Apollo High School - Capsule Yearbook (Simi Valley, CA)

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YOU THINK EOU'RE UGLHQ For me, ugly is a way of life. I mean, I was such an ugly baby that when I was born my mother received over a hundred.sympathy cards, two from my father. In fact, I came out so bad, the doctor who delivered me gave my mother 202 off. I was born at home but when my mother saw me she was taken to the hospital! Q It was especially hard being an ugly child. Whenever I went to parties they always wanted to pin the tail on me. I was so ugly, my mother took me everywhere she went so she wouldn't have to kiss me good-bye. When my parents went. on vacation, they sent my brother to an aunt's house, and put me in a kennel. At the age of nine my parents ran away from home! Some people look like they were beaten with an ugly stick, but I look like the whole tree fell on me. People said I was so ugly I could make a railroad train turn down a dirt road. In high school I was responsible for a new rage at the dances. It was called HThe Scream And Run!H I At twelve I got acne and nobody even noticed. I went to a drug store and asked for something for my face, and the druggist gave me a paper bag. I was so ugly then-that even my pimples left. In all that time I only met one girl that I liked. I told her she was the girl of my dreams, and she said I was the boy of her night- mares. Once I took her to a nice restaurant, and when we got there she asked if I wouldn't mind staying in the car and watching her purse. Turns out she didn't even have a purse! Being ugly does have some advantages though. I once held off a vampire for twenty minutes with a wallet-size photo of myself. Seems my pictures have always been in demand. My freinds use them to scare rats away from garbage cans. At least they did until the rats complained to the ASPCA! I thought things were getting better recently when the Ugly Liberation Move- ment asked me to pose for their recruiting posters. Only soon after I was arrested for indecent exposure, and all I had showing was my face. I've come to one con- clusion, ugliness is in the eye of the beholder. Except with me that is. My ugliness is in my eyes, my nose, my teeth, my warts...