American University - Talon / Aucola Yearbook (Washington, DC)

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Stuff photo by M. Komoroski Staff photo by S. Songster Campm,

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28 Campus

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Ah, The Joys of Campus Dining 1 1 ' ; ■ I H m I ■ It was a stagnant day in Angus! when I first visited the Terrorist Dining Room in the basement of MGC. I stood in line, joking about the heat with a technicolor girl in Reeboks from New Jersey. Eventually, it was my turn to hand my virgin I.I), card to the large woman behind the glass, who thrust my card into her- machi ne,.. once, twice, something was wrong. She looked at me accusingly, saying. You already ale lunch! No. I haven ' t, I said. I just signed up: this is my firs! meal ever. You already ate lunch. It you gotta problem, go ' t ih ' off ice... you ' re in the way. Go hack out that door. I went to the office, having been called a thief and a liar. The thin woman in the office stuck my card in her machine, without listening to a word I said, and concluded. Yep. you already ate lunch. So. I told my story again, beginning. It was a stagnant day in August when... She gave me the look that bureaucrats give when you make work for them, and stuck my card into her machine again, then she typed some stuff into her computer. Ohhh. she said, two cards with the same number! We ' ll just hatta give you a new number. Does this mean I can eat lunch ' . ' I asked. No. it will take three days for the computer to process the new number. Hut that ' s si meals that I ' ve paid for that you ' re telling me I can ' t eat! Don ' t get upset at me. I don ' t make the rules ...Look, if you got a problem, you can I ' ll do that. When can I get an appoint ment ' . ' Three days from now. she said without batting an eye. So. I spent a large portion of my book money at I He Sicks. while my Mom paid tor meals I couldn ' t eat tor three days. The day finally did come, though, when I could enter the privileged majority thai could cut in the Terrorist Dining Room I waited in line, and sure enough, my not-so-virgin II) card rang the right hell this time, and I stepped into the place. There w that ' s where the food must he. I grabbed a tray . missed the stainless steel llalweai . anil sudden ly the food was in front of me. Gimme some ol that green stuff ami some nee. I said. Sitting down. I looked at the oo e on my plate. Clearly. I was not going to eat this stuff. The real question was whether it would he sate to have it so nearby while I was eating. I got rid of the oo e. and got a salad, plus si glasses ol orange juice. As I was pouring the fourth one. I wondered if there was any limit to how much orange juice one was allowed, and what they did if they caught you taking too much. Like a Divine Answer, a huge metal bo. on wheels full of used trays careened toward me down the aisle. I ducked under the orange juice peeked out from under the machine, waitin lor the OL Intake Lnlorcci to make a seeon wave. It did not. and so with a war eve. I g Matt komoroski Campus Lditor