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Page 33 text:
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s E N I O R N U M B E R 31 ■■■■Ml Base Mil prospects of a winning team for A. H. S. Iliis season arc very good. Coach Collins lias Bixler, MeC.aulilfe. Slioults, S. Karlywine, McIntyre and C. Karlywine. who are last year’s men, to build up the team on. New men who arc trying for the team are: Dovlc, Anderson, Hogan, Eddy and Dickinson. The following has jority of the games: been the line-up for the ma- Anderson lb. McCauliffe I - S. Karlywine .2b. S. Karlywine r.f. Bixler .ss. Doyle .3b. Hogan !• • Slioults Ball Weather conditions have made it hard lor the boys to practice, but they are fast getting in shape. Five games have been played so far this season. A. II. S. dropped the first two and the fifth, winning only two out of the five. Jefferson smeared whitewash all over us in a C-to-0 game. Then we lost ; hard fought game to Harbor to the tune of 2 to 1, each team scoring in the last chapter. On April 28. the boys broke into the winning column by cleaning up on Ccncva, M to 2. The very next week our championship hopes were shattered by a l-to-3 victory for Conncaut at Conncaut. We then look a fall out of (’.. It. I. on May 8, the final score being 12 to 5. At present it looks as if we would land about third place in the county race. IN MODERN HISTORY “Where did the Angles settle?” In Geometry. ☆ ☆ ☆ The lecturer— Every time I see a young man coming out of a saloon I want to go up to him and say. Turn right around, young man; you're going the wrong way .” Mr. Weidle (In Physics)—“What affects equilibrium?” Junior—“Banana peel. What’s in a comma? Caesar entered on his head, his helmet on his feet sandals on his brow, a heavy cloud in his right hand, his faithful sword in his eyes, an angry glance. it -it It The minister was dining with the Palmers ami he was denouncing the new styles of dancing. Turning to the daughter of the house he asked sternly: Do you, yourself. Miss Palmer, think the girls who dance these dances are right? They must he. was the answer, “because I notice the girls who don't dance them are always left. The typical young man of 1915 may have plenty of control, but it certainly gets him going when the leader of the small boys’ gang yells: “Hey, mister! Better grab your eyebrows, they’ve slipped down on your lip. Lives of Seniors all remind us We can strive to do our best. And departing leave behind us Note books that will help the rest.—Ex. Mr. Townsend— What is penal law?” Senior— It is a law governing the peanuts in England. Teacher—“How many of you have ever seen a horse fly?” Small Boy— I haven't seen any of them fly, hut I have seen many of them walk.” it it it During the busy hours in a Boston newspaper office, a German strolled in and asked for the advertisement department. He was directed there and the clerk, taking a pencil and paper, told him to state briefly just what he wanted printed in the paper. The German, thinking for a moment, dictated the following: “One night tie odder day about a veek ago last month. I heard me a noise in tier pack yard vitcli did not used to lie. So I jumps tier ped tint of, untl opens tier vindow untl lintls tie! my pig gray mare was tieil loose untl running mil der stable till'. Whoever brings him pack shall pay live dollars reward.”—Ex. FOI’R THINGS MONEY CANT Bl’Y A sheet for the bed of the ocean. A blanket for the cradle of the deep. A key for an elephant's trunk. Medicine to make the ink well.
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Page 34 text:
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SENIOR N U M B E R :v WANT ADS WANTED—Missionaries in the Cannibal Islands; warm reception assured In young men who are willing to take pot luck. WANTED—A partner by a right legged gent to share a pair of shoes; number nine. WANTED—A house girl for general housework, in family of two. May have use of piano from 9 to 11 and automobile from 2 to 5; theater tickets twice a week. May wear her mistress best clothes on her afternoons out, which will be Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday; may invite her callers into the parlor; good looking cop on the beat. Ice man. butcher and grocer are all line lads; salary paid semi-weekly; no washing or ironing. SECRETS OF SUCCESS What is the secret of success? Push,” said the button. “Never be lead,” said the pencil. “Take pains, said the window. Always keep cool,” said the ice. “Be up to date,” said the calendar. “Never lose your head, said the cabbage. Do a driving business. said the hammer.—Ex. it it it Mr. Townsend—“In the national convention, the alternates are permitted to sit on the floor. This is a very great honor.” It it it Where is your father, lad? asked the traveler. “Why, he is down in the pasture with the hogs You’ll know dad. for he has a hat on.” A LAW IN PHYSICS The deportment of the pupil varies inversely as the square of the distance from the teacher’s desk. it it it She— You would b»- a good dancer but for two things.” He—“What are they?” She—“Your feet.” it. it it Mr. Collins—“What is MCI. the formula for?” E. A.— I think it’s for the high cost of living. It’s great to be college bred.” “Why, what kind of bread is that?” “A four years’ loaf.”—Ex. A man came up to one of bis friends and said: “Sav, what’s your occupation, anyway? Sh. said the other, I told my wife I was a bartender, but I’m really a Ford salesman.” Mr. Weidle—“What’s your name. Freshman (just waking up)—“I dunno, I don’t think I remember. it it it A duel was lately fought in Texas by Alexander Schott and John S. Nott. Nott was shot and Schott was not. In this case it was better to be Schott than Nott. An odor of the past—Gasoline.—Ex. How many apples were eaten by Adam and Eve? We kno wthat Eve «X I and Adam 8 1 2; total, .X 9 3. But Adam 8 112 please his wife, and Eve 8 12 12 please Adam; total. 811,381. Then again Eve 8 112 •lOfy herself and Adam 8 12 12 Klfy himself; total. 8,938,480. Ex. Mr. Birch—“Just look across the room, my dear. Did you ever see such a homely man?” Mrs. Birch (in a tragic whisper)—“Don’t disgrace yourself, dear, that’s a mirror.”—Ex. it it it lie who intends to get up with the sun should not sit up with the daughter. S. P.—“Miss Johnson, when you go to the underworld will you—?” it it it There was a young man named Fiddle. Who refused to take bis degree; He said it’s enough to be Fiddle, Without being Fiddle, I). 1).—Ex. The street corner orator— I want land reform; ! want education reform: I want housing reform; ! want—” I.oud voice—“Chloroform.” ☆ ☆ ☆ Mr. Collins (to Thorpe, trying to drill a hole through a cork in the lab.»—‘Fred, where did you learn to drill? Fred—“In the militia.” Miss Case—“Tell me all you can about the Cau-casion race.” 1917—“I can’t; I went to a football game.
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