Albany Union High School - Whirlwind Yearbook (Albany, OR)

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Senior Prophecy LIFT UP your heads, oh ye three Sisters, and rejoice exceedingly, ye Calapooia cedars, for the joy that shall come upon Jack Arthur in the great year when the S.P. tracks are torn up, for behold I looked and lo, he was even a matrimonial bureau president with fourteen kids to gladden his old age. . Yea, and so speaks the prophetess, Irene Kenagy, that ere the turn of the century George Andrus shall acquire unto himself vast scads of coin from inventing a dinner table threshing machine for threshing the sand from ye succulent spinach. His collaborators, Jim Davis and Bob Potts, forsooth, shall surely evolve a use for the sand, wrapping it in cellophane and selling it to the manufacturers of sandwich-spread with which to make picnic sand- wiches. It shall come to pass that Dorothy Ammon, in her fortieth year as a school marm shall suffer dire persecution in the courts for spanking the rebellious sons of Esther Beight and Zelma Carter, and the son's sons of Maxine Dirrett. Virginia Clark, favored daughter of Riverside, shall find Potts of gold. Repent, repent, ye that say the farmer is going to the dogs, for be- hold, ye shall see Kenneth Holmes and Dwight Black making two weeds grow where only one grew before. Canst thou swallow a pill without a glass of water? Verily, Theresa Miller's invention of the sure-slip pill shall change hospital conditions for millions. Men of craft shall arise, in the treacherous days, inventing red--- white---and blue striped sugar for fourth of July. And who shall do this terrible deed? Bruce Fowler and Robert Feuerstein, says the grey-beard prophet. Lo, Woodrow Truax, our school big shot, shall betimes land a slick job in the Puffed Wheat Factories where cereals are shot to eight times normal size. Helen Thompson, thou purveyor of hot air, how can we deny thy good fortune as president of the Amalgamated Furnace Companies of America? I felt troubled in my mind tif anyj for a period of about forty-five minutes. Then I looked and beheld Edwin Earp running a country news- in which he records that Wilbert Bilyeu was arrested for loafing. This paper features Alberta Gillett's sport column, Martha Bibb's poetry corner, and Jack Noice's political cartoons fnot bashful with ink, thank youlg other pages disclose Veryl Brown in his automobile section. As I dressed, I saw the advertising sections with Sidney Burt's airplane ads, Wanita Propst's big four lweddingl ring circus fthe greatest show-down on earthl. There were business summaries by Rachel Richmond and t h e a t r e ads heralding Yi i ll. il life i. il. all lf' 4 V M if 423 , W ww.. ii up .li F .,Y5.,1. V Nl l ll' li: il ill. , . . 1 I . lp i'll . ' 'l mill' ll, l' '. My W .flyfiii .. li ll' .ll ll ,1 1 lM,!Sl'1! X ' i l ll ill 1 ll lil. li. WM . F. i. I ,i l ll Q lliilvlll l' ill . will lil li i iifiwll 1 1 'flill lil liliilf' lp FW I Will' xlifvl. I. il 'il l ,I . lu Ml. 1 i., ll ..r Page 19

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Q X. 7 WA? ll NIM i, at M W ,I , UN , I it V i ixxl, ,i ,. ,lqil l , I X will lla , lllji l N li W . i lj. U i V I 5 l I lj ill ii: I 5 it W iii ll ' 'V il si ljwlfl 'li' il Page 1 8 The Lasik Wiillll and Testa ermil , the grave and reverend seniors of Albany High School, County of Linn, State of Oregon, being in an imperfect state of mind and realizing that our days in this institution are well nigh numbered, do hereby bequeath to our heirs and successors, hereinafter mentioned, all property to which we, as seniors, claim inalienable right. To the faculty, we express our fullest appreciation for their undying patience and guidance during our four years of high school. To the juniors, we entrust our superiority complex and our coveted standing in the school. To the sophomores, we reluctantly bequeath our gift for pleasing the teachers. To the freshmen, we leave the hope that some day they may attain the brilliant status as seniors. To the school, we donate Ralph Senders as a perfect specimen of what a senior ought not to be. To Mr. Luper, we extend a sincere wish that he'll fmd the Lost Chord. I, Jim Davis, will to some bright and enterprising junior the office of Student Body President. I, Francis Roberts, present my ability to ask dumb questions in Civics class to Willie Frager. We, Mary Louise Olliver and Mildred Haglund, bestow our valentines from John McPherson to anyone who can endure them. I, Blanche McClellan, leave my natural red hair to Irene Baughman. I, Martha Bibb, relinquish to Jeannette Kelly my ability to write what some people call poetry. I, Allyn Stellmacher, leave my chewing gum in my desk. Any junior may have it. I, Ed Earp, will my printer's pi to Earl Fortmiller and hope it will not make him sick. I, Genevieve Bodine, endow Mr. Hudson with a perpetual supply of tardy slips. I, Roxie White, present to Bud Hockett my ability to carry success- fully six subjects. We, Irene Kenagy, Elaine Chandler, and Mary Edith Rohrbough, contribute a trio of cats to take our place on assembly programs. I, Bob Potts, abandon nothingel need it all. I, Floy Speer, offer twenty-five pounds of my surplus weight to Joyce Stellmacher, I, Jane Lee, award my ability to bluff' the teachers to someone whose efforts have been in vain. I, Henry Stewart, dole some of my surplus hair to Mr. Grigsby in the hope that it may prove useful. I, Veryl Brown, leave my ability to think myself a ladies' man to Saylor Dawson. Having thus bestowed our earthly goods where it is most needed, we hereby affix our seal on this twenty-ninth day of May, nineteen hundred and thirty four.

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ji I . l lwl I Hi. l' 'Hi' il R. l L I IW. lNi. DI ' I Wlil 'dl ll . li,l9,fjll I W . ,. . I l llll 1 l ll1'l.l1 i Il ,, lj w l ll . ,. . U l 1 ll . i l ' li l' l l lv w, W i i Page 20 Consuelo Rubalcaba's big ten-reel thriller in which Geneva McClain p l a y s opposite Elmer Clum. Among the comics were Floy Speer, Georgia Rock- well, Mabel Harter, and Emma Dyer. I also found jokes such as Dick Morgan. In the home economics section, Evelyn Lochner, thy wits were displayed. I Ho! everyone that is anhungered, gather y e, gather y e for the mighty shaking of the pear tree, for her branches are ripe with the fruits of her fruitfulness. I shook, and lo, there fell many mushy pears and many that were full of the sap thereof. Among them I beheld Joan Burnett and George Blanch- ard, Mary Louise Olliver and John D. McPherson, Morris Dowd and Dorothy Junor. Behold, there were a couple of nuts mixed with the pears, and they secretly fell and cracked ye ed's head with an exceeding great crack. Lo, it is cracked even unto this day, and the name of the one was Leonard Brush, and Isabelle Mishler was the other's name, forsooth. Awake, away, put on thy glad rags, oh Albany, city of pickles and saddles. For lo, two gangsters appeared and shot down Genevieve Bodine, J osele Stuart, and Mary Edith Rohrbough, when like a ray from the sky, appeared Ed McFarland, Francis McLeod, and Leo Butts, detectives from the Snoop and Droop Detective Society to track down the two nasty men. In the midst of my troubles, I beheld a play written by Francis Roberts Cpurely fictionl, which included the following cast: Kathryn Riley, athleteg Mary Ann Ridders, Roger Putnam, and Edith Price, clowns, Clarice Presti, Floyd Patterson, and Carl Olson, stage hands: Harold Olsen, Jo Meyers, and Neva Morley, villains, Evelyn Mollet and Mildred Billings, funny noises off stage. There were also Lopuson, costumes, Irene Lochner, missing per- son, Dick Littler, the hero, who was drowned at sea before the play com- menced, Jane Lee, Ann Langpap, and Esther Kelly, the old maid aunts who tried to prevent the heroine from marrying for deflated currencyg and Mar- jorie Karstens, Velna Johnston, and Virginia Jenks, who were paid to sit out in the audience and applaud. I also saw Nellie Huffman, Gloria Huff- man, and Eloise Holst, who were lightning off stage. My eye was also attracted by Francis Halada and Donna Grubbe who were taking the parts of the two trained seals who had died of indigestion. Behold, ye sons of a seahorse, for next I perceived a commotion on the honorable corner of Fifth and Broadway, New York City, where Roxie White and her medicine show were performing to the music furnished by John Vannice, Henry Stewart, and Clinton Stenberg. Then, verily I say unto you, my head did split. As I continued my tour of this unique universe, I looked and beheld an endurance talking con- test in which I found Marion Wyman taking grand honors. But now, the prophetess has wearied, and her eyes have grown dim. I cannot behold more, so I say unto ye, rejoice, and be exceeding glad.