Appalachian State University - Rhododendron Yearbook (Boone, NC)

Page 33 text:

STUDENT PLACEMENT SERVICES Let Us Help You Find fj J%J (at the end of an unemployment line.) National Lampoon 25

Page 32 text:

VJho ' s Boo B o9 Every year each school tabs honored seniors to Who ' s Who in American Colleges and Universities. Just once we would like to see a selection of students based on something other than service, integrity, and scholar- ship. Therefore we submit our choices for the ASU -Who ' s- Boo -Boo ' s, 1976. George Mmerrglizzle, a barb freak who never once articulated his name well enough for anyone to compre- hend. Spudhead Bronkowisky. 240 pound Mountaineer tackle who agreed to serve as punching bag for the P.E. department after he raped the old heavy bag, thinking it was Hilda Bunswumper, his steady. Punks the wonder dog who chased Officer Delbert O ' Malley up a goalpost during halftime of homecoming ' 75. Amy Dink, biology lab technician and departmental research assistant who isolated seven strains of VD on the ASU campus without using her microscope. Don Diego DelGata, freshman, who slept under his bed for his first semester because Art Department Chairman Larry Edwards told him it was an ASU tradition. Philosophy professor, D.G. Sparks, the walking Desenex footpowder commercial who leaves behind a puff of smoke with every step he takes. Aristotle Thunderbunk, campus noodle-mind who applied for a copyright on God and subsequently was invited to speak at Harvard commencement. Spunkie Bokenight, human statue, whose sneeze in class after four months of absolute silence and motionlessness caused John Foster West ' s scalp to sprout red curly hair. Lanny Nagurski, co-captain of seven ASU athletic teams, who held more letters in sports than he had mastered of the alphabet. Percy Fresh, junior business major, who spelled out the Preamble to the Constitution in hickies on the belly of Lucy Poovey, his sometime steady. Pheefie Foefum, transfer student from England, who organized a protest march in behalf of minority giants by laying, first, a golden egg and then the junior class. Borefurt Yawn — The worst joke-teller in the business since the days of George Ivey, Jr. caused a riot in the cafeteria last semester when he forgot the punchline of a joke for the thirty-first consecutive time. Borefurt, in the employment coup of the century, was recently hired as a script-writer for Lawrence Welk. Wunnerfull. Wunnerfull. Charles Bukowski, Jr., for his aesthetic efforts in ridding the world of ugly by trading his face for a Bill Dunlap halloween mask. Piney Sagbrest, French major and guardian of the key, who sold her memoirs of her love life to Parker Brothers. Marsha Mallow, a regular at the Psychological and Counseling Center, who was thrown out of school for sitting in Dr. Wey ' s cup of hot chocolate. Sammy Davis, Jr. Jones — a one-eyed Peace-Love-Dove guy from the bead and bangles school of dress who cannot decide whether he is white or black. One day he digs Don Cornelius, the next day Dick Clark. One day it ' s dark meat, the next day it ' s white. We say turkey ' s turkey anyway you slice it. Oreo Brown — Caucasian coed from Nabisco, N.C., has a sweet tooth for the black athletes, preferably two at a time. Oreo, whose father is a dentist, claims that although her penchant for sweets has caused a proliferation of cavities, she has no trouble getting her cavities filled. 24 National Lampoon

Page 34 text:

DRAWN QUOTED A radio talk show at one Winston-Salem station had turned its discussion to loose morals on some college campuses. One woman got extremely excited and called the station to give her Christian viewpoint concerning streaking. She said that if the Lord had meant for people to run around naked we ' d have been born that way. 26 National Lampoon