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Page 54 text:
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C LASS PROPH EC Y Our boys are having dreams. They think this is the end. What's this they see? St. Peter's Pearly Gates. And there seem to be lots of familiar faces--who are they? Why of course, it's the Class of '54 Reunion. Here comes a floating body towards the gates. Why it's JIM PAYTON all dressed in a tattered suit. He went broke manufacturing campaign buttons. Next to arrive is JANET BUTTERFIELD who was an income tax expert. She always did fill out a nice form. -1LAVONNE BARTELS, who lived a quiet life, enters peacefully--Life as an old maid is quite boring, you know. Records indicate that after IRVIN HINZ died, angels had to be sent to earth after the body. He was a deep sea diver, and the angels found he had been leading a group of Z0, 000 mermaids. He was naturally rather reluctant to leave. JUDY REEVES was one of the most successful songwriters of her day. Even yet her latest hits are still on the hit parade--titles are: Get the hammer, father, there's a fly on baby's head and Don't try to move the juke box, maw, you're too old to carry a tune. Oh, here comes an old member, VELDA RICKELS. She was a sword-swallower in Ringling Brothers' Circus for many years. During one performance she pushed the sword way to the end of her and sure enough it was the end of her. JUDY WEIGHELS and ROSEMARY NEWHARD retired from the Niles Theater's chorus line and moved to the country. They think there are more mink coats in farming. They have already made two startling observations that will revolutionize farming: l. By teaching chickens the Charleston, they can secure fresh scrambled eggs. Z. By milking the cow upside down they can get cream without using a separator. HUEY DENNISTON took over his mother's beauty shop and specialized in false hair for men's chests. He made the only false hair containing chlorophyll. , MARY ANN MCADAM was a famous linguist in one of Anamosa's newer organizations, the A. S. F. P. M. -Anamosa Society for the Preservation of McAdam she specialized in French, Latin, Assyrian, and Profanity. RON REMINGTON, the noted star of stage, screen and radio, entertains the angels with his singing nightly over station H. E. L. ---- ? RITA BRADY and JANET LUTZ had such success in their intensified home economics course that they were chief cooks at the Grill. LYNN RICKLEFS is supervisor of penmanship in a Detroit public school. He has all his women pupils going in circles. MAMYE PERRY is really in the dough. She works for St. William's Bread Company. DONNA MITCHELL, stalwart defender of women's rights, led many crusades against the gov't. She complained that she cooked all day long over ahot stove while her husband satfin a nice cool sewer. She restored the 100-hr. week for all working men. Continuing our look around the United States of Heaven we take you now to Hollywood where that famous commercial artist, NANCY WAITE is chief artist for M. G. M. studios. Her main task is to paint freckles on Arthur Godfrey. JOHN MARTENSEN worked up to be chief bouncer at the Stork Club. Worked up is not quite the expression, John weighed 427 pounds when he entered heaven. GARY WHITE, one of the most distinguished in his class, became a judge. We are sorry to report he is now serving a three-year term in the penitentiary. He got mixed up and sentenced himself. TOM POWELL was editor-in-chief of the Anamosa Saturday Special --published on the sixth Saturday of every month. J. C. CASH didn't know which of his many talents to develop into a pro.ssion, so he is now hobo king of Heaven. He has been the world's hobo king for 31 years. TOM MAUDSLEY was a big time operator. He manufactured Maudsley's marbles for mighty midgets. GARY YAHNKE was considered one of the best coaches in the Lower Slobovian Con- ference. A couple of years ago he tried to breed a giraffe withapole in order to develop a nine -foot basketball player. His first attempt wasn't very successful, all he got was a midget who wanted to neck all the time. On a farm near Amber, BEV GRAY, now president of the Heaven division of Borden's follows through with her life-time habit of arising at four each day to milk Elsie. KENNY HARTWIG was a very famous nose and throat doctor. He was too busy, how- ever, to practice medicine because he was making cfgarette tests. FUZZ KNIGHT was a designer of women's corsets--He was living off the fat of the land.
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Page 53 text:
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Page 55 text:
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MARV MARTENS, an income tax collector, unfortunately spent most of his life in prison because the government held a grudge. It was jealous when Marv was getting all the customers, he charged cheaper rates. ARLENE HARMS did research work for True Romance magazine. Her most valuable find was Marjorie Butterfield's flaming diary. GARY STEENHOECK has establishedacorrespondence course entitled How to Drive in 813 Easy Lessons, with special emphasis on where to park. Last reports were that his only pupil, Audrey Benson, is improving steadily in Heavendale clinic. SHARLA BYERS is not Terrying along the way, but is still Patting her eleven little football players along to victory. '- DOC LEONARD, formerly the world's greatest jet pilot, hobbles into heaven after his world-shaking crash near Paralda. He complains to St. Peter that a Wing and a Prayer aren't enough to stay up on. MARY LAWRENCE was a famous author and lecturer in Lower Slobbovia. She sent in blank verse to the publishers and they in turn sent back blank checks. Mary can't understand why the publishers think none of her stuff is funny. When she burned the last rejection, the fire roared. MELVIN OTTEN and Dr. GERALD BODECKER were co-editors of the Advice to the Lovelorn column in the Chicago Tribune. In all their years of work they have only one sticker. Mary Taylor wrote in as follows: I have a palomino stallion at my stables that I really believe loves me, but how can I return the affection without making my hus- band jealous? THERESA BOOS and TINY MIERS were in the iron and steel business. Both were always striking. Nature lover, MARYANN SCANLON, now owns the largest kennel in Heaven. She Rayses pet coons, scentless skunks, and chickens, mostly Cox. QRICH WRIGHT, always a horse when it comes to working, has been promoted to head vet on cloud No. 2. He's treating the horses of the Ghost Riders in the Sky. JASPER ORTGIES, Phd. is offering a course at his private school How to win an angel in one easy lesson. The eminent scientist, JIM WILLIAMS, spent his whole life studying Heavenly bodies---not necessarily astronomy. . . . . . JOHN LOWRY and BILL BOYLES were kept busy shining their new brass buttons. No, they weren't generals, they just had jobs as conductors on the Jitney. JOYCE REID has purchased a delivery truck and is making deliveries for the well- known stork. ' MARJORIE BRANNON was a very popular girl in college. It has been said that the first day she was at school she was heard to remark, College boys must be a happy lot, whenever I pass one, he's whistling! She enjoyed going to college so well that she made a profession of it. DAVE PILLARD replaced Mr. Joss as principal of A. H. S. He revolutionized ed- ucation and became the idol of 'millions of school children for originating a three month school year and a nine month vacation. KAREN HANNA had a remarkable talent-she was the only taxi driver New York City had that could go straight through the city and hit every yellow light. SUE LANDESS was the first woman baseball player to play in the major leagues. During her four seasons with the Monti Casettes, applicants for umpires jumped 872 per cent. DICK MURRAY carried out his lifetime ambition--a popcorn stand at the race track. Oh, here comes SHIRLEY AUSTIN- -She had brakes put on her skates so she' wouldn't roll by these Pearly Gates. Our trip through Heaven is now completed and we believe that all members of the Class of '54 have been accounted for. But, wait, one is still missing. And here comes ERNIE ULFERTS--after all this time. But we'll have to excuse him--he's been serving his sentence for reckless flying. At last everyone is safe and accounted for in Heaven, and our job of accounting is over. So we'll bid a final good-by to the members of the class of '54 and wish them peace and happiness ever after. ' , 51
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