Albany Union High School - Whirlwind Yearbook (Albany, OR)

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a quart of McClcary’s Instant Faint Reviving Fluid was poured down her throat, and was happy upon further learning that Eldon’s position was of a permanent nature, as he had been appointed official snovv-shoveler in Alaska. “FLASH ! William Morgan, head of the Conservation G-Man Corps, today added another victory to his fast-growing list of triumphs as a result of hunting down and trapping, in the old abandoned Schrock gold mine, John Wallace, the clever kid- napper of Ardella Falk, who is one of this season’s most popular debutantes. 'Flic ab- ductor was acquitted of the charge against him, however, when kidnapped and kidnap- per filed their intention to wed with Robert Tobey, chief of the R-U-Shure Matrimonial Bureau. “FLASH ! A sit-down strike, unheard of since the year 1937, early today struck the Jenks Jenks Colossal Manufacturing Concern, when workers were refused com- pliance with their request of longer hours and shorter wages. Wilbur Kennell, leader of the revolting employees, declared that he and his fellow mutineers will continue to strike as long as their demands are not met, whereas, the Jenks cousins who manufacture the widely popular sneeze preventive Sneczle Capsules, declared that the doors of the plant will remain closed until such time as the strikers admit defeat. “FLASH ! Something new in the way of bridge playing came to light when it became known that two couples on opposite ends of the earth are having a little game by trans-Atlantic telephone. Boh Lance and his wife, Margene Stewart, living in New- foundland, and Merle Groat and Evelyn Motley Groat, residing in Australia, are on their second rubber at the present time. “FLASH! Frederick Dickhous was today acclaimed the world’s best athlete, when, in competition with a hundred others, he sewed fifty-three buttons on his shirt in twenty-one minutes. “FLASH ! Fire broke out last night on the top story of a penthouse in the city of Albany, Oregon, causing more fright to residents than damage to the dwelling, hire- chief Leonard Pugh received minor burns on his hands and face in his attempt to save Virginia Miller from the leaping flames, before they were quenched by a fire extin- guisher in the hands of June Safley, distinguished authoress and resident in the building. “Y our news commentator signing off until the same time tomorrow night.” “Ding! Dong! Ding! It is now exactly one minute and sixty seconds before eight o’clock. Zodiac Standard Time.” “Time for my favorite program,” I thought, flipping the dial to station S-C-A-T. “This is your own favorite radio announcer. Bob Anderson, bringing to you once again a delightful hour of music, melody, and mirth—Personality Inn! “We have a comely gathering here this evening—Burdette Dunnington, possessor of the finest operatic singing voice on the continent; Marty Edwards and Lucene Thompson, returned explorers from the jungles of Africa; Myrtle Compton, sensation- al tap dancer; Laura Belle Reynolds and Helen Ketterman, glamorous interpreters of the fan, bubble, and balloon dance; Ruth Looney, the one and only woman locomotive engineeress; the world’s A-l magician, Richard Carter, and his pretty aide. Evelyn McTimmonds; Frank Blanchard, Park Avenue ditch-digger; Madame Walkup, own- er of the Fad-Fashion Salon, and her designer, Jimmie Howard, and three of her man- nequins, Katherine Foster, Helen Lund, and Meri Dee Brown; Ralph Stewart, champ of the pugilistic ring; Madame Redifer, the crystal gazer; Richard Coates, deep-sea diver; and Ralph Romaine, the scientist who garnered fame by his production of Anti- Heartbreak Serum, which he gained by crossing Europe and the Seven Seas. “Oh yes, we have Crooner Eddie Gipson also in our midst; come on over here, (Continued on Page 83) [23]

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.-N . Senior CProplio-Gycles As I spun along the highway in my new 1950 Schmidt automobile one evening, the exotic trains of a swing-waltz drifted from the radio of the car. On the television panel I could see Dick Blakeley’s famous orchestra as plainly as if it were right beside me and not really hundreds of miles away. The music was part of a radio program sponsored by Leona Olson, creator of Lady Leona Cosmetics. The Lady Leona program also featured radio’s funniest comedian, Joe Kelty, and Carl Hoefer, the yodeling hill-hilly from Chicago. 1 gave the dial a twist and found myself listening to the president of the United States, Jack Checsman. “And now, my friends, may I say that I sincerely believe Senator Dawson and Rep- resentative Sitton did a great justice to the country when they introduced this bill pro- hibiting all taxes. Chief justice of the Supreme Court Willis Cole is especially grateful for the passage of this hill, as it enables him to spend less time settling cases of tax dis- putes and more time in playing poker with the other fourteen justices. Thank you, and good night.” In the course of the next hour I had in succession listened to and beheld on the tele- vision panel Clemence Hubler, the homemaker; the Harmony Heroines, consisting of Jean Bland, Esther Gingrich, Eunice Higbee, Iris McLaren, Gene Ochse, and Marjorie Peeblcr; the great comedy team “Quick and Quack,” otherwise known as Maria Ridders and 1 om McClellan; Lucille Hand, the children’s bedtime story teller; and Morence Bale and Royal Henshaw, movie favorites, in several preview scenes from their latest picture, “Sweethearts Never.” Baby Gaidine, daughter of Nadine and Gail Oglesbee, also starred in the picture. George Kenagy, the successful playwright, was responsible for the clever scenario of the brilliant production which was directed by Lawrence Rawie. Giving the dial another turn, I heard an oddly familiar voice. “Friends, Romans, and countrymen, you are now listening to your up-to-the- minute news commentator, Frank Merrill, who is about to give you the latest informa- tion on events of the hour. “FLASH ! Dr. Willard Southworth, world-famous physician, performed a most successful heart operation today when he married Genevieve Bradshaw, the former gay young fiancee of Boh Russell, eccentric millionaire inventor of the invisible zippers for runs in ladies socks. 1 heir betrothal was announced last evening at a dinner given by America’s most perfect hostess, Mildred Fid wards; they will embark at midnight tonight for a world-wide honeymoon cruise on their chartered battleship owned by the E. Martin Stemebote Kumpiny. Dr. Southworth’s private nurse, Mary Trulove, will ac- company the couple on their voyage. “FLASH ! 'File thirteenth great Giant Airzep of the Lochner and Atmos Feuer- stein Lines was brought down today in a stretch of sandy waste when an arrow from the gigantic sling shot of the hostile tribe of Kenmurphyites on the planet Pluto pierced the carbon bag. Pilots George Venable and Victor Hickman were able to save the lives of their two passengers—FYancis Kddy, star reporter of Don Jeffrey’s Saturday Rip-Snorter, and Barbara Tripp, the ingenious thirty-year-old inventress of striped finger-nail polish for lady convicts— only after the sensible level-headedness of the ship’s pretty hostess, Helen Coates, prompted her to throw out the Gourley Never-Fail Landing Clutch. “FLASH ! An obscure couple from a little mountain town in the Kansas Hills were today brought into nation-wide prominence when the lady in the case, Marjorie Cox, fell in a dead faint upon learning that her shiftless husband, Eldon Bragg, had landed a job at hist—after fifteen years of fruitless searching. She regained consciousness after [22]

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We. the class of nineteen hundred and thirty-seven of Albany High School, antici- pating our legal demise from the aforesaid institution, being of an unusually generous nature, possessing our customary soundness of mind, and being influenced by nothing save our amazing intellect, do hereby ordain and establish this, our last will and testament for the general betterment of those who follow in our footsteps, duly revoking any simi- lar documents incorporated by us at any earlier date. We appoint our attorney the sole executor of the following bequests: COLLECTIVELY: 1 o the faculty: Our sympathetic acknowledgment of the loss that is theirs when we graduate. To the juniors: Our dignity and cleverness. To the sophomores: Our wisdom. INDIVIDUALLY: Tom Bibb leaves to some promising junior the right to make the “Whirlwind” a “Tornado.” Kenton Bradley leaves the band in the same condition in which he found it. Ruth Brandeberry wills her love for porkers to Pat Ridders. Janet Coultard bequeaths her tendency to gig- gle at the right times to Glen Gregory. Laura Jean Dehm exits with her lipstick. Bonita Fesler leaves for better or for worse. Ellen Houser leaves with regret. David Howells leaves because he graduates. Bob Howard leaves Albany Hi—nuff sed! Paula Hunter bequeaths her “gift of gab” to Melvin Olson. Margaret Kizer wills her tiny feet to Leland Dragoo. Eleanor Koos leaves two ounces of avoirdupois to Pearl Jones and love and kisses to—all. Edward Lindley leaves for Tangent. Willard Mallow wills his technique to some other ambitious Don Juan. Kathryn Matson leaves all her old shorthand notebooks to the wastebasket. Elmo Mistier bequeaths some second-hand ar- guments to Dorothy Jeanne Anderson. Doris Murphy leaves without the school funds. Roberta Nordyke leaves nothing to no one. Bettie Jane Quigley deprives the faculty of a teacher’s pet by leaving. Bill Ralston leaves room in the chemistry lab for Mr. Otto. Harriet Richards leaves, but not alone. Jimmy Robertson leaves his basketball points to all the dull pencils. Walter Smith bestows three freckles to Mar- ceil Erb. Mildred Steckley leaves some cerebic substance to Ira Nelson. Dorothy Strait wills all her old chewing gum to Mrs. Penland. Berna Underwood leaves quietly—someone has to. Jennie Van Dahl bequeaths her chameleon tresses to Blevins Lewelling. Blair Warner leaves a trail of broken hearts. Arlene Watson giggles adieu. Willard Watson wills one lock of his pretty curly hair to Dorothy Sheler. In witness whereof, we hereby affix our seal and sign this second day of June, nine- teen hundred and thirty-seven, Anno Domini. CLASS OF ’37. I solemnly declare that this will has been legally recorded and witnessed, and that my fee is as yet unpaid. M. BEZZLE, Notary Public. [24]