Alberta College - Aurora Borealis Yearbook (Edmonton, Alberta Canada)

Page 36 text:

38 AURORA BOREALIS ODE TO CANDIDATES How they peer and how they ponder, How they puzzle and they wonder, How they fret; How they scratch and scribble madly, And in fear of doing badly Do worse yet. With a desperate persistence, How they fight the dull resistance Of their brains; For these fail them at this juncture As a tire that’s had a puncture Limp remains. Gracious! Goodness! Gosh! And golly! How they curse their years’ long folly, Idle waste; Hours! Nay weeks and months they’ve squandered, As their thoughts and footsteps wandered Now in haste. They endeaour to recapture, Time they spent in idle rapture But in vain; Father Time will not be cheated, And their course must be completed, Once again. Raymond Elgaaen says that a pound in the hand is bet¬ ter than two on the head. Why do people persist in going over to the Library on Wednesday afternoons? Derpack: Did you have any luck hunting tigers in India? Jim Hilbery: Marvelous luck. Didn’t come across a single tiger. f“ - .. - .... - fin - »» - ini - mi. - ini - in, - in,-mi - ini - mi -- in, -- » ----- „„ - „„ ----- „„ -„.J, j . | Everything for the Hotel and Cafe Hotel Equipment Supply Co. Ltd. Wholesale Merchants and Brokers 10039 101a Avenue I Phone 2264 EDMONTON I + --

Page 35 text:

AURORA BOREALIS 37 DO YOU KNOW THAT— If all the blackboards in the school were placed end on end in a long line, they would still be blackboards. Great actors could be unearthed if some of the pupils were closely observed in the class rooms. Ice cream has no bones. The pedigree of every hot dog served in the dining room can be obtained upon request. A lot of great men are dying these days. We don’t feel any too well ourselves. Africa is as far away as ever. People who put grease on channel swimmers, are not called greasers. A southern planter isn’t a darkey undertaker. You can’t bounce a snowball. “Bob.” Ross—(dreamily to himself) : There are metres iambic, And metres trochaic, And metres of musical tone, But the metre that’s sweeter And neater, completer, Is to meet ’er by twilight alone. Miss Burkholder (in Agriculture) : “What is mistle¬ toe?” Lorna Conger: “An excuse.” A.C.N. Student (in Woolworth’s) : Gimme a bag of popcorn. Clerk: Five or ten? A.C.N.: I said one! Miss Coone: “Can you give me an example of a me¬ chanical mixture?” Esther Frederking: “A salad.” Hass—“I had an interview with a professional mind reader once.” Ted Knight—“Did she enjoy her vacation?” Miss Jamieson to Selmer Romo—“Will you have some more salad, Mr. Romeo?” Miss Woods—“Mr. McLean, what is the meaning of status quo?” Blair—“That is the Latin for the ‘mess we’re in.’ ” A letter from College—“No mon, no fun, your son.” Papa replied at once—“How sad, too bad, your dad.”

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AURORA BOREALIS 39 THE COMMERCIALS’ ENCYCLOPAEDIA 9 :00—The beginning of a day’s torture. Typewriting—Learning to hit keys. Shorthand—Something that keeps us awake all night. Correspondence—Every Monday, Wednesday and Fri¬ day (for some people every day). Theory Tests—Examinations for the purpose of show¬ ing us how little we know. Spelling—The Steno’s bugbear. Filing-Sitting two in a seat for a class period. An in¬ teresting class. Bookkeeping—The process of causing disorder in our brains. Penmanship—Something we can’t pass. Arithmetic—An unnecessary invention. 4 :00—The end of a day’s trouble. Dr. McCall—“Raymond, why are you so far behind in your studies?” Raymond—“So I can pursue them better.” K. Lord—“When is a hat not a hat?” Marg. Gaetz—“When it becomes a woman.” I think that College girls are more careful than other girls. They have to be—they’re watched more. Some of the boys in the “Barn” claim to have open minds, but it’s only a leak. Blair—“What is a pedestrian?” Armour—“A man whose wife has gone with the car. News Item—One man is knocked down by an automo¬ bile every ten minutes in Chicago. One would think it would wear him out. “I guess I’m all wet,” said Jim, as he stepped out of the shower. Mark Twain was called upon to speak at a club dinner and took for his theme, “Honesty”. He said, when he was a boy at home, he one day saw a cartful of melons. He was a boy—and he was tempted; besides he liked melons. “I sneaked up to that cart,” said Mark, “and I stole a melon. I went into an alley to devour it. But I had no sooner set my teeth into it than I paused; a strange feeling came over me. I came to a quick resolution. Firmly I walked up to that cart, placed the stolen melon where I got it from, and took a ripe one.”