Appalachian State University - Rhododendron Yearbook (Boone, NC)

Page 9 text:

Dear Students: This book was not my idea. The administration made me do it. They held my paycheck over my head and threatened to send it to Billy Graham if I didn ' t produce this yearbook. Personally, I think it ' s dirty, done in bad taste, has vulgar words in it, and obscene pictures. It should be a great yearbook, but remember, I didn ' t want to do it. Every dirty thing in this book is the imagination of our administration. God will not like them anymore. But being an humble person by Nature, I will take all the credit for this book. I would really hate to see our administrators lose their jobs simply because they have bad taste. Me, I ' m out of a job anyway, so what does it matter? My future isn ' t as important as theirs is. Broughton always did look like a nice place to live. And since I am taking the credit and responsibility for this yearbook I want to thank the powers that be for giving me freedom of the press and the freedom to produce what the administration feels the students will appreciate and like. This book is done for you, the students. By doing this book we hoped to please the majority of the students on the ASU campus. And so, if any of you students would like to express your opinions about this book (please, my bones break easily), send your comments to the Rhododendron offices, in care of the State Hospital, Morganton, N.C. JY - Miriam West Editor-in-Chief (of this trash) National Lampoon 1

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CONTENTS Editor ' s Letter, 1 Bv Miriam West Food Services — A Gut Issue, 6 Bv R. T. Smith Put Downs, 8 Bv Jack Diliard Help Support Your Local Police, 10 Bv Jack Diliard and R. T. Smith Letters We Would Like To Receive, 16 Bv Jack Diliard Famous Excuses For Cutting Classes, 18 By Entire Writing Staff More Put Downs, 19 By Jack Diliard and R. T. Smith Bathroom Graffiti, 22 By Entire Writing Staff Who ' s Boo Boo ' s, 24 By Jack Diliard d) Editorials, 2 [j News on the March, 3 Q Letters, 5 i Funny Pages, 14 B Cartoons, 20 M Drawn and Quoted, 26 Cover Design By Cecil Reid ©NATIONAL LAMPOON MAGAZINE: National Lampoon on the A.S.U. Campus is a publication of the 1976 Rhododendron, Appalachian State University, Boone, North Carolina. The Lampoon features titles and layout and design are used here with permission of National Lampoon, Inc., 635 Madison Avenue. New York, N.Y., 10022. All rights are reserved. Nothing may be reprinted in whole or in part without written permission from the editor. Any cor- respondence concerning this issue of Lampoon should be ad- dressed to the Rhododendron offices. Box 128, Appalachian State University, Boone, N.C. 28608. Any similarity to real people and placed in fiction and semifiction in this magazine is purely coincidental. This publication is published by the Appalachian State University Board of Student Publications and printed by Inter-Collegiate Press in Kansas City, Kansas.

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Everywhere I look I see another G.D. ism poking its ugly snout into my business, uprooting a lot of unsound ideas about God and love and grocery bags until I want to shout, That ' s it! I ' ve had enough of your nosing about. It ' s ism this, and ism that. Pull another ism out of the hat until my hatband has faded to gray. We ' ve got to do something, and the sooner the better. No time for panty waist, ad hoc syllogisms or post-fetal dream schemes. Everyone ' s waiting with bad breath already. We need to take a stand now. A grandstand! Let ' s see, there ' s one in Philly, and how appropriate; just in time for the last Bicentennial minute and the most disgusting ism of all, commercialized patriotism. Boo! Boo! to you who do still cover your heart with your hand. See where it ' s gotten you? Defended by Bert Parks and Paul Harvey! (Makes me want to tie-die Kate Smith ' s bra and wear it as a back pack!) And so I say arise. Arise and give your cheeks a break. Faint heart never won Hollywood Squares in this or any other epoch. Bring on the ersions and put lust back in our nostrils: Perversion, subversion, and henny help the hindmost. We need blood! Yours truly. Rev. 0. Lution Guide For Freshmen 1. Purchase a pair of Earth shoes 2. Buy your first John Denver album 3. Hang around Highway Robbery 4. Mill about the student union in large numbers 5. Throw frisbees on Sanford Mall 6. Get closed out of everything bul 8 o ' clock classes 7. Curse Boone residents for the no beer ordinance 8. Thumb out to the Rock for beer 9. Date a high school honey foi homecoming 10. Publicly destroy John Denver albums 11. Get screwed by local landlords. 12. Get snaked by a senior at Antler ' s 13. Bounce a check at Yogi ' s 14. Receive an incomplete in Fokit psychology 15. Renounce God on weekends 16. Pray to God on exam days 17. See Doc Ashby about birth control 18. Curse this year ' s yearbook 19. Ridicule the next crop of freshmen Editor-in-Chief: Miriam West Business Manager: Donald E. Smith Layout and Design Editors: Steve Yaeger and Brenda Burris Art Editor: Michael Dupree Copy Editors: Jack Dillard and R, T. Smith Photographers: Bart Austin, Pat Stout, and Bill White Darkroom Technicians: Danny Dennis, Allen McCree, and Tommy Williams Contributing Editors: Leon Hill, Martha Beard, Charles Hutchins, Leslie Morris, Annette Johnson, Terry Mullins, Rita Bailey, and Donna Tolley Contributing Writers: Bob Goans, Anne Bradford, Julie Morris, Dell Haynie, Robin Falls, Debbie Dorsey, and Leigh McDougall Contributing Artists: Steve Yaeger, John Lee, Ruthie Belasco, Gary Wilson, and Cecil Reid Editor of Camera-Ready Paste-Up: Susan Jones 2 National Lampoon