Amherst Regional High School - Goldbug Yearbook (Amherst, MA)

Page 30 text:

Madam Helen Connor has obtained the coveted position of sole agent for whale- bone corsets, manufactured by the Bethlehem Steel Corporation; guaranteed not to rust, break or wear out. Ask the man who wears one. e of the four hundred will in future years taste of the unparalleled fare of Chef Jereau Croilet as we entertain at the A’aldorf-Astoria. Celia Davis, a model nurse maid, takes care of the four beautiful children of Ruth , nee Phillips, whose duties do not allow her time to take care of her infants. Dr. E. Porter Dickinson has astounded the literary world by his disclosure of Shakespeare’s inability to write plays. The Doctor has been an authority and critic on the drama, since his book “Shakespeare’s Fallacies” was published. Stephen Duval, who delighted in high school days in fitting the slim feet of his classmates with dainty boots, is sole owner of a Hadley Shoe Manufacturing es- tablishment. The town clerk is to be supplied with all the statistics, public and private, of the township of Amherst by his efficient stenographer, Florence Eddy. Oh! cruel Fates! Eleanor Eastman regularly attends the church of Rev. Harold Keefe in her quaint, old-fashioned , little bonnet. She loves the quiet, celestial services and lives in perfect old-maidhood. Helen Elder has realized the fond ambition of her youth. Having founded twenty-three mission schools for the dusky Hindus, she has been named the great “Mudjigugalib” by the race of her loving heathen. Behold on the billboards of the Amherst Alotion picture theatres the name of Gladys Glazier, the famous actress, who more than filled the shoes of Mary Pick- ford on her retirement from the stage in 1952. After years of discussion and disagreement, the building contract of the Amherst Library has been given to Contractor Walter Harrington, a man of taste and talent. Katherine Harris has but recently returned from her study of Grand Opera in Munich and in Paris. The critics say that she has a voice “like the silver tones of gentle cowbells.” Henry Hawley is in the six foot box beneath the sod. He plunged to his dis- truction while driving at a reckless pace on the summit of Mt. Tom, mourning for his unheathenizing Helen. His remains were unrecognizable. After having been disappointed in love, thrice, Mildred Hollis jumped from the bridge at Mill ’alley. Had it not been for the energetic and untiring effort of Mr. Randolph, who was passing by in his “automobile,” she would have met an indescribable death. Fate is against Melbourne Hollis, who wanted to be a newspaper editor, a banker, an army officer, or all three. He has charge of one of the floors at Towne’s De- partment Store. 28

Page 29 text:

H HF. prophecy? Alas, the door of the cave, opened to admit those curious ones who are always with us, desiring to know their future, whether happy or no, has allow ' ed the busy breeze, ever inquisitive, to enter and to stir Fateful Leaves of Prophecy into hopeless confusion. But hold! The kindly Sibyl lends a gracious ear to our pleading and consents to rearrange the scattered leaves in their former order — those leaves inscribed with the future fortunes of the Class of 1919. We, likewise curious, read the dire inscriptions and not wishing to con- ceal that which is due to others, here set down the Fates. W e see you, O. Donald Ashley, after a forty years candidacy, a dignified member of the School Committee of Amherst. In the obscure distance of the passing years arises the image of a plumber, whom on closer inspection, we find to be Roger Baker of The Mutual Plumbing and Charging Company. The pious, bewhiskered countenance of Paul Bowles appears every Sunday morning in the third pew from the front. Deacon Bowles has his own ideas on such vices as dancing and card-playing . Alice Brooks, renowned designer of interior decorations, is now a permanent decoration of the andersnort Mansion of Long Island. She has recently accepted the presidency of the Anti-Gum League of America. Howard Butterfield, world-famed politician, pugilist, painter and playwright is promoting a plan for propagating pineapples in Paris. Howard has married a French coquette. We see Boss Canavan rolling down Fourth Avenue in a huge, orange Bumpmo- bile limousine. “Poky” won in the last election by a 189,365 plurality. Dora Clark has become the star feature at the Hippodrome. The theatre has been thronged for five months. Her ninety-foot dive last winter caused a riot. 27

Page 31 text:

The Rev. Harold Keefe, after a stormy evangelistic career in Rotterdam, New York, settles down to a quiet ministry at The Amherst Christian Science Church. Rev. Keefe officiated at thirty-three deaths and forty-seven funerals in 1957. Behold! the feature of the Follies, applauded by the whole world, Rose Labrovitz in her famous Egyptian Scene. (Complimentary tickets to 1919) Esther Madigan, with years of excellent training as a nurse, has charge of Pratt Cottage, where illness is not the only cause of admittance. There will always be one kicking member of 1919. Mademoiselle Frances Martini has introduced the Koo Hitchi Slingo Jazz to the cabarets of Brookline. Fanny Magrath still clings to the slogan, “Let us do your dirty, don’t make your wifey.” She runs the Amherst Hydraulic Laundry to the detriment of clothes and pocketbook. Murchie Mersereau has slung sodas across the marble slab of Deuel’s Drug Store for the last ten years. Fie still tries to capture the heart of every stray damsel. “Hank” Moody runs a jitney service between Amherst and Northampton. He is in great demand by the Amherst “stewdents,” f or he has not forgotten how to tear up a terrible highway since 1919 days. This leaf of prophecy tells of the changing of the spelling, but not of the sound, of the name of Edith Page. Shutesbury profits by the stern discipline and fine training to which Marion Page subjects the offspring of that town. Susan Nancy Paige tickles the ivories in the Amherst Movies. At the twenty- third proposal, she accepted the heart and hand of the faithful Homer. W ' e behold Ruth Phillips, one of the four hundred, residing in her spacious mansion on Fifth Avenue, burdened by her millions and a husband. Herbert is making his millions by exhibiting the “Henry,” in which the belle of society. Miss Phillips once resided. “Rink” Reed moves great audiences by his magnificent interpretations of Shakes- pearean characters. He is at his best in the role of Hamlet. Ora Rouleau soars high and lands in the State House — when she falls from her latest model of aeroplane. “Mike” died in 1925, smitten by a grievous lovepang. The scene of his death- bed is indescribable. Mr. Shumway runs a grocery business at Plum Trees. His tar-soap, boned cod- fish and spavin cure are unbeatable. One try is sufficient. Catherine Sullivan, much against her husband’s wishes, has signed a contract with the Graphophogtoplay Company to be leading lady in“That Amherst High School Scandal.” In the last beauty contest Catherine got 5,135,000 votes. 29