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Page 130 text:
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Sitting here in Room 75 on the 3rd floor of the Simon Mental Institute, named after our fellow classmate Donna Simon, who always had a knack for handling people lacking mental stability. I can see them dragging some poor woman down the walk. It seems to be our old buddy Becky Murray. Later we found out that she had stolen a fire- truck and driven it to her house, but that was nothing compared to finding the entire Mac Fire Department locked in her room. The familiar face of Doug Brown who is Head Fire Chief, came storming after her screaming that he was gonna flatten her. iSounds like our old 5th period Modern Problems Classl. Just then Doug McKee and Arnold Mortzheim came screeching around the corner in their hot get away car iyellow with a leopard topl and almost put Doug Brown out of his misery. Cathy Ojua just let out a high pitched scream signifying that it was time for Recreation Hour tat least she's good at something besides eating bananasi. All the inmates on the 4th floor are stampeding down our lhall. Cheryl Melheim knocked Tom Callander, who was just sjtQ1ding there minding his own business, into our room, as he looked up and said Da, which way did theylgo??? Everything's gonna be all right Tom! As we get out onto the recreation field we can see fellow classmate Pam Hackworth who is now head coach here at the institute trying to get everyone organized. Out on the field we can see Jerry Moore jogging around the track in his squeaky tennis shoes trying to catch up with Diana Vario who has been insanely jogging around the track for fourdays straight now. Over by the dairy barn we can see Jo Dee Hatch milking her cow, she is head milker here at the Institute. Her new assistant is Kathleen Reynolds who hopes to follow in her footsteps. We have been trying to locate Kim VonRuden who holds the insti- tutes' record for pole vaulting but we heard that he vaulted too high and nevertcame backdownthistime. The head honcho here at the institute is our old friend Alan Brandon, he's pretty hung up on himself but everyone knows he 's just as crazy as any of the rest of us. His sexy secretary Mary Ann Satalich is following closely beside taking every word he mutters down in shorthand. Jim Fischer, who has been just committed due to being addicted to Victor's Cherry Flavored Cough Drops, is trying to convince Alan that he is just as normal as ANYBO DY else. We can see a big mob of people coming down the field. Well if it isn't our own playboy Mr. Ron Lee being fol- lowed by about 30 girls swooning over him. In the crowd we see Norina Brown, Diane Aschim, Callie Young, and Rhonda Woodward, who were just convicted for man handling. I don't see where they find the time while taking care of their kids and cooking for their husbands. A baseball just went flying towards them and the girls went scattering 'and Ron once again was free. We found it belonged to Kevin McCallie who was practicing his pitching in the McCallie Stadium. He was convicted years ago, he couldn't take being a Pro any longer. As we started back to our rooms we met Pam Yeadon who is nowiPresidentofthe Old Maid Society here at the institute. I don't see how she finds the time to remain such an active member while taking care of her 13 kids. Bombing down the halls behind us is Rick Kurz who owns a big farm here. He's being followed by his employees Alan Patty and Susie Rosenbalm who grow everything we eat here. Denise Hersha, Debbie Cooper, and Debbie Hubbard are head cooks here at the institute. They do a pretty good job but everybody's getting pretty tired of oatmeal and chicken pot pies since that's all they know how to make. As we pass by Linda Wood 's room we find she is still stringing love beads. That's all she 's been doing for 20 years and that 's enough to drive anybody crazy. We figure that's a good enough reason to convict anybody. Thanks to Bruce Compton we had to widen all the halls here. He refuses to sleep anywhere but his Chevy truck. He's got everything he needs in there including the kitchen sink. Jim Tallman just came screeching around the corner behind him in his Sunbeam Convertible. He makes budweiser sunvisors here at the Institute and sells them to earn money to build a garage for his car. Tom Baldoni, in Room 392, has never been the same since he held the senior graduation party at his house on June 1, 1975. tThat would be enough to put anybody away!! Jaci Nielsen, who always wanted to be a race car driver, is satisfied being the bartendress here at Parr's Bar and Grill. If you ever need to find Randy Mullins you won't need 3 guesses, you'll always find him close to a bottle of Thunderbird wine reminiscing with Jaci about the good old days at Amity. Well it is about that exciting time when we head back to our cells. As we walk to our room we pass by our senior buddy, Dennis Hersha, who for three years has been trying to dig his'way out of here. Some people never give up. Right next door to him is Charleese Schmoker who has just finished using her 723rd flair pen. She has been very busy writing everything she thinks of this place on the wall. Her cellmate Priscilla Morgan is right behind her trying to erase it. Across the hall from them is our bashful friend, Corey Bingham who is training homing pigeons to fly back to our old hometown. He keeps us informed on the happenings at Amity High School now. Coming down the hall, are two of our number one guards Phil Davis and Bruce Rutschman who have a lot of prac- tice since our population is gaining rapidly. Anyway, they are escorting Valerie Harmon to her new home. She was a teacher at Amity High School but the kids there drove her crazy and decided she should join the rest of her former AHS classmates. She seems to be putting up quite a struggle and Jody Dieter, head nurse here at Simon's Institute is being rushed to the scene to offer first aide treatment to the guards. Since our population is so rapidly growing, Ed Lee, with the assistance of good old Donovan Zook, is building a new complex wing. The kind when you open a door there's just a wall. A little strange but we all know how their minds work. Well here come the laundry ladies Jere' Howitt and Bev Lux. They do a pretty good job in this department even if our underwear does come back blue or pink. Well, if it isn't Randy Reynolds riding down the hall on his stick horse. They tell us he even has hay delivered to his cell...but no one knows for sure what he does with it. Every morning he brings in a new bale. Weird, isn't it??? A hushfallsovergthe 3rd floor of the'Simon Institute as Sherry Welliver, the head hall patroller, makes her way down the corridors. Well, it's about time for us to close now. It haslbeen fun showing you around the institute. I'm sure you find it as charming as we do. I can remember back upon graduation day and how we thought this would be the last time we were. gathered together. You never can tell what will happen to you. I guess we always knew we'd wind up some- where together, but who would of thought our class would end up in the Mental Institute. I mean really, don't we all look normal to you???? 'Always sanely yours, Janean Buczynski and Bonnie Wilson, tWho were, by the way, the first committed! z
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