 22—Tennis Club newly formed. Where is last year’s treasurer ? Yell practice on front steps. Sept. 25—-Freshies get hungry and see the milk bottle ahead at five minutes to. Sept. 26—Regular football practice begun. Miss Badollet informs us that Mr. Stone has several faces down for being out of line. Sept. 27—-The rendition of that heart-breaking scene, “How William Took His Seat.’’ The Senior President, followed by his fold of chemistry students, is canned from the library. | Sept. 28—Chemistry aprons arrive. Bought by the yard. Poor Wallace. Great event! Alfredians come in second with the program. Sept. 29—The girls scrap over hooks in the cloak room. FE. L. ontop. L. P. graduated. Oct. 2—Big auction of Freshies among the society presidents. % Oct. 3—Freshies find their societies, lots of sooth- ing syrup wasted. Oct. 4—First tests of the season. Oooo-o-oh! groans, Oct. 5—(Zip) No chemistry. Oct. 6— Oh!. Why Does the Ocean Lie so Close to the Shore?” Ref- erence, Alfredians. Every little jokelet has a laughlet all its own, Every funny feeling by some story can be shown, And if you’ve seen these stories some time before, Don’t frown but just laugh once more. The notorious “‘comedian,’’ William Wootton, has decided to quit the stage and engage in football for the next two months. After the season is over he will resume his former career. Teacher: “Johnny, I don’t believe you’ve studied your Geography.” Johnny: “‘No, mum; I heard pa say that the map of the world was changin’ every day, an’ I thought I’d wait a few years ’till things get settled.” —Ex. Teacher: “‘Can you give me an example of the terms ‘variable’ and ‘limit’ ” Knowing Junior: “I am a variable approaching the limit zero.” “Wallace, why did you break your engagement with that school teacher?” W.E.: “If I failed to show up at her house every evening, she expected me to bring a written excuse signed by my mother.” Miss B.: ‘How does it happen that you came five minutes late this morning?” H. J.: “I guess I must have over-washed myself.” Father: ‘‘Well, Lorens, how do you like High School?” Lorens L.: ‘‘Oh, ever so much.” Father; ‘What have you learned?” Lorens: ‘‘I’ve learned the names of all the Senior girls.”’ Merchant: ‘‘Well—er—the truth is, my business is hardly worth adver- tising.”” J. C. (Ad solicitor of Zephyrus): ‘“Then advertise it for sale.”’ When a smarty Junior was attending a performance of the ‘‘Bridge of the Gods’’ behind him sat a lady with a baby on her lap which was crying unceasingly. Unable to stand it longer Smarty Junior turned to the lady and asked: “Has that infant of yours been christened yet, ma’am ?” “No, sir,’ was the reply. “If I were you I would call it ‘Good Idea.’ ”’ “And why ‘Good Idea ’’”’ asked the lady indig- nantly. Because,”” said Smarty, “It should be carried out.” Mr. Johnston (Discussing the Turk-Italian War): ‘Yes, Italy has deliberately gone over and helped her self to a slice of Turkey.” L. H.: ‘‘My dog knows as much as I do.”’ H. J.: ‘Why don’t you get an intelligent dog?” D. J. (in Domestic Science) : to W. W.: ““What, are you back so soon? Why it was only last week that I gave you a piece of cake.” W. W.: “Yes, but I fooled you; I didn’t eat it.” Mr. J. (To Va. coming late to the Hist Class): ‘‘Va., I am waiting for you ” Va. (blushing): ““This is so sudden.” “Have gooseberries any legs, muvver?” “Why, no, of course not, dearie.”” A deeper shade fell athwart dearie’s face as he raised his glance to her. “Then, muyver, I’ve swallowed a caterpillar.” “Any little girl is a nice little girl’ — That’s a good little song after all. And it’s better to have loved a short little girl Than never to have loved a tall. When the Prof. laughs, laugh with him, Do not let him laugh alone; For a laughing student can cop an “A” Where a glum one’s obliged to bone. When the Prof. snickers, giggle, When the Prof. giggles, roar. For a laugh in time means a better grade, Than ever you got before. What if the joke be rotten? What if his humor’s flat When a single titter may score an “A” What care for a thing like that? So though he springs a chestnut, Stifle your inner groan, When the Prof. laughs laugh with him, Do not let him laugh alone. D. E.: “I don’t like that picture at all. It clashes with the wall paper.” De W.: ‘Clashes! I suppose that’s what you call loud colors.” L. McG.: “I'd give you some candy, Bernice, but you know what an awful toothache you got from eating some last week.” B. McG: ‘‘Why, you got one, too.” L. McG.: ‘Well, mother wouldn’t want us both to have the toothache together.” Wallace E.: ““Would you call McKean an absent- minded fellow?” McConnon: ‘“‘Well, the other morning he thought he deep, had left his watch at home and then pulled it out of his pocket to see if he'd have time to go back and get it.” L. McG. to D. E.: ‘‘How do you draw a foot?” D. E.: “Why, look at Virginia’s and draw her’s.”’ L. McG.: “Oh, I couldn’t! It’s too big a proposition ’ for me.’ M. W. to H. J.: “Henry, if you put 1000 g. in my hand could you hold it?” Miss B. (to new pupil): ‘What is your name?” Pupil: “John.” Miss B.: ‘“What is your last name ’ Pupil: “ John.’’ Miss B.: “But, surely you have another name. What is it?” Pupil: ‘‘Crockett.”’ Miss B.: ““That’s your last name?” Pupil: ‘‘No, it isn’t. I was born with Crockett, John came later.” Mistress: ‘Mercy me, what a kitchen! Every pot, pan and dish is dirty; the table like a marine store dealer’s, and—why it will take you a week to get things cleaned up. What have you been doing?” Servant: “Shure, mum, Miss Mignon has just been down here showing me how they bake a potato in the Domestic Science Class.” Leola Product of chemical Gearhart { affinity in Library + Miss B. — Combustion. Miss H. (to G. L. chewing gum): ‘“‘Gearhart, bring me that gum imme- diately.” G. L.: “Wait a minute, Miss Hulse, and I’ll bring you a fresh stick.” De W. G.: “I wonder what will take the pitch off my pants?” M. G. B.: “Try singing.” De W.: “Why singing ”’ M. G. B.: “Because you always get off the pitch when you sing.” Non paratus,”” dixit freshy, Oriens cum a troubled look, “‘Omnes rectus,’ Prof, respondet, Nihil,”” (0) scripsit in his book. III (Gates. ) She (as they encountered a vicious bulldog): “Go on, Percy, you know you said you would face death for me.” He: ‘‘But he isn’t dead.” —Ex, Back street, Banana peel, Fat man, Virginia reel. Have you started your collection of Decorated Haviland Cups and Saucers and Cake Plates yet? Come and see our large assortment PON. SGN TN Crockery Department We carry a complete line REACH’S Foot- | Svensons Book Store ball and Basket Ball Fine Stationery Goods lj ig line of Art Pictures Astoria Hardware 14th Commercial Streets Company Astoria, Oregon Res. Phone Office Phone 480 456 Dr. A. W. Kinney DENTIST Hours ‘i ek a om} Night by appointment Groceries, Hardware, Glass- ware, Etc., Flour, Feed Badollet Co. and Provisions. Groceries Fruits and BUTCHERSHOP Vegetables Fresh Meats The best the Market Affords | Yacuum Cleaners for Rent Cor. 9th C E. Hauke Co. me Ries sree oC) © KX WITH GAS PARENT'S DUTY It is the duty of all parents to know beyond question that their children’s eyes are right, or, in case they are not, to provide them with proper glasses. Negligence in this matter often result in fetes derangements throughout the system, which is the cause of much suf- Just DRY Goods fering on the part of the child aside from the visual inconvenience. not Wet Goods T. 0. WITHERS EYE SIGHT SPECIALIST 2nd Floor Kinney Bldg. over Jewel Theatre Clatsop Abstract and Trust Co. 426-428 Commercial St. Astoria, Oregon J.H. Seymour | °— JEWELER . ; Woodfield’s Official Watch Inspector forS.P. SRR. for Your Picture Finishing and 466 Commercial St. Framing. BIG MOOSE SHOW Astoria Theatre, Oci. 31st and Nov. 1st —FEATURING— Big Aeroplane Number and Electric Swing Song Pretty Girls and Pretty Costumes A Clean Refined Show Under the personal direction of Enos E. Sandberg and D. H. Preston. AP AAO Sgt NS = : $1.00 Young men’s styles are C eg? 4 different from those de- Sr] signed for older men, - though some older men like to wear young styles some young men dont. Hart Schaffner Marx make smart styles for ) men of all ages, all tastes, : f on all sizes; and we fit any i | (ar man, body and _ pocket- A y NI B= book. } Suits $20, $35 and up. Overcoats $18, $30, up 1@ Rares This store is the home of Hart Schaffner Marx Clothes | WE HAVE IT! A full line of Reach Fall and Winter Sporting Goods Foard Stokes Hardware Co. Hart's Drug Store mirror! eee Uizinger's News Stand oy Stationery tationery School Supplies and Periodicals a Specialty Commercial 14th We Sell the Best of Everything In Ladies and Misses Wear Qualities and Styles that ea at all times the very best, newest and most fashionable things to be had. TYLER DRY GOODS CO. “The Quality Store” 14th Commercial Astoria, Oregon CENTRAL DRUG STORE ERNST RINDELL, Proprietor ASTORIA, - - OREGON Still Unsurpassed for Purity of Drugs The ASTORIA GARAGE Hans Frederickson, Proprietor Auto Repairing done in Short Order Fine Work Guaranteed Corner 12th Duane Streets Astoria, Oregon Have you tried our High Grade Press Work on Shirts? If not, give us a trial Troy Laundry 10th Duane Phone 33 For 5 years upstairs over Danziger’s — across. the street from Tage’s. oF uF ILSON’S __ Sittings maae STUDIO See over Star Theatre No Order too Large— None too Small STAR THEATRE —MOTION PICTURES—— The Big Family Theatre Only the Best and Clean Pictures Shown in This House Try F. J. DONNERBERG Louis Kinkela’s Jeweler YW High School Pins Tonsorial Parlors attended by three expert tonsorial artists. Stung!!! For an add in The ZEPHYRUS Allen Wall Paper Paint Co. HOME BEAUTIFIERS Corner 11th and Bond Wear CROSSET SHOES, best on earth for the money— $4.00 to $6.00 For sale by Wherity, Ralston Co. 479 Commercial Street Astoria, Oregon WAtd 2SIING we are exclusive represent- atives of the high grade Washington Garments 622 Commercial St. Astoria, Ore. Anderson, ‘02 Dr. Chas. W. Barr and Erickson, ‘04 Pate Attorneysat Law | Phone 455 Rooms in Fulton-Dement Bldg over Acme Grocery over Spexarth’s CHAS. F. LESTER REAL ESTATE and INSURAN CE Us 185 Eleventh Street Astoria, Ore. Salvon Lothman PURE DRUGS A. W. Norblad Soda Fountain Attorney at Law attached Page Bldg 515 Commercial St. Frank Vaughan DAbDss: Pythian Building, Astoria, Ore. Chas. Rogers Son Fancy and Staple Drugs John H. and A. M. Smith ATTORNEYS AT LAW Rooms 4, 5 and 6 Copeland Building Commercial Street Astoria, Ore. Higgins Warren Phone 621-R GENERAL INSURANCE kin Surety Bonds R. H. Hoskins Rents Collected D. M. D. Astoria Savings 573 Commercial St. Bank Building Astoria Dentists Co. over Whitman’s Book Store C. W. McKechnie, Manager Formerly owner of the Chicago Dentists Phone 564 Astoria, Oregon It’s none our business whom you marry. Neither is it any of our business by whom you are married. But it is our business to furnish your home after you are married. HILDEBRAND « CO. Carpets, Furniture, Ranges, Etc. 3 Favorite Stations GEARHART—16 miles from Astoria LARSEN—4 miles from Astoria WISE SUITS—all over Astoria W. J. Scully | W.A.Sherman Dealer in safe eaten Hardware, Stoves and Insurance Plumbi umbing Goods 501 Duane Street 470 - 472 Commercial | Astoria - Oregon tein time o «Smart Set Clothes” For pune Men and Boys - Each Suit Correct in Style, Fit and Se ete - JUDD BROS. Astoria’s Most Up to Date Clothiers and Furnishers oe : he 557 Commercial St. an “STORE of CONVENIENCES s _ Largest and best Equipped and Stocked Book Store in Oregon outside of Portland or Free Telephone Free Writing Desk and Material City and Portland Directories : : eg i. - stamps Sold « Packages taken care of Meet Your Friends Here : oS Whitman’s Book Store @ The young man who purchases his clothes this Spring without first i inspecting _ THE SYSTEM Clothes will make a vital mistake. @ The character and style almost speak they are so expressive of your own indi- viduality; you should see the perfection of workmanship and variety of ‘shades. - § @ Come to our store and try on a few of the new Spring and Summer models of The L System Clothes. HERMAN WISE Sole Agent for Astoria ASTOTIA eae ALBERT DUNBAR CO. Our stock of Holiday Goods is now complete; we invite your inspection 566 Commercial Street Astoria, Oregon TYLER DRY GOODS CO. “The Quality Store” Headquarters for Useful Holiday Gifts Suggestions to young men for ‘‘Her” Handkerchiefs, Silk Hosiery, Gloves Neckwear, Fancy Scarfs, Umbrellas Collar Pins, Hat Pins, Belt Buckles Dr. Toivo Forrstrom PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON Office in the Spexarth Bldg. 8th Commercial Sts. Office Hours: 10 to12 a.m. 2to4;7to8p.m. F. E. GRAY Co ames Attorney at Law Woodfield’s : for Y Astoria, Ore. paca Presents Have you started your collection of Decorated Haviland Cups and Saucers and Cake Plates yet? Come and see our large assortment Pe VV. AA LEN Crockery Department We carry a complete line REACH’S Foot- ballvendl Beskeeisl | Naps Goods Just DRY Goods Astoria Hardware not Wet Goods Company GHRISTMAS IS’ COMING On payment of a small deposit we will put aside any article until you want it. ‘‘Last Minute” shopping is often wearisome and unsatisfactory. A. G. SPEXARTH, Jeweler Estab. 1876 514 Commercial Street Groceries, Hardware, Glass- Ba d oll et C a ware, Etc., Flour, Feed ; and Provisions. Grocer 1€S Fruits and BUTCHERSHOP Vegetables Fresh Meats The best the Market Affords E. Hauke Co. ee poles ete Vacuum Cleaners for Rent GS-87) Imperial Restaurant Open Day and Night 523-524 Commercial St. Astoria, Oregon Clatsop Abstract and Trust Go. 426-428 Commercial St. Astoria, Oregon Merry Christmas! Allen Wall Paper Paint Co. HOME BE AUTIFIERS Corner 11th and Bond WILSON’S serena at Night STUDIO is over Star Theatre No Order too Large— None too Small Asto ria Florist ougne Wedding Bouquets, Bulbs Floral Designs, Pot Plants 185 Eleventh Street—bet. Duane Commercial Wish you a Merry Christmas! F. J. Donnerberg Jeweler and Watchmaker High School Pins Central Meat Market G. W. MORTON Wholesale and Retail Dealer in FRESH AND SALT MEATS Telephone 321 542 Commercial Street EYE SIGHT Is the most inestimable of all blessings; blindness the most woeful of all afflictions. A momentary realization of your helplessness without your eyes will aid you to a greater appre- ciation of their worth. As an essential, then, of a happy existence. Give your eyes the attention their importance demands. T. O. WITHERS, Eye Sight Specialist Broken Lenses Replaced 2nd Floor Kinney Bldg. Over Jewel Theatre Published by Students of the Astoria High School, Astoria, Oregon ZEPHYRUS STAFF Editor in Chief 222.22 (ou 8 2 eee Virginia Peterson Recent dit Bae Jeffers ssociate: Editors sic. sansa ee eee eee Bia wanten Business: Manager :).50.4 2a eee eee eee Wallace Eakin oe { John Crockett Adverti Managers A882) te oe ee Maa cram sl) (Edith Lorensten {Dorothy Montgomery Literary Editors__-_------------------------- ) William Wootton Dorothy Epping Artists s2 3. s 52. os Sere rey ec eee Margaret Pinnel Mignon Allen Athletic Editors: 222202 e.— Dae Se ee eee George McConnon School Notes: {eee U Uo Case eee See eee ees Timon Torkelson ASHG.'S:: Calendar tou) 2 eee oe nae se ee ee oe Leola Ball Exchange: Editor £52 ieee ee ee ee Jennie Johnson Alumni; Editors: 354 S20 1 ee i ees Georgiana Garner Jokes se eee ae McGregor Constance Fulton Seniors =) 2.5 255: Rt ee ee ee Ella Karinen JUMIOTS 42 oo ok A rr a Bernice McGregor Sophmores 20:5 ja Se eet ea Eileen Tomkins Freshmen !s0 22) oo See Mildred Copeland EDITORIALS. The time has arrived when all should enter into the spirit of basketball. Each class should have its teams of girls and boys. We wish to make this year’s basketball surpass that of all preceding years. O We are pleased to see that a number of books have been added to the library. These will be a pleasure as well as a help to the students, for the new books consist not only of reference works, but of interesting reading. We hope that the students will show their appreciation by making frequent use of them. (}—— - - We each owe a duty to the High School of which we are members. We do not wholly fulfill this duty unless we do something to raise the standards of the school. Although much of this duty depends on our gaining a thorough understanding of our studies, this alone will not attain for us an equal place with others who not only excel in their studies, but who also give much of their time and energy to other lines of development. If we do not wish to play basketball, we can take a place in debate. Let us do something. O This is the third issue of our paper since September, a fact which proves that we can get out a monthly paper. Of course, our doing so means work— work for both you and us—but who is not willing to work a little for the benefit of the paper, or rather, for the benefit of the school? The improvement which we have already made shows what we can do if we continue our efforts. When the work is divided among all the students, not much falls on any one, but, of course, there are those who always “‘slough.’’ Let each one along with his own work get after those who are continually “backing out.”” One cannot realize how much good this does, both for them and for us. We would like more contributions in the line of stories. “BUCK FEVER.” ° MiL.town, Me_., Dec. 14, 1911. Dear Jack: If you have not already made some arrangements to spend your Xmas vacation, I wish you could come up north, where we can get in some fine hunting. You know you have never been in the woods and I am sure you will like it. New Haven will be quite lonesome when everybody is gone. Better decide at once and let me know, so I can arrange to meet you on the eighteenth. Let the rest of the bunch know I am still alive and in the best of health. Your Old Room-mate, CHARLIE HOLDEN. Such was the contents of the letter which induced Jack Sears to pack his suitcase and arrive at the New Haven depot on the morning of December seventeenth. Every one seemed to be leaving—some bound north, some south, others east or west; each bound for his home or the home of a friend. There was much hand-clasping, many farewell messages and snatches of college songs heard as Jack and his college friend departed on a northbound train. At almost every stop one or two of his friends left the train, until at last Jack found himself alone, meditating on the good time he was going to have when he reached his destination. There he would have his first experience with big game. His imagination fairly blazed when in his mind he heard the crack of his own gun and saw his prize drop as if by magic. The train made fairly good time, but to Jack it seemed to travel at a snail’s pace. By midnight he was quite impatient and was glad to hear the brakeman call out “Milltown.” A few minutes later he had alighted on the platform and into the arms of his friend. The Holden home was not far away and the two strode from the depot briskly, for the night was cold and nearly two inches of snow covered the ground. “Just right for a hunt after big game,” thought Jack. When they reached home Jack’s appetite proved equal to the repast which the two found in the pantry. While Jack was satisfying the inner man they talked of college friends, college days, recalled old gridiron battles and jollied each other over heart afflictions; but the camp on Mr. Holden, Sr.’s timber claim was their main topic of conversation. It was rather late or, I should say, early in the morning before the two boys got to bed, but they were soon asleep, to dream of that snow-covered log cabin in the dense north woods. At noon the boys boarded the train to the terminal of the line, where they put up at the only hotel for the night. At daybreak they set off for their camp without a guide, because Charlie knew the country like a book and did not think a guide was necessary. The trail was long and their pack heavy, but the snow had a hard crust, which made it good traveling on snowshoes. Completely exhausted, they reached the snow-covered log shack on the banks of Cottonwood Lake about two in the afternoon. After resting sufficiently, they set about putting things to rights. Jack was elected cook, and while he was starting a fire Charlie broke a hole through the ice on the lake and suc- ceeded in catching several speckled beauties. When the meal was prepared they ate like starving men. When they were through, Charlie said, jokingly, that he would recommend Jack to his “‘dad”’ as a cook in one of his logging camps. The next morning after breakfast both boys started out on snowshoes for game. Before they had gone a mile from camp they became separated. Shortly after leaving his chum Jack was startled when a deer sprang to its feet from where it had been lying on a bed of snow beneath the boughs of a small spruce. Naturally, both the boy and the deer were startled, but when the deer had gained its feet and stood staring at Jack, the young man sank to his knees, raising his rifle to his shoulder. This was the first time Jack had ever been so close to bringing down big game, so the gun shook nervously as he took a long and careful aim. But when it came time to pull the trigger he could not move his trigger finger. He himself could not move an eyelash. He seemed paralyzed. For what seemed an age to Jack he poised like a statue unable to move. The buck seemed to be in exactly the same situation, for it stood as though hypnotized, staring at Jack. Suddenly a twig snapped behind Jack. The deer sprang to escape, but a shot from the brush brought him to his knees, from which position he slowly sank to his last bed of snow. The shot had brought Jack from his trance and he sprang to his feet to see his chum step into the clearing with the smoking gun in his hands. Within a yard from Jack, Charlie stopped, eyed his chum from head to foot, and when his chum made no reply, he broke into a hearty laugh. “What are you laughing at?’ asked Jack, angrily, but Charlie only broke into another spell of laughing. When he did not stop laughing Jack turned around as if to start for the camp, saying: ‘Well, when you get through your foolishness, I wish you would let me into the joke and I'll help you with that buck. What’s the joke ”’ “You are,’’ came the answer between bursts of laughter. “Me?” “No, you!”” and Charlie again broke out laughing. Then he stopped suddenly to ask, ““Why didn’t you shoot that buck when you had the bead on him?’’ as he pointed to the silent figure of fur under the young spruce. “Why, I couldn’t. I wanted to, but I couldn’t pull the trigger. I seemed in a trance.” “You bet you were in a trance. You had the fever,’’ and Charlie tried to act soberly. “What fever is that?” “It’s what the guides call ‘buck fever.’ It’s seldom that a tenderfoot sees his first deer without getting the fever.” Even yet Charlie could not get over the joke on his friend. After a while Jack asked, “Say, Charlie, did that buck have the ‘buck fever,’ too?” e 7 ee ? Sat “Of course not, you dunce; he only knew you had it,” and for the first time Jack’s laugh was added to a laugh which echoed through those frozen northern woods. R. A. W. MR. C. JULIUS CAESAR. Long, long time ergo, when men played war instead of football, and I don’t know what instead of baseball, ther wuz er young feller by ther name of Mr. C. Julius Caesar, who had er hole lot of big ambishions. He wuz one of those ther fellers that are called Italians, only he wuzn’t one er these kind that fish for salmon here on the Columbia River, by Astoria. He lived at Rome, a place way over in Italy, what I never hurd of before, but after I came to Hi Skule, Mr. Johnston, what teaches history, telled me all erbout him. But here I am way off my subject. As I’ sed, this Mr. Caesar was er young Italian, or Roman, which is shorter ter say, and he wuz very extravagant. He spent money faster’n a dog could run, but I don’t know ef they had dogs in them days. But jest ther same, all the other Romans liked Julius, cause he always treated them, an” he wuz ’n all eround sport. Well, this Mr Caesar got elected consul, which I think is a feller what run the country in them days. When Mr. Caesar got elected consul, he went into pardners with two other fellers. After he quit or got fired from the con- sulship, he took kare of sum Italian property in Gaul, wich is way up in north- ern Italy. When he had charge of this property he formed an army, and fit every nation that wanted to have a fight with him. He kept gaining power right along until he had all Italy under his thumb. When he wuz doing all these here things, Cassius, one of Mr. Caesar’s former pardners, got killed in a battle, an’ Mr. Pompey, the other one, became Mr. Caesar’s deadliest enyme. This Mr. Pompey tried ter destroy Mr. Caesar’s plans, but Julius got ther better of him every time. One time Mr. Pompey, who wuz a very fresh guy in my estimashion, tried to show off. He got in a fight with Mr. Caesar, but thet big personage jest cut Mr. Pompey’s army all up, and Pompey him- self flew the koop and went ter Egypt, where a man who wanted to be a friend of Caesar killed Mr. Pompey. Well, after Caesar fought everybody and got ’em all under his powerful influence, things wuz ezy for him. He went eround dressed up in a purple suit, and the people loved him so much thet they had his efigy, what ever kind of a thing thet wuz, stamped on all the coins, and Mark Antony, his friend, wanted ter krown him, but Julius wuz tew wize, and politely refused. After Mr. Caesar had got threw fiting with other armies, he began to make the government stronger, and he also made the city more beautiful bi building big manshions. As the Onerary Editor of the Zephyrus, the one what I am writing this story fer, is wanting me ter hurry up, I'll have ter finish what I begun. As I said, Mr. Caesar wuz getting erlong nicely, and he had great plans fer the future of the Roman empire, but all this time he had sum enymes. Two fellers whose names were Mr. gains Cassius and Mr. Marcus Brutus, what wuz jellous of Mr. Caesar’s popularity, planned for his death. After these two conspirators had gotten everything reddy, the big thing came off, on the Ides of March, which is something thet I never herd of before I came ter Hi Skule, but I think Mr. Johnston sed it wuz the fifteenth day. As Mr. Caesar walked in the senate chamber, the place where the Roman sena- tors held their mass meeting, he walked up to his seat and set down. But jest as soon as he set down all the conspirators crowded eround him, and when the signal wuz given—but there, I’ve often wondered what kind of a signal they gave. Wuz it one of them kind thet Malagamba gives on the football field, or wuz it jest an invizible one; I guess it wuz an invizible one. But anyhow, a hole bunch of Romans yanked out ther daggers and piled onto Mr. Caesar all ter onct. When they piled off again poor Mr. Caesar wuz deader’n a door nail, perced with twenty-three wounds. So ther you have the story of Mr. C. Julius Caesar. W. G. i =a A CHRISTMAS WITH QUEER CREATURES, OR A GIFT FROM A GHOST. Ned Wellman, the hero of our story, had lived all his life with his parents in the foothills of the Ozark Mountains in Northern Arkansas. The family was large, as all families were in that neighborhood, and so, at the age of eighteen, Ned, thinking that there were too many under one roof, decided to leave home. Seeing that her objections were of no avail, the mother crowded the lad’s belongings into a small hand satchel and on the twenty-second of December Ned bid his father and mother, his sisters and brothers, good-bye and walked bravely out into the world, knowing nothing of the strange experiences he was soon to encounter even before he reached the city, one hundred miles distant. The first two days’ travel brought nothing out of the ordinary, for along the way there lived many relatives of the Wellman family, in whose presence Ned found a cordial welcome and received many wishes of succcss in his new and self- supporting career. On the morning of the twenty-fourth the young man was up early with the work hands of the farm, where he had stayed for the night, and immediately after a six o’clock breakfast he shook hands all around and again went on his journey. The city was still some forty miles away and it was Ned’s desire to travel the distance before dark, for the last twenty miles were along the railroad, and during the winter months many idle characters wandered along the track. There had already been several murders and many hold-ups just outside the city limits. Because of the half melted snow that covered the ground, walking was very poor. Not until about one o'clock did Ned reach the treacherous part of the hundred-mile walk. He was tired and a little worried when he stepped out on the track. A short distance back he had met a wagon and the driver told him of the two travelers that had suddenly and strangely disappeared that week. Before going on Ned brushed the snow from the end of a tie and sat down to rest a moment. Presently he heard a train whistle. Looking in that direc- tion, he saw the engine. He had no more time than to get out of the way when the engine went by in the direction Ned was going. How he wished he were on it! ‘‘About three hours till dark, and twenty miles to walk,’’ he said to himself. ‘“‘I must be off.” He had not walked half an hour until it began to rain. Clouds gathered overhead. “‘It will be dark by four o’clock, but there is nothing to do except to go on.” Hurrying as he was, Ned presently came in sight of two objects some dis- tance ahead. He did not allow himself to think much about them, but hurried forward. Another half hour passed. He had almost forgotten he had seen anything, when suddenly he came to a sharp turn in the road and there they sat. Poor Ned’s heart throbbed as it never had before. He thought of murder and hold-up all at the same time. Upon seeing Ned, they both stood up, and when the former recovered his senses he saw shivering in front of him two boys younger and more frightened than he. The three lads were soon rejoicing that there was nothing to be afraid of, and after mutual exchange of experiences of fright, they walked together, brave as any three of Gideon’s three hun- dred. By this time the rain was falling fast and the slushy snow made walking very bad. Another discouraging feature was the blacki clouds and an oc- casional roll of thunder with the usual accompanying flash. If a place to stay over night could be found they would go no farther. While thus talking one of the boys, looking off to one side, saw a small cabin with smoke rising from an old rusty stovepipe that stuck a few inches out of the roof. Before they got to the house they saw a barn, and this increased their confidence in securing shelter from the storm. Ned knocked at the cabin door. It was soon opened and the sight revealed was by no means ordinary. There was but one room, none too much space for the man, wife and two small children, and in the barn without a loft were crowded the animals from the pasture. As the trav- elers turned to walk away the man called to them: “About a half mile up the track I have a fine large house well furnished, and you boys are welcome to stay there if you think you can.” “If we think we can?” r epeated Ned. ‘“‘What do you mean?’ “I do not know,” an- swered the man, “‘but here is the key. All I ask is that you return it before going away.” Thanking the kind stranger, Ned took the key, and with his two young companions hurried through the storm. The door was easily un- locked and the happy lads went in. The first thing they noticed was a fire- place with a pile of dry wood beside it. On the mantel lay several matches, and with some old papers the boys soon started a fire. Wet shoes and coats were taken off and hung to dry. After making themselves comfortable one of the lads suggested that they all go on an exploring tour and see what the rest of the house looked like. They had no light, so a place to sleep must be found before it became dark. Upstairs were two well furnished bedrooms, but everything was out of order. A third room was so badly arranged that it looked more like a storage, smelled musty from having been closed several weeks, so the new occupants opened the windows. Downstairs again and out into the kitchen they went. What attracted attention was a partly open door leading down into a cellar that was dark and from which arose an o dor of old sacks and potatoes and rags and spider webs. As the three boys returned to the front room and sat down in front of the fire, the youngest lad asked: ‘“What did the man mean by saying ‘we are welcome to stay here if we can?” “That is what I have been wondering ever since we got here,”’ said the other. There is something strange about the looks and the smell and the.’ . Ohi well interrupted Ned, ‘‘we are here, so let’s not bother about the looks or the smell or anything else unless we have to.”” ““There is something queer about the at- mosphere of the place, so I guess before morning we'll all know what the man meant.” (Concluded in the January Issue.) WVSGE MUS THE CONVICT’S CHRISTMAS. It was just the day before Christmas, when John Smith, convicted of rob- bing the bank in O expired. , was set free after his long term of ten years had He was tall and heavy-built, with long, shaggy eyebrows and a sneer. If it had not been for the last named feature, he would have been handsome. When he entered the open air he braced up as if he really felt he was a free man again, and the warden, who was watching him, said to the jail-keeper who stood at his side, ‘“That man will make good.”’ The convict made his way to the next town by foot, arriving there before nightfall. He was wandering up and down the streets, feeling very weary and very much alone in the world, when he heard a child crying. Making his way as quickly as possible to the place from whence the sound came, he found a small child about four years of age and very well dressed, lying on the walk with a broken leg. “There, don’t cry,” said the convict. “‘I’ll take you home.” The child still cried “for her mama,’ and it was not until the convict had petted and soothed her with the promises of “seeing mama” and “‘getting some candy”’ that he could get her name. She said it was Betsy, but that she didn’t know her last name except that she was “‘papa’s and mama’s darling.” The convict carried the child to the nearest doctor, who, recognizing her as the daughter of one of his friends, asked for an explanation, which was given. The doctor then rang up the child’s parents, who were almost distracted over the disappearance of their only child, and assured them that their daughter, though suffering from a broken leg, was not harmed in any other way. While the doctor had been phoning. the convict had slipped quickly from the room after kissing the sleeping child, and when the doctor returned to his patient he was surprised to find her alone. He was disappointed because the convict had left, for he felt certain that his friend would wish to reward the child’s rescuer in a suitable manner. Meanwhile the convict was making his way from place to place in search of work, but did not succeed in finding it. At last, thoroughly disheartened, he sat on a step to rest and was soon fast asleep. How long he slept he knew not, but when he awoke he found himself in a large office surrounded by a number of men. For a long time he lay there, thinking about the blue-eyed, golden-haired girl whom he had rescued, for the street on which he had found the child was desolate, very few passing that way. A gray-haired, kind-veiced man, whom he recognized as the doctor to. whom he had carried Betsy, came up to him and, seeing that he was awake, said, “‘How are you feelnig?”’ “Very drowsy. I feel as if I could sleep forever,” replied the convict. “Well,” said the doctor, taking a bowl from a nurse who had entered the room, ‘‘eat this and then we shall see what we can do.” The convict certainly did justice to the repast, after which he closed his eyes and was dropping off to sleep, when he heard some one say, “His face seems familiar, somehow.” A second voice said, ‘Yes, it does. Ever since I laid my eyes on him I have had a vague feeling that sometime or other I’ve seen him.” The doctor replied, “Maybe so, maybe so; one meets more people in a day than they can remember in a year.” “Ah,” said a cheery voice from the doorway, “what is the trouble, men?” And in came James Law, the eminent lawyer and father of Betsy. The doctor told him of the man whom they had picked up, and leading the lawyer over to the couch, said, ‘““My two friends here have an idea that they have seen him before.”’ The lawyer took a look at the face of the now sleeping man and uttered a sharp exclamation. The doctor in rather an excited voice said, ““_Do you know him?” Just then the words, “Don’t cry, baby; Ill find your mama,”’ were uttered by the sleeping man. ““Goodness!’’ exclaimed the doctor, taking a good look at the convict. ““Why, he is the man who brought your child here and then disappeared.” “The man who found my baby?”’ replied the lawyer. ‘“Why, you must be mistaken. This man is a convict. He was sentenced for robbing the bank. He found my child? Impossible.” “Impossible or not, I swear he was the man who carried your Betsy into my office, and, James Law, if you do not treat that man ‘white’ you are not on my list of friends,” answered the doctor. “Now, doctor, look here, you get these men out of your office so that I can talk with you.” When the men had departed, James Law asked, “Is that man able to be moved ?”” “Yes,”’ said the doctor, wondering what was now in the lawyer’s mind, but daring not to voice such a question for fear the lawyer would change his mind. “The only thing the matter with him was that he was worn out and starved.” “Well,” replied the lawyer, “I shall take him home with me as soon as he awakes. I have some work for him to do.” For two hours the convict slept on, and it was only when the phone bell rang that he awoke. He got up from the couch and said to the doctor: ‘‘Doc- tor, I thank you for your kindness to me. I shall never—no, never forget it.” He then started for the door. ‘“‘Now, don’t be in a hurry,” said the doc- tor. ‘I have something to propose to you. Where do you work?” “T have no work,”’ replied the convict. “Well, that’s too bad,” said the doctor. “I have a friend who needs a man as overseer. How would you like to work for the man whose little daughter you found ” Like it!” exclaimed the convict, “‘like it! Why man alive, I’d———”” He then stopped. ““What’s the matter ’’ asked the doctor. “T can’t accept the place. I’m just from the ‘pen.’ They'll not want me around. Me, who was accused of robbing the bank? No, never!’’ exclaimed the convict. “Did you do it?’ asked the doctor, who had listened intently as the convict had spoken. “‘No, that I never did, but they said I did and they convicted me, and I guess no one would want me around,” replied the convict. “You have every chance,” said the doctor, “if you'll only make use of it. The just thing to do is to hold up your head and face the world. Here is my friend,” continued the doctor, as the lawyer entered from the next room; “Mr. Law, this is Mr. “‘Smith,”” said the convict. “My. Smith, who saved your daughter’s life,” said the doctor. “My wife and I are greatly indebted to you,” said the lawyer. “If you had not found our baby—why, she might have’’—the lawyer’s voice broke, ’’ the good doctor stopped. he could say no more. The convict, greatly embarrassed, said, “It was nothing more than any other man would do.” Arrangements were then made and it was decided that John Smith, as the convict was now to be called, should accompany the lawyer home. The meet- ing between Betsy and her rescuer was quite amazing. She did not want him out of her sight, so great a liking she had taken to the convict. The convict was given a room in the garage. About midnight he was awakened by a voice and the smell of burning wood. After hurriedly dress- ing, he made his way down the stairs and out upon the lawn, where he saw the house in flames. ‘“‘Mama, save me!”’ cried a voice. It was Betsy’s. The convict stopped for one moment, then ran up the stairs of the burning house to the room from whence the cry came. The child was not hurt, but badly frightened when taken into the open air, but the convict had been badly burned. John Smith was carried into the next house and his wounds attended to. The next day, Christmas day, was the happiest which he had spent for many a year. All day long Betsy stayed with him. The love and gratitude of the child and the expressions of appreciation from the parents and their friends more than repaid him for his injury. John Smith “made good,” as the warden had said he would do. Sad Reed |e ee ee Miss H.—‘‘Do you know why the points of our table knives are round?” W. E.— ‘So they won’t stick our throats when we shove them in.” Mr. J. (in History I)—‘‘What do you know about Mt. Olympus ?”’ Freshie—“‘I don’t know nothin’ about it.” Mr. J.—‘‘Who teaches you English?” Freshie—‘‘Miss Woodward tries to.”” “JIMMIE’S CHRISTMAS PRESENT.” O Jimmie was the sauciest boy in the village. He sauced his mother, his father and his teacher. No one knew what to do with him, because of his sharp tongue. One day just before Christmas, as he was leaving school, he met a little, fat, jolly-looking man, who had long white whiskers. ‘Santa Claus, I’ll bet,” said Jimmie to himself. ‘Well, who cares for him? I don’t.” The old man smiled at Jim and said, “Hello, son; what’s your name ?” “Putan Tame, ask me again and I’ll tell you the same,”’ answered Jim- mie. ““Where do you live ’’ asked the old man. “None of your beeswax,”’ was the reply. “Well, well,” said the old man; “you should have a pair of scissors hung around your neck, and also a sign saying, ‘Jimmie is a saucy boy.” Ask him what the scissors are for, and you, Jimmie, should tell every one that asked you that your saucy tongue should be cut with them,” “Don’t you worry,” said Jimmie, “‘there’s no danger of my getting that °° for Christmas. I'll get what I want, an air gun and torpedo boat and Jimmie came to a sudden pause—the old man was gone. Jimmie was sure he saw him “‘hike’’ around the corner. Christmas morning Jimmie arose early and ran downstairs. His mother and father were waiting for him and said, “‘Jimmie, your presents are on the table.” Jimmie ran to get his presents, and found a pair of scissors and a sign written just as the old man had said it should be. With these was a note: “Jimmie: You are to wear this sign and the scissors all day around your neck. The first time you “‘sass’” any one, you are to stand on the porch five minutes, the next time ten minutes, each time increasing five minutes. I hope your Christmas present will make you be a better boy so that next Christmas I can bri ng you everything you want. Be a good boy. “SANTA CLAUS.” Three times Jimmie had to stand on the porch that day. He does not get saucy any more, because he knows his mother will bring out the sign and scis- sors, and he would not like that. E. O.—A Freshman. Pcemm ATT | TN mmercreene JUST NONSENSE. The night was dark and stormy, The sun was shining bright; The rain was falling from above, The moon was at our right. The snow came down in torrents, The heat was so intense That when the oxen chewed their cud The atmosphere was dense. II. The noble steeds paced round the course; The visitors wiped their feet. The heralds were announcing Go to Butcher’s for your meat. The coffee soaked the doughnut, The puppy licked the son; The canons shelled the peanut, And Moore made a long end run. —Somewhat Muddled. A FIRST TERM FRESHIE’S CHRISTMAS. Once there was a freshie, A simple, guileless thing, He wasn’t afraid of sophomore boys, Or of the senior girlie’s sting. ““He’s a cheeky little brat,’ This was heard o’er and o’er, As he paraded in the halls Or stamped across the floor. He wore little knickerbockers And a rakish pompadour. When Miss Badollet would glare at him, He didn’t quail a bit; He stamped all the harder in her room, Where sometimes he had to sit. He told another little freshie Who had red hair And whose name was J What for Christmas he expected, She told me, but quite neglected To tell me not to tell, So that is the way I know so well. He wanted long pants (rolled up short), Bright neckties, high-toed shoes, purple socks, And other things that make the sport; But when Christmas came around, Guess what he in his stocking found— A nipple, a doll, and some more short pants, A rocking horse, and a tea set, too, And some paper dolls with eyes of blue, And a little book that told about The Sophs that get freshies if they don’t watch out. ps ie Re ae peacel FP SCHOOL NOTES. A play, “The Merchant of Venice Up-to-Date,”’ was presented at the As- toria Theatre on November 30th, for the purpose of obtaining money to meet various back expenses of the past foot- ball season, and also to swell our ath- letic fund. Despite the short time in which to prepare, the caste, under the able directions of Miss Woodward, was able to stage it with a great deal of satisfaction to those in attendance. Early in the evening it was thought that the play would have to be postponed to some later date, because of injuries sustained by one of the characters in the Thanksgiving football game; but thanks to the willingness of Mr. Cawfield, one of the players on the Oregon City team, to take the part, the play was presented as scheduled. Mr. Cawfield had played the character some time before and although it was necessary for him to read his part, he performed it with credit. The large crowd in attendance showed that the citizens of Astoria had a great deal of interest in the event. ‘This interest was no doubt due to the ad- vertising that resulted from the efforts put forth by the students in their en- deavors to sell tickets given to them for that purpose. The Juniors will hold a pennant sale sometime in the near future. Al- though the date for the sale has not yet been set, the class is working hard to fill the orders that have already been given them for pennants. The other students have responded with a will to the call of the Juniors, and from present indications a neat little sum of money will be realized for carrying on the vari- ous social functions that fall to the Juniors to manage. Through the courtesy of Mr. Howard Elliot, president of the Northern Pacific Railway, a valuable addition has been made to the books of the school library. He has presented us with a copy of the “Railway Library of 1910,” which can be used as a reference for any matters pertaining to current railway questions. The book contains much valuable information and every student is urged to use it freely. Many other books of fiction, history and science, containing much infor- mation have been placed on the shelves in the library, among which are the following: 3299 Self Help—Smiles. 3300 Old Greek Stories. 3301 Half Hours with the Stars. 3302 Astronomy with an Opera Glass. 3303 Introduction to Physical Geography. 3304 California Plants. 3305 Field Book of American Wild Flowers. 3306 Insect Life. 3307 Common Spiders. 3308 The Story Life in the Seas. 3309 Nature’s Garden. 3310 The Butterfly Book. 3311 The American Natural History. 3312 The Insect Book. 3313 American Food and Game Fishers. 3314 Animal Studies. 3315 American Animals. 3316 Life Histories of American Insects. 3317 The Human Body. 3318 A First Book of Business Methods. 3319 Ivanhoe. 3320 The Shakespeare Story Book. 3321 Behind the Line. Captain of the Crew. The Half-Back. A Young Macedonian. New Pieces that will Take Prizes, etc. Handbook of Best Readings. The School Speaker and Reader. Masterpieces of American Literature. Masterpieces of British Literature. Elementary Commercial Geography. Geography of Commerce and Industry. Boys’ Book of Famous Rulers. Greek Lives fro m Plutarch. Stories from Plutarch. In the Days of Queen Elizabeth. Stories of Ancient Peoples. Brave Little Holland. The Story of the English. The Story of the Greeks. The Story of the Romans. Famous Men of Greece. Famous Men of the Middle Ages. Men of Old Greece. The City of the Seven Hills. The Story of the Middle Ages. Tales from Herodotus. Maria Theresa. Frederick the Great. England’s Story. Stories from English History. The Fur Traders of the Columbia River. The Oregon Trail. The Story of Oregon and Its People. The Railway Library. SOCIETIES. WAUREGAN NOTEs. The Wauregan Society met in Mr. Merrick’s room Wednesday, November 29, 1911. Upon motion, the society accepted Mr. Wootton’s two songs for the Wauregan Society. The program was a very pleasant and ap- propriate one. Among the numbers on the pro- gram was a debate, “‘Resolved, that school holi- days should be abolished.’” Two of the judges voted for the negative and one for the affrmative. Upon motion the meeting was adjourned at 3 p. m. ee oe eer ALFREDIAN NOTEs. The Alfredian Society held its third meeting of the year on Wednesday, November 29. The program was of a Thanksgiving character, with papers and recitations on that subject, an Sa amusing dialogue was given by Dorothy Ep- ping and Leola Ball. Several visitors were present and at the request of the president, Rev. Mr. Rosenmuller addressed the members of the society. ADELPHIAN NOTES. The Adelphians held their third meeting of this year on November 29. Although this was the Thanksgiving meeting and a greater part of the program was devoted to that subject, very interesting selections were given from Mark Twain. CLASSES SENIOR NOTES, The Senior class will show its spirit by having a good basketball team for both the boys and the girls this term. The Senior boys have taken a very active part in the football team and have thus shown by their skill in the game what theSenior class can do at large. One of the Senior boys, William Wootton, was hurt in the game with Oregon City, but is reported as recovering very rapidly. —__—-o JUNIOR NOTES. One of the several important matters taken up in our last meeting, that of basket ball was settled by choosing captains and managers for both the girls’ and the boys’ teams. The class expects to make a showing in basket ball this season, for it has excellent material for a team of boys as well as of girls. eel SOPHOMORE NOTES. At the Sophomore meeting held for the election of tennis officers, Donald Roberts was elected manager of the boys’ team, and of the girls’, Dea Imel. The game of doubles played between the Freshmen and Sophomore boys was won by the latter with a score twelve to four games. The girls’ team of the class was represented by Julia Dalgren, Georgiana Garner and Dea Imel. The election for basket ball officers was held Monday, December 4. The manager of the girls’ team is Ethel Rich and the captain, Jennie Bangsund. The manager of the boys’ team is Arthur Fertig, and the captain, Timon Tor- kelson. The class colors were changed from old rose and olive green to green and gold. O FRESHMAN NOTES. A meeting was called December 5th for the election of captains and man- agers for both basket ball teams. The following were elected: Boys’ cap- tain, Robert Malarkey; boys’ manager, De Witt Gilbert; girls’ captain, Nellie Larsen; girls’ manager, Rose O'Farrell. Ce ATHLETICS. FOOTBALL. OREGON City H. S. vs. Astoria H. S. On Thanksgiving Day the Oregon City foot- ball team came here to play the Astoria High. The day was fine and a record-breaking crowd attended. Oregon City won the toss and chose to defend the south goal. Astoria kicked to Oregon City’s five-yard line, from where they returned the ball fifteen yards before being downed. The visitors then began an attack on the center of our line, which proved very successful for a short time. At this time Wootton, our right half, was disabled and carried from the field. Mc- Connon took his place and the game proceeded. With the ball on our twenty- five-yard line, Oregon City was held for downs. Astoria’s left half, Malarkey, was sent across tackle for a gain of ten yards; on the next Moore made six yards more through center; on the next McConnon broke loose for fifteen yards more; on the next play, a forward pass by Moore to Wilson, Astoria made fifteen yards more, and then with the ball on the visitors’ twenty-yard line we were held for downs. Oregon City punted out of danger. After some more line plunging and end runs, the ball was on the visitors’ fifteen-yard line, and an unlucky fumble gave Oregon City the ball. On their first play our center, Larsen, broke through and nailed the runner for a loss of six yards. Oregon City then punted. After a few more plays the first quarter ended with the ball in our possession on our forty-five-yard line. In the second quarter a cross tackle buck by our right half netted us seven yards, on the next Moore made five more through center, and on the next Malagamba went around end for fifteen yards. Malarkey was next sent around and for a gain of ten yards. On the next play a perfect forward pass by Moore to Wilson, Astoria scored. Larsen kickd goal. The score, 6 to 0 in favor of Astoria. Oregon City kicked to Astoria, who by a series of ends and forward passes rushed the ball to the visitors’ six-yard line. Oregon City then held Astoria for downs and punted out of danger. Again Astoria, by end runs and forward passes, brought the ball to Oregon City’s six-yard line. On the next play Malarkey went through for a touchdown on a straight line buck. McConnon kicked goal and the score stood 12 to 0 in favor of Astoria. Oregon City then kicked to Astoria, their right half receiving ball and bringing it back to our forty-yard line. Malarkey then pulled off a run of twenty- five yards around end; on the next, an end play, Fertig made seven more. The whistle then blew for the end of the first half. In the third quarter Astoria kicked to Oregon City. Their quarterback received the ball and made a run of twenty yards before being brought to earth. On the next play they gained ten yards more, but they fumbled the ball, and Torkelson, the “always ready,” fell on it. Astoria tried a forward pass to one right end, but it was blocked. A triple pass netted twenty yards for Astoria, the ball being carried by Malarkey. Line plunging and end runs brought the ball to the visitors’ four-yard line. Malarkey went over the line with the ball under his arm for another touchdown. The attempt at goal failed. Oregon City kicked to Astoria, and after a series of line bucks, the whistle blew for the end of the quarter, the score standing 17 to O in favor of the wearers of Purple of Gold. The fourth quarter was a struggle with the favor first on one side and then on the other. A great deal of punting was done in this quarter, with the odds in favor of Moore. The forty-five-yard run made in this quarter by Oregon City’s quarterback was the most spectacular run of the day. The quarter ended with the score remaining the same, | 7 to O in favor of Astoria. Those who starred for Astoria in the front line were Torkelson, Wilson, and Larsen, while those in the back line were Malagamba and Malarkey. The lineup for Astoria was: Fertig, R. E.; Torkelson, R. F.; Backlund, R. G.; Larsen, C.; Malagamba, Q. B. (Capt.) ; Malarkey, L. H. B.; Moore, F. B.; Wootton, R. H. B.; Matson, L. G.; Anderson, L. F.; Wilson, L. E. 0 CLATSKANIE H. S. vs. SECOND TEAM oF A. H. S. On the 25th of November the second team traveled to Clatskanie and beat the Clatskanie H. S. team 9 to 0. Although Astoria was out-weighted, she proved much faster than her opponents and consequently had the best of her rival through all stages of the game. Wilson pulled off some pretty end runs and also showed up when it came to receiving forward passes. Moberg, Astoria’s featherweight quarterback, played a good game, being, fearless in his tackling. Peschl, the captain, made the only touchdown during the game, the rest of the scores being made by throwing Clatskanie back across her line twice for two touch-backs. BASKETBALL. As the football team has disbanded, the boys are hard at work with bas- ketball. With the material that is out now, we expect to have a championship team. The various classes have organized teams, and promise an interesting schedule in the near future. Mr. Merrick is coaching the boys, while Miss Woodward is doing the same for the girls. ex NN ) a Exchanges The Press: Your paper is well arranged and the stories are very inter- esting. The Hesperian: The student body have a paper to be proud of. The Cardinal’s October number is very good. The cover of your paper is one of its special attractions. A few more original jokes would improve that department. The football number of The Totem contains many interesting items. The Tahoma’s Thanksgiving number is one of our best exchanges. The Voice: We are pleased to have you on our exchange list again. The Norm’s Thanksgiving number is very good and we welcome it as the successor of The Courier. The High School: Your paper shows a marked improvement. We are always pleased to receive the O. A. C. Barometer and the Oregon Emerald, because of the interest our students take in reading them. A. H. S. CALENDAR. Nov. 1.—Wallace gets to school on time, but nobody knows it. Nov. 2.—The earth turns over. Nov. 3.—Fire drill. The freshies win fey the 440. Societies meet. Nov. 6.—A peevish senior spilled her milk. Nov. 7.—How that senior English class does slip away Nov. 8.—Rain, hail and plenty of snow. None of the seniors ever saw snow before. Nov. 9.—Rogers announces the football team. More hail. Nov. 10.—The football team makes more of a crush on the Portland girls than on the H. M. A. boys. Nov. 13.—Let us gaze at the art gallery of noble football men as they appear. Tell them it is all right. Nov. 14.—Exhibition. They walk, talk and act like human beings. What are they? Nov. 15.—Reports. More spirits. Nov. 16—No physics. Why couldn’t it have been recitation day? Nov. 17.—The seniors are forced to sign the pledge. Nov. 20.—The senior art study appears late. Nov. 21.—DMore tables in the lunch room. Ella says she has her history lesson. Nov. 22.—Miss Hulse turns ““Farmer in the Dell’’ and nobody chooses. Nov. 23.—Two history locomotives bump, the lesser force beats it. Nov. 24.—Lunch pupils have a tea shower. Nov. 27.—All brain matter frozen. Nov. 28.—Test in physics and chemistry the same day. Nov. 29.—The three societies see who can make the most noise for the benefit of the Thanksgiving visitors. Nov. 30.—Thanksgiving game, in which President Bill got his dome smashed from a forward pass on each side of the head. Be thankful. He still talks. Dec. 4.—Oh, sighs! These empty seats all tell a sad story. Dec. 5.—The fall of John Crockett’s pompadour. Nobody injured. Mr. Stone discovers that Wallace is paying a certain senior girl’s bills. i io ALUMNI NOTES. Brewer Billie, 11, now a student at O. A. C., was a welcome visitor at the High School during his Thanksgiving vacation. Margaret Griffin, 11, has returned from an extended Eastern trip. Wilmot Foster, ’11, recently went to Eastern Oregon. Esther Gearhart, ’07, is teaching school at Vesper, Ore. Grace Kennedy, ’11, spent Thanksgiving with Margaret Griffin. Frank Parker, 06, who occupies a position with the General Electric Com- pany of Seattle, was a recent visitor to this city. Violet Lockhard, ’11, is attending the State Normal School of California. Lennah Parker, ’11, is taking’ a course in a nurses’ training school at Seattle. Richard Wilson, 11, is taking post-graduate work at the High School. Madge Fulton, ’08, spent Thanksgiving with her parents. HOLIDAY WEATHER. ‘Roasting!”’ cries the turkey; “Chili,” says the sauce; ‘‘Freezing,’ moans the ice cream; “Mild,” calls the cheese across; “Frosting,” the cake declares it; ““Clear,”’ vows the jelly bright; “Pouring,” the coffee gurgles; 3 Now, which do you think is right? —Fx. Heard on a rainy day: Arthur Fertig— This is the kind of a day to commit suicide.” De W. G.—‘‘How? Just stand outside and drown?” Mr. J. (having been annoyed by a certain pupil in his room)—“T wish I could be your father for just one week. I would rid you of your naughtiness.”” “Very well, I will speak to mother promptly,” replied the pupil. —Ex. 3 Res. Phone Office Phone 480 456 Dr. A. W. Kinney DENTIST Hours i ie a = MS Night by appointment Hart’s Drug Store | [{tzinger’s Hews Stand Get a Kodak Stationery for a Christmas School Supplies Present a Periodicals and a large Comore Celath assortment of books John H. and A. M. Smith ATTORNEYS AT LAW Rooms 4, 5 and 6 Copeland Building Commercial Street Astoria, Ore. Phone 621-R Anderson, ‘02 R.H. Hoskins | and Erickson, ‘04 De MeL Attorneys at Law 573 Commercial St. Rooms in Fulton-Dement Bldg over Spexarth’s Mr. Stone (speaking of fire drill) —‘‘The seniors and juniors go out first.” Leola— ‘ Yes, the freshmen are too green to burn easily.” M. B.—‘“‘You are lazy.” R. M.—‘‘What ?”’ M. B.—‘‘Said that you were not industrious.” R. M.—‘‘You are dead wrong.” M. B.—‘“Why so?” R. M.—“Don’t I keep all the girls busy waiting on me?” Miss B.—“‘John, get off that desk. Have you no conveniences in your home ” The drinking fountain has run dry. The Latin teacher took a drink after hearing the Virgil class recite. Russell—‘“‘I am so glad that I’m taking German. Now I can say ‘damit’ and ‘hell.’ Mr. C.—‘‘Lum, why do ants go up a tree?”’ Lum C.—‘“For exercise.” Mr. C.—‘‘Maybe that is why your a(u)nts do it, but not these.” “Mike” Mattson (in a doubtful condition on the way back from Port- land handing Larsen an empty bannana peel) —“‘Y our peal is fruitless.” question as to what to dive the Men folks.anyh � Ow. Bape Tiana Bhi Ci peur aad pnd Eade 1s WiC Conklin’s Self-Filling Foun- tain Pen is the gift of gifts for all who write—the women folks as well asthe men folks. Filled instantly by dipping in any ink and pressing Crescent-Filler. No mussy dropper-filler, no pumping, no parts to unscrew, nothing complicated. No inky fingers or soiled clothing. , Self- F illing Fountain Pen is a veritable marvel of convenience and will prove a source of satisfaction to the user every day for years. Writes with wonderful smoothness and ease. No other fountain pen so good. Give the best. In Xmas boxes. J. H. SEYMOUR 466 COMMERCIAL STREET |. H. VASSBINDER Sc-10c-15c Store 612 Commercial St. We sell any article that can be had for 15e or less A. W. Norblad Attorney at Law Page Bldg SEE — TAGG’S for Home Made Candies and Best Ice Cream Get your Peanuts and Popcorn from COLE The Popcorn Man Only the Highest Grade Material Used Leola (studying physiology) —‘‘Gee, this is a lungy proposition.”” G. Garner—‘ What did you think of that test?” De W. G.— ‘Think! that’s just the trouble; I didn’t think enough.” Object—lIllustrate chemical affinity. Apparatus—A bottle. Manipulation—Inverted bottle. Result—Drunk. Formula—Rye. Conclusion—Never again. A senior always has a book Full of things he doesn’t know; He takes it to a test to look For things he doesn’t know. First Fresh: ‘‘Did you know Constance was sitting on Bob’s overcoat about 11 P. M. the other night?” Second Fresh: ‘‘No, where was the overcoat?” First Fresh: ‘On Bob.” L. McG. (after W. W. had finished reading)—“ Miss Hulse, it is very warm in here.” Miss Hulse—‘‘It isn’t on account of the heat that you feel oppressed.” for our painless opper- SPA@ ations is not magic. REAL It lies all together in REASON our painstaking care. “we, , ‘‘Ask your neighbor” C 259 Astoria Dental Parlors F. E. Casey, D.M.D. Phone 3855 CRYSTAL THEATRE Advanced Vaudeville and Photo Play Change of Acts Change of Pictures Sunday and Thursday Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday Finest and most up-to-date house on Pacific Coast Mats sieis, nic Abounds with gifts for all. The greatest stocks, best Service, the Fairest Prices. What's the use Go Hildebrand Co. and buy useful Christmas Presents Mr. C. (in physiology )—‘‘What is the source of blushes?” L. B.—‘ The heart.” Why is Miss H. like a magnet? Because when she turns her back to the class all heads turn around; when she faces the class all face her. Teacher (of English class) ——‘‘Johnny, please give the plural of tomato.” Johnny (promptly )—‘‘Ketchup.” Skee (just before a Latin test)—“‘In time of peace prepare for war.” He begins to copy the conjugations on a slip of paper. A coiffeur calendar: Mon.—Mignon wore her hair in Billy Burke curls. Tues.—In a Psyche knot. Wed.—In two little curls on the back of her neck. Thurs.—In three doughnuts. Fri.—In a long curl fastened with a barrette. Dear Mr. Stone: Please excuse Johnny’s absence from school yesterday, as he fell in the mud. You will oblige his mother by doing same. Mr. C. Miss W. (in Deutsch) —“‘Oh, that’s all wrong, the transposition, inver- sion, and you have an adverb for a conjunction.” W. E. (with pride) —‘‘But, Miss Woodward, just look at the writing.” Restoration of Currents Equals Health Chiropractic is the knowledge, (not theory or belief) of Philosophy of cause of disease; the science of knowing how and the art or ability to adjust it. The human brain is the dynamo where life currents are concentrated. The spinal cord and nerves are the purveyors of this mental force. If brain absorbs spinal cord conveys nerves transmit, and tissues, organs and viscera receives this life current, Health is the product. Body plus life equals health. Body minus life equals death. Disease is the abnormal fluctuation between those two quantities caused by varying degrees of pressure upon nerves, by interfering with transmission. A Chiropractor knows why, where and how to relieve the “pres- sure” and permit currents to continue transmission for the purpose of reconstructing disease to health. Health is the restoration of currents; not the stimulation or dimunition of how little does exist. CHIROPRACTIC ADJUSTMENTS are the last words in science of healing. No drugs, no knives, no osteopathy—just simply common sense applied to the most advanced knowledge of anatomy and physiology. A. J. POULSON, cHiropractor Suite 8-9-10, Spexarth Bldg. Phone 459 Have you tried our Finnish Mercantile high-grade press work Company on shirts? If not, give us a 120 Twelfth Street trial : ; Groceries, Fruit Troy Laund ry and Vegetables 10th Duane _— Phone 33 854—Phones—855 Wear CROSSET SHOES, best on earth for the money — $4.00 to $6.00 For sale by Wherity, Ralston Co. 479 Commercial Street Astoria, Oregon When Johnny Crockett had on a new pair of sox: “‘I just can’t refrain from pulling up my pants.” A chandelier, A mistletoe, A lover near, A maid below, A kiss or so— And that is Christmas, don’t you know? Mr. Stone (sniffing)—“‘I smell peppermint.” Senior— ‘Oh, I was just demonstrating molecular motion.” Miss H.—‘‘Infinite cannot be compared. It runs out so far that it cannot be more infinite.” Miss H. (looking at John C., in English) —‘ And there’s Bantam.” D. E.: “I am writing a bear story for the Zephyrus.”’ Miss H.: ‘‘I am sure it is nice and spicy.” D. E.: ‘Yes, it’s about a cinnamon bear.” Formula for working chemistry problems: Think of a number, subtract your age, add 5, divide by 3, multiply by twice your friend’s age, and you will be as near the answer as you will ever be. Astoria Savings Bank Capital and Surplus $260,000 Transact a General Banking Business. Interest paid on Time Deposits. FOUR PER CENT. PER ANNUM 11th and Duane Sts. Astoria, Oregon Try W.A.Sherman caer: tes Louis Kinkela’s Insurance Tonsorial Parlors attended by three 501 Duane Street expert tonsorial artists. Astoria - Oregon Chiropodist in Connection Phose B7@R Phone 485 CROWN Dr. Chas. W. Barr BOTTLAIG WORKS DENTIST Manufacturers of all kinds 523 Commercial Street of Carbonated Beverages over Brown’s Shoe Store Phone 31 588 Duane St. Palace Catering Co. 5388 Commercial Street Astoria, Ore. You are always healthy when you eat at the Palace Miss H. (explaining Eng. V)—‘‘You know everybody talks love in this period.” Did you ever see—Sherman M. sit still and tend to his own affairs? Did you ever hear—Hilma Lindberg laugh? Constance whisper D. E.—‘‘George, you must not put your hand on your stomach when you make love—your heart isn't there.” G. McC.—“‘Yes, it is—I swallowed it before I began.” C. F. to M. B.—‘‘Say, Barry, do you know anything funny about Bob M.?” M. B.—‘‘Nothing except his face.” Why is William Ipark like the Liberty Bell? Ans.—Because he’s cracked. Can February March? No, but April May. —Fx. What classic does George McConnon and Henry Jeldness remind one of ? Ans: “Venus and Adonis.” Lum C. (in Botany Test): ““What shall we write for the first question ” C. H. Carlson E. A. Fisher Columbia Garage Vulcanizing Painting and Repairing Firestone and Continental Tires Phone 383 562 Exchange Street Astoria, Oregon eet COU wi Le) ba Frou Frou They are mighty good—ask EAKIN CHAS. ROGERS SON ALBERT DUNBAR CO. Buy your Christmas presents from us and get a chance on the Dolls we give away Christmas Eve. , Za Try your luck just once. ,@ 566 Commercial Street Astoria, Oregon JUDD BROS. Wish you alla Merry Christmas anda Happy New Year HE festal bird may be a Christmas sacrifice; he fits the occasion well. The festal partaker of him ought to be sure of fitting as well; and if you're in any doubt about yourself just drop in here today and let us show how we can make you ready. HART SCHAFFNER MARX clothes; the best in the world; the greatest values; the truest economy in prices. Suits $18 and up Overcoats $16.50 and up’ Christmas gifts for all men; little things, big things; dress clothes and accessories. Pt Ave SRO RESss This store is the home of Hart Schaffner Marx Clothes ty al = 3 Ay —Z oy The Secret of our Success A trial will con- vince the most skeptical person Phone 416 A. A. Cleaning Works W. C. Logan Dentist 578 Commercial St., Astoria In a Hurry? Eat at the Waffle House Hildebrand Bldg. We have what you want— Columbia Edison Victor Terms to Suit JOHNSON PHONOGRAPH COMPANY Zapf Furniture and Hardware Co. Hayberg Johnson, Props. 533-5 Commercial St. Phone 138 CHAS. F. LESTER REAL ESTATE and INSURANCE 185 Eleventh St., Astoria All Students Trad e with Chas. V. Brown Astoria’s Leading Shoe Man Footwear for all Occasions in Stock CENTRAL DRUG STORE ERNST RINDELL, Proprietor ASTORIA, - - OREGON Try our ‘‘Laxarets” Best for Constipation Still Unsurpassed for Purity of Drugs Frank Vaughan BHD rey Pythian Building, Astoria, Ore. Nieneal SUNICS we are exclusive represent- atives of the high grade Washington Garments 622 Commercial St. Astoria, Ore. - me W. J. Scully | Salvon Lothman Dealer in PURE Hardware, Stoves and Bars Plumbing Goods Soda Fountain attached 470 - 472 Commercial 515 Commercial St. REMEMBER ges FURCED REMOVAL SALE is the place to buy your useful Holiday Gifts 3, DANZIGER CU, Astoria’s Greatest Clothier Prices on all goods cut and slashed pels: eS ae DANCE AND PIANO CONTEST DEC. 29, at LOGAN'S aie ll good Dressers who have investigat od A. agree that: gt erman Wise carries the largest stock 0 ' i _ Suits, Hats, Furnishings, Ete. phew tein- Bloch--smate clothes and S well styles of the famous L. System Col | lege clothes. Pe HERMAN ‘WISE Astoria’s Reliable : Clothier and Hatter 34 “ee eee STORE of oe : Largest and best Equipped and Stocked , Waifs fs. 2 Book Store in Oregon outside he. Of Portland oR Yi : Free Telepbions he . : roe Free Writing Desk and es gs : ey and Portland Directories Stamil Sole ao Packages her ae Meet Your Friends Here’ cae ie ae ale